Continuing the saga which began as

TEENAGE SATANIST

Part 3

My profitable time working with the conman was to be my last interlude before encountering reality, but I, despite my clairvoyance, had no foreknowledge of this. In producing magazines, booklets, a correspondence course, etc, I had, it seems, been transmitting a signal: that there was an intelligent and capable Occultist wasting her time and needing proper guidance.

And Someone picked up that signal. But I did not realise it for a long time. Two or three letters, amongst the numerous people, and he told me, years later, that he had owned me from the time I replied to his first letter. After a couple of letters, he said that he was going abroad. I sent him a talisman, and I did not know why I had done so. I have always spent a great deal on friends, but I had never previously given to someone I had never met a gemstone talisman of the type which we normally sold for exorbitant prices.

For over a year, I heard nothing more from the man who, although I did not yet know it, had become my Master. I thought of him sometimes with regret; a very interesting man who, it seemed, had now vanished from my life and probably would not reappear. Not that I needed any more complications. I had a friend, whom I will, in this article, call Richard (which bears no resemblance to his real name or initial). Richard was an Occultist, advanced enough to see through the conman, but he realised that we were on to a good thing and he wanted a peace of the action. On his return to this country, my Master, who had known Richard for some years, re-established contact through him.

A few more letters, some lengthy telephone calls, and I had agreed to spend a weekend with the man whom I now acknowledged to be my Master. I do not know how it happened and, of course, he will not explain, but it was inevitable. I had no choice in the matter. All that did concern me was that I might not be attractive enough to please him (though he said that he knew exactly how I looked, as he had seen me astrally). So, I arrived in my mink and diamonds. If there was any Occult work done that weekend, I was not aware of it.

I have no idea how everyone concerned with this episode (including my dubious former partner) was manipulated into doing exactly what my Master wished, without being aware that he/she was not merely following his/her own inclinations. Presumably that has happened to me as well, but I cannot explain how it feels because nothing feels any different from normal. Of course I do not wish to act against him, but that is my own choice. Or is it? Maybe this was partly answered in Dialogue between Adept and Pupil (DL2), when he explained the difference between those who are merely used and those who have to retain their own individuality.

He said that the conman had to be stopped from operating, that he was damaging people and could not be allowed to continue. I did not understand why Richard and I were not also guilty, having participated in the schemes, but my Master stated that Richard must not be hurt, emotionally or financially, by this upheaval. And, when Richard learned what was happening, he proved that he had greater perspicacity than I had given him credit for. I had underestimated a few other people too; genuine Occultists who, much to my surprise, welcomed me back after years of estrangement.

In retrospect, my Master’s concern to keep Richard out of the repercussions of these events puzzles me. At the time, I simple assumed that this was because Richard was a nice person who had not hurt anyone. I now know my Master well enough to be aware that such considerations do not affect him. People who get in his way get walked over - or worse. Richard was of no further use to him (and, once again, Richard showed his wisdom in realising this and quietly ceasing to be in contact with us).

Maybe my Master will answer this question when he reads the draft of this article. Probably he will not. He usually says that I have to figure things out for myself, and I eventually do so, but reader-pressure has forced me to write this article before I know all the answers. The only possibility that occurs to me is that my Master had instigated Richard’s involvement in the first place and had therefore taken responsibility for the outcome.

So there it is. After drifting around Occultism for years, learning a little and making a lot of mistakes, I know, at last, that I am on the right track, though it is a very hard road. I do not know where I am going, but my Master knows, and that is all that matters. Because he is a true Adept, I know that I am safe under his protection and guidance. Further accounts of my progress will appear in DL, in various articles, but forget the “Teenage Satanist”. She was just one of the many Occultists seeking the truth – one of the few who eventually found it.

Anonymous article taken from the Dark Lily Journal No 6, Society of Dark Lily (London 1988).