Finishing the "Marriages" topic of the 19th-century discipline: _________________________________________________________________ It is advised that parents exercise a religious care in watching over their children, and endeavour to guard them against improper or unequal connections in marriage; that they be not anxious to obtain for them large portions and settlements, but that they be joined with persons of religious inclinations, suitable dispositions and diligence in their business, which are necessary to a comfortable life in a marriage state. -------------------------------------------------------------- The 1809 New England discipline adds: "And it is particularly recommended to all parents, to endeavor to cultivate such habits of confidence and freedom in the truth, with their children, as may render it easy for them early to consult their parents in such important concerns. -------------------------------------------------------------- The increase of the breaches of our testimony, in going from amongst us in the weighty engagement of marriage, being often for want of due care in parents, and those who have the im- portant charge of educating the youth under their trust, early to admonish and instruct them in the principles of truth, and im- press their minds with the duty of religiously observing them, as much as possible restraining them from such company as is likely to entangle their affections in an improper manner; we therefore tenderly advise Friends in all quarters to an increasing care over the youth, that the consistency of our principles in all re- spects with the nature of true religion, may be impressed on their tender minds, by upright examples, as well as by precepts; and that where there is apparent danger of the affections of any being improperly entangled, and the care of parents or guardians, or those who have their oversight, appears not sufficient to pre- vent their taking imprudent steps in the accomplishment of marri- age, care be taken timely to apply for the help of their friends. -------------------------------------------------------------- The 1863 Ohio (Conservative) discipline adds: "Marriage being a divine ordinance, and a solemn engagement for term of life, is of great importance to our peace and well-being in this world, and may also prove of no small consequence respecting our state in that which is to come; yet it is often too inconsiderately entered into, and upon motives inconsistent with the evident intention of that unerring wisdom by which it was primarily ordained; which was for the mutual assistance and comfort of both sexes, in spirituals and temporals, that their endeavors might be united for the education of their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord; and for the discharge of their duty in their various allotments in the world. "Marriage implies union, as well in spiritual as temporal concerns. Whilst the parties differ in religion, they stand disunited in the main point, even that which should increase and confirm their mutual happiness, and render them meet-helps and blessings to each other. Where it is otherwise, the reciprocal obligation into which they have entered, becomes their burden; and the more so, as it may not be of short duration. Whatever felicity they may have flattered themselves with in the beginning, they have found themselves disappointed of, by the daily uneasiness accompanying their minds, and embittering their enjoyments. "The perplexed situation of the offspring of such alliances is also to be lamented; attached by nature to both parents, their confusion often renders them unfixed in principle and unsettled in practice; or if, as is usual, the sons attach themselves to the father, and the daughters to the mother, brothers and sisters are trained up in lines of conduct diverse from, and, in some instances, opposite to each other; thus differing in principle, they are frequently divided in affection, and though so nearly related, are sometimes at the greatest distance from that love and harmony which ought continually to subsist between them. "To prevent falling into these disagreeable and disorderly engagements, it is requisite to beware of the paths that lead to them--the sordid interests and ensnaring friendships of the world; the contaminating pleasures and idle pastimes of earthly minds; also the various solicitations and incentives of festivity and dissipation. Let our dear youth likewise avoid the too frequent and too familiar converse with those from whom may arise a danger of entanglement, by their alluring the passions and drawing the affections after them. "For want of due watchfulness and obedience to the convictions of Divine Grace in their consciences, many amongst us have wounded their own souls, distressed their friends, injured their families, and done great disservice to the church, by their unequal connexions; which have proved an inlet to much degeneracy, and mournfully affected the minds of those who labor under a living concern for the good of all, and the prosperity of truth upon earth." (Part of this material also occurs in the 1810 New York discipline.) -------------------------------------------------------------- Monthly meetings are authorised to give forth testimonies of denial against such parents or guardians who consent to, con- nive at, or encourage the marriages of their children and those under their care (members of our religious society) contrary to the good order established amongst us; if after Christian and brotherly labour with them, they cannot be brought to a due sense of their error, and a satisfactory acknowledgement of the same. -------------------------------------------------------------- The 1809 New England discipline adds: "We also recommend the good order of friends relating to marriage, that it be carefully preserved and duly maintained in the first and earliest proceedings leading thereunto, as well as the orderly solemnization thereof; and if any persons, contrary to the repeated advice and established order of friends, shall, under any pretence whatsoever, presume to take one another in any meeting for worship, without the consent of the monthly-meeting to which they belong, such proceeding being of a clandestine nature, tending to make void the just care of friends in that case, we advise that the monthly- meeting do not fail to testify against the practice, as well as against the persons concerned therein. 1730." However, the 1843 Philadelphia Hicksite discipline states: "If any member of our Society accomplish his or her marriage without the approbation of the monthly meeting, and it should appear by the report of a committee appointed to visit him or her, that no immoral conduct nor breach of our testimonies has taken place in the accomplishment of said marriage, monthly meetings may be at liberty to retain such member, without requiring a written acknowledgment." -------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------- A later Philadelphia Orthodox discipline adds: "If any of our members should attend the meetings of those who have separated from us, and who have set up meetings contrary to the order and Discipline of our religious Society; or should attend any of the marriages accomplished among the said people, or sign the certificates issued on those occa- sions; as it is giving countenance to, and acknowledging those meetings, as though they were the meetings of Friends, this meeting declares that such conduct is of evil tendency, and repugnant to the harmony and well-being of our religious Soci- ety; and where such instances occur, Friends are desired to extend brotherly care and labor, that the individuals may be instructed and reclaimed; and if those endeavors prove inef- fectual, Monthly meetings should testify against them.--1833." -------------------------------------------------------------- _________________________________________________________________ Next week: MEETING HOUSES Licia Kuenning Friends of Truth/Glenside Friends Meeting/Quaker Heritage Press