Sex in the Bible

Forget those dirty smut books that conservative Christians always want to ban because they have hot sex in them, the Bible has in it all the greatest dirty hot sex stories of all time, stories so good they were canonized in the Holy Bible. That's right, Holy smut stories. The Bible has lots of sex with virgins outside of marriage solely for the sake of pleasure. Supposedly the Bible is a bastion of moral values, but as we shall see it is also a seething caldron of rape, incest, prostitution, seduction, adultery, lots and lots of unwanted pregnancies, and sometimes bloody violent revenge and outright murder, it's great! And you thought the Bible was boring? No way! We're going to dive right in and get to these good juicy stories. And hey, it's the Bible, what are you going to do, censure the Bible?


A Drug Deal for Sex

"If you give me your son's drugs I'll let you sleep with my husband."
A Drug Deal for Sex (Genesis 30:14-17)



The Rape of Tamar

This young virgin gets raped by her own brother. He gets away with it and is never punished, but two years later he gets murdered by one of his own brothers. It's all in the family. 2 Samuel 13:1-19



Judah and the Prostitute

 Genesis 38:13-29
This guy Judah, who is alleged to be an ancestor of Jesus Christ according to Matthew 1:2, has sex with a prostitute. Three months later he is told "Your daughter-in-law Tamar is guilty of prostitution, and as a result she is now pregnant." Judah says, "Bring her out and have her burned to death!" But suddenly all is forgiven when she exposes him as the one who got her pregnant. That's right, Judah got his own daughter-in-law pregnant and she gave birth to Perez, who is another ancestor of Jesus Christ! (Matthew 1:3).


Take My Daughters, Please.

Sodom and Gomorrah
Sodom and Gomorrah "Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them." In one version of the story the people refuse the offer and God destroys their town. (Genesis 19:1-11) In another version of the story (Judges 19) the man offers his woman, the people accept the offer and violently rape and abuse the woman all night long. The woman is found dead in the man's doorway the next morning, so he cuts her up into twelve pieces. Gross! click here for story.


Let's Have Sex With Daddy!

Genesis 19:31-38
"there is no man around here to lie with us, as is the custom all over the earth." Yes, all over the earth it's "customary" to have sex, at least according to the Bible. And hey, if there's no one else around, then have sex with daddy! And get pregnant by daddy! Well that's what these two daughters did, and babies they did have. That's right, both Moab, father of the Moabites, and Ben-Ammi, father of the Ammonites, are a result of inbreeding. There is no comment anywhere that this behavior might be immoral. Not even the Lord had anything negative to say about it.


King David and Bathsheba

King David our hero has sex with a beautiful married woman, gets her pregnant and then has her husband murdered so he can marry the beautiful woman for himself which he does, bringing the total number of wives he's married to to nine. click here



Song of Songs
Songs of Solomon
Canticles

"Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus." (hu?) A book of lusty erotic poetry. Yes, lusty erotic poetry is a part of the Bible. click here



The Rape of Dinah

Genesis 33:18 - 34:31
In a foreign city Dinah gets raped. The rapist afterwards is very sorry and tries everything to make ammends, but three days later Dinah's family gets brutal revenge by attacking and destroying the entire city. It's sex and unforgiveness and bloody violent brutal revenge at its very best!


Esther

Esther 2:2-18
The best way for a king to find a new wife is to spend each night with a beautiful virgin until one particularly pleasing is found, and the best way to become queen is to be a sexually attractive virgin and prostitute yourself before the king.


The Book of Ruth

Naomi has her daughter-in-law Ruth sexually seduce a man because she wants her to get married. click here


Judges 21:23
"While the girls were dancing, each man caught one and carried her off to be his wife."


Some people worry that TV and movies have far too much violence and sex in them. But as we see above the Bible has the best most brutal violence and shocking sex stories of all time! At least in the movies the bad guys always lose in the end -- they are caught and sent to prison or they die a horrible death befitting an evil man. Goodness always prevails on TV and in movies, but in the Bible the people committing these heinous crimes are our heros and they always get away with it.

These stories in the Bible are of such a shocking nature that in 1926 Joseph Lewis was compelled to write, "I cannot understand how public men, men of learning and experience, can insist that the Bible, which contains the stories quoted that shock even the vulgar-minded, should be our pre-eminent guide in all earthly affairs, and that it should not only be read by, but actually taught to the growing generation in search of high moral ethics."

cover BIBLE UNMASKED by Joseph Lewis
Examines morality (or the lack thereof) in the Bible. Lots of sex stories.
Available online at: http://www.positiveatheism.org/hist/lewis/lewun01.htm


It's dirtier than Hustler, more violent than The Sopranos .... it's pretty impressive for an illustrated Bible made entirely of Legos. Brendan Powell Smith has spent the past four years staging and photographing particularly intense biblical scenes in the living room of his home. The thirty-two-year-old son of an Episcopalian Sunday-school teacher is an avowed atheist, but he insists his project is meant to explore the Scriptures, not mock them. "My version of Noah's Ark focuses a little more on the people who didn't make it onto the boat."

See more at The Brick Testament.



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