216. VI. THAT THOSE WHO ARE IN LOVE TRULY CONJUGIAL LOOK TO WHAT IS ETERNAL IN MARRIAGE; NOT SO THOSE WHO ARE NOT IN CONJUGIAL LOVE. That those who are in love truly conjugial look to what is eternal, is because eternity is in the love, its eternity being due to the fact that it increases to all eternity with the wife, as also does wisdom with the husband. In this increase or progression, the partners enter ever more deeply into that blessedness of heaven which their wisdom and the love thereof, simultaneously store up within themselves. Therefore, if the idea of what is eternal were to be taken away, or if by any chance it should slip from their minds, it would be as though they were cast down from heaven. [2] As for myself, the nature of the state with married partners in heaven when the idea of what is eternal falls from their minds and in its place comes an idea of what is temporal, came into the open from the following experience: Once, when two married partners from heaven were with me by permission, a certain worthless spirit, by cunning speech, took away from them the idea of what is eternal in respect to marriage. With this gone, they began to lament, saying they could no longer live and that they felt a wretchedness such as never before. When this was perceived by their fellow angels in heaven, the worthless spirit was removed and cast down, and with this done, the idea of what is eternal instantly came back to them, whereat they rejoiced with gladness of heart and embraced each other with the utmost tenderness. [3] In addition to this, I have heard two married partners who, in respect to their marriage, entertained, now the idea of what is eternal, and now the idea of what is temporal, the reason being that within them was an internal dissimilitude. When they were in the idea of what is eternal, they were in mutual gladness, but when in the idea of what is temporal, they said, "It is no longer a marriage"; and the wife said, "I am no longer a wife but a concubine"; and the man, "I am no longer a husband but an adulterer." Therefore, when their internal dissimilitude became clear to them, the man left the woman and the woman the man; but afterwards, because both had the idea of what is eternal in respect to marriage, they were consociated with partners who were similitudes. [4] From these experiences, it can be clearly seen that those who are in love truly conjugial look to what is eternal; and that if from inmosts this slips from their thought, they are disunited as to conjugial love though not at the same time as to friendship; for the latter dwells in externals but conjugial love in internals. It is the same in marriages on earth. There, when the partners tenderly love each other, they think of their covenant as being eternal and have no thought whatever concerning its end by death; and if they do think of this, they grieve; yet, at the thought of its continuance after death, they are revived by hope.
216a. VII. THAT CONJUGIAL LOVE RESIDES WITH CHASTE WIVES, YET THEIR LOVE DEPENDS ON THEIR HUSBANDS, and this because wives are born loves. Hence it is implanted in them to will to be one with their husbands, and from this thought of their will, they continually nurse their love. Therefore, to recede from the endeavor to unite themselves with their husbands would be to recede from their very selves. Not so with husbands, these being born, not loves but recipients of that love from their wives. Therefore, in proportion as they receive, the wives enter in with their love, but in proportion as they do not receive, the wives with their love stand without and wait. This, however, is the case with chaste wives; not so with the unchaste. From the above it is evident that conjugial love resides with [chaste] wives, but that their love depends on their husbands.