Of Parents and Children
by Francis Bacon |
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The joys of parents are secret; and so are their griefs and fears.
They cannot utter the one; nor they will not utter the other. Children
sweeten labors; but they make misfortunes more bitter. They increase
the cares of life; but they mitigate the remembrance of death. The
perpetuity by generation is common to beasts; but memory, merit, and
noble works, are proper to men. And surely a man shall see the noblest
works and foundations have proceeded from childless men, which have
sought to express the images of their minds, where those of their
bodies have failed. So the care of posterity is most in them, that
have no posterity. They that are the first raisers of their houses,
are most indulgent towards their children; beholding them as the
continuance, not only of their kind, but of their work; and so both
children and creatures.
The difference in affection, of parents towards their several
children, is many times unequal; and sometimes unworthy; especially in
the mothers; as Solomon saith, A wise son rejoiceth the father, but an
ungracious son shames the mother. A man shall see, where there is a
house full of children, one or two of the eldest respected, and the
youngest made wantons; but in the midst, some that are as it were
forgotten, who many times, nevertheless, prove the best. The
illiberality of parents, in allowance towards their children, is an
harmful error; makes them base; acquaints them with shifts; makes them
sort with mean company; and makes them surfeit more when they come
to plenty. And therefore the proof is best, when men keep their
authority towards the children, but not their purse. Men have a
foolish manner (both parents and schoolmasters and servants) in
creating and breeding an emulation between brothers, during childhood,
which many times sorteth to discord when they are men, and
disturbeth families. The Italians make little difference between
children, and nephews or near kinsfolks; but so they be of the lump,
they care not though they pass not through their own body. And, to say
truth, in nature it is much a like matter; insomuch that we see a
nephew sometimes resembleth an uncle, or a kinsman, more than his
own parent; as the blood happens. Let parents choose betimes, the
vocations and courses they mean their children should take; for then
they are most flexible; and let them not too much apply themselves
to the disposition of their children, as thinking they will take
best to that, which they have most mind to. It is true, that if the
affection or aptness of the children be extraordinary, then it is good
not to cross it; but generally the precept is good, optimum elige,
suave et facile illud faciet consuetudo. Younger brothers are commonly
fortunate, but seldom or never where the elder are disinherited.
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contact: morgan at [email protected] page last modified: thu jan 12 01:37:48 2006 |