The Chick is in the Mail

THEY AREN’T ALL THAT PC, BUT
YOU BETTER NOT GET IN THEIR WAY!

From the silly to the simply smashing, the Chicks in Chainmail are back to save us once again! Whether defending a charity ball against rapscallion pirates or taking names at a medievalist tournament in the Asteroid Belt, whether bringing a snotty loremaster to his rightful comeuppance or protecting our schoolchildren from magically-summoned barbarian invaders, whether weekending in the woods to get in touch with their Inner Warrior or showing giant reptiles that Tokyo’s not gonna take it anymore, these female fighters will always have what it takes.

So what are you waiting for? Pick up your male—er, mail!

They Cheerfully Cherish Our Chicks:

“There’s something to offend everyone . . . so bring your sense of humor, and prepare to be entertained.” —Locus

“. . . a romp that certainly tickled this reviewer’s funny bone.”
—VOYA

“Kudos should go to Friesner . . . there’s not an average story in the whole bunch—they’re all gems.”
—Realms of Fantasy

“Political correctness and disclaimers aside, this anthology is a hoot!”
—Affaire de Coeur

Cover art by Larry Elmore

Paperback

This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this book are fictional, and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely coincidental.

First printing, October 2000

Distributed by Simon & Schuster
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020

Printed in the United States of America

ISBN: 0-671-31950-7

A Baen Books Original
Baen Publishing Enterprises
P.O. Box 1403
Riverdale, NY 10471
http://www.baen.com

Typeset by Windhaven Press
Auburn, NH

Electronic version by WebWrights
http://www.webwrights.com

TROLL BY JURY

In the center of the sand-strewn ring, Duke Janifer stood between the two combatants and nervously asked, "Ladies, are you certain you wouldn't like to reconsider this trial by combat to the death?"

"I would," Zoli said. "It's not combat, it's bloody murder. I've eaten seafood that had more hope of killing me than this idiot." She gestured scornfully at Goodwife Eyebright.

"Will you withdraw?" Duke Janifer turned to Goodwife Eyebright, entreating her with his eyes. "Pleeease?"

Eyebright stood herself up a bit taller and held the sword she'd been given as though it were a carpet beater. "I'd sooner die."

"I was afraid you'd say that." The duke sighed, shrugged, and tossed a bright orange kerchief high into the air. As he dashed from the arena he called back over one shoulder. "When it hits the ground, start fighting."

The audience gasped and held its breath. Zoli went into her preferred fighting stance, grim and silent, eyes fixed on the floating kerchief. Goodwife Eyebright, on the other hand, began jabbering the instant the bit of cloth left the duke's hand.

"My gracious, aren't you in a hurry? I'm sure it's not going to take you long to kill me, but don't you worry about that. Nor about all my poor little lambkins that'll be left orphaned and helpless, oh no, don't you give any of them a second thought. You've done your duty, you don't have to bother your head about whether they'll be decently clothed and fed and who'll tuck them into their cold, lonesome little beds of a winter's night with not ever the comfort of a loving mother's kiss on their tiny tear-stained faces, no. Don't you concern yourself over their bitter tears or their heartbreaking sobs or their—"

Under Goodwife Eyebright's verbal barrage, Zoli's shoulder trembled and her sword drooped by degrees, leaving a hole in her defensive posture fit to drive an oxcart through. . . .

—from "Troll by Jury"

ALSO IN THIS SERIES:

Chicks in Chainmail
edited by Esther Friesner

Did You Say Chicks?!
edited by Esther Friesner

Chicks and Chained Males
edited by Esther Friesner

Mathemagics by Margaret Ball

BAEN BOOKS by ESTHER FRIESNER

Child of the Eagle
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