TEENAGE SATANIST

Part 2

To describe the reactions to DL, I may have to use the old cliché, no-one understands us. Very few people seem able to comprehend what we are about, and I find this surprising, because I thought that there were quite a few competent Occultists around. My expectations were too high. We produced papers to explain matters in greater detail, and, of the many who sent for these free papers, only six gave any indication that they had understood the concepts. The rest uttered platitudes like “fascinating”, “enthralling”. Of all the articles that have so far appeared in DL, the most popular was inserted for light relief, “Teenage Satanist”. As the author, I suppose I should feel flattered that there have been so many requests for the continuation of my story. If that’s your level, read on. If you are one of the few looking for genuine Occultism, skip this article. By the way, somewhere during this article, even the title (“teenage”) ceases to be relevant.

What brought me to Occultism in the first place, as detailed in DL1, was relevant, and what I am doing now, as shown elsewhere in the mag, is important, but the part in between… a history of mistakes, and there is, unfortunately, nothing new about that.

In the early years, I had no contact with other Occultists, but there was a well-stocked library in town and I read everything available. Classification 133 was the main source, though there were books vaguely relating to Occultism lurking in other sections, such as Alternative Medicine, UFOs and Ancient History. I was aware of a deep interest in Ancient Egypt, though I could not accept the simplistic notions of reincarnation. But, at that time, there was no other explanation for my strange “memories”. I read a book about the last reigns of the Eighteenth Dynasty, in which the Pharaoh Amenhotep IV (who changed his name to Akhenaton) was eulogised as an enlightened visionary and that Horemheb, his successor, was called a usurper and military dictator. I was furious! I knew that Akhenaton’s failure to face his responsibilities nearly resulted in the destruction of Egypt; and that Horemheb was the saviour of his country, his people and his gods. Fortunately I found some books which agreed with my view, but I could not, at that time or for some years afterwards, find any explanation other than the theory of reincarnation for my knowledge of and sense of involvement in events three and a half thousand years ago.

I studied Tarot and, when my interest in clairvoyance became known, I was invited to do the fortune-telling at the Annual Garden Party. This drew protests from the local clergy; fortune-telling was all right as a side-show providing it was done by a respectable old lady who read tea-leaves. But a teenage girl with the “Devil’s Picture Book” (yes one of them actually used that phrase!) was taboo.

One clairvoyant incident which I remember occurred when a boy at school announced that, the following weekend, he was taking his girlfriend to the seaside on his motorcycle. I “knew” that they were going to be involved in a serious accident. But what could I say? If I had warned them, they would have probably thought that I was jealous, that I wanted to be the one taken to the seaside. So I was too concerned with my reputation to do anything to save them. There was an accident, from which neither would fully recover.

I realised that being able to foresee future events (usually unpleasant incidents) was rarely useful. I “saw” an old lady falling as she got off a bus. I told her to be very careful, and she was quite impressed by my warning, but, whether or not she remembered it, the accident happened; she broke her hip, which, at her age, created a terminal condition.

Much more interesting than clairvoyance was the apparent ability to curse. A girl who had spread malicious gossip about me was attacked whilst on her way home from school one dark winter’s evening. A teacher who disliked me became so ill that she had to retire early. Although I was not on good terms with my parents, I was careful not to ill-wish them, as their premature demise would have forced me to live with my bigoted grandmother.

I rarely saw my other grandmother because my parents avoided her. So I was somewhat surprised when she invited me to visit her one day, and even more surprised when I found out that the reason for her ostracism by the family was that she was a Witch.

She taught me a lot about herbs, which was quite interesting but of little use, as herbs are not often effective. I hated getting my hands dirty in her herb garden, but discovered a great enthusiasm for collecting and identifying stones.

My grandmother invited me to join her “circle” (they did not use the word coven) and I attended a few times, but found it boring. I knew that I was searching for something far beyond this.

I left college and my parents’ home. In the big city, I met a High Priest of Odin, and the relationship lasted until his death some years later. As a Priestess of the Left Hand Path, I found nothing in Odinism which conflicted with my views, and I soon became aware why the real Odinism and its complex theology was and still is one of the most secretive of Occult beliefs. I had been warned not to experiment with the Runes “just to see if they work”. They do work, very dramatically, but of course I had to find that out for myself, and one example was when I wanted a simple little downpour to dampen an outdoor function; the resultant storm disrupted telephones and electricity, brought down trees and chimneys, and caused the river to burst its banks.

After my High Priest’s death, I drifted around for a few years, experimenting with Occultism of various kinds and becoming disillusioned with everything. I had for some time been in contact with a Satanist; it did not take me long to realise that, despite his grandiloquent claims, he had no real knowledge or power. But he was a successful conman, selling Occult “secrets” to the gullible who thought that such abilities could be brought with money or (if female) another form of payment. He knew that he did not have enough knowledge to maintain the pose for very long on his own, so he suggested a partnership. It rapidly became obvious that I could do much better without him, but, whilst I was personally salting away quite a bit from the joint venture, I had other things on my mind. And someone else had other plans for me.

To Be Continued

as I expect that reader will want to know how I met my Master.

Anonymous article taken from the Dark Lily Journal No 5, Society of Dark Lily (London 1988).