PSI-power and communication

A friend of mine who recently visited the Indian sub-continent had a most frustrating time getting a taxi to take him to the beach at Bombay. Every time he asked a cab driver for a lift the response was the same: the cab driver would shake his head in a strange undulating fashion from left to right, which my friend interpreted as an emphatic 'No.' In each case, the cab he flagged down had been empty, and other passengers would step into the car or motorised rickshaw after he had walked away in disgust, contemplating what his personal failings might be or wondering whether he had just caught a strange disease which only Bombay taxi drivers could identify. It was only after several 'rejections' that he began to wake up to what was really happening. The truth of the matter was that, far from rejecting him, each cab driver had expressed a willingness to accept the fare using the locally recognised body language of shaking the head to indicate acceptance. My friend's frustration came about as a result of his failure to communicate properly. He did not understand that the Bombay driver's gesture in shaking his head from left to right meant 'Yes!' and nodding the head meant 'No.'
Communication is one of the most important aspects of our lives. The better we can communicate the more successful we are going to be. We spend most of the time we are awake communicating with others and yet so few of us take the trouble of perfecting techniques which could revolutionise our lives. Understanding body language is a very important part of the technique of communication, as is 'reading people' and being on the same 'wavelength' as others. That is where PSI power can be such a useful and vital force. It can be used to help in understanding the real message people are trying to put across to you, or alternatively, conceal from you. Timing is another essential ingredient of communication. Choosing the right moment to say something can mean the difference between success and failure in achieving a goal.
How good do you think your communication skills are? I would like you to do the following test and ask you to be absolutely honest with the answers. Afterwards, add up your scores as outlined below. I will then show you how to use PSI-FORCE combined with practical know how to become a more effective communicator.
Testing your communication skills: 'Yes' or 'Not Sure' or 'No.'
Answer either
1. Are you good at interpreting body language?
2. Are you sensitive to the needs of others?
3. Do you notice immediately if someone is getting bored with the conversation?
4. Are you a good listener?
5. In general, are you good at handling people?
6. Can you always tell if someone is offended by one of your jokes?
7. Are you good at 'summing up' other people?
8. Can you tell immediately if someone takes a liking to you?
9. Are you good at predicting who will become friends with one another?
10. Can you always tell when someone has something on their mind?
11. Are you good at sensing how far to push someone?
12. Do people often come to you with their troubles?
13. Do you think you can tell when someone is lying?
14. Can you sense immediately if a friend is in a bad mood?
15. Can you predict when someone is about to burst into tears?
Scoring: As in the previous test, score 2 points for each 'Yes' answer, 1 point for 'Not sure' end 0 points for 'No.'
If you have scored 14 points or more, then you are 'in tune' with others and can read the relevant signs. Body language is to you just another means of communication. You are the type of person who is easy to get along with and who other people turn to in times of trouble. If your score is 24 or more you are well on the way to achieving thought transference!
A score of 13 or less indicates that you are not used to communicating with others. You have been introverted and taken up with your own life to such a degree that you are somewhat oblivious to the needs of others. You must learn to observe other people and be sensitive to their needs. This is a skill you can easily accomplish with practice and a little help from your close friends.
While it obviously helps to master a language, I must also point out that you do not need to be an honours graduate to be an effective communicator. My first language was Hebrew but that did not stop me from being invited as one of the keynote speakers at the annual international Young Presidents Organisation seminars in New York. I shared the platform with distinguished people like Henry Kissinger, Alexander Haig, and a former President of the United States, Mr Gerald Ford. Also at the YPO were powerful giants of business and industry, people like James Robinson, the chairman of American Express, and the legendary oil king, Texan T. Boone Pickens (beside him the Ewings of Dallas are mere paupers!).
An essential ingredient of being a good communicator is to be an even better listener. If you do all the talking, you will be unable to properly assess and understand the person with whom you wish to communicate. Let the other person do the talking, initially at least. That gives you the psychological advantage of responding to a situation of which you now have some knowledge and control. Listen to what that person has to say and as you do so, study the speaker's physical actions. Without realising it, most of us subconsciously take account of body language but I suggest you really make a point of becoming aware of this aspect of an individual's personality. It will help you so much more if you pay particular attention to all the physical manifestations accompanying speech. And remember that while that person is talking, you can be responding favourably without saying a word by using your own body language which we will discuss later in this chapter.
Throughout my years as a public figure, I have had to entertain both friendly and hostile inquisitors. Curiously, I have found that 'like species' of humans are not altogether different from the animal species in behaviour patterns. Take Boxer dogs as an example. They are powerfully built animals which, if exercised properly, display splendid physical shape. But to anyone who does not understand these dogs, their facial features can project an image of viciousness and ferocity. Nevertheless, a common trait is that they are as soft and cuddly and friendly as a child's teddy bear, although there are always exceptions. People who understand the breed will have no hesitation in approaching the dog as if it were their own and it will undoubtedly respond in a way they expect - most probably by licking them all over the face! But someone who does not understand the breed will probably elicit a completely different response, depending on the approach.
In a similar fashion, we have taught ourselves to react to different 'types' of humans, even though we may not be aware that we have. Every one of us probably has a library of 'faces' which we have categorised without thinking about. As an exercise, try and write down 'types' you know and make a note of your feelings towards them. Your responses will obviously be flavoured according to your personal experiences in the past. For instance if you have had a bad experience with a tall man who is balding, wears pince-nez, and has a moustache, there's a good chance that you will be wary of his look-alike.
You might categorise men with balding heads and beards as being of a certain psychological make-up that you either like or dislike. Or you may like women who have red hair and freckles and not be at all interested in blondes. Whatever categories you describe, write down what you like or dislike about them and then try and analyse why you feel the way you do. Very importantly, you must also write down the psychic vibrations you get from each personality type. If by doing this, you can overcome basic prejudices, you will be helping yourself greatly because vibes are a two-way thing. The other person is just as likely to 'receive' feelings of hostility from you.
I always look for 'clues' when talking to people. I tend also to get a general preconceived impression of the individual by placing the person according to my idea of personality type. I then try and assess that individual by his or her mannerisms (body language) and from what is said. Instinct is very important but it must be developed with the PSI factor which consists of your overall impressions and feelings towards that person. I switch on my PSI button and pause and study the person with my inner mind. It is like hitting that person with a surge of psychic energy and waiting for the feedback. The feedback should usually tell you a lot about the person and whether or not to trust him or her. You have to trust your own intuition about the feedback you get. If you have any uneasy feelings about the person then you must allow your intuition to rule. Take notice of warning lights. So often I hear people saying: 'If only I had followed my instinct' Listen to your suspicions, but at the same time make a conscious effort not to communicate your own negative feelings to that person.
Body language
Like any other form of communication, this is a two way thing. You must learn to be aware of the other person's physical actions while at the same time controlling your own. This is where you need a lot of PSI-FORCE assistance. Psych yourself not to give away your own feelings to the other party if you don't want them to see you in a certain light. Remember that thought transference is a powerful medium and what you are thinking may be easily 'read' by the other person if your body language manifests your deepest thoughts. Go to the mirror again and practise facial contortions. See how well you can adopt different expressions. That does not mean that you have to show an inscrutable face; that in itself can be a giveaway. Concentrate on the following:
Eyes: Try different expressions when in front of the mirror. See if you can look angry, happy, sad, interested, amazed, calm, and in love. Eye contact is one of the most powerful physical means of communication. Did you know that when lovers gaze into each other's eyes, their pupils can dilate? Looking someone else boldly in the eye gives the impression of confidence and honesty. Someone who casts his eyes down or sideways and is afraid to look into the other person's eyes will give a bad impression, which could be taken for dishonesty, inferiority, or weakness. Establishing good eye contact without appearing to be over intimate is essential. Watch out too for tell-tale signs of narrowing around the eyes, or darting movements. A lot of people find this emotion difficult to control.
Mouth: Take careful note of other people's mouth movements. The way they purse their lips, and particularly the way they smile. A smile can readily be recognised if it is false or nervous or even angry. Primates sometimes bare their teeth in a 'smile' when they are about to bite. Stand in front of the mirror and articulate your mouth to see how many different expressions and meanings you can come up with. Ask your partner to do the same and see if you can read each other.
Nose: Apart from the obvious feelings of disgust which can be so powerfully projected with the nose, many people use it as a focal point of other expressions. Tapping the nose with a finger can mean the person is thinking about what you are saying without being convinced, or they can be getting impatient with you, or just plain suspicious. Another manifestation is steepling the fingers of both hands in pyramid fashion and bringing them up to the face or nose. The chin is another favourite spot for stroking in times of uncertainty or when in thought. Watch the person's brow. That too can be a giveaway. Watch carefully for the slightest twitch or furrow. The head itself is another indicator. Watch the way it tilts or nods. Have you ever studied the way Britain's Prime Minister, Mrs Thatcher, tilts her head in an expression of interest, almost like a bird listening to different sounds?
Hands: These are very important. The way you hold a wife or girlfriend, husband or boyfriend, can tell a lot about the way you feel for her. Handshakes are important and should vary with your judgement of the other person. If you are going to shake the hand of a Canadian lumberjack, put all you've got into it. If it is someone of a more delicate nature then you should adapt the handshake accordingly. If the person you are communicating with is fidgeting with his or her hands don't let that put you off. Alternatively, if you think it is your fault and you are boring them, stop talking and provoke them to take up the conversation. Nervous people tend to clasp their hands frequently and if you are of such disposition you might do well to take a leaf out of the British royal family's book and firmly hold your hands together behind your back if you are walking or calmly sit with your fingers intertwined. Prince Charles is particularly expressive with his hands. He has learned to use them to overcome a basic shyness and nervousness when appearing in public. Avoid fast or agitated movements with your hands because the way you control your hands forms a very important impression on other people. As long as you are aware of this and practise acceptable and confident gestures with your hands, you will soon get into the habit of communicating successfully with your body.
Prince Charles, more than any other member of the royal family, uses body language to its limit. I think it has a lot to do with his interest in PSI and his efforts to project his inner feelings and thoughts to other people. Like an actor, he has a range of expressions for different situations. He is an excellent listener. He shows deep interest and concern by using his face and hands. He tilts his head, furrows his brow, fingers his ear lobes, looks intently at the person with whom he is communicating and shows a riveting interest in whatever he is being shown. Similarly when he speaks, he demonstrates an intense caring which he is eager to project to the other party.
Princess Di on the other hand is not so accomplished at body language as the Prince. She has courted the 'Shy-Di' look which has almost become a trademark in itself. Rather than display her emotions she has tended to 'hide' behind a cultivated look although she will change as the years progress and already she is showing signs of strength and independence. Like Charles she will begin to use PSI-FORCE and project her inner strength.
The Queen and Prince Philip are total professionals at body language; especially the Queen. She is able to control her feelings superbly yet, if she wants to make her displeasure known, has only to contort her face slightly for maximum effect. Although the Queen is a very private person, she also relies on PSI power to read people and situations and it is by using this ability that she is able to project her own feelings so capably. The body language message from her is clear. She has an imperial and inscrutable look. The public want to see this. Her Majesty must be seen to be apart from the masses, while caring for them and loving them as her subjects.
Compare this to President Reagan. His message to the public is: 'I am a homely, happy and a loving person.' He does not mind exposing his inner weaknesses while at the same time insisting on an outward strength. The message has been successful. Americans like outward-going people. They want to feel he can be trusted; at heart he is one of them.
Marilyn Monroe talked to the world with her mouth and eyes. While men might have worshipped her body, it was the facial message that attracted them initially. She invited the world to her side Humphrey Bogart was another great master of facial body language. A few subtle movements of the eyebrows and lips and slow baring of his teeth sent fans wild. Less subtle but equally effective was Elvis Presley. His body language was that of a raw savage which appealed to millions of women. He used all of his body to bring across his message.
I believe the message of PSI has also come to the Soviet Union and is especially being adopted by the new regime. At its head, of course, is Gorbachov, the Russian leader whose own body language and PSI projection is masterful. He has charmed and angered the West at the same time and showed he can play their game at being Mr Nice Guy just as effectively as a Western leader.
All the people mentioned above may have used and adopted facial expressions observed in those less famous. But what they have, or did have, is a kind of aura which in PSI terms is sometimes described as a form of radiation around one's body signifying a state of spiritual development. Clearly it is an indefinable element which can best be explained as a highly developed sense of PSI which is effectively projected and then received by the public, who in turn hold those people in awe and great esteem.
PSI-sensitivity
Being sensitive to the needs of others requires inner thought and PSI transference. People often convey messages which they do not intend or mean. They can be shielding their innermost secrets by feeding false information but at the same time they might desperately want to tell you their fears. You can work on this by drawing them out further than they intended to go, by being sympathetic to their story even though you know it is not true. Watch for the giveaway body language which contradicts their speech. Think about what they are saying and concentrate your PSI power on their true thoughts. Never break into their thought pattern if they are speaking. Most people will eventually commit themselves verbally and reveal the truth without you having to do anything other than be a good and sympathetic listener.
Another factor that you must take into account is cultural and physical differences with the persons with whom you are communicating. Get on their wavelength! If someone is older or younger than you, their experiences will be different from yours. Try and understand their viewpoint in the light of their experience and not your own. They might have a different educational background from yours. This does not in itself mean your conversation need be limited. Steer the conversation onto a mutual level of understanding. You will also find communication problems with people of different nationalities and occupations and religion but these are minor problems which skill, patience and understanding can easily overcome. If you have language difficulties, try body language and psych yourself to get in tune with the other person.
If you tend to be a person who does most of the talking, watch the other person for signs of boredom. If they cross their legs, fiddle with their hands, look away, fidget, then you are not captivating them with your words and you should stop and steer the conversation their way. There is nothing worse than boring your friends or people who you want to impress.
You must combine all the qualities mentioned above if you want to make a good impression on someone. In addition, it is important to dress for the occasion. If the person you want to impress is of a conservative nature, you should dress accordingly. People tend to judge others by their own standards and you should always do your homework thoroughly before meeting the other party. Always be polite, give a firm handshake and be a good listener. Do not interrupt and do not look impatient. Tailor yourself to what the other person says. If the other person is interested in boats then talk about them, even if the subject is not interesting to you. Do not be pushy and try to reflect an inside warm feeling towards the other party. Send him or her warm suggestions. Say to yourself: 'I like you. I think you are a good person.' The positive feeling you project is bound to be picked up and felt by the other party.
The art of being a good listener is to physically show the other person that you are interested in what is being said. Body language is the main cue for this. A nod of the head when agreeing, a tilt when expressing great interest in a particular point, perhaps a show of puzzlement, the occasional verbal reassurance. All these are indicators to the other person that you are a sympathetic and good listener and your movements will reinforce and reassure the person with whom you are communicating.
Choosing the right moment to communicate is as important as the communication itself. I was standing in a New York subway once when I noticed a father and son engaged in what appeared to be a violent argument. The pair were oblivious to the public gallery who were intrigued by their verbal confrontation. As their exchange became more heated I suddenly noticed a friendly but dangerously insensitive man approach them announcing that he was from out of town and could they direct him to Greenwich Village. Father and son stopped dead in their tracks in disbelief. I thought they would turn on the man but fortunately the father had a sense of humour. He said to the interloper: 'If you don't mind, we are in the middle of a fight, go and ask someone else for directions.' That might seem to you to be a rather extreme example of an insensitive person choosing the worst possible moment in which to strike up conversation but I can assure you it is absolutely true.
PSI projection can also be used in the following way: as well as projecting your own good feelings - or bad - to the other person, try and swap roles with the other party. In other words imagine you are the other person. Use your PSI power to imagine how that person would react to you. Then when the actual communication takes place, you can respond in the way you imagine that person would either have expected or liked you to have responded.
Always be aware of the importance of clothes and personal appearance. The type of clothes a person wears can have a great bearing on that person's behaviour. Although I have not been to any of these parties myself, I am told by some of my English friends that occasionally they are invited to a 'vicars and tarts' party which is a quaint English way of loosening inhibitions. The thinking behind it being that the ladies will act like 'tarts' if they dress like them. Young boys will feel 'tougher' wearing leather jackets and boots but their behaviour can change dramatically if they are suddenly made to wear a suit and tie.
A useful exercise you can do is to write down points about a person's clothes and habits and see how much you can learn about that person without even speaking to them. Remember too, that environment is a great influence on the way another person behaves. Someone on holiday can be quite a different person away from the stress of business and home. Equally meeting somebody for the first time on an aeroplane can leave you with quite a different impression from the one you might otherwise form of that person, if you met in different circumstances.
Extracting information from people is not always an easy task. Most of us only listen to what we want to hear. By that I mean that many of us want to confirm our own prejudices or be aware of our anxieties. What you must learn to do is to think and relax before you engage in an important conversation and then set yourself apart from your normal beliefs and attitudes and allow the other person to explain his or hers to you without interruption. To do this will take practice and patience but it will be very rewarding if you are successful.
Leaders in our society are those to whom others will listen and respect. They will, almost by definition, be effective communicators and generally speaking have good judgment regarding other people. Whether or not they admit to it, they will have a highly developed sense of PSI.
Communication traps: Rising to the bait: don't fall for this common trap and allow anger to rule your emotions and detract from the quality of communication. Psych yourself to resist and overcome hurtful comments. Make sure you control your body language in moments of crisis.
Trick questions meant to throw you off guard: say nothing rather than something you might later wish you had not said. Project your innermost thoughts in a positive manner and keep calm.
Gossip: engaging in idle gossip can be quite fun but be aware that you too could be the object of gossip and it is advisable to be a listener rather than a participant if the gossip gets particularly vicious. You might falsely be accused of being the perpetrator.
Emotional blackmail: children and lovers are masters of the art of emotional blackmail and you must use every bit of PSI power you can muster to understand what is behind it. Don't act rashly but concentrate your innermost thoughts on swinging the conversation away from this dangerous path.
Psychological dominance: don't be afraid that just because the person you are communicating with is in a much higher position than you or is far better qualified than you are, that he or she is necessarily your superior. Be polite and courteous but treat him or her as an equal. Don't look down or away or be reticent or subservient or nervous when entering the room or place where the communication is to be held. Instead show confidence by standing upright and establishing and maintaining a proper level of eye to eye communication. Television interviewers are masters at putting down people who have never before appeared on television. Just by organising disadvantageous seating arrangements and camera angles they can make the untrained person look like an inept beginner. Have your wits about you all the time and if in doubt, cancel the interview or make it happen on your own terms by laying down ground rules before you begin.
The over-friendly interviewer: don't let yourself give too many personal secrets away to the over-friendly interviewer who pretends to be your instant buddy. He or she may be fishing for information while giving nothing away about themselves.
Voice and speech: The words you use and the way you speak will tell a lot about you to the trained observer. Even the volume of your voice will give an insight into your character. If you speak in a loud voice you will be associated with being a dominant and aggressive personality striving for success. But there may also be the hint of superficiality while a soft voice will be associated with timidity and a non-assertiveness. Perhaps the answer is to modulate your voice as the situation demands
Good, clear, and precise pronunciation is the hallmark of a well formed character with few inhibitions and a positive outlook on life whereas the reverse is true of people who are bad at getting their words across clearly. Practise what you want to say to give the best possible impression.
Fast talkers tend to be impulsive and sometimes emotional but if you are confident in what you say, it will tell the other person that you are a positive, if somewhat aggressive personality whereas slow talkers can give the impression of being logical and cold.
In later chapters, I will teach you how to out-psych your boss and bank manager but for now, do all the mirror tests I have recommended and read this chapter on communication several times and then combine it with your PSI power. Afterwards try your new approach on friends and colleagues and note the difference it makes!