the best bride
by
Author unknown

Travis's Bachelor Chilli (As created by Louise)

115 oz can kidney beans
215 oz cans pinto beans
115 oz can corn
1 large onion, diced
1 large green pepper, diced
1 lb lean ground beef or
turkey, cooked and drained
2 141/z oz cans stewed tomatoes
1 cup water
1 cup spicy tomato salsa
1 tsp cumin
4 cups cooked white or brown rice
Drain canned beans and corn.  Combine all ingredients except for
rice--in a large pot.  Bring to a boil over high heat, then simmer for
15 minutes. Serve over rice.

Great for football Sundays, and even better the second day for lunch!

Chapter One.

the white t-bird fishtailed around the corner.  it sprayed dirt and
gravel up onto the left front of the patrol car parked on the side of
the road.

sheriff travis haynes turned the key to start the engine, then flipped
on the blue lights.  as he pulled out onto the highway, he debated
whether or not to use the siren, then decided against it.  he was about
to mess up someone's long weekend by giving him a ticket; no point in
adding insult to injury by using the siren.  the good citizens of
glenwood had contributed enough money to buy a car equipped with a siren
that could wake the dead.  but that didn't necessarily mean they wanted
him to use it on them.

he stepped on the gas until he was behind the white car, then checked
his speed.  he gave a low whistle and looked at the car ahead he could
see a mass of brown hair through the rear window, but little else.  the
lady was going somewhere in a hurry.  he followed behind and waited.

it took her another two minutes to notice him.  she glanced in her
mirror, saw the flashing lights, did a double take, then immediately put
on her blinker and pulled to the side of the road.  travis slowed and
parked behind her.  he shut off the engine, reached for his stetson and
ticket book, then got out and walked leisurely toward the car.  his
cowboy boots crunched on the gravel.  he noticed the california license
plate tags were current.

"afternoon," he said, when he walked up to the open window.  he glanced
down at the woman and got a brief impression of big brown eyes in a
heart-shaped face.  she looked a little pale under her tan.  a lot of
people were nervous when they were stopped by an officer.  he gave her a
friendly smile.  "you were going pretty fast there."

"i-i know," she said, softly, averting her gaze and staring out the
front window.  "i'm sorry."

she gripped the steering wheel tightly.  he looked past her to the young
girl in the passenger seat.  the child looked more frightened than her
mother. she clutched a worn brown teddy bear to her chest and stared at
him with wide blue eyes.  her mouth trembled as if she were fighting
tears.  about five or six, he thought, giving her a quick wink.

travis returned his attention to the woman.  she wore her hair pulled up
in a ponytail on top of her head.  the ends fell back almost to her
shoulders.  it was a warm september afternoon.  she was dressed in a red
tank top and white shorts.  he tried not to notice her legs.  "i'm going
to need to see your driver's license and registration, ma'am," he said
politely.

"what?  oh, of course."

she bent over to grab her purse from the floor on the passenger's side.
he thought he heard a gasp, as if she were in pain, but before he could
be sure, she fumbled with her wallet and pulled out the small
identification.  as she handed it to him, it slipped out of her fingers
and fluttered toward the ground.  he caught it before it touched the
dirt.

"i'm sorry," she murmured.  her mouth pulled into a straight line and
dark emotion flickered in her eyes.

immediately his instincts went on alert.  something wasn't right.  she
was too scared or too upset for someone getting a ticket.  he glanced
down at the license.  elizabeth abbott.  age twenty-eight.  five-six.
the address listed her as living in los angeles.

"you're a long way from home," he said, looking from her to the license
and back.

"we just moved here," she said.

he took the registration next and saw the car was in her name.

"so what's the story?"  he asked, flipping open his ticket book.  "

" excuse me?"

"why were you speeding?"

her eyebrows drew together.  "i don't understand."

"you're in glenwood, ma'am, and we have a tradition here.  if you can
tell me a story i haven't heard before, i have to let you go."

her mouth curved up slightly.  it made her look pretty.  he had a
feeling she would be hell on wheels if she let go enough to really
smile.  "you're kidding?"

"no, ma'am."  he adjusted his stetson.

"have you ever let anyone go?"

he thought for a minute, then grinned.  "i stopped miss. murietta
several years ago.  she was hurrying home to watch the last episode of
dallas on tv."

"and you let her off the hook?"

he shrugged.  "i hadn't heard that excuse before.  so what's yours? i've
been in the sheriff's department almost twelve years, so it'll have to
be good"

elizabeth abbott stared up at him and started to laugh.  she stopped
suddenly, drew in a deep breath and seemed to fall toward the steering
wheel. she caught herself and clutched her midsection.

"mommy?"  the little girl beside her sounded frantic.

"mommy?"

"i'm fine," elizabeth said, glancing at her.

but travis could see she wasn't fine.  he realized the look in her eyes
wasn't fear, it was pain.  he saw it in the lines around her mouth and
the way she paled even more under her tan.

"what's wrong?"  he asked, stuffing his ticket book into his back
pocket.

"nothing," she said.  "just a stomachache.  it won't go away.  i was
going to a walk in clinic to see if they could- " she gasped and nearly
doubled over. the seat belt held her in place.

travis opened the car door and crouched beside her.  "you pregnant?"  he
asked.  he reached for her wrist and found her pulse.  it was rapid. her
skin felt cold and clammy to the touch.  "

" no, why?  "

"miscarriage."

"i'm not pregnant: she leaned her head back against the seat rest.  "
give me a minute.  i'll be fine."

her daughter stared up at her.  he could see the worry and the fear in
her blue eyes and his heart went out to the little girl.  "

" mommy, don't be sick: '

"i'm fine."  she touched her child's cheek.

travis leaned in and unlatched the seat belt.

"what are you doing?"  elizabeth asked.

"taking you to the hospital."

"that's not necessary.   really, i'll just drive to the clinic and-" she
drew in a deep breath and held it.   her eyes closed and her jaw
tightened.

"that's it," he said, reaching one arm under her legs, the other behind
her back.  before she could protest, he slid her out and carried her
toward his car.

she clung to him and shivered.  "i don't mean to be any trouble."

"no trouble.  part of the job."

"you carry a lot of women in your line of work?"

her muscles felt tight and perspiration clung to her forehead and upper
lip. she must be in a lot of pain, but she was trying to keep it all
together.  he winked.  "it's been a good week for me."

when they reached his car, travis lowered her feet to the ground and
opened the door to the back seat.  he started to pick her up again, but
she shook her head and bent over to slide in.  he returned to the lady's
car and slipped into the driver's seat.  the little girl was hunched
against the door, staring at him.  tears rolled down her face.

"what's your name, honey?"  he asked softly."

"mandy."

"how old are you?"

she hiccuped and clutched the bear to her chest.  "six: '

"i'm going to take your mom to the hospital, and they're going to make
her feel better.  i'd like you to come with me.  okay?"

she nodded slowly.

he gave her his best smile, then collected elizabeth's purse.  after
shoving her keys, license and registration into his pocket, he unhooked
mandy's seat belt and helped her out of the car.  he rolled up the
windows and locked the doors, then led her to the sheriff's vehicle.

her tears stopped momentarily as she stared at the array of switches and
listened to the crackling of the radio."

"you ever been inside a patrol car before?  " he asked.

she shook her head.

"you'll like it.  i promise."  that earned him a sniff.  he settled her
quickly beside him, then glanced back at elizabeth she lay across the
seat, her knees pulled up to her chest, breathing rapidly.

"how you doing?"  he asked.

"hanging in there," she said, her voice tight with strain."

"i'm going to use the siren," he said, starting the engine and switching
it on.  instantly a piercing wail filled the car.  travis checked his
mirror, then pulled out onto the road.

traffic was iight and they were at the hospital in less than fifteen
minutes. "Two minutes after that, elizabeth had been wheeled away on a
gurney and he was filling out paperwork at the circular counter near the
emergency entrance.  mandy stood beside him, crying.

she didn't make a sound, but he could swear he heard every one of those
tears rolling down her cheeks.  her pain made it tough to concentrate.
poor kid. she was scared to death.

he bent over and picked her up, setting her on the counter next to him.
they were almost at eye level.  a headband adorned with cartoon
characters held her blond hair off her round face.  the same collection
of animals, in a rainbow of colors, covered her t shirt.  she wore
denim shorts and scuffed sandals.  except for the tean, she looked like
just any other six-year-old."

"when did you and your mom move here?  " he asked.

she clutched the tattered teddy bear closer.  "yesterday," she said,
gulping for air.  q yqqyyqq qa qt q hope they might have made qq q.  qq
you have any family here?"

she shook her head and sniffed again.

he looked over the counter to a box of tissues beside the phone.  the
receptionist was also a nurse, and she had disq qq q qm with elizabeth.
mandy wiped her face and tried to blow her nose.  it didn't work.  he
took a couple of tissues and held them over her face.

"blow," he ordered, wondering how many times he'd done this during
summer t ball practice.  there were always a lot of tears as the kids
skinned knees and elbows.  and lost games.

"where's your daddy?"

her blue eyes filled again.  "he's gone."

gone meaning dead?  or divorced?"

"where does he live now?   " travis asked.

"i don't know.  he doesn't see us anymore.  mommy said he had to go away
because he's big.  she said he's never coming b-back: her voice
trembled.

he gave her a reassuring smile.  big?  that didn't make any sense.
elizabeth abbott must be divorced.  he glanced down at the hospital
forms.  she had an insurance card in her wallet, so he copied that
information.  "where do you live?"  he asked, then realized that if
they'd just moved here, mandy wouldn't know her address yet."

"by the ducks: '

"the duck pond?"

she nodded vigorously, her tears momentarily forgotten' it pretty.  i
have a big bed all to myself.  just like mommy.  and there's little
soaps in the bath" she smiled.  she had a dimple in each cheek and he
could sea she was going to grow up to be a heartbreaker.

he pictured the buildings around the duck pond in the center of town and
remembered there was a small motel on the corner.  so much for having an
address here.

"what about your grandmother and grandfather?  do you know where they
are?"

"they live far away."

before he could think of any more questions, the receptionist came
bustling back into the room.  "appendix," she said, pulling her
stethoscope from around her neck and placing it in the right hip pocket
of her nurse's uniform.  "caught it in time."  she looked at mandy.
"your mommy is going to have an operation.  do you know what that
means?"

mandy looked scared again.  "no."

"the doctor is going to make her sleep for a little bit while he makes
her feel better.  there's an infection inside and he's going to take it
out.  but she'll be fine."

mandy didn't looked reassured.  she bit her lower lip hard and tears
filled her eyes.  travis felt like he'd taken a sucker punch to the gut.
apparently the kid didn't know a soul in town, and if the grandparents
weren't local, finding them could take days.  he didn't even know if
abbott was elizabeth's maiden or married name.

he held out his arm, offering mandy a hug, but letting her decide.  she
threw herself against him with the desperation of a drowning man
clutching a raft. her slight body shook with the tremors of her sobs.
she smelled of sun and grass and little girl.  so damn small to be
facing this alone.

"hush," he murmured, stroking her hair.  "i'm right here and
everything's going to be fine."

it was nearly seven in the evening before travis was able to take mandy
in to see her mother.  the nurse had informed him children weren't
allowed on the ward, but he'd ignored her and marched past, carrying
mandy in his arms.  he was the sheriff.  what were they going to do?
arrest him?

he should have gone off-duty at four-thirty, but he couldn't leave the
kid on her own, and he didn't want to take her to the local child
services office before she'd seen her mother.  it didn't much matter, he
thought as he walked down the hospital hallway.  he hadn't made any
plans for the weekend.

although glenwood was far enough off the beaten track not to get much
tourist trade even over labor day weekend, the last celebration of
summer usually kept him and his deputies busy.  there were fights at the
park as too much beer was consumed, and the teenagers would get involved
in illegal drag races down by the lake.  come monday afternoon, the
small jail would be filled with red-faced citizens who would work off
their sentences doing community service.

the last door at the end of the hallway stood partially open.  travis
knocked once and entered.  he'd already warned mandy that her mother
would be hooked up to tubes, but it wasn't as frightening as he'd
feared.  elizabeth had an iv in each arm, but her color was good. medium
brown hair fanned out over the white pillow.  the pale hospital gown set
off her tan.  for someone who had just had emergency surgery, she didn't
look half-bad.  hospital smells filled the room: antiseptic and
pine-scented cleanser."

"we can only stay a minute," he reminded mandy in a quiet voice.

"i know.  is she sleeping?"

"not anymore," came the groggy response.   elizabeth opened her eyes and
looked at him.   she blinked.   " do i know you?"

"we haven't been officially introduced," he said, walking closer and
setting mandy on the ground.  before the little girl could jump onto the
bed, he laid a hand on her shoulder.  "stand next to your mommy, but
don't bump against anything.  i'm travis haynes.  i stopped you for
speeding."

"that's right: elizabeth looked away from him and smiled at her
daughter.  he remembered when he'd stopped her he'd thought if she ever
really smiled it would be a killer, and he'd been right.  even fresh
from surgery, the lady was a looker.

"hi, sweets," she said.  "it's good to see you"

"oh, mommy."  mandy stood as close to the bed as she could without
actually touching it.  she clutched her bear to her with one hand and
with the other stroked her mother's arm.  "the nurse said you had
something bad inside, but it's gone now: '

"i feel much better: elizabeth touched mandy's hair and her face, then
raised herself up on one elbow.  she grimaced.  travis moved closer. she
looked up at him.  " i'm trying to get a hug here."

he picked up mandy and held her close to her mother.  they clung to each
other for a second.  he could see the fierceness of elizabeth abbott's
love for her child in the way she squeezed her eyes tight and he heard
it in her murmured words of encouragement."

"i'm fine," she promised.  " everything is going to work out: ' he set
mandy on the ground and pulled a chair close to the bed.  he sat down
and pulled mandy onto his lap.  if elizabeth was surprised by his
daughter's acceptance of him, she didn't show it.  but in the past
couple of hours, he and the little girl had become friends.

elizabeth settled back on the bed.  she pushed a button and raised the
head up until she was half reclining.  "so you're the sheriff."

"that's me.  i've just been voted in for another term."

her brown eyes met and held his.  the dark pain was gone and the lines
around her mouth had relaxed.  "did i pass?"  she asked."

"pass what?"

she smiled.  "did i have a story you hadn't heard before?  i mean how
many people speed because they have appendicitis?"

"it's a first," he said, stretching his legs out infront of him."

"i'm a man of my word.   you won't be getting a ticket from me."

mandy shifted against his chest and yawned.  it had been a long
afternoon and evening for her.  they'd gone to the cafeteria about six
o'clock, but the kid hadn't been able to eat much.  she'd fretted about
her mother and beat him at checkers while they waited.  her slight
weight reminded him of his oldest nephew.  drew would play video games
in travis's arms until he fell asleep and then have to be carried to
bed.

"thank you for looking after her," elizabeth said.  "you didn't have to
stay and baby-sit"

"it was easy."  he glanced down and watched mandy's eyes close.  "i
filled out most of the forms for the hospital, but they're going to have
a few questions.  do you want me to call you rex she paled visibly.
"what?  why?"

"to take care of mandy until you're better: ' "

"no!  " she sounded upset. she raised her arm and stared at the iv taped
in place on the back of her hand.  "no."  her voice was calmer now, as
if she had herself under control. "i'm not, that is, i wasn't ever
married.  there's no ex husband : '

"all right," he said, even though her claim made no sense.  mandy had
talked about her father.  travis reminded himself this was the nineties
and women didn't have to get married to have babies.  he looked closely
at elizabeth somehow she didn't strike him as the type to have a child
on her own.  still, she must have; mandy was proof.  why would anyone
lie about something like that?  "any next of kin nearby?"

she shook her head.  "my parents live in florida.  right now, however,
they're cruising somewhere in the orient.  i can't..  : she trailed of"
i can't call them.  what am i going to do?  " she shifted and winced."

"i have to- "

"shh" he pointed at the sleeping child.  "you don't have to do anything
tonight," he said softly.  "you've just had emergency surgery and i'm
not even supposed to be visiting.  i thought this might be a problem, so
i've already called and spoken with a friend of mine.  her name is
rebecca chambers and she runs the local child services office it's a
county facility, but a great place."

"rebecca?"  ,

"rebecca chambers.  she's the director.  there are only about twenty
kids there.  it's on the other side of town, near the school.  i've
spent some time there volunteering.  mandy will be fine."

elizabeth stared up at him.  her good humor had faded, and she looked
tired and drawn.  "you want to put my daughter in a home?"  she blinked
frantically, but tears spilled over onto her cheeks.

"hey," he said, standing up and depositing a sleeping mandy in the
chair.  he hovered awkwardly by the bed.  "don't cry.  it's just for a
couple of days. if you want me to call someone, i will.  just give me a
name."

"i'm sorry," she whispered.  "everything is falling apart.  it was going
so well and now i don't know what to do or where to turn.  ithere's no
one to call."  she looked up at him.  "can't she stay here, with me?"

"in the hospital?  no.  they didn't even want her to visit you, let
alone spend the night: you're in no position to take care of her,
elizabeth.  i know the home sounds bad, but it's not: '

"you're right.  i don't have another choice."  she covered her face with
her hands.  "it jusfmakes me feel like i'm an awful mother.  it's not
the place i'm worried about, i've been there.  i'm going to work there"
she wiped her cheeks with her fingers.  "i'm rebecca's new assistant. i
moved us here to take the job.  i'm supposed to start Tuesday.  what's
she going to think about me?  i'm dumping my kid on her doorstep, and
i'm going to miss my first day of work: ' the sobs began in earnest.  he
hesitated about five seconds, then perched on the edge of the bed.
careful not to tangle the iv lines, he patted her shoulder.  she
clutched at his arm, all the while muttering how stupid she must look to
him.  the sheet slipped to her waist.  he tried not to stare, but
couldn't help noticing the shape of her breasts under her hospital gown.

travis told himself he was at best behaving unethically, and at the
worst acting like a pervert.  he had no business noticing elizabeth's
body.  she'd just had surgery for god's sake.  but he did notice and
admire, all the while calling himself names.

"i'm sure rebecca will understand," he said.  "it's not as if you
planned this."

"i know, but mandy will be there all alone.  i wish-"

"do all the women in your family leak this much?"

"what?"  she blinked and looked up at him.  her dark lashes stood up in
spikes, her nose was red and her cheeks blotchy.  she was a mess.  it
brought out his knight-in shining -armor side and he resisted getting
involved.  he knew what would happen then.  better for both of them if
he just backed off."

"between you and mandy, i think we could have tloated a ship today."

she smiled wanly.  "don't make me laugh.  it hurts: '

"okay, then i won't tell you the one about the parrot with no legs."

"how did he stay on his perch?"

travis stood up and winked.  "you'll just have to wait until you get
better to find out."  he glanced at his watch.  "i'm going to take mandy
over to stay with rebecca.  i'll call you in the morning and make sure
you're doing all right, then i'll bring mandy back here in the
afternoon."

"why are you being so nice to me?"

"just doing my duty, ma'am: he gave a mock salute and picked up the
sleeping child.  " i'll leave my number with the nurse."

"thank you for everything," she said, pulling the sheet up and smiling
at him.  "if mandy wakes up, tell her i love her: ' "

"you can tell her yourself when you see her tomorrow: '

chapter Two.

cc what do you mean chicken pox?  " travis asked.  he stared down at
rebecca, seated behind her desk in her office at the local child
services facility."

"i mean i have eight children in various stages of chicken pox, and the
other twelve have been exposed.  sorry, travis.  if you'd explained why
you were coming by, i would have told you what was going on and saved
you the trip.  i thought you were just going to mooch dinner.  i know
that when you're between women you hang out with me.  i thought this was
one of those rare weekends: her brown eyes looked more amused than
apologetic."

"but mandy- "

"but mandy doesn't know if she's had chicken pox, do you, honey?"
rebecca smiled at the little girl.

mandy shook her head and tugged on travis's pants."

"travis?"

"hmm?"  he didn't look down at her.  now what was he supposed to do?  he
couldn't just leave her in the street"rebecca, you're not helping."

"travis?   " mandy tugged again."

"what?"

"do i have to stay here?"

she looked up, her head bent way back, her wide blue eyes gazing at him
with absolute trust.  he felt as if he were torturing bambi.

"why don't i make a few calls," rebecca said, coming to his rescue.  she
flicked her dark hair over her shoulder and reached for the phone.
"there's a shelter about twenty miles from here.  i'll see if they have
room: she picked up the receiver.

"travis?"  mandy tugged again.

"i want my mommy."

travis crouched down in front of her."

"she's in the hospital she needs to sleep tonight and get better."

mandy held her teddy so tightly, he worried she might squish the
stuffing out the side.  she leaned close and whispered'i don't know that
lady.  i don't want to stay here.  i want my mommy."

he'd spent enough time with kids her age to recognize the quiver in her
voice.  tears would come next and after that, he would feel like a heel
and he stood up and jammed his hands in his pockets."

"you think i should take her home with me?  " he asked, already knowing
the answer."

"it would be best for her.  elizabeth isn't going to need a sick kid on
her hands, just as she's getting out of the hospital herself."  rebecca
rose and walked around the desk.  she wore a floral print jumper over a
white t shirt.  with her long curly hair and conservative style of
dressing, she looked like a sunday school teacher.  travis suspected it
was a facade and that deep inside, she had the wild streak of the best
kind of a sinner.

when she'd moved to glenwood six months ago to take over as director of
the county facility, he'd asked her out.  his big seduction scene had
ended up failing badly.  they were, he'd realized within the first ten
minutes, destined to be good friends.  rebecca had promised to leave his
reputation as a heartbreaker intact and not tell the world his kisses
had left her cold. travis stared at her big brown eyes and sighed.  he
felt mild affection for rebecca and nothing else.  he must be getting
old and slowing down.

"you're the only friend mandy has," rebecca said.  "if i could take her
home with me, i would.  but my staff is exhausted, and i'm staying here
tonight. anyway, you have louise."

he thought of his housekeeper.  today was her day off but he knew if he
called she would come over to help and show off her latest craft
project.  at least she wasn't knitting anymore.  he already had two
drawers filled with ugly, ill-fitting sweaters and socks she'd made for
him.

"i suppose that might work.  but i don't know anything about children,"
travis muttered, trying to ignore mandy tugging on him again.

"your nephews stay with you: ' "

"travis," mandy said."

"that's different."

"how?"  rebecca asked."

"travis?"

"they're family.  and boys: he looked down.  those blue eyes were
killing him.  " what?"

"i want to stay with you : '

"you're the only person she knows in town.  come on be a hero.  it's
what you're best at: ' he glared at rebecca.  "thanks."

undaunted, she smiled.  "let me get you some supplies" she disappeared
down the hall.

"why me?"  he asked no one in particular.

"travis?  are you mad at me?"

"mandy, no.   " he swept mandy up in his arms and gave her a hug.   she
wrapped her spindly legs around his waist.   " i'm not mad.   we'll have
fun. i'll read you a story tonight, okay?"

she nodded.  "and mr. bear," she said, holding out the tattered animal.

"and mr. bear."

rebecca returned with a small cloth bag.  "i've packed a nightgown, some
underwear and a shorts set for tomorrow" she handed travis the bag, then
smiled at mandy.  "do you want a pink toothbrush or a purple one?"  she
had both in her hand.

the little girl stared for a second, then pointed shyly."

"pink: '

"you got it."  rebecca dropped that one in the bag and walked over to
the door.  "i'll be here, so call me if there's any trouble.  it's only
one night."

"like you care," he grumbled.

"stop it.  you'll have a great time.  think of it as father training.
for when you have your own kids."

"not my style.  haynes men don't make good parents."  it was a familiar
argument between the two of them.  the problem was rebecca hadn't
figured out he wasn't kidding she shook her head.  "let me know what
happens.  and tell elizabeth not to worry about coming into work until
she's completely healed.  i won't be giving her job to anyone else."

"yeah, i will: he shifted mandy so that she was supported by one arm,
then handed her the bag and dug in his pocket for his keys.  " say
goodbye, mandy."

"by."  now that she was getting her way, she smiled broadly.  "can we
have the siren on?"  she asked as they stepped out of the building and
walked toward the sheriff's car in the parking lot.

"no."

she pouted and rested her head on his shoulder.

"don't give me that look," he said.  "i can't use the siren when it's
not an emergency."

she thought for a minute."

"i gotta go."

his heart sank.  "now?"

she nodded.  "it's a 'mergency."

elizabeth raised the hospital bed and stared out the window from where
she was lying, she could sea the corner of the small parking lot and a
plot of grass with a chinese maple in the center.  it was early saturday
morning and she'd seen only a handful of cars enter the hospital
grounds.

everything was going to be fine.  she'd recited the phrase over and
over, hoping by saying it enough she would start to believe it was true.
but panic threatened, just below the surface of her carefully
constructed facade.

she was scared.  there was no getting around the lump in her throat and
the cold hard knot in her stomach, just next to the tender incision the
doctors had made yesterday.  she wasn't frightened for herself.  the
surgery had gone well, and she was healing nicely, according to the
doctor who had visited early that morning.  she had medical insurance,
so the unexpected stay in the hospital wasn't going to deplete her
savings.

the lump in her throat got bigger and her eyes burned from unshed tears.
she blinked them away and prayed that her daughter hadn't been too
scared last night, alone in a strange place.  had they let her sleep
with her bear?  had she had any bad dreams?  there were, on average,
twenty children at the county facility.  had mandy gotten lost among all
the other kids?  who would have been there to hold her if she cried?

logically, elizabeth knew she hadn't had another choice as far as her
daughter was concerned.  having her spend the night in the county home
had made sense.  she would be fed and warm and have a bed to sleep in.
but knowing her only child had been put there, like a stray puppy
rounded up by the pound, made her feel like the worst kind of parent.
mothers were supposed to do better for their children.  of course,
mothers were also supposed to know what they were doing when they picked
out fathers-and look at how that had turned out.

she reached over to the black phone on the small metal nightstand and
dialed the number she'd gotten from directory assistance.  for the
second time in fifteen minutes, she heard a busy signal.  from what she
remembered from her tour during her interview a month ago, the county
facility only had one line she hung up the receiver.  she would keep
trying until she got through.  she wanted to check on mandy and reassure
her daughter that everything was going to be fine-even though she didn't
know how.

elizabeth forced herself to hold on to her control.  she couldn't afford
to give into the fear.  not now.  if she started questioning herself,
she might never stop.  six months ago her world had come crashing in on
her.  she'd managed to collect the pieces and assemble them into a life,
but the structure was fragile, and this emergency was enough to send the
whole thing crumbling again.  the logistics of her condition whirled
around in her head. how was she going to take care of mandy when she was
supposed to stay off her feet for a week and not drive for three weeks?
what about feeding her, and registering her for school, buying her new
shoes, and a hundred other things she'd planned to do over the long
holiday weekend?  what about taking her out to watch the ducks and
playing tag and the sound of footsteps in the hallway caught her
attention she glanced over at her partially closed door and watched as
it was pushed open.  sheriff travis haynes entered the room and smiled
at her.  she stared at him, surprise and a tiny spurt of pleasure
temporarily hiding her worries.  he'd told her he would come by today
and visit, but she hadn't expected him to.  he'd done too much already
still, except for retsa and mandy, he was the only other person she knew
in glenwood, and she couldn't help being pleased to see him.

gratitude, she told herself firmly, trying to find the reason for the
sudden surge of good spirits.  gratitude and nothing else.

"hi," she said, managing a shaky smile.  she pulled the sheet up to her
shoulders en and self-consciously touched the straggly ends of her hair.
they hadn't let her have a shower yet, and she felt grungy.  she'd
planned to insist on getting cleaned up later that morning.  she hadn't
expected visitors so early.

"hi, yourself."  travis crossed the room in three long strides and
pulled a plastic chair close to the bed.  "may i?"

"please."

his khaki, short-sleeved uniform looked freshly pressed.  a badge and a
name tag had been pinned above the left breast pocket.  he stood about
six feet tall, with dark curly hair and a trimmed mustache that outlined
his upper lip.  he was the kind of man who, as her aunt amanda used to
say, made a woman get a crick in her neck just watching him stroll by.

as he settled himself in the chair, he tossed his beige stetson across
the bed.  it sailed through the air and landed dead center on the table
in front of the window.

"neat trick," she said, trying to ignore the way his brown eyes twinkled
when he looked at her.  "you have to practice much?"

"every day.  i sit in my office, tossing my hat across the room.  it
impresses the ladies" he had a smooth, low voice, like liquid chocolate.
"qlly?qq"aren't you impressed, darling'?"

some, but she wasn't about to admit it.  once she'd let a man charm her
and impress her and seduce her.  never again, she reminded herself.
she'd learned a hard lesson from sam proctor."

"i didn't expect you to visit," she said.  " i'm sure you have other
things you should be doing: '

"you're the most important item on my agenda," he said, leaning back in
the chair and resting one ankle on the opposite knee.  the movement
emphasized the muscles in his thighs.

she looked away.  "oh?"

"how are you feeling?"

"a little sore, but better than i was.   the doctor says i'm healing
nicely.   " she shifted in the hospital bed.   " they gave me something
to make me sleep, and that helped.   i never got to thank you yesterday.

"just doing my job"

she waved at the iv still attached to her hand.  "they said that if i'd
waited another couple of hours, the appendix might have burst.  if i'd
gone to the walk-in medical clinic like i'd planned, i might have gotten
to the hospital too late."

"so it all worked out.  you'll be released tomorrow: '

"that's what they told me."  she glanced at him sitting in the white
plastic chair.  he looked tanned and handsome and disgustingly healthy,
while her insides felt as if a herd of buffalo had trampled through
them."

"where are you going to go when they release you?  " he asked.

"back to the motel."  it wasn't a great solution, but it was the best
one she'd been able to think of.  where else could she go?"

"and then?"

"and then i'll get better and go to work.  that is, if i still have a
job.  i need to call rebecca and tell her what happened" she forced
herself to meet his gaze, and prayed her expression looked as calm and
confident as she'd made herself sound.  she didn't want to foist her
troubles on anyone, especially not this handsome stranger.  one rescue
per weekend was quite enough.

he folded his arms over his chest.  his shirt stretched tightly across
his broad shoulders.  he had a solid look about him.  he was the kind of
man who could physically work for hours without tiring.  he looked
dependable.  she shook her head.  i.  ooks could be deceiving.

then he smiled.  she told herself not to notice, that he was obviously
an accomplished ladies' man, but that didn't stop her rather battered
insides from responding favorably to the flash of white teeth.

"i have good news, bad news and good news," he said.  "which do you want
first?"

she panicked.  "is mandy-"

he cut her off.  "she's fine.  that's the first good news.  the bad news
is there's an outbreakq of chicken pox at the children's home.  i didn't
know if mandy'd had chicken pox, so i couldn't leave her there last
night.  rebecca figured the last thing you'd need in your condition is a
sick kid: ' elizabeth frowned.  "if she's not at the home, where is
she?"

"downstairs, watching a clown make balloon animals : he shrugged." they
were having a party and she wanted to see what was going on.  i thought
you and i should talk first anyway."

"so where did mandy spend the night?"

"with me.  i called my housekeeper', and she took care of the basics of
bathing and dressing.  but i fed her breakfast : he looked sheepish and
proud all at once."

"you?  " why on earth would he volunteer to take home her daughter?"
chicken pox?  i can't believe this is all happening.  mandy hasn't had
them yet.  thank god she wasn't exposed to them.  i don't know what to
say except thank you: she had a sudden thought.  "i hope it wasn't too
inconvenient for your wife."

"i'm not married: ' she told herself she wasn't pleased by that fact. it
was just a piece of information.  it didn't mean anything.  the last
thing she needed in her life was a man.  "i don't know how to repay you
for all you've done."

"i'm responsible for the welfare of the people of this town," he said,
and grinned again.  "you are our newest citizen."

"you're very kind: she relaxed.  mandy was safe.  nothing else mattered.

the slow, sexy grin faded.  "you're going to need help when they release
you. tell me who to call, elizabeth."

she turned her head and stared out the window."

"there's no one to call. i told you, my parents are on a cruise in the
orient.  they're probably halfway between australia and hong kong right
now"

she didn't bother mentioning that she deliberately hadn't paid attention
to her parents' travel plans.  she didn't even know the name of the ship
or the cruise line in the past six months, she'd cut herself off from
her family. she couldn't bear to tell them the ugly, disgusting truth
about her life. she couldn't bear to see the shock and the shame in
their eyes and to relive it all over again.  she just wanted to forget
everything.  and she'd been on her way to doing just that.  if only she
hadn't had to have surgery.

"then a friend from los angeles."

"no."  all her friends knew what had happened.  there'd been no way to
keep it a secret.  she hadn't been able to face them, and had quickly
cut all personal ties.  there was no one left to call.  what about
tonight?  where would mandy sleep?

"sheriff haynes..  : ' "

"travis: '

"travis," she said and paused.  "i have no family, other than my
parents.  i know this is an imposition, but would you or your
housekeeper be willing to keep mandy tonight?  i'd gladly pay you: her
hands curled into fists.  she hated asking, but what choice did she
have?

"i'll keep her and i don't want your money.  but that only takes care of
today.  what happens tomorrow?"  tomorrow she would handle whatever she
had to.  she turned toward him.  "i really appreciate your concern, but
it's not necessary.  i'll be fine.  in the morning, i'll get a cab.  you
do have cabs in glenwood?"

"one or two: '

"good.  then i'll get a cab, collect my daughter from you and take her
back to the motel.  we'll be fine."

he stood up and walked over to the window.  the view from the back-she
caught her breath-well, it was just as good as the view from the front,
she thought, staring at his tight, high rear end.  the pants of his
uniform fit snugly at his hips, then fell loosely over his muscled
thighs.  a black leather belt with snapped compartments hugged his
narrow waist.  his dark hair fell precisely to his collar, but didn't
touch the starched material.

it was the anesthetic, she told herself.  and the fact that she'd spent
the last year living like a nun.  it was the tension and the strain.  it
was the season, or the time of month, but it was certainly not the man.
she wouldn't let it be.

"i have a couple of problems with your plan," he said, keeping his back
to her.

"it's not your business."  she allowed her temper to flare and the heat
of anger to buro away the other kind of warmth threatening her
composure.

"first," he said, ignoring her statement, "you're supposed to stay off
your feet for a week.  how do you propose to feed and take care of
mandy?"

"i'll-" she hadn't solved that yet, but she would.  she would get
through it the same as she'd gotten through her other problems.  one
day, one step at a time.  "i'll think of something."

"you're not supposed to drive for three weeks," he continued"

"how do you know?"

"i asked the nurse."

"if the town has a cab service, i don't have to drive."

".i.hen there's your job" he turned toward her and rested one hip on the
windowsill.   "which you still have."

"what?"  she started to sit upright but the pain from the incision
stopped her.  she leaned back and stared at him."

"you talked to rebecca about my job?"

"i explained the situation when i took mandy over to her.  she says to
take all the time you need to heal.  your job will be waiting when
you're ready."

"thank you," she murmured as relief filled her.

he was going to make her cry.  after breaking down yesterday, she'd
sworo not to cry again, but she could feel the tears forming.  maybe it
was all going to work out.  she'd been so afraid her life would never be
normal again.  six months ago, when the police had shown up at her door,
her world had collapsed.  slowly, so slowly, she was getting it back
together.  they were going to make it.  they had to.

before she could ask him what else rebecca had said, the door pushed
open and an attractive nurse came into the room with mandy in tow."

"we do not allow children in this ward," she said sternly, then grinned.
" so i'm bringing her in here to get her out from underfoot."

mandy held her bear in one hand and clutched a balloon giraffe in the
other. there was chocolate icing on her cheek and she was dressed in a
cute pink-aad-white shorts outfit that elizabeth had never seen before.

"mommy!"  when the nurse let her go, the little girl rushed toward her.
travis walked over and lifted her until she was sitting on the bed.

"travis haynes, i might have known i'd find you here with one of our
prettiest patients," the nurse said as she paused by the door."

"you know me, pam.  i can't resist a female in distress."

pam laughed, then looked at elizabeth.  "you watch out for this one.
he's our resident heartbreaker."

"i'll be careful," elizabeth said, knowing she wasn't ever going to get
involved with any man, let alone one as charming and good-looking as
travis.

"you've got fifteen minutes," pam said.  "then my supervisor gets back
and mandy will have to leave."

elizabeth nodded and the woman shut the door.

"i missed you, mommy," mandy said, reclaiming her attention.

"i missed you, too."  elizabeth held out her arms.

mandy dropped the bear and the balloon animal, and slipped next to her
to snuggle close.  despite the tangle of iv's and the pressure on her
incision as she leaned toward her daughter, elizabeth wrapped her arms
around her and held on, wishing she never had to let go.  mandy's warm
body felt small and fragile cuddling against her, and so very familiar.
elizabeth stroked her head, then bent down and kissed her cheek.

"how are you doing, sweets?"  she asked softly.

"there was a clown and he made me this: she picked up her giraffe.  the
rubber squeaked as she held it and she laughed.  bright blue eyes met
her own.  sam's eyes, she thought with regret.  mandy had her smile and
her nose, but her eyes and the rest of her coloring was all sam's.  it
made it hard to forget her daughter's father.  but forget him, she
would.  she'd promised herself.

mandy laughed and tossed the balloon animal in the air, then wiggled to
sit back and look up at her.  "i had a cupcake"

"so i see."  she wiped at the frosting.  "sheriff haynes said you spent
the night at his house."

mandy nodded vigorously and grinned.  "louise made us another dinner.
then we had doughnuts for dessert."  she sounded faintly scandalized,
but quite delighted.  "she gave me a bath but he read me a story.  about
nines and their end."

elizabeth looked up at travis who had returned to his perch on the
windowsill.  "nines and their end?"

he cleared his throat.  "you sort of had to be there.  the san francisco
49ers are looking for a decent tight end.  i don't have any children's
books in the house, so i read the sports page."

she grinned.  "whatever works: '

"and we played with trains," mandy said.

"i keep them for my nephews," travis added helpfully.

"and i got a new nightgown with a bunny on the front from that nice
lady, becca."

"rebecca?"

she nodded.  "and a pink toothbrush."

elizabeth brushed the blond hair out of her daughter's eyes."

"sounds like you had a full evening.  did you sleep all right?"

mandy nodded.  "i had one bad dream, but i hugged mr. bear and told him
what had happened, and he said he'd take care of me until you were all
better. are you all better, mommy?"

elizabeth swallowed hard.  she'd never loved anyone as much as she loved
this little girl.  she squeezed her.  almost, honey.  the doctor is
going to let me go home tomorrow morning."

"are we going to our house?  the one with the bunnies?"

when she had accepted the job, elizabeth had rented a house.  while
she'd stood in the kitchen and looked out at the backyard, she'd seen
three rabbits scampering across the yard.  she'd told mandy about them
and her daughter was very anxious to make their acquaintance.  "no.  we
can't move in there until october first.  that's about three more weeks"

"so where are we going tomorrow?"

elizabeth could feel travis's gaze on her.  he'd asked the same
question. she still didn't have a decent answer.  "we'll be fine."

"okay.   " mandy picked up her bear and slid off the bed.   " travis
said we could go to the movies tonight, mommy.   he said we could have
popcorn and hot dogs and candy.   " her body quivered with excitement."
and if i'm really good, i can stay up past my bedtime."

travis cleared his throat.  "she wasn't supposed to tell you that last
part."

"i appreciate you doing this for me," elizabeth said, wondering how it
had all gotten out of hand.  " she's my responsibility and i- "

travis pushed to his feet and held out one hand to stop her.  "you're
not in la.  anymore.  glenwood is a small town, elizabeth abbott, and we
take care of our own.  as of thursday night, you're one of us.  i'm on
duty today, so i'm going to take mandy with me to the station.  we're
right across from the park.  i'll see that she gets exercise and decent
food and is in bed by nine. my housekeeper promised to come by and make
sure i'm doing it all correctly."

"why are you doing this?"

"because i don't have any plans for the weekend and i've always been a
sucker for a pair of beautiful blue eyes."

elizabeth felt a rush of disappointment that her own eyes were brown.
she wanted to believe him, believe that it was just about people helping
each other.  the way he said it, she was almost willing to buy into the
myth of small towns.  but she'd believed before, had trusted before, and
that trust had been betrayed.

"i hate to impose," she said.

"you don't have a choice," he answered.  "what else are you going to do
with her?"

she glanced down at the iv needle taped to her hand.  she didn't have an
answer to that one, either.  "thank you.  again."

she looked up at him.  humor danced in his eyes, humor and a little bit
of compassion.  as long as it didn't change to pity, she could survive.
and somehow, she would pay him back.

he retrieved his hat and settled it on his head; then he held out his
hand to mandy.  the little girl collected her giraffe and tucked it next
to her bear. she grinned at her mother and slipped her hand in his. "by,
mommy."

"by, honey."

Elizabeth watched her daughter act so trustingly with this stranger.
maybe mandy hadn't been scarred by the experience as badly as she'd
feared.  maybe mandy was going to be fine.

travis paused by the door and looked at her.  the stetson hid his eyes
from view, but she saw the quick smile flash under his black mustache.
her heart fluttered foolishly.  the man was handsome as sin."

"i'll call before the movie," he said."

"so you can talk with mandy."

"i'd like that: '

"rest," he commanded.  "the nurse said you'll be released around ten in
the morning.  i'll be here around nine thirty '

"you don't have to stay," she said quickly.  "but i appreciate you
dropping mandy off."

"i'm not dropping her off," he said.  "unless you can come up with
something better than that motel, elizabeth, you're coming home with
me."

**skip**chapter three.

travis left mandy at the sheriff's office in the center of glenwood and
walked past his patrol car to elizabeth's white car parked on the street
the t-bird started instantly he shifted into gear and checked the
mirrors before pulling out and heading for the motel.

within ten minutes, he stood inside the small rented room, staring at
the suitcases stacked in the corner and at the personal items scattered
around. a pair of high heels poked out from under the bed.  a yellow
blouse rested over the back of a chair.  the faint scent of perfume
lingered in the air. he sniffed appreciatively.  he missed having a
woman living with him.

his wife had left both him and glenwood three years ago, returning to
town only long enough to sign the divorce papers and wish him well with
his life. he didn't resent her or the split.  he should have known
better than to marry.  haynes men didn't make good husbands or fathers
he came from a long line of men who failed at marriage but he'd wanted
to prove his father, brothers and uncles wrong, so he'd married the
pretty, dark-haired woman he'd met in college.  she'd been shy but quick
witted -and hot as hell in bed. all the ingredients had been there.
still the marriage had fizzled and he'd learned his lesson firsthand.
haynes men made great cops, but lousy family men.

travis placed an open suitcase on the bed.  he folded mandy's nightgown
and picked up her toys.  in the bathroom, an open cosmetic bag sat next
to the sink.  he collected the compacts, tubes and brushes on the
counter and placed them into the bag, stopping long enough to pick up a
bottle of perfume and sniff the cap.  he would have thought elizabeth
abbott to be the floral type, but the aroma was spicy.  not
overpowering, just intriguing.  he dropped the bottle in with the other
cosmetics.

after checking the shower and behind the door for clothes, he returned
to the bedroom and packed up the remaining items.  a white cotton
nightgown had been carelessly tossed over a dresser.  he folded it
carefully, noticing the row of tiny buttons up the front and the lace
ruffle around the neck and arms.

he could see elizabeth in something like this.  it would fall about
midcalf on her.  not the least bit sexy; the cotton wasn't see-through.
and ye the brushed his thumb over the soft cloth.  there were always
plenty of women around him.  just because he wasn't good husband
material didn't mean he wasn't a great date and an accomplished flirt.
but he'd liked living with a woman.  he missed the day-to-day
familiarities, the verbal shorthand, the slow, sensual sex that could
take hours.  there'd been no need to hurry; he and julie were supposed
to have had a lifetime.

"getting soft, haynes," he muttered, then shoved the nightgown into the
suitcase.

he opened drawers and pulled out clothes, ignoring the feel of the lacy
panties and bras, quickly filling the luggage when everything was
packed, he loaded the trunk of the car and paid the motel bill.  then he
headed for the hospital.

he didn't know what he was going to say when he saw her.  if she'd made
other plans, he would drive her to where she was going and be done with
her.  if she hadn't, she was coming home with him.  there was no way in
hell he was going to let her and mandy tough it out in that tiny motel
for the next three weeks.  tough it out, hell.  they would starve.

as travis walked down the hospital corridor he wondered which it would
be. he'd left her sputtering yesterday when he'd made his announcement
that he intended to take her to his place.  last night, when he'd called
to let mandy talk to her mother, elizabeth had been coolly insistent
that she was not his problem.  louise had told him to use the famous
haynes charm, but he hadn't felt right about sweet talking elizabeth
into anything.

he reached her door and pushed it open.  she sat on the edge of the bed,
dressed in the same shorts and tank top she'd been wearing friday.  her
hair was freshly washed and hanging loose about her shoulders in a mass
of shining brown waves.  a wisp of bangs reached almost to her eyebrows
she was trying to pull on socks and didn't see him in the doorway.  she
bent down to slip on her socks, but she only got halfway there before
grunting in pain and straightening she raised her left foot toward her
right knee, but that action caused her to clutch her side.

"of course you'd rather rip out your stitches than ask for help," he
said from his place in the doorway.  he pushed back his stetson and
walked into the room.

she looked up and stared at him.  faint color stained her cheeks.  "i'm
not leaving with you," she said flatly.

"fine.  where are you going?"

"back to the motel."  fire flashed in her brown eyes.  "i've already
called for a cab."

he walked forward slowly, stopping when he was in front of her.  even
sitting on the hospital bed, she had to tip her head back to meet his
gaze.

"not while i'm around," he said, folding his arms over his chest.  "this
isn't los angeles, elizabeth.  it's a small town, and it's labor day
weekend. most of the businesses are closed, including the restaurants.
how are you going to feed mandy?  there's no kitchen in your motel room.
is she registered for school?"

elizabeth slowly shook her head.

"who's going to do that?  who's going to walk her to her class on the
first day?  even if you find take-out places to deliver food, do you
have the cash to pay for it, or are you going to have mandy go to the
bank to get more money?"

"stop it," she said softly.  "just stop it: ' defeat darkened her eyes
and made her shoulders slump forward.  he felt like a heel, but there
was more at stake here than her pride."

"you've got to think of mandy," he said, perching next to her on the
bed.

"she's all i have thought of.  i've lain in this bed thinking about
nothing else."  she brushed her bangs off her forehead.  "i just wanted
to make a fresh start."

"you have.  so things aren't going exactly as you planned them.  it
could be worse."

"yeah?"  she turned her head to look at him.  "how?"

he grinned.  "it could be raining: ' a smile twitched at the corner of
her mouth.  "i happen to like rain: '

"sit back," he said, jerking his head toward the pillows

"qyqq, he leaned forward until his face was inches from hers.  he was
close enough to see three faint freckles on her nose, close enough to
inhale the scent of her body.  it wasn't that spicy perfume, but it was
still mighty appealing. close enough to see the rise and fall of her
breasts under her red tank top. close enough to study the shape of her
full mouth and feel the stirrings in his body.  women of all ages,
shapes and sizes got his attention, but when the lady in question came
in a package this tempting, it was hard to think about anything else.

it was part of his job, he told himself.  he would have taken her in if
she'd been a fifty-year old man with grandkids yeah, he would have taken
her in, but it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun.

"do it," he growled.

she scrambled away from him and leaned against the pillows, drawing her
legs up onto the bed.  he grabbed one ankle and set her heel on his
thigh.  she started to pull away.  he clamped down.

"you are the most stubborn woman i have ever met," he said, slipping the
sock over her foot.

she had small feet, and her toenails were polished a bright pink, he
noticed as he slid on her athletic shoe and tightened the laces.  trim
ankles and a nice tan.  he thought briefly about tan lines, where they
would start and end and what color her pale breasts would be, then he
told himself he was on duty and to can the sexual interest.

he put that foot down on the bed and grabbed the other one.  when he
pulled the sock over her instep, his thumb brushed against her skin. she
jumped and giggled.  he looked up."

"ticklish?"

"very."  her smile faded.  "thank you for everything."

he studied her for a moment."

"i live in a big old house on the edge of town.  six bedrooms.  i'm
restoring it.  there's a yard and a playroom and a lock on the bedroom
door.  i'll charge you twenty bucks a night if it makes you feel better.

when you can move around, you can cook me dinner on the nights my
housekeeper doesn't work, because i'm damn tired of frozen dinners
zapped in my microwave.  if you still feel guilty, you can even do my
laundry.  louise will be thrilled.  in three weeks, when you can drive,
you can move into your own place and we'll part friends.  deal?"

she searched his face as if trying to see what he got out of the offer.
he wanted to tell her it was just his job, but he knew deep in his heart
he would be lying.  he would have made the offer if she'd been old and
bald and male, but he wouldn't have wanted her to say yes so badly.  it
was, he realized with a touch of chagrin, his way of playing house.  he
would never have a family of his own, so for three weeks, he could
pretend.

"it's not that i don't trust you," she said slowly, "it's just that"

"you don't trust me."

she stared down at her hands.  "i'm sorry.  it's not personal"

"you don't have a choice, darling'.  i'm the best of a bad situation.
where else are you going to go?"

she bit her lower lip, then looked at him.  the raw pain in her eyes
made him straighten.  it wasn't about physical discomfort, he thought,
wanting to turo away, but unable to tear his gaze from hers.  it was
about some secret in her past.  she'd said she'd come to glenwood to
make a fresh beginning.  he understood that.  lots of people left places
to start over.  but she'd left something mean and ugly behind something
big enough to make her not trust anyone.  a man.  he wondered what the
bastard had done to her.

she nodded once.  "if it wasn't for mandy, i'd say no, but you're right.
i don't have a choice.  she's the most important part of my life.  i
accept your offer: she held out her hand, then drew it back.  " but i
won't do your laundry"

he laughed.  "deal."  they shook hands.  he finished putting on her
other shoe, then stood up.  "i'll tell the nurse you're ready to go."

elizabeth watched him leave.  in his cowboy boots and stetson hat, he
looked more like a cow town lawman than the sheriff in a sleepy
california town. she wanted to trust him.  desperately.  she sat up
straight and shifted to the edge of the bed.  it wasn't possible.  she
would never trust any man again.  worse, she would never trust herself.

travis was right.  he was her best choice.  right now her options were
extremely limited.  but when she could drive and move into her rented
house, she would pay him what she owed him and disappear from his life.

she heard conversation in the hall.  travis came in, followed by a nurse
pushing a wheelchair."

"all set?  " he asked.

"yes."  she stood up and stepped toward the wheelchair when she was
settled, he put the small bag containing her personal belongings on her
lap and pushed her out of the room.

she was surprised to see the t bird parked in front of the hospital.
"this is my car"

"i know.  did you want to go home in the patrol car?  you're just like
your daughter.  she's always trying to trick me into using the siren."

she laughed.  "i don't need a siren.  i'm just surprised.  i was afraid
my car was still parked on the side of the road: ' he set the brake on
the wheelchair and opened the passenger door.  "i had it moved to the
sheriff's station.  not that we get much car theft up here."

she stood up slowly.  he offered his hand and she took it.  his fingers
felt warm and strong as he guided her toward the car.

"watch your head, darling'," he said, wrapping his other arm around her
waist and easing her down.

the incision pulled slightly and she winced.  "i'm fine," she said,
before he could ask.  she looked up at his eyes and the thick, dark
lashes framing them.  for a heartbeat, his gaze dropped to her mouth.
she had a fleeting thought that he was going to kiss her, and her body
tensed in anticipation then he stepped back and the feeling disappeared,
leaving her surprisingly disappointed.

what was wrong with her?  she asked herself as travis gave the nurse the
wheelchair, then came around to the driver's side of the car.  she
wasn't interested in him or in any man.  dear god, hadn't she learned
the biggest lesson of all?

travis didn't glance at her as he slid inside.  she wondered if he'd
seen the expectation in her face.  embarrassment filled her.  she
slumped in the seat and closed her eyes.

something warm brushed across her breasts.  she jumped and her eyes flew
open.

"seat belt," travis said, pulling the belt down and locking it into
place.

she stared at him and her heart fluttered foolishly.  he'd simply bumped
her when he'd grabbed for the restraining device.  why me?  she wondered
and sighed.

"i thought we'd go straight to the house," he said, tossing his stetson
to the back seat.  "i want to get you settled.  mandy is at the park
with kyle: '

"kyle?"

he started the engine and pulled out of the parking lot.  "one of my
deputies and my youngest brother.  she's already twisted him around her
little finger."

"how do you know?"

travis shot her a grin.  "when he left the office, he turned on his
siren. something tells me that was mandy's doing: '

"she can be stubborn: ' "

"i guess she gets that from her mother"

qq the best bride

she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, but he was staring at
the road.  she relaxed in the seat and watched as he drove through the
small town.  as they neared the park, traffic became heavy.  she saw
families walking together her stomach clenched, not from the surgery,
but from envy and regret.  she and mandy should have been part of a
family like that.  it had all been taken away from them.  stolen.  she
stared out the window and willed the tears away.  no.  not stolen.
they'd never had it in the first place.  it had all been a lie.

as they passed the duck pond, she saw the motel.  "wait i have to get my
things."

"already done," he said, not bothering to stop.   " i went there this
morning and checked you out.   your suitcases are in the trunk: ' she
didn't know whether to thank him or yell at him for invading her
personal space."

"before you get hurry and start hollering at me," he said, as if he
could read her mind," i knew you would want your things with you even if
you'd made other plans.  so i didn't assume you would take me up on my
offer:

it took too much energy to get angry, so she simply leaned back in the
seat and went along for the ride.  he'd been right.  she couldn't have
made it work at the motel.  they passed a sheriff's car parked on the
side of the road by the park.  elizabeth looked around but she didn't
see mandy."

"when will kyle bring her back?  " she asked."

"i'll bring her home about four-thirty.  there's a parade today, and a
big barbecue.  games for the kids.  i thought she might enjoy it and you
need the rest.  i'm going to have to drop you off then head back to the
park myself.  have to make an appearance.  between kyle and myself,
we'll keep an eye on mandy.  louise is off until monday so you should
have plenty of peace and quiet."

he entered a tree-lined residential area.  elizabeth recognized it from
her house hunting.  he drove around the high school and along a narrow
two-lane road she'd never been on before.  the houses got larger and
farther apart from each other on oversize lots.

"you mentioned kyle was your youngest brother," she said.  "how many are
there?"

"four, counting me.  craig is the oldest, then me, then jordan and then
kyle."

"so kyle is a deputy.  are you all cops?"

"it's a family tradition.  my dad used to be the sheriff in glenwood.
all his brothers are in police work.  jordan is the only rebel.  he's a
fire fighter up in sacramento."

"a real black sheep"

travis grinned.  "we give him a hard time about it.  yup, the haynes
family grows boys and cops.  not a girl in the last four generations.
what about you?"

"i'm an only child."

"too bad: '

"why?  it's all i know.  my parents were older when i was born and they
only wanted one child"

"they got a pretty one."

elizabeth chuckled.  this man could charm milk out of a snake.  she
would do well to remember talk was cheap.  but she had to admit travis
haynes had a certain amount of style to recommend him, and his heart was
in the right place.  she resisted glancing at his firirq body so close
to hers in the confines of the car.  from what she had seen, everything
else was in the right place, too.  but the last thing she needed was to
get involved with a heartbreaker.  her heart hadn't recovered from what
sam had done.

they pulled off the road and onto a long driveway.  maple trees and oaks
grew on either side of the path.  up ahead she saw a peaked roof, and
more trees. then the path curved around and they drove up into a
clearing and parked in front of a beautiful three-story house.

he'd told her he was restoring an old house, but he hadn't said it was a
mansion.  big windows opened up onto a wide front lawn.  a porch wrapped
around the front.  the columns holding up the porch covering had been
painted white, as was all the trim.  the rest of the building was dove
gray, soft and light in the morning sunshine.

"you could get lost in there," she said, staring at the masterpiece.

"i did, the first couple of days.  stay in that seat and don't even
think about moving: ' he got out of the car and came around to her side.
he opened the door, then helped her to her feet.  before she could take
a step, he bent over and slid one arm behind her back and the other
under her thighs.

"what are you doing?"  she asked even as he lifted her against his
chest. elizabeth grabbed his shoulders to maintain her balance.

"and here i thought you were smarter than that."  he started toward the
house.

her face bumped against his shoulder, and she could smell his masculine
scent.  he'd shaved only a couple of hours before, so his neck was
smooth. she fought the urge to nestle against him.  "travis, put me
down.  i can walk: ' he ignored her.  there were four steps up to the
porch.  he climbed those easily and headed for the front door.  she held
on, ignoring the way her right breast flattened against his chest and
the heated strength of his body. she was wearing shorts so the arm under
her legs touched bare skin.  each of his fingers seemed to be leaving a
warm imprint on her flesh.  she thought about struggling, but her side
hurt and she was tired of fighting.  instead, she gave herself up to the
feeling of being safe and protected.

when he opened the front door and stepped inside, she stared at the
beautiful interior and caught her breath.  he had told the truth when
he'd said he was restoring the house.  several of the walls had been
stripped but not painted or papered.  there wasn't a rug on the wooden
floor, and she could see the pile of tools next to the front door.

but none of that mattered.  he released his arm and she slid to the
ground. instead of moving away from him, she leaned against him and
looked around.  a crystal chandelier hung in the foyer.  the cut glass
caught the sunlight and diffused it into a hundred tiny rainbows.  the
long staircase swept up to the second story where it split and circled
around both sides.  arched doorways led to high-beamed rooms.  a giant
fireplace filled one wall of the parlor to her left, while on the right,
a study with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves held sheet-covered furniture.

"wow."  she looked at him.  "you live here?"

he shrugged."

"yeah."

"all by yourself?"

"i do now.  i was married when i bought the place.  some people have a
baby to try and save their marriage.  julie and i bought this house."
the humor left his brown eyes."

"i'm sorry."

he shrugged.  "don't be.  there were no hard feelings.  sometimes it
doesn't work out.  julie and i kept bumping into each other on the
curves.  hell, it was no one's fault.  cops don't make good husbands and
neither do haynes men. i had no business trying: ' she was about to ask
why when he collected her in his arms again and started down the hallway
next to the stairs.

"i'm going to put you in here," he said, using his shoulder to push open
a door.  "there's an attached bathroom.  it's small, but i didn't think
you'd want to hassle with the stairs."

even though she hadn't moved much since leaving the hospital, her side
was already aching.  "you're right: ' a double bed stood next to a
window looking out on the side garden where roses had grown into a
tangled disarray of blossoms.  a single nightstand and a long dresser
took up the rest of the space in the room.  there was a half-open door
and she could see through to a bathroom."

"this will be perfect," she said.

"mandy's been sleeping upstairs: he set her on her feet."

"she can stay there, or i can dig up a cot for her in here.  it would be
a little crowded, but-"

"don't worry about it.  i'm sure mandy is happy where she is."

"i'll go get your luggage."  he disappeared back the way they'd come.

elizabeth settled on the bed and touched her healing incision just three
days ago she'd arrived in glenwood hoping to make a fresh start.  many
things hadn't worked out the way she'd planned, but they were getting
better.  she could feel it.  she had to get on with her life.  it was
the only way to put the past behind her.

travis looked at the empty plate on the table, then at elizabeth.  "are
you done?"

she laughed and patted her stomach.  "yes, thanks.  it was wonderful.
here you had me believe you didn't know how to cook."

"i'm okay with omelets," he said, and carried the plates over to the
counter. "and i know my way around a barbecue, but other than that, it's
just me and the microwave"

"i can make french toast," mandy announced proudly from her place
opposite her mother.

"i know, darling'.  you made it for me this morning."

"how long did it take you to clean up the mess?"  elizabeth asked.

travis rinsed the dishes and put them in the dishwasher."

"about an hour.

she looked at him and smiled."

"amazing, isn' tit?"

"i found eggshells everywhere."

"he ate four pieces," mandy said.

"good," elizabeth said, but he could see she was more tired than
enthused. there were dark circles under her eyes, and her smile wasn't
as bright as it had been that morning when he'd brought her to the
house.

he wiped his hands and turned toward the table.  the kitchen had been
the first room he'd remodeled.  that had been before julie had left.
she'd picked out the cream tiles edged in blue flowers, and she'd been
the one to insist on bleached oak cabinets.  he'd wanted a more
traditional kitchen but he had to admit her taste had been better than
his.  the rectangular room was bright and airy, despite an overabundance
of storage and the large subzero refrigerator and six-burner range.

"mandy, let's put your mama to bed.  then you can help me clean up."

"but it's early yet," elizabeth said.

"you're dead on your feet."

"i can't be.  after you left, i had a nap.  i've only been up for-" she
glanced at her watch"-three hours: she punctuated her observation with a
yawn.

mandy laughed.  "you're tired, mommy."

"i guess i am."  elizabeth braced her arms on the table and slowly
pushed herself to her feet.  travis moved closer, but she waved him off.

"i made it to the kitchen under my own power, i think i can make it
back."

"have it your way."

she took small steps.  mandy dogged her heels, and he brought up the
rear, ready to jump to the rescue in case she slipped.  her nap wasn't
the only thing she'd done while he was gone all afternoon.  she'd also
showered and changed clothes.

the shorts and tank top had been replaced by a loose fitting summer
dress. it dipped low in front and back and, as he had served his famous
vegetable omelet, he got a flash of cleavage.  he hadn't seen where the
tan ended and her pale skin began, but the peek had more than stirred
his interest he'd spent most of dinner giving himself a stern
talking-to.

elizabeth was his guest.  despite his claim to want to be paid for the
room, he would no more take her money than he would hurt mandy.  he was
simply temporary shelter and the only friend she had in town.  he
couldn't take advantage of her, or the situation.  it wasn't right.  if
he wanted a woman, there were plenty in town to oblige him.  he'd never
once had a problem finding company.

as she turned down the hallway, the last rays of sun caught the thick
braid hanging down to her shoulder blades.  her hair gleamed with rich
color, brown and gold with a hint of red, so different from mandy's pale
blond hair.  had elizabeth's hair once been that color, turning darker
with age, or had mandy inherited her hair color from her father?

they reached the bedroom.  elizabeth sank onto the bed and smiled at her
daughter.  "i'm going to rest here for a few minutes before i get ready
to sleep.  why don't you kiss me good-night now and then go help travis
in the kitchen."

mandy reached up and kissed her cheek.  "i love you mommy."

"i love you, too, honey."

"i'm glad you're not in that old hospital anymore.  tomorrow can you
come upstairs and look at my room?"

"we'll see."  elizabeth stroked her daughter's head, then glanced at
travis. "thanks for everything.  i really appreciate it: '

"just being neighborly," he said from his place in the doorway.

"hardly, but i do appreciate everything."  she motioned to the room, and
then smiled at her daughter.  "i don't know what i would have done"

he cut her off.  "all you should worry about now is getting better.
leave the rest of it alone.  come on, mandy.  your mother needs to
sleep" he held out his hand.

mandy looked from him to her mother.  "but, travis, aren't you going to
kiss mommy good-night, too?"

chapter four.

elizabeth looked up at him, obviously startled.  her big eyes got bigger
and her lips parted slightly with surprise.  but she hadn't flinched.

he pushed off the door frame and slowly approached the bed.  her gaze
never left his.  "i do my best work under pressure," he drawled.

"i'll bet," elizabeth muttered, then looked away.  "look, you don't have
to-"

"mommy, you need to be kissed good-night," mandy said, and bounced on
the bed.  "it'll make you feel better.  travis made me feel better when
he gave me a kiss.  i didn't have even one bad dream last night."

"simply medicinal," he said.

"what's mecidinal?"  mandy asked, struggling with the strange word.

he didn't take his gaze off elizabeth's face.  color steadily climbed
her cheeks.  she glanced at him, at mandy, at her fingers twisting
together in her lap.  he approached the bed and bent over.

"it means doing something for medical purposes," he said."

"like taking medicine."

he rested his hands on her shoulders.  their eyes met.  mandy asked
another question, but he couldn't hear all the words.  elizabeth's
irises were a pure brown, almost chestnut colored.  her sweet breath
fanned his face.  his stomach tightened in anticipation, which, he told
himself, was stupid.  she'd just had major surgery, her six-year-old
daughter sat inches away.  he was simply going to give her a quick peck
on the cheek.  so what was the big deal?

but he didn't kiss her cheek.  he moved his head to the left side of her
face, but at the last minute veered back and brushed his mouth against
hers.

he'd expected some kind of attraction.  he was a healthy single male,
and she was damned good-looking.  but he hadn't expected to get
third-degree burns from the heat.

the contact, lasting no more than one or two seconds, seared his mouth
and sent flames of need racing through his body.  instinctively, his
hands tightened on her shoulders.  her arms reached up toward him.  he
felt them whisper by his sides then fall back.  he wanted to haul her to
her feet and pull her firmly against him.  he wanted to feel her body
pressing along his, thighs brushing, hips rotating, chest to breast in
exquisite delight.

"don't you feel better, mommy?"  mandy asked.

he raised his head.  elizabeth's eyes were wide and unfocused as if she,
too, had felt the conflagration.  she swallowed and looked away.  but
not before he'd seen the answering desire in her gaze.

"much," she answered, her voice low and husky.  she cleared her throat.
"i do feel better.  thank you: ' travis stared down at her.  who was
this woman and what had brought her to glenwood?  why was there no one,
no man, for her to call in her time of trouble?  he took a step back and
fought a grin.  not that he minded the fact that she was single and in
his house.  if anything, their kiss had shown him the next three weeks
could be very interesting but why was she alone?

"come on, mandy," he said, holding out his hand.  "let's let your mom
get some rest.  i rented a movie for us to watch."

"okay."  mandy jumped off the bed and gripped his fingers."

"night, mommy.

"night, sweetie," she said, and smiled at her little girl.  her gaze
raised to the middle of his chest and stopped.  "good night, travis.
thank you for...  everything."

yeah, he couldn't stop thinking about their kiss either, he thought.
"get some rest."  he led mandy from the room and closed the door behind
them.

a large sofa with a matching chair in soft ivory leather sat in front of
an oversize television.  mandy released him and ran over to the vcr.
expertly she pulled the rented tape from its protective cover and
inserted it in the machine her chatter made him smile, but he had
trouble concentrating on her words.  he couldn't stop thinking about
elizabeth abbott.  he was sure there was a logical explanation for
everything that was going on, but some sixth sense whispered there was a
mystery.

as he sat on the sofa and mandy climbed onto his lap, he mentally listed
what he knew about elizabeth and her daughter.  it wasn't much.  he was
too good a lawman to let anything that intriguing go unsolved.  if
elizabeth wouldn't cooperate and answer some questions, he was going to
have to find out on his own.

elizabeth got coffee going before her exhaustion and the pain in her
side forced her to retreat to the kitchen table.  she sank into one of
the bleached oak chairs.  she'd hoped the doctor had been kidding when
he'd told her to stay off her feet for a week.  apparently not.  he'd
reminded her that despite all the improvements in medical technology,
the fact was she'd had her tummy cut open, through all the muscles there
were multiple layers of tissues to heal.  she hadn't realized how much
she used those muscles until she tried to move around and they reminded
her they weren't working well. she pressed her hand against her side and
shifted on the chair.  maybe she would just sit here for a while.

she drew in a deep breath and inhaled the scent of the brewing coffee.
at least she'd accomplished something.  she smiled.  maybe later, when
she'd gathered her strength, she would get wild and attempt toast.

"what are you smiling about, darling'?"

that voice.  it made her think of something warm and rich and decadent
slowly slipping through her fingers.  it made her think of liquid satin
on bare skin.  it made her think of last night and their brief kiss. she
turned to look at him.

travis stood in the doorway with his arms folded over his chest.  her
breath caught in her throat.  she'd never seen him out of uniform
before.  her gaze traveled from his scuffed black cowboy boots up the
long, lean length of his legs.  worn jeans, faded with lines of white
radiating out from the seams by his hips and crotch, clung with the
familiarity of an old lover.  a red polo shirt stretched across his
chest and shoulders, emphasizing his muscles.  he looked powerful, but
more than that he made her think of a dependable man, a hard worker. his
watch was black, some sports kind with a couple of buttons. he didn't
wear any rings or other jewelry.  except for the glint in his dark brown
eyes and his teasing smile, there wasn't anything il ashy about him.

solid, she thought.  that's the word she'd been looking for.  travis
haynes was a solid man.

he took a step into the kitchen.  his gaze moved over her face, pausing
on her mouth long enough for the tingling to start in her toes and work
its way up.  last night she'd lain awake in the dark reliving the brief
touch of his lips on hers.  it had been nothing significant.  a teasing
kiss instigated by her daughter.  so why did she wonder what it would be
like to be held in those powerful arms and pulled hard against that
solid chest?  why was her heart beating faster and her breasts
tightening in anticipation?  nothing had happened and nothing was going
to happen.  it couldn't.  she knew better than to get involved.

"you didn't answer my question," he said, strolling over to check the
coffee. the pot had stopped sputtering.  he opened the cupboard above
the machine and pulled out two mugs.

"i don't remember what i was smiling about: her voice sounded completely
normal, she thought with some relief.

"how do you take it?"  "

"with milk, please."

he stirred her coffee and handed her the mug, then took the seat
opposite her.  "how did you sleep?"

"great.  i feel better."

"you're supposed to be staying off your feet."

"i know.  i just wanted some coffee, and i didn't know what time you got
up."

she felt a little awkward talking about the intimate dq tails of living
together.  she barely knew travis.  she tilted her head toward the
table, then glanced up at him through her lashes.  she liked the way his
hair curled slightly around his ears, and the trimmed mustache outlining
his upper lip. last night she'd felt the faint tickle of his mustache
against her skin.  she wondered what that soft, groomed hair would fesl
like the back door opened, cutting off her dangerous train of thought.

"yoo-hoo, travis, are you up?"  a loud female voice called.

he grinned.  "if i wasn't, louise, i would be now."

a woman entered the kitchen.  she was in her mid to late forties with
short blond hair and a figure that could only be described as an
hourglass.  her pants were a bright lime green color, her short-sleeved
blouse a blend of greens, yellows and oranges.  a wide gold belt
emphasized her small waist, while a trio of silver chains dipped toward
her generous bosom.  dark eye shadow and lots of mascara highlighted her
blue eyes.  her red lipstick clashed with everything, but somehow looked
all right.

"you must be elizabeth," louise said, moving forward and holding out her
hand.  "your daughter is the sweetest little girl."  she smiled and her
eyes got a faraway look.  "maybe i should have had children."  she
paused.  "no, i think alfred is more than enough trouble, don't you?"

"alfred?"  elizabeth asked as they shook hands.  "your husband?"

louise laughed.  "no, my dog.  hi, i'm louise."

elizabeth didn't know whether to be embarrassed or laugh back.  she
settled on smiling weakly.  louise bent over and gave travis a kiss on
the cheek, then moved to the refrigerator and started pulling out food.

"louise is my housekeeper," travis said.

"i figured that."  "

"she works here three days a week- "

"but i'm willing to come in more while you're getting better,
elizabeth," louise said, cutting travis off.  "when i heard what
happened, well, i just had to rush over and do whatever i could to
help."  she set a pitcher of orange juice on the counter.  "maybe you
would like to work on some crafts while you're recovering.  i'm thinking
of doing something with clay."

"absolutely not," travis said.  "there will be no clay in this house."

louise mumbled something under her breath about men being pinheads.

travis leaned forward and lowered his voice.  "louise is going through a
stage right now: ' the chesty blonde glared at him.  "i can hear every
word you're staying and this is not a stage.  i'm exploring my art."

"she's driving me crazy.  she makes things and gives them to me."

"it's a sign of affection, but if you'd rather i didn't, then fine." she
slammed the refrigerator door shut and turned her back on them.

"i have this drawer full of sweaters and socks: ' elizabeth stared at
him."

"why is that a problem?"

"they're not" he glanced from her to i.  louise and back"normal.  most
of the socks have no heel.  the sweaters aren't anatomically corrert."

louise walked over to the table and grinned.  "i'll admit i didn't quite
get the hang of knitting.  i never could figure out parts of the
patterns, but some of the wool was real lovely."  she held two eggs in
her right hand. "how would you like them cooked?"

elizabeth blinked several times.  "scrambled?"

"fine."  she glanced at travis.  "i know what you want, but the way
you've talked about me this morning, i'm of a mind to let you go
hungry."

"your threats don't scare me."  as louise passed him, he reached out and
patted her rear end affectionately."

"don't you try your wild ways on me, travis haynes," she said, giving
him a mock glare.  " i'm old enough to be your very young and attractive
aunt."

elizabeth couldn't help it.  she started laughing.  even the sharp pains
in her side couldn't stop her from chuckling."

"mommy.  " ' mandy entered the room.  she was washed and dressed in a
pretty blue dress with tiny white flowers.  she came over to her and
held out her arms for a hug.  elizabeth pulled her close.

"are you ready for your first day of school?"  she asked.  travis was
going to walk mandy to the elementary school and register her.

mandy nodded.  "travis helped me pick out this dress to wear.  did we
choose the right one?"

"of course, mandy.  you look perfect."

"i have ribbons: she held them out.  " will you put them in my hair?"

"sure."

elizabeth turned and mandy slipped between her legs.  when the girl saw
louise, she squealed with excitement.  "louise, you found us: ' louise
looked at her.  "morning, baby girl.  what do you mean i found you?"

"travis said you were lost: ' elizabeth glanced at him.  he'd taken a
sip of coffee just as mandy spoke and now he started to choke.  louise
came over and pounded him on the back several times while he coughed.

louise gave her a quick wink.  "he probably said i was trying to find
myself."

the next thud on his back sounded a little harder.  he turned to her and
held up his hand.  "that's enough," he said, his voice raspy and faint.
"i'm fine."

elizabeth wasn't sure, but she thought she saw a flush of color on
travis's cheeks.  she bit back her laughter and concentrated on mandy's
hair.  when the braid was sq cured with the length of blue ribbon, mandy
pulled out a chair and climbed onto the seat.  as louise fixed
breakfast, many chatted with travis and louise about what mr. bear had
told her in the night.  louise slid a plate in front of the girl,
containing a waffle shaped like a popular cartoon mouse.  cut
strawberries formed a bright collar at the bottom of the waffle.  a
glass of milk completed the meal.

elizabeth looked up at the older woman.  "thank you for making that: '
louise shrugged.  "it's nothing.  the first day of school should be
special for a little girl.  and alfred was never impressed with my
waffles."

elizabeth wanted to ask if louise really did feed her dog waffles, but
she didn't dare.  as the smells of eggs, bacon and coffee mingled in the
kitchen, she leaned back in her chair and savored her feeling of relief.
she and mandy were going to make it.  in three weeks she would start her
new job and move into her own place.  in the meantime, they were safe
here.

she glanced at travis and found him staring at her.  his gaze dropped
briefly to her mouth.  the sensation of being touched was so real, she
wanted to touch him back.  the attraction flickering just below the
surface fanned to life.

he was her salvation and her greatest problem.  this, this mindless
reaction to him, had to stop.  she knew better than to get involved with
a man, any man.  but he was even worse than most.  she knew what his
easy ways and quick, tempting smile meant.  she'd already been seduced
by one charmer and those results had been more awful than she could ever
have imagined.  the only decent thing to come out of her relationship
with sam proctor had been mandy -and that had been an accident.

louise served them breakfast, then poured more coffee.  elizabeth
hesitated before picking up her fork.

"dig in," travis said.  "louise is a great cook: '

"i don't doubt that, it'sjust..  : '

he leaned across the bleached oak table and laid his hand on top of
hers. heat flooded her fingers, warming her blood and making its way up
her arm. she told herself to ignore it, and him, but she couldn't seem
to look away from his dark gaze.

"it's just nothing," he said.  "everything is going to be all right.
i'll make it all right.  i'm the sheriff.  i can do anything"

"i believe you," she said and was rewarded with a smile.  she did
believe him.  that was the problem.

she picked up her fork.  it was only for a few weeks, she reminded
herself. she just had to stay strong and resist the powerful charm of
travis haynes. she could do it, she had to.  her life depended on it.

elizabeth sat in the family room and stared at the telq vision.  the
screen was blank.  she picked up the remote control, then tossed it
down.  she didn't want to watch television; she wanted to be with her
daughter on her first day of school.

she swallowed against the lump in her throat, but the pressure didn't go
away.  her eyes burned and she wanted to scream at the unfairness of it
all. little mandy had gone off with travis an hour ago.  she'd waved and
smiled, and promised to make her mom something pretty in class.

"i should have been with her," elizabeth said softly, fighting the
frustration.  she touched her side, feeling the bandage under her shorts
and panties.  there was no way she could have made it from here to the
school and back.  it took all her strength to walk from the kitchen to
the family room. but she'd so wanted to sea mandy's classroom and meet
her teacher.  her daughter would only enter the first grade once and
she'd missed it.  what kind of mother did that make her?  it wasn't
enough she'd taken mandy away from everything she knew in the world, but
now the girl was going to a strange school, escorted by a strange man.
it wasn't fair.

"television is generally more interesting when you turn it on," louise
said.

elizabeth looked up at her.  the other woman stood in the doorway to the
family room.  she had a mug of coffee in each hand.  "i wasn't really
planning on watching," she said.

"would you like some company?"

elizabeth nodded.  "that would be nice, if you have the time."

louise handed her one of the mugs and plopped down at the opposite end
of the butter-soft leather sofa.  "i've got plenty of time.  that boy
hasn't even furnished most of the rooms in this monstrosity.  there's
not that much cleaning to do.  i suspect he hires me so that he can have
a taste of someone else's cooking and a friendly face to come home to a
couple of days a week."

"are you saying travis is lonely?"

"could be."

louise fluffed up her bangs with her fingers.  elizabeth noticed she
painted her long nails a bright red and had thin stripes of gold dotted
on the tips.

"so what do you think of him?"  louise asked.

that was certainly subtle, elizabeth thought, fighting a grin.  "he
seems very nice."

louise's eyes narrowed.  "now i don't think any of the haynes boys would
appreciate being called" nice.  " ladies' men, maybe.  irresistible,
certainly.  but nice?"  she shook her head and smiled.  "you'd better
keep that opinion to yourself."

"i guess i'll have to."  she took a sip from her mug.  "travis mentioned
he has three brothers."

"that's right, and his daddy is one of five."  she leaned her head back
against the leather sofa.  her expression got soft and dreamy.  "that
means there are nine haynes men walking around on this earth tempting
women with their wicked ways.  when i was in high school, earl-that's
travis's father-came to speak to my class about drinking and driving i
don't remember a word he said, but i do remember how handsome he looked
in his uniform. vg'hen he smiled, i about melted in my seat."  she
straightened and shrugged. "i was barely seventeen, and my boyfriend and
i had just broken up.  earl haynes looked mighty good.  of course he was
a much older man."

"of course," elizabeth murmured.  louise was certainly a little left of
center, but elizabeth found herself liking the other woman.

"and his uncles.  hell-raisers all of them.  i don't think they were
ever faithful longer than a minute.  heaven help the women who tried to
tame 'em. of course the haynes men did give this town something to talk
about.  then when earl went ahead and had four more boys of his own,
there was even more talk.  do you know there hasn't been a girl born to
the haynes family in four generations?"

"travis mentioned that."

louise laughed.  "travis is the most easygoing of the four boys.  not
like jordan.  that one's always been a mystery.  but travis knows what
he wants and gets it."  she winked.  "maybe he'll decide he wants you: '
elizabeth shook her head."

"i'm not interested in a relationship certainly not with a man like him.
the last thing i need is some don juan upsetting my life."

"oh, you can't believe everything you hear about him.  he's not exactly
the heartbreaker everyone says.  despite what he thinks, he's nothing
like his daddy."  louise grew serious."

"you can trust me on that one, honey.  i know for a fact: ' it didn't
matter how much of travis's reputation was real and how much hype.
enough of what louise had said was true for travis haynes to be trouble.

sam had been a charmer, too.  his easy smile and quick wit had seduced
her in a matter of hours.  of course she'd been a willing participant.
and young. far too young for a man like him.  she'd never had a clue as
to what wqs going on.  she'd known the relationship was in trouble, but
even that hadn't prepared her for the police showing up at her doorstep
in the predawn hours of morning.  if she lived to be a hundred, she
would never forget the feeling of horror when the los angeles police
department officers had taken sam away. thank god mandy had slept
through it all.  l, louise leaned forward and patted her leg.  "you
feeling better?"

"what?"

"i thought you might be a little down, what with missing mandy's first
day at school.  you feel better now?"

elizabeth looked at louise, with her bright makeup and dangling
earrings. the left one was a teapot, the right, a cup and saucer.  "you
probably don't want to hear this any more than travis, but i think
you're nice, too."

louise gave her hand a squeeze and rose to her feet.  "just don't let
word get out.  i have my own reputation to keep up.  now i'm going to
get to work on lunch.  i heard travis's truck in the driveway.  he can
tell you all about mandy's classroom.  don't worry, honey.  you'll get
to see it soon enough."

she left the room and passed travis in the doorway.  elizabeth half
turned to face him.  "how did it go?"  she asked.

he studied her for several seconds.  there was an odd look in his eyes,
as if he'd never seen her before.

"travis, is something wrong?"

"no.  everything went fine.  mandy loved her teacher and when i left, it
looked like she'd already started making friends."

elizabeth sagged back in the sofa.  some of the tension left her body.
maybe, just maybe, she hadn't destroyed her daughter's life.

"these might help," he said as he walked toward her.  he held out
several instant photos."

"you took pictures?"

"i thought they might make you feel like you'd been there."

she smiled up at him.  "that was so thoughtful."

she took the photos and looked through them.  the first showed mandy
smiling in front of the school.  there were three shots of the classroom
and one of mandy with her teacher.  the little girl was laughing at
something the woman had said.  elizabeth felt tears forming in her eyes.
she blinked them away.

"this is wonderful.  i don't know how to thank you: ' travis shifted his
weight from one foot to the other.  "it's nothing special. i didn't even
think of the idea.  craig does it for his kids.  he says it's fun to
look back later.  you're not going to cry, are you?"

she sniffed.  "no."  she touched one finger to the smooth flat surface,
as if she could touch mandy's warm cheek.  her daughter's smile made her
own lips curve up in response' she does look happy, doesn't she?  and
the teacher looks nice.  did you talk to her?"

"i know her."

there was something about the way he said the words.  "oh?"

"i sort of, you know."  he shoved his hands into his jeans pockets.  "we
dated for a while."

"ah.  is she-" elizabeth paused, then found the correct word."

"is she nice?  " she had to bite her lip to keep from smiling.

travis was obviousiy uncomfortable with the conversation' yeah she's
really great.  with kids, i mean."

"i'm sure mandy will like her."  "

"most of the kids do: ' he pulled his hands out of his pockets and
walked over to the window.  the bright light outside lighted his tall,
muscular body.  he was very handsome, with his dark hair and eyes.
elizabeth could see why he'd acquired his reputation if his brothers
were half as good-looking, then it's no wonder the town found the family
a great source of gossip."

"tell me about your ex-husband," he said.

she felt as if he'd thrown a bucket of cold water in her face.  every
muscle in her body tensed.  she had to put the photos down when she
realized she was mangling them.  she folded her hands in her lap and
forced herself to relax.

"i don't have an ex-husband.  i told you, i was never married."  she
could feel the heat of her flush climbing from the scoop neck of her t
shirt, up to her face.  it had been six months, yet she was still
embarrassed to remember what had happened.  would this ever get easier?
"" you're sure?"

"i would hardly forget being married."

he walked to the sofa and braced his hands against the tall back.  "the
reason i ask is because when i registered mandy for school, she got
confused about her last name.  when i first asked, she said it was
proctor.  i reminded her that your last name is abbott.  she said that
was her last name, too.  so which is it, elizabeth?"

he was still handsome as sin, bqt the friendly, teasing man who had
shared breakfast with her had disappeared.  in his place was a probing
stranger. for the first time she saw the dark side of him.  no doubt he
made an excellent sheriff.

but she couldn't tell him the truth.  it was too awful, too
embarrassing, too unbelievable.  she had trouble believing it had
happened, and she'd lived through it.  besides, she didn't want to see
that pitying look in his eyes. she didn't want to know he thought of her
as less, or stupid.  no, the truth was her own secret, one she would
never share.  she could, however, tell him part of the truth.

she raised her hand to flick her hair back over her shoulder.  "proctor
is mandy's father's last name.  she used it for a while, but now she's
using my name."

"i see."  he drew his eyebrows together.  "you mentioned you had rented
a house here in town: ' what did that have to do with anything?  she
nodded slowly."

"i can take possession on october first : '

"is your furniture in storage?"

"why are you asking me this?"

he moved around the sofa until he was standing in front of her.  she had
to tilt her head back to meet his eyes.  she wished he was wearing his
stetson so she didn't have to see the cold black swirling through his
irises.

"is it?"

"no.  i don't have any furniture.  i left it all behind in la.  i didn't
want to move it.  travis, why are you acting like this?  why are you
asking all these questions?"

"so you have no furniture, mandy has very few toys.  in fact, all your
possessions can fit in the trunk of your car."  he wasn't asking a
question.

her heart pounded in her chest.  she wanted to stand up and stare him in
the eye, but the tension was making her side ache too much.  she could
only sit on the edge of the sofa and fight the fear."

"travis"

he cut her off with a wave of his hand.  "i want the truth, elizabeth.
did you kidnap mandy?"

chapter five.

she couldn't have looked more stunned if he'd slapped her.  all the
color left her face and her lips parted, but she couldn't-or
didn't-speak.

travis noted her reactions, the cynical lawman side of him wondering if
she was the genuine article or a very good actress.  the male part of
him, that part of his being that had reacted to her presence in his
life, wanted to believe.  he wanted her to be just a single mom looking
for something better for herself and her kid.

it shouldn't matter, he told himself.  he wasn't going to get involved.
it would be better for his hormonal state if she was some kind of
criminal. after his marriage had collapsed he'd acknowledged the
futility of ignoring the truth.  as long as he had haynes blood flowing
through his veins he didn't have a prayer of having a decent
long-lasting relationship so he shouldn't mind if everything about
elizabeth abbott-proctor, or whatever her name was, turned out to be a
lie.

except he knew it was too late.  he couldn't get involved with her, but
that didn't stop him from liking her.  and mandy.  the kid had him
wrapped around her finger.  this morning can it, he ordered himself.  he
couldn't afford to think about how great it had been to take mandy to
her first day of school. so what if her trusting smile had given him a
lump in his throat?  marriage, a wife and kids weren't for him.  he
didn't have whatever mysterious something it took to be a decent husband
and father.  he had to focus on elizabeth and the mystery in her life.
he might not be good domestic material, but he was a damn fine sheriff.

elizabeth glanced up at him, then turned away.  "it's a very effective
technique," she said, her voice low and strained.  "glaring at people
like that.  i'm sure most of your prisoners crack under the pressure."

only then did he realize how long he'd been staring at her.  but he
didn't look away.  "just tell me the truth.  i'd have to be blind not to
see there's some kind of mystery in your life."

she stood up slowly.  her mouth twisted, but he sensed it was from the
strain on her incision rather than fear.  when she was standing, she
squared her shoulders and looked up at him.  emotional and physiqal pain
darkened her wide eyes.  all the color had faded from her cheeks,
leaving her pale and drawn.  he could see the beginning of tiny lines
around her eyes.

her long hair fanned out over her shoulders.  he wanted to touch that
hair, touch her and pull her close.  he wanted to ease her pain and
promise it was going to be all right.  but he couldn't.  he didn't know
how it was going to be.

"i don't know whether to be furious or grateful," she said, and stepped
away from him.

he knew she was too weak from the surgery to nzn, but instinctively his
body tensed as he prepared to grab her if she went too far.  he needn't
have worried.  she circled behind the sofa and leaned against the back.

"there's no mystery, travis," she said softly.  she studied the leather
couch and traced a line of stitching back and forth with her finger."

"i'm not and never have been married sam proctor is mandy's father. our
relationship-" she hesitated, then drew in a deep breath and looked at
him."

"our relationship doesn't exist anymore.  sam is out of our lives.  i
came up here to make a fresh start.  i left behind everything sam had
given me, including the clothes and toys and furniture.  i only brought
what is mine and mandy's.  sam signed custody of mandy over to me.  i
didn't have time to open a bank account and get a safety deposit box, so
i have the papers with me.  i would be happy to show you her birth
certificate and anything else you'd like to see."

"i don't need to see the papers."

"but you don't believe me."

"i didn't say that."

he didn't have to.  they both knew she'd been lying.  oh, not about
mandy. he did believe that.  it almost made sense, the leaving
everything behind part.  it seemed like an expensive, impulsive gesture,
but nothing about women surprised him.

she'd only lied once.  when she'd told him there was no mystery in her
life. there was a damn big one and he was no closer to figuring it out.
she'd said she'd never married he almost believed that.  so what did
that mean?  that she'd shacked up with some guy and had his baby?

he studied her.  with her hair loose around her face, she looked younger
than twenty-eight.  had she gotten involved with a married man?  he
didn't want to believe that of her.  it reminded him too much of his
father and the older man's string of young women.  earl haynes had
gotten a kick out of seducing the innocents, making them believe he was
going to leave his wife and family. he'd never left them, at least not
permanently.  his way of justifying his life-style had been waking up in
his own bed every morning.  every time travis had heard his mother and
father fighting about his father's infidelities, earl had glossed over
his behavior by saying he always woke up in his bed.  what more could a
woman want?

travis had been there once, when it had happened.  a woman in her early
twenties had been in town visiting family.  they'd met in the hardware
store. within fifteen minutes, earl'd had the woman eating out of his
hand and leaving the hardware store to get a drink.  travis had run away
as fast as he could.  he'd only been fourteen at the time, but he'd
known what was happening.  he hadn't made it home before he'd had to
stop and throw up in the bushes.  he'd cried then for all he'd never
had, cried for the loss of a father who was like other dads.  a father
who cared more about his wife and his sons than other women.  it had
been the last time he'd shed tears.

"stop staring at me," elizabeth said, and spun away.  the quick movement
caused her to gasp and clutch her side.

he moved toward her, but didn't touch her.

"i'm not going to faint or anything," she said, straightening'i just
wish you'd stop looking at me like i..  jeez, i don't know.  i haven't
committed a crime, okay?  isn't theat enough for you?"

anger radiated out from her, and that more than anything caused him to
trust the feeling in his gut that said she told him the truth.

"i guess it has to be: '

"i didn't ask to come here with you and i'll be happy to leave."  she
started for the door.  "if louise can't give me a lift back to the
motel, then i'll call a cab."

he caught her in one stride and gently took her arm.  "i don't want you
to leave."

"i don't believe you" she pulled her arm free and glared up at him. "you
keep staring at me as if i've just made off with the family silver. i
haven't done anything wrong.  none of this is my fault: '

it was the fact that she didn't cry that finally convinced him.  he
could see the strength it took to hold on to her control.  her mouth
quivered from the effort and perspiration dotted her forehead.

maybe the guy had beaten her, he thought suddenly.  maybe her
ex-boyfriend had been one of those sick types who got off on hitting
women and children. he glanced at her bare arms, but there were no
telltale marks.  of course she could have been on her own for several
weeks.

dammit, what the hell was her story?

she took another step and seemed to stumble.  he caught her up in his
arms and carried her to the sofa.  she clung to him for a moment.  he
ignored the way her curvy body felt against his chest, the long length
of her legs and the soft pressure of her breasts against his shirt. when
he set her on the sofa, she immediately tried to slide away.  the
movement caused her to clutch at her side and glare at him.

the anger in her gaze made him smile.  her temper he could handle.

"you're overreacting," he said mildly.

her mouth dropped open.  "i'm overreacting?  wait a minute.  you're the
one accusing of me of who knows what.  maybe it would be better if i
just-"

"no."  he settled next to her on the couch and touched her cheek with
the back of his hand.  she jerked her head away, but there was no fear
in her eyes.  relief flooded him.  if she'd been beaten on a regular
basis, she would have been terrified.  instead she reacted with
completely understandable indignation.

"don't touch me, or try to sweet-talk me," she said."

"you accused me of kidnapping my daughter: '

"given the little that you've told me, would you have thought any
differently?"

"i-" she drew in a deep breath and brushed her hair out of her face.  "i
suppose not.  but you didn't have to be such a cop about it."

"just doing my job: ' she nodded slowly.  "i understand: '

"so you're not going to make a run for it?"

"to the best of my knowledge i haven't committed a felony."

he winked.  "sometimes the misdemeanors can be even more interesting."

she smiled.  "oh, please.  don't get me started.  i don't even want to
know what you're talking about."  her smile faded.  "i really haven't
done anything wrong, travis: ' he hesitated and then said, "i know"

sheheld out her hand.  "friends?"

she wanted to shake on it.  as travis took her warm fingers in his, he
glanced at her full mouth and wondered if it would taste even sweeter if
he kissed her without a six-year old audience to censor the moment.
better to shake hands, he told himself.  safer.  for both of them.

"friends," he said and released her.  only then did he remember he still
hadn't solved the mystery.

elizabeth hobbled over to the table and gratefully sank into the seat.
she was breathing heavily and all she'd done was assemble the
ingredients to make cupcakes.

"from a mix," she said, disgusted with her weakened condition.  she
grabbed the package and ripped it open.  the effort necessary to raise
the box to dump it in the bowl made her incision ache.

she leaned back in the chair and took a deep breath.  thank god she
wasn't trying to make it on her own in that small motel room.  she and
mandy would have starved.

the line of thinking was a mistake, she acknowledged, as thinking of not
being in the motel made her remember how she'd been rescued by the very
handsome, the very inquisitive sheriff travis haynes.  which made her
think of this morning and what had happened between them.

he was not a man she wanted to cross.  despite the wicked charm and
sinful good looks, he was intimidating when he was angry.  all his
questions had made her nervous, but he'd never once stumbled close to
the truth.  of course, why should he?  it wasn't the first thing anyone
thought of.  things like that only happened in the tabloids.  that's
where she belonged.  right between the cover story on the aliens
abducting the residents of a local pig farm and the woman giving birth
to the four legged child.

she felt guilty, too, knowing that travis had given her the benefit of
the doubt, trusting her when she hadn't told him the whole truth.  she
picked up an egg and held it.  was it so wrong not to want him to know?
she hadn't done anything wrong, had committed no crime, save the one of
being too young and too trusting.  okay, she'd been a fool.  but was
that illegal?"

"just what is it you think you're doing?"

elizabeth jumped guiltily at the sound of the voice.  i, louise stood in
the doorway to the kitchen.  she planted her hands on her curvy hips and
stared.

"i'm, ah, making cupcakes for mandy."  l.  louise shook her head."

"and you look like such a bright girl, too" she walked over and grabbed
the egg from elizabeth's hand.  " the doctor told you to stay in bed for
a week."

"i know, it'sjust-"

"a week is seven days.  this is day two.  if i have to tie you up, i
will, but won't that be hard to explain to the neighbors?"

elizabeth grinned and held up her hands in defeat."

"i give.  just don't make me laugh.  it hurts too much.  if i promise to
be good, can i at least sit here for a little while?"

i, louise looked stern.  "for a few minutes.  then i want you to go lie
down until mandy gets home."

"yes, ma'am: '

louise took the seat next to her and finished pouring in the mix.  "i
remember when i was little my mama used to make cupcakes for me."

"mandy loves them."

"so do i: the older woman smiled.  " i haven't baked anything in ages. i
wonder if alfred would like some cake with his dinner.  " she thought
for a minute.  " no, he's still trying to lose weight.  " she leaned
forward." alfred is a beagle and they tend to get a little heavy when
they age."

elizabeth hoped louise was only kidding about making a cake for her dog,
but she wasn't completely sure and she didn't want to ask.

louise stirred in the other ingredients, then started pouring the batter
into the cupcake pan.  "so, i heard you and travis fighting.  you want
to talk about it?"

"you aren't one to beat around the bush, are you?"

louise shrugged.  "i'm pretty straightforward," she admitted' it would
probably be easier if i'd just learn to keep my mouth shut.  maybe i'll
get it eventually.  but you seem like a real nice lady.  mandy is the
sweetest little girl and i've found you can usually judge a mother by
her children. travis haynes is one of my favorite people on earth.  why,
if i was five or six years younger, i might just risk my heart on him."
she paused, then shook her head.  " on second thought, i'll leave the
haynes boys to the rest of you.  i've already had my heart broken once
by that family."

it was too much information to absarb, elizabeth thought, not knowing
whether to laugh, cry, be insulted or flattered.

"he's a good man," louise said, carrying the full cupcake pans over to
the oven and sliding them inside.  "qoq"

"travis."

"i know that."

"he was just doing his job, asking all those questions, i mean." louise
poured herself a cup of coffee.   when she held up the pot, elizabeth
shook her head.   " of course any woman would know you're that girl's
mother through and through.   she's got your smile.   her daddy must be
some kind of looker."

"he is," elizabeth said.  sam certainly was good-looking not nearly as
handsome as travis, but attractive enough to make any woman look twice.
she'd been so caught up by his face and body, the charm and easy smile,
she'd never thought to question anything except her good fortune.
imagine little elizabeth abbott catching someone like sam.  only, she
hadn't exactly caught him.

"so, you still mad at travis?"

"no.  i understand that he had questions."  but she wasn't willing to
give him all his answers.  still she couldn't blame him for asking.
she'd expected him to wonder what her story was, but she hadn't expected
him to come up with kidnapping!  ' "i'm glad: louise sipped her coffee,
then glanced at the clock over the stove.  " looks like it's time for me
to leave.  travis and mandy should be back in an hour or so.  you're not
going to get out of control and start vacuuming, are you?"

"i promise i'll behave."

louise set down her cup.  she picked up her purse from the counter, then
crossed to the table, bent over and gave elizabeth a hug.  "i'm here if
you want to talk," she said.  "i might not have any answers, but i'm a
great listener."

elizabeth hugged her back.  the other woman's perfume was a clingy
oriental scent that somehow suited her perfectly louise stepped back and
waved, then left the kitchen.  the back door banged shut behind her and
the kitchen was silent.

elizabeth stared around the empty room, wishing the digital clock would
tick so there would be some sound.  she was completely and totally
alone.  she wasn't afraid to be on her own.  it was the questions that
came to her, making her wonder if she'd made the right decisions for
herself, and more importantly, for mandy.  had she had other options and
not realized it? would she ever know how many clues she'd missed?  she'd
lsn worse than a fool.

the timer on the oven clicked down another minute.  she thought about
louise who had offered to be a friend.  elizabeth knew that she needed
to make some friends.  she desperately needed someone to talk to and
have fun with. louise was a little offbeat, but that didn't matter.  the
reason elizabeth couldn't reach out to her was because of herself, not
because of the other woman.  she couldn't dare be friends with anyone.
she would always have to hold some part of herself back, be it from
louise or travis.

thank god he hadn't guessed the truth.  she leaned back in the chair and
sighed.  every time she thought she'd put it all behind her, something
happened to remind her again.

she tried to think about nothing more complicated than whether or not
she had the strength to frost the cupcakes.  in the end, she decided she
didn't and pulled the muffin pans from the oven and left them to cool.
she lay down on her bed and closed her eyes, but she couldn't escape her
past even there.  so she tried thinking about other things.  about the
kiss.

her eyes flew open.  not that.  but now that she'd remembered it, she
found it hard to forget the soft brush of his lips on hers yesterday.
today, when he'd sat next to her on the sofa and they'd shaken hands,
for a moment she'd thought he might kiss her.  softly, tenderly, holding
her close in those strong arms.

he carried her so easily, but that was an impersonal gesture made to aid
an invalid.  she wanted to be held close by a man who needed to hold a
woman. she wanted to know if travis could make her feel safe and secure
in his embrace, if he could loan her a little of his strength and
confidence foolish dreams.  she hadn't answered all his questions.  they
both knew that. he might believe that she hadn't broken any laws, but
she'd seen the look in his eyes.  he was reserving judgment on her until
he knew the truth.  imagine what he would think of her then.

the back door opened and she heard mandy's laughter as she came into the
kitchen."

"mommy, mommy, where are you?"

"in here," she called, sitting up slowly and leaning against the
headboard.

mandy flew into the room.  she had several papers in one hand and her
bear in the other.

"how was your first day of school?"  elizabeth asked, holding out her
arms.

her daughter scrambled onto the bed and threw herself into her embrace.
elizabeth held her close.  even the pain in her side didn't matter, she
thought, as she stroked her daughter's hair.

mandy leaned back and knelt on the bed.  "i had fun."  "

"did you?"

mandy nodded.  "miss. brickman says we're going to learn to read."

elizabeth touched mandy's paint-smudged cheek.  her dress was wrinkled,
her ribbons loose and coming undone, but there was a bright glow of
happiness in her child's eyes that made her heart lighten.  maybe she
had made the right decision after all.

"you already know how to read."

"i know."  mandy grinned.  "she said she'd help me learn better.  and
we're going to do counting, too.  here."  she thrust out her papers.  "i
did these."

elizabeth looked at the drawing of what she was pretty sure was supposed
to be this large house, a sheet with mandy's name painstakingly spelled
out in a childish scrawl, and a note from miss. brickman outlining the
homework schedule for the first half of the year.

"you're supposed to sign this one," mandy said, pointing at the note
from the teacher.  "we're going to have homework, just like the big
kids."  she sounded delighted.  elizabeth wondered how long that would
last.

"someone's been busy."

she looked up and saw travis standing in the doorway.  he held a tray
containing a plate with several chocolate cupcakes and two glasses of
milk.

mandy's blue eyes got big.  "mommy, you made cupcakes for me."

"i thought you weren't supposed to get out of bed," travis said."

"louise did all the work."

"why don't i believe that?"

"don't ask me, because she did: '

"sure."  he put the tray down on her nightstand, then pulled mandy off
the bed.  "maybe you should change into play clothes before you get
crumbs all over that dress.  what do you think?"

mandy looked at her mother, who nodded, then sighed.  "okay, but don't
eat all the cupcakes before i get back."

"we won't," elizabeth said and watched her daughter scamper out of the
room. she glanced at the cupcakes and saw they'd been iced.  "thank
you," she said. "i meant to get back to that, but i must have dozed
off."

"hey, i opened a can.  how hard could it be?"  he perched on the edge of
the bed.  "you're not overdoing it, are you?"

exhaustion overwhelmed her with all the subtlety of being hit by a large
truck.  she tried to smile, but suddenly she was too tired.  "maybe just
a little."

he leaned forward.  for a second she thought he was going to kiss her.
she found out she had just enough energy left to get excited by the
thought, then was disappointed when all he did was lay his hand against
her forehead.

"no fever," he said, "but you should stay in bed for the rest of the
day. the last thing you need is to land yourself back in the hospital."

"i know."  she picked at the bed cover, then looked at him.  he'd shaved
that moroing, but the shadowy darkness of his beard highlighted his
strong jaw. he had dark eyes framed by thick lashes.  a firm mouth that
was threatening to curve into a smile.  nothing in his expression
reminded her of the questions he'd asked that morning.  yet that
conversation sat in the room like a rather large intrusive elephant.

"i'm sorry," she said.

his expression hardened, and his mouth pulled into a straight line"you
don't have to aqologize."

"i want to.  you've been very kind to me."

"this is a full-service community."

she chuckled, then clutched her side.  "travis, don't make me laugh.  it
still hurts: ' "

"okay, i'll be serious."

he leaned closer, bracing one hand on the far side of her body.  she
wanted to reach up and puli him close.  ahe settled on inhaling the
soent of his body.  he smelled like a fall day, with a hint of musk
thrown in for temptation."

"tell me your secret," he said softly.

when she'd first met sam she'd thought she'd loved him with her whole
heart and soul.  he only had to look at her to make her want to be with
him, next to him, touched by him.  she'd learned later that her feelings
for sam proctor were more about the newness of a physical relationship
than anything else.  but it had already been too late.  she'd committed
the ultimate foolish act and fallen in love with him.

nothing about sam's practiced charm had prepared her for travis's lethal
combination of strength and concern.  it would be so easy to lean on
those shoulders she admired, to tell him everything.  but to what end?
once he knew the truth- she couldn't even bear to think about it.

"i can't."  she met his gaze and held it."

"you won't."

"yes.  i won't.  please don't ask me again.  i don't want to have to lie
to you.  i haven't done anything illegal.  it's a silly little secret,
but it's mine to keep.  if telling you everything about my past is the
price for staying, then i have to leave."

he studied her a long time.  his gaze swept over her face, stopping at
her mouth before dipping to her throat and returning he reached up and
touched her cheek, much as she'd touched mandy's.  but his caress was
anything but maternal.  her stomach tightened and her breasts tingled in
response.

before she could say anything, or think about touching him back, he
reached down for the comforter folded up at the foot of the bed.  he
pulled it over her and smoothed it in place.  then he leaned down and
brushed his lips against her forehead.

"go to sleep, darling'," he said, and stood up.

she watched him leave the raom and close the door quietly behind him.
her eyes burned with unshed tears.  it would be so easy to let travis
into her world, she thought sadly.  so easy to try to believe again.  if
she had the strength and the words, she would explain that it wasn't so
much about him. sure, she couldn't risk trusting a man again, but worse,
she couldn't trust herself.

chapter six.

cc you're nervous," travis said, taking off his stetson and sending it
across the family room.  it landed neatly in the center of a writing
desk on the left side of the window.

elizabeth sank into the leather sofa and rolled her eyes.  "number one,
if you keep doing that hat toss trick to impress me, i'm immune."

"liar," he said as he crossed the room.

his khaki uniform, slightly wrinkled from his day at work, made his
shoulders look broader and his legs longer.  his wide black belt
emphasized his trim waist.  and yes, she had been lying.  the nightly
toss of the stetson got her heart racing as if she'd just climbed three
flights of stairs.

he settled on the sofa and grinned.  "what's number two?"  ,

"number two is i have nothing to be nervous about: '

"double liar."  he leaned closer, resting his weight on his elbow.  his
perfectly trimmed mustache outlined the teasing curve of his mouth.
"i've made tougher women than you swoon with my cowboy hat, and while
there's no reason to be nervous about having dinner with rebecca, you
are.  i can see it in your eyes."

she opened her mouth to deny his statement, then closed it.  he was
right; she was nervous.  "okay, just a little."

he sat up straight, then leaned over and patted her bare leg.  "don't
be. reberca's a sweetheart."  he kept his warm hand on her knee.  she
told herself she should move away, but she liked it when he touched her.

she raised her eyebrows."

"do you realize that every time a female citizen of glenwood is
mentioned, you've dated her?"

"only if they're between twenty-five and forty."

she reached behind her for one of the throw pillows and batted his hand
away. "what's wrong with you?"

"i'm one of the haynes boys.  what else am i supposed to do?"

she'd been in travis's house for six days.  louise had filled her head
with enough stories to tell her what being a"haynes boy" meant.  "settle
down with one woman.  try monogamy for a change.  there is something to
be said for quality rather than quantity."

his good humor faded quickly.  "i tried that, remember?"  '

"oh: she did recall him mentioning a divorce.  " sorry.  " she was
silent for a moment.  " so what happened?"

he turned his head until he was looking at her.  the lines around his
eyes crinkled when he smiled.  "you've been hanging around with louise a
little too much, don't you think?  you could have been a bit more subtle
with that question."

"probably," she admitted shamelessly.  "so what happened?  or don't you
want to talk about it?"

"there's nothing to say.  it just didn't work.  i'm sure some of it was
her fault, but i have to take most of the blame."  he held his hands out
in front of him, palms up.  "it's a little difficult to get past who i
am."

"so that's why you know rebecca is a sweetheart?"

"want to know a secret?"

she wasn't sure she did, but travis was difficult enough to resist most
of the time, and now, when he was rumpled and just tired enough to let
his guard down, he was impossible to refuse."

"sure."

he slid closer to her.  her body tensed.  her incision had healed quite
a bit, although it still hurt if she moved around too much.  she wanted
to pull back, but there was nowhere to go except off the sofa.  six days
with travis had taught her two important things.  the first was that
being in his presence made her very aware of her body, his body and the
potential those two bodies had together.  she told herself it was just
hormones, and being lonely and afraid that brought on that thinking. the
second thing she learned was that even if she was ever foolish enough to
get involved with a man again.  travis haynes was absolutely the worst
one she could pick.  he and his brothers had reputations for being
lady-killers and heartbreakers. louise had told her story after story
about the female conquests made and cast aside.  elizabeth had to admit
that in most of the stories, travis had been honest, caring and had at
least tried to make the relationship work. but the reality was he made
sam proctor look like an amateur when it came to seducing women.

he leaned over so he could whisper in her ear.  his chin rested on her
shoulder, pushing aside the thin strap of her tank top.  stubble grazed
her suddenly sensitized skin, making her muscles jump and her toes curl
against the thick carpet.

"rebecca is my greatest failure."

"what?"

she made the mistake of turning to look at him.  he hadn't pulled back
and their faces were inches apart.  breath mingled with the heady scent
of his warm body.  she clutched her fingers tightly together to prevent
herself from reaching out toward him and touching his arm, his chest,
anything she could get her hands on.

"shortly after we met, i took her out on a date.  it was supposed to be
this great seduction.  i had everything planned."

the pain in her midsection wasn't from the surgery, she realized,
chagrined. it was envy, pure and simple.  she prayed he couldn't see it
in her eyes."

"i picked her up at seven-thirty.  by eight-ten i figured out i'd made a
large error in judgment."

"which was?"

"chemistry.  it was all wrong."

she stared at him, at his dark eyes that suddenly seemed to be
flickering with the most intriguing fire.

"what was wrong with it?"  she asked, barely able to disconnect from the
flames enough to follow the conversation"there wasn't any between us.
rebecca and me.  we were destined to be good friends.  but it's a
secret.  what would people say if they knew the truth? after all, the
haynes charm is supposed to be all-powerful."

it was working just fine on her, she thought as she lowered her gaze to
his mouth.  so close.  she licked her lips.  three, maybe four inches
separated them.  the longing inside of her grew.  she wanted to know
what it would be like to be kissed, really kissed, by him.

she closed her eyes and forced herself to turn away.  why was she doing
this to herself?  hadn't sam taught her anything?

"everybody needs friends, travis.  rebecca seems very nice."

"oh, she is: ' he stood up and stretched like a powerful cat taking a he
poked his head back into the room.  his mouth straight moment's rest
from stalking the mouse. that was her des- ened and those flames were
still flickering in his dark eyes.

"for what it's worth, elizabeth," he said slowly, never tiny: elizabeth
abbott-rodent.  she giggled."

" what's so funny?  " he asked.  taking his gaze from hers, the feeling
is mutual.

"nothing.  i'm pleased that you and rebecca are friends.  with that, he
left. she heard his footsteps as he walked now i get the chance to spend
some time with her before i down the hall, then made his way up the
stairs.  start my job."  she smiled brightly, trying to banish the
lintrouble.  this was all very big trouble.  she was willing to gering
lethargy and leftover passion, not to mention the admit there was some
kind of chemical reaction between image of herself with whiskers and a
tail.  "she's going to her and travis. sometimes she worried that the
heat be bring some paperwork by for me, to help fill the days: she tween
them was going to set the house on fire.  but it didn't pointed at the
television.  " i can only read so much, and tv have to mean anything. it
couldn t mean anything.  she is quickly losing its appeal.  wasn't ready
to get involved.  she might never be ready for"

"just so you don't overdo it.  " a real relationship.  even if she was
willing to take a chance,

she gave him a mock salute.  "yes, sheriff.  i'll be care- it wouldn't
be on travis haynesq the man was a walking, ful.  and i'll keep your
secret." breathing heartbreaker.  and she d had enough heartbreak"it's
just as well it didn't work out," he said, walking to last a lifetime.
what woman would willingly give he rover and picking up his stetson.  "i
have two women in my self to someone who was destined to leave her for
the next life already.  even i couldn't handle a third."  conquest?

"two women?"  she stood up and walked toward her room.  although she

her heart seemed to falter slightly.  he was dating two was healing, her
side still gave her a little trouble.  travis had women?  she told
herself the sudden dullness she felt was offered to move her to an
upstairs bedroom so that she exhaustion.  she'd probably done too much
when she'd could be closer to mandy, but she preferred to stay where
gone to the grocery store with louise that morning.  she she was.  her
daughter was safe and happy in this big house, could feel her smile
fading and did her best to keep it in and elizabeth wanted as much
distance between her and place.  she didn't want travis to know she was
even slightly travis as possible.  just because she knew she would never
g, , g attracted to him.  in fact she wasn't at all. he had two et
involved with travis didn't mean she d fi ured out a women. good for
him.  she wished him well.  way to tell her body to get over its
physical attraction to he paused by the doorway and looked back."

"although i have to say, of the two of you, mandy is definitely my she
undressed then stepped under the warm spray of the weakness.  i guess
it's those blue eyes of hers.  " shower. there was still over an hour
until rebecca was due elizabeth's mouth dropped open.  she stared at
him.  the to arrive, but everything took elizabeth longer since the
teasing glint in his eyes told her she'd been had.  surgery.  she was
getting her strength back, but not as she picked up the pillow beside
her and tossed it at him.  quickly as she d hoped.  the doctor hadn't
been kidding he easily ducked out of the way.  "gotcha," he said and
about the recovery time needed.  her trip to the market with stepped
into the hallway.  before she could finish fuming, louise had wiped her
out for the entire day.  she'd had to take a three-hour nap.  but it had
been worth it to get outside for the first time since the surgery.

as elizabeth washed her hair, she wondered about louise.  the older
woman had mentioned she was divorced elizabeth wanted to ask what had
happened.  for the most part louise was funny and outgoing, but at the
mention of her marriage, she'd gone all quiet.  what made it all the
more curious was her suspicion that travis knew exactly what had
happened.  a couple of things louise had said hinted at that.  but
elizabeth wouldn't be asking anyone for the story.  as much as she'd
tried to hold herself back, knowing there were secrets she could never
share, she and louise were becoming friends.  if louise wanted her to
know the truth, she would tell elizabeth herself.  if not..  well, she
certainly understood the need to keep some things private.

after drying off, she applied a little mascara and blush, then started
blow-drying her hair.  it still hurt to hold the dryer up for very long,
so the process was slow.  as she rested, she thought about rebecca and
hoped her new boss remembered to bring over some work for her to do. she
would like to get a head start on her job so that when she went back
full-time, she would know what was going on.

elizabeth clicked the dryer back on and held it in one hand while
fanning out her hair with the other.  what must rebecca think about her
living arrangement?  what must the whole town think?  she was a virtual
stranger, living with a single man, in his house.  was there talk?  she
shook her head and continued drying.  of course there was talk.  she was
living with travis haynes.  one of the haynes.  a man with a reputation
for women and trouble.

elizabeth chuckled.  that made travis sound like a guy in a black
leather jacket from some sixties b-movie.  he certainly wasn't a
troublemaker, although she wouldn't mind seeing him in a black leather
jacket.

she put down the dryer and picked up a brush.  the small bathroom was
still steamy from her shower so her damp hair curled up toward her
shoulders.  she smoothed it with the brush, then slipped on a
rose-and-green fabric-covered headband.

despite his rather wicked reputation, she had to admit he wasn't at all
what she'd thought he would be.  sam had left her alone so much, she'd
practically raised mandy on her own.  she was used to making all the
decisions and handling the responsibilities.  she hated to admit it, but
it felt kind of nice to have someone else making some of the choices.
she even liked living with travis.  he was fun and easygoing.  he made
her laugh.  better than that, he helped her forget her past.

her rose sundress had a sweetheart neckline and elastic ribbing in the
back to hold it up.  the skinny straps were more show than to secure the
bodice. she pulled the dress down over her strapless bra and closed the
side zipper. after slipping on a pair of high-heeled sandals, she
stepped out into the hall.

she could hear a cartoon video playing in the family room.  mandy was
excited at the thought of company at dinner, but even more thrilled that
she was being allowed to watch her favorite show twice tonight.
elizabeth smiled. life was certainly simple for a six-year-old.

she turned toward the kitchen to check on the dinner that louise had
made and left warming.  a sound on the stairs caught her attention.  she
looked up and saw travis.

he'd showered, as well.  his hair was still damp, his face freshly
shaved. she liked the clean look of his cheeks and jaw, but missed the
darkening shadow of his afternoon stubble.  he wore a long-sleeved white
shirt rolled up to the elbows, and gray trousers.  it wasn't all that
different from jeans or his sheriff's uniform, but that didn't stop her
heart from beating a little faster or her breath from catching in her
throat.

she waited until he reached the first floor, then she looked him up and
down. "very nice," she said, struggling to keep her voice sounding
normal.  "are you sure mandy and i won't be in the way?"

"i told you, rebecca is just a good friend."

"but it's friday night.  shouldn't you be out on a date?  you don't have
to stay in to keep us company."

his dark eyes drifted over her face before dipping down to the bodice of
her dress.  she hadn't thought it was all that low-cut before, but she
had the sudden urge to check to see exactly how much cleavage showed.
his gaze left her feeling shivery and her knees threatening to buckle.
maybe the dress was a mistake.

"i didn't cancel a date to stay in with you, elizabeth, so quit worrying
about it.  i want to spend time with you and mandy, and i haven't had
rebecca over for a while."

he headed toward the front parlor.  she followed, feeling that he was
just being polite.  q"but i don't want you to think that-"

he turned so quickly, she almost ran into him.  as it was she stopped a
scant inch from his tall, broad body and had to crane her neck back to
see his face.

"i don't think anything," he said.  his eyes darkened to the color of
black velvet before brightening with a fire she didn't dare identify.
"except that you look very beautiful"

she blushed.  elizabeth wanted to put her hand on her cheek to make
sure, but she knew the sensation of heat on her face could only mean one
thing."

"iyou- " she swallowed.  " thanks, but you don't have to say that.  i
mean, i'm just a paying guest here."

"hardly that."  he moved away to a stereo set on the floor in the
coroer. wires disappeared into the walls.  louise had mentioned that
he'd put speakers in the whoie house.  while he flipped through his
cd's, she walked around the large empty room.

"this is going to be a beautiful place when it's finished," she said.

"i hope so.  it's taking longer than i'd thought."  he slipped a couple
of cd's into the machine, then rotated the table to insert three more.
"so what about you, elizabeth?  why don't you have some guy from la.
pounding down my door?"

"me?"  she laughed.  "i haven't had a date in years."  seven years to be
exact, she remembered.  her last date had been with sam.  that's when
she'd told him she was pregnant with mandy and had foolishly assumed
they would do the right thing and get married.  it was hard to believe
her life had ever been that simple.

she touched the bare walls of the caveroous room, then looked up at the
high ceiling.  the basic structure of the house was lovely.  nothing
like the cramped place she and sam had rented.  she'd wanted to buy a
house, but he hadn't.  she remembered the fights they'd had about that,
and about having another child-she'd wanted four.  that had changed, as
well.  she'd realized that with sam gone so much, more children would be
difficult.  she'd practically lived as a single mother.  she'd had such
high hopes for the relationship, but the truth was it had been in
trouble for the past two years.  she'd been on the verge of leaving sam
when the police had arrived to take him away.  what irony, she thought,
stopping by the window and staring out into the night.  she'd been
wrestling with her commitment to mandy's father, wondering if leaving
was the right thing, or just the easiest solution to her unhappiness.
she hadn't known that in a matter of days the question would be decided
for her.

the soft sounds of classical music filled the room.  elizabeth turned
and looked but she couldn't see the speakers.  travis stood up and
brushed off his hands.

"pretty impressive, huh?"

she nodded.  "a regular seduction factory."

he grimaced.  "hardly.  you might want to keep in mind that louise does
have a tendency to exaggerate things."

"oh?  you haven't seduced every female in a fifty-mile radius?"

he moved closer.  "nah.  now if she'd said a thirty-mile radius, that
would be different."

"oh, travis, we are a pair, aren't we?  you can't decide how many women
you want, and i never want to get involved again."

"is that why you haven't had a date in years?"

he asked the question so casually, she almost answered it.  almost.  she
nearly blurted out, "no, it's because i was married."  but she caught
herself in time.

"i was involved with mandy's father.  call me a prude, but i've always
believed in one relationship at a time."

"me, too."

she stared at him in disbelief.

he put his hands on his hips."

"okay, what has she been telling you?  ""

"nothing."

he raised his dark eyebrows.  "she had to have said something for you to
assume that i've never been committed to one woman at a time."

"are you?"  "

"yes.   i believe in monogamy."

"for everybody, or do you exclude yourself?"  "

"elizabeth!"

she shrugged.  "i'm just asking.  you have to admit you have this
reputation in town.  i heard it from the nurse, louise-even mandy
mentioned something about it.  you've dated her teacher, my boss.  what
am i supposed to think? that you're in training to be a monk?"

he grinned.  the curve of his mouth and the flash of white teeth had her
smiling in response.  realistically, she should be angry at him in the
name of female hood or something.  but the truth was she liked travis.
despite his obvious flaws, he was a good and kind man.  at least he kept
his socks picked up.

"i am involved with one woman at a time, elizabeth abbott."  his voice
got lower and more seductive.  she felt herself falling under his spell
and she couldn't summon the energy to care."

"that woman gets my complete attention, the total sum of my energy and
focus for as long as the relationship lasts."

his gaze never left hers.  his hands stayed on his hips.  so why did she
feel as if he were physically touching her all over?  her skin grew
heated, her fingers curled into her palms.  how could he do that with
just a look and his voioe?

"oh: ' with that he left the parlor and stepped into the hall.  before
she realized she'd been abandoned, he was back with a bouquet of
flowers.

"these are for you, darling'," he said.

that woman gets my complete attentcon.  she stared from the flowers to
him and back.  no.  he couldn't mean anything by them, could he?

"why?"  she asked, almost afraid to hear his answer.  what if he wanted
her? what if he didn't?"

"it's been a week since your surgery.  i thought you might be feeling a
little lost: he thrust the il owers at her and she was forced to take
them.  "you can lose that panicked expression i'm not out to seduce you:

"you're not?"  she wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed.

he shook his head.  "not while you're under my protection : ' which
might mean she would have to watch herself when she wasn't under his
protection, or it might be a polite way of saying he wasn't interested
in her at all.  stop thinking about it, she ordered herself.  she was
the one not interested, remember?  she was the one sworn to never get
involved she lowered her head and sniffed the bouquet of flowers the
colorful blooms smelled rich and sinful, not like those long-stemmed
roses sam had often brought her after he'd been gone for several weeks.
she'd never had the heart to tell him she didn't like those roses.  they
were so straight and scentless, almost mutated versions of natural il
owers she touched the cheerful pink petal of a carnation.  "thank you:'
she turned toward him and smiled.  " they're beautiful.  " he was close
enough to touch. she reached out and placed her hand on his forearm."
this is probably going to make you cringe, but i think you're very
nice."

the second to the last thing she expected was him to say,"

"i'm glad: the last thing she expected him to do was step closer and
wrap his arms around her waist.  she almost dropped the flowers before
gripping them in her right hand.  emotionally she was too stunned to
pull back; physically, she was too intrigued.  sam had been tall-maybe
an inch or so taller than travis-but travis was powerful and strong. she
could feel the muscles in his arms where they pressed against her side.
she could see the strength in his shoulders.

and his eyes.  she would like to stare into his brown eyes forever,
warmed by the fire flickering there.  her gaze dropped to his mouth.  he
wasn't smiling.  she was glad.  she would have hated him to find this
moment funny. she didn't think it was at all amusing.  if anything, she
was fighting the burning at the back of her eyes.  she didn't know why
she wanted to cry. maybe it was because in his arms she felt safe and
secure.  she hadn't felt that way since she was a young girl, not much
older than mandy.

he pulled her close, until her thigh brushed against his and her breasts
flattened against his chest.  she reached up and placed her free hand on
his shoulder.  he was going to kiss her.  for the first time since he
touched her, she remembered she was supposed to be fighting this. travis
wasn't for her.  but she needed him to kiss her.  she q to forget, even
for just a moment.  she sensed that once his lips touched hers, she
wouldn't be able to think about anything else.

he didn't disappoint her.  he breathed her name, then lowered his mouth
to hers.  soft and hard and prickiy and hot.  she absorbed the
sensations of his lips brushing back and forth on hers, the fire that
flared between them.  her eyes drifted shut.  questions of right and
wrong, her place in his house, sam, her future and mandy all faded,
silenced by the powerful force of pleasure.  he didn't assault her or
press for more.  he simply held her close and moved his mouth slowly, so
slowly until she knew every millimeter of his lips.

she wrapped both her arms around his neck, carefully holding on to the
flowers.  but that was her only conscious thought.  everything else she
simply felt.  the hard chest flattening her breasts, the stroking of his
hands up and down on her back, the shivers as his fingers grazed the
bare skin by her shoulder.  her position pulled her incision, but not
enough to matter.

he moved his head slightly so he could brush his lips against her jaw,
then her ear.  she arched her head back, liking the gentle caresses, the
absence of pressure.  her blood flowed faster, hotter, fueled by the
slow assault. his warm breath tickled, sending goose bumps rippling down
to her toes.

he nibbled on her earlobe.  she caught her breath, then whispered his
name. with her free hand, she touched his still-damp hair, liking the
way the smooth strands felt against her fingers.

he read her perfectly.  when she grew impatient with his gentle teasing
on her jaw and throat, he returned to her mouth.  he didn't ask or hint,
he simply opened his mouth on hers.  as if she had no will, her lips
parted to admit him.

like his previous caresses, he moved slowly, tenderly, tracing her lips,
touching the damp, sensitive inside, touching the edge of her teeth
before stroking her tongue with his.

one small flicker was like the first faint flash of lightning he moved
against her again, touching, retreating, touching, circling, touching,
tasting.  the storm moved closer and closer.  she felt the vibration of
the thunder, the echoing of his heartbeat, matching the rapid cadence of
her own. she saw the flash of light behind her closed eyelids.

her body sought his, pressing harder to absorb his strength.  against
her belly, she felt the hardness of his desire between her thighs an
answering need flowered, leaving her warm and waiting.  her breasts
tightened in anticipation.  his hands moved lower, down her back, over
the curve of her hip to cup her derriere in his large hands.  he didn't
pull her up against him; instead he squeezed gently, lovingly.

she reveled in the feel of being next to him.  every move was slow, not
calculated as she might have thought, but savored.  as if he had nothing
more important in his life than this moment.  as if he'd spent the whole
day thinking about kissing her.

he wasn't as tall as sam, but he wss b:oader and she liked the way his
size made her feel protected.  foolish needs, she thought, knowing that
she was on her own.  but for these few minutes it was enough to hold and
be held, tempt and be tempted.

he sucked on her lower lip, the delicious sensations forcing all
thoughts from her mind.  he kissed her harder now, hungrily, the passion
building between them.  it was all she could do to stay upright and not
sag completely against him.  her fingers had trouble holding on to the
bouquet of flowers. his scent and warmth filled her body until she
wanted him to be a part of her.  he seemed to sense her need, moving
even closer, tightening his arms around her as if he were as hungry for
love as she.

love.  the word echoed in her brain, the cold reality of its meaning
doused her passion and she pulled back.  she wasn't hungry for love. she
couldn't afford to be.  passion maybe.  sex-well, it had been a while,
so probably. but not love.  never love.

she stared at the open v of his white shirt and watched his chest rise
and fall in a rapid cadence that matched her own.  not love.  never
love.  love makes you blind.  you can't trust it.  ever.  she'd learned
that lesson the hard way.  she'd loved sam with all her heart, and he
had betrayed everything she'd held sacred and special.  there had been a
hundred clues, but she'd missed them all.

travis was just like sam.  he was a womanizer, a smooth talking charmer
who made a hobby of breaking hearts.  so what if he claimed to practice
monogamy? that was part of the trappings of his disguise.  she knew what
he really was.

she realized they'd been standing there, breathing heavily for several
seconds.  she half expected him to say something, apologize.  but he
didn't.

the worst part of it was that her body still tingled from the power of
their kisses.  her breasts ached, her thighs felt trembly and weak, and
her blood hummed with a powerful need that even the most rational of
arguments couldn't quench.

she swallowed thickly, then forced herself to look up at him.  the fire
in his eyes burned hotter than she'd ever seen it.  his mouth was still
damp from her passionate kisses.  she wanted to look down but didn't
dare.  she couldn't bear to see the proof of his need.  she would think
about how he would feel next to her, inside of her.  it had been over a
year since she'd made love, but some chilling little voice at the back
of her head whispered this wasn't all about simply doing without.  it
was more about the man in front of her than the need within her body,
and that thought scared her to death.

"i'm sorry," she said, her voice shaking.  "we shouldn't have done that.
it's better if it doesn't get out of hand."

he smiled then, a slow, lazy, satisfied and very male smile.  the skin
on the back of her neck tingled and her breasts swelled painfully.

"what do you mean-" it'?  " he asked.

"you know.  our relationship."

the smile turned into a grin.  "i didn't know we had a relationship."

his amusement fueled her temper.  "you're right," she snapped."

"we don't have a relationship, and i would prefer to keep it that way.
"she turned and started to walk away.

he caught up with her instantly and touched her arm.  she wanted to pull
back, really she did, but she couldn't.  it felt too good to have him
touch her.  a bright danger sign flashed before her eyes, but she had a
bad feeling it was already too late.

"don't be upset," he said, his thumb stroking her forq arm.

"i'm not"

he arched his eyebrows.  yeah, well she'd never been a very good liar.
so what else was new?

"it was just a kiss, elizabeth."

she pulled free of his hand and continued walking down the hall.  when
she had turned the corner and was out of sight of the parlor, she raised
the bouquet to her face and smelled the sweet flowers.  then she touched
her free hand to her still-trembling lips.  it had felt like a whole lot
more than just a kiss to her.

chapter seven.

cc qind then there was the time the blood bank brought one of those
mobile trucks.  you know the kind.  they stay for a few days and take
donations." rebecca paused long enough to finish setting the silverware,
then looked up and laughed.  " he dated both nurses."

"you're kidding?"  elizabeth asked.  "both.  so much for monogamy,
travis," she called, glancing back at him over her shoulder."

"i was monogamous. the first one didn't work out, and her friend wanted
to comfort me," he said from his seat on the floor at the edge of the
big dining room.  it was one of the few rooms he'd actually bothered to
furnish.  the rosewood table and hutch had once belonged to his mother.
she'd left it behind, along with everything else when she'd left him and
his brothers.  their father hadn't wanted the set.  both jordan and kyle
lived in apartments.  craig had told him to take it because his three
boys would destroy the beautiful pieces in a matter of days.

"travis, it's your turn to move," mandy said impa- enough, his friend
was taking perverse delight in telling tiently.  "hurry, 'cuz i'm
winning." elizabeth a string of stories about his supposed conquests

"i'm hurrying," he told the little girl.  he rolled the dice with women.
and counted out the squares with his marker.  mandy"what about that
trick roper you dated?"  rebecca crowed when he landed on a chute that
earned him almost asked.  to the bottom of the board."

"guess you're going to win, elizabeth's eyes widened.  "a trick roper. i
don't think i huh?"  want to hear about that one"

she nodded vigorously, her blond braids bouncing on her travis shook his
head.  "that happened about six years shoulders.  she grinned.  " mommy,
i'm winning.  come ago.  long before you'd even heard of glenwood," he
said, ming to rebecca.  " you're repeating gossip.  " fie?  tu elizabeth
turned in her chair and looked down at the'i qow.  isn't it terri"she
walked over and patted game.  "very good, sweetie."  she gave him a
quick glance.  " a tiny spot of color stained each cheek, but she didn't
turn hq shoulder.  i love this guy.  he is the ultimate male weapon
against women. one look and they go weak in the away.

travis was glad.  he'd barely had time to recover from his he rolled the
dice and moved three places.  mandy rolled obvious and somewhat ainful
reaction to their kiss when and won the game.  she laughed with delight,
then leaned rebecca had arrived for dinner.  so far he hadn't had the
forward and gave him a big hug.  he held her close.  funny chance to
make sure elizabeth wqas all right.  he told him- how both abbott women
got to him.  elizabeth made him self he hadn't meant to kiss her, but he
knew he was lying.  want dangerous things, while mandy made him feel a
fierce he d been thinking about it ever since her first night here, nty]
to protect her.  and a longing to be more.  he would when he d briefly
touched her lips with his. he d wanted to give his soul to be a decent
father to some kid.  she planted know if the heat between them was real
or imagined.  the a wet kiss on his cheek.  deep in his chest, he felt a
sharp still-burning scars reminded him the heat was plenty real.  stab
of pain piercing his heart.  their kiss had only made him want more.
"you're the best, travis," mandy said.

which was, he acknowledged, an obvious problem.  he"

" didn't want to get involved with elizabeth for several rca- i rest my
case.  rebecca headed for the kitchen.

mandy scrambled off his lap and followed"becca," as sons.  not only was
she a guest in his house, but he knew she called the other woman.  he
glanced up at elizabeth still better than to risk it all with someone
like her.  she was the kind of woman who believed in commitment and
forever.  sitting in her seat watching him.

he didn't know how to do that.  if he was honest with him- "i took each
of the nurses out once," he said, wonder self, he didn't have what other
men had to make some- qg why he was defending himself.  she wouldn't
believe thing special last.  four generations of failed relationships
him.  no one ever did.  "i don't think i even kissed the sec couldn't be
argued with. ond one good-night: ' but the kiss had been tempting.  he
only wished he'd had"sure."  she smiled.

a chance to ask elizabeth if everything was okay.  but re- "the trick
roper was an old friend.  i'd known her in becca and mandy were in the
room.  if that wasn't bad college.  you know people make up a lot of
stories about me and my brothers.  they think we get a lot more-" he
hesitated, searching for a polite word.

"action?"  she offered helpfully.

"it wouldn't have been my choice."

god, she was beautiful.  the skinny straps of her rose sundress showed
off her tanned shoulders.  the long line of her neck made him remember
how she'd tasted when he'd kissed her there.  her mouth was perfect,
pulling into a wide smile.  it was her eyes that always got to him,
though.  there was a wariness in her expression that seemed out of
place.  was it that sam guy who had made her cautious?  what had
happened in her life?  what was the big secret?  hell, a man could go
crazy thinking about it.

he rose to his feet and took the chair next to hers."

"a lot of people assume my brothers and i get a lot more action than we
do.  part reputation, part circumstances."

she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her small ear.  "are you trying
to make me feel sorry for you?"

"no, i'm trying to make sure we're still friends."

"i would think you have so many women in your life that one more
wouldn't matter."

he leaned close to her, stopping only when their arms brushed.  he was
pleased that she didn't move away.  "i'm not talking about women in
general. i'm talking about you.  friends?"

she glanced at the tablecloth.  he couldn't see her expression, so he
sweated it out.  he hated that it mattered what she tbought.

"i'm not a jerk, elizabeth.  i'm not what everybody says: '

"i know."  she bit her lower lip.  "you're a nice guy."

he winced.

"youare!"

"great."  "

"you want to shake on it again?"

he'd rather kiss on it, but hey, he would take what he could.  her hand
felt small and delicate in his, but it was her smile that just about
knocked him from his chair.  she grinned up at him then leaned forward.

"so tell me the real story about the trick roper."

they had barely sat down to dinner when the doorbell rang.  travis threw
his napkin on the table.  "i'll get it," he said, rising to his feet.

he walked to the front door and pulled it open.  he grinned."

"austin, come in."

austin lucas strolled into the hallway and paused.  he sniffed the air.
"i smell dinner: '

"you hungry?  louise left plenty."

his friend shrugged."

"i wouldn't say"

"travis, who is it?"  rebecca called.

austin raised his dark eyebrows.  "sorry.  i didn't know you had
company."

"it's not what you think: travis grabbed his friend's arm and steered
him toward the dining room.  austin let himself be pulled along, but
travis knew his heart wasn't in it.  austin didn't go out of his way to
be sociable.

"look who i found on the doorstep," he said.  elizabeth and mandy both
looked up expectantly.  rebecca rose to her feet and smiled, even though
she couldn't see who was behind travis.  he stepped to one side and let
austin precede him into the room.

he raised his arm to austin's shoulder, as much to show affection as to
keep the other man from bolting.  austin didn't do crowds.

"austin lucas, this is elizabeth abbott and her daughter, mandy. they're
staying here while elizabeth recovers from a bout with appendicitis.
next to my brothers, austin is my oldest friend in glenwood."

elizabeth stood up and held out her hand.  travis watched her sharply,
waiting for the inevitable reaction.  she said hello and smiled at him,
but that was it.  interesting, he thought.

"and you've already met rebecca," he said.

rebecca nodded several times.  "the committee meeting on town support
for the home.  you were there."  she paused.  her brown eyes widened. "i
mean, everyone was there, weren't they?  all the people in the town."
she paused."

"not all of them, of course, but a good many.  not just you: color
flared on her cheeks.  she smiled tightly.  "good to see you.  again.
here, that is: she reached for her water glass.  her fingers slipped and
she knocked it over on the table.  " oh, no.  i'll just-" she motioned
helplessly toward the rapidly spreading pool of water.  " i'll get a
cloth: '

"i'll help," elizabeth said and followed her into the kitchen.

"what's gotten into her?"  travis asked no one in particular ; then he
glanced at his friend."

"don't look at me.  this is only the second time i've met the lady. she
was a lot like this at the meeting, too.  she must have dropped her pen
a hundred times.  " he shrugged.

elizabeth came back alone with a couple of dishcloths.  she mopped up
the spill.  travis waited, but rebecca never reappeared.

"have a seat," travis said.

austin shook his head.  "i just came by to tell you that i'll be here
for the football game."

"great.  but really, there's plenty of food."

"you're having dinner with two beautiful women.  i don't want to get in
the way."

"you wouldn't be."  travis meant it.  in the past several minutes,
elizabeth hadn't even given austin a second glance.  good news because
his friend's reputation with women rivaled that of any of the haynes
brothers.  austin topped travis by at least three inches.  he'd been
described as handsome as the devil himself.  between his self-made
fortune, his solitary ways and the gold hoop earring travis and his
brothers never tired of teasing him about, he drew women like a shell
game drew suckers.  so elizabeth was somehow immune to the infamous
lucas charm.  too bad he couldn't say the same about rebecca.

"mister?"

travis glanced down and saw mandy was tugging on the sleeve of austin's
shirt.

"what?"  austin asked.

"i'm beautiful, too.  mommy said so."

austin drew back his head and laughed.  "you're right, mandy.  you are
very beautiful.  i'm sorry i didn't include you."

the little girl dimpled, obviously charmed.

"tell me, mr. lucas, how long have you lived in glenwood?"  elizabeth
asked.

austin looked at her.  "it's austin, and i've lived here since junior
high school: ' she folded her arms over her chest.  the action pushed
her full breasts up slightly.  travis remembered the feel of them
against his chest.  his mouth grew dry.

she smiled slowly.  with her long hair curling over her almost-bare
shoulders and the rosqcolored dress outlining her feminine curves, he
knew he didn't have the power to resist what she offered.  fortunately
for him, she wasn't doing any offering.  the last thing he wanted to do
was hurt elizabeth.

"i was wondering.  i've heard all these stories about travis and his
women. are the stories true?"

austin glanced at him.  devilment twinkled in his pale gray eyes. "every
word, ma'am.  gospel."

travis jerked his thumb toward the door.  "get out of here, you
traitor."  he followed austin down the hall toward the front door, all
the while accompanied by the sound of elizabeth's laughter.

"i'll get you for this," he said as austin got into his car.

"i'm scared."  austin gave him a salute.  "enjoy the ladies" he pulled
his car door shut and started the engine.

when travis returned to the dining room, rebecca had come out of the
kitchen.

"oh, is he gone?"  she asked, twisting her hands together'i hate it when
that happens."

elizabeth glanced at the other woman.  "what exactly happened?"

rebecca sank into her chair and buried her face in her hands.  "i can't
be around that man without turning into a klutz.  i have a master's
degree, i got good grades in school.  i run the entire child services
department for the county."  she looked up at travis.  "i do a good job,
don't i?"

"the best.    " he had to fight back a grin.

"don't you dare laugh, travis," she said.  "i'm a pathetic creature.
every time i'm around that man, i fall apart.  i drop things."  she
grimaced at the tablecloth.  "or spill them.  i can't finish my
sentences.  i've only met him three times, but it's getting worse."  she
sighed.  "maybe i should move."

elizabeth giggled.  rebecca turned toward her.  "this is not funny."

"i'm sorry.   " elizabeth bit her lower lip, then burst out laughing."
you have a crush on him."

"i know.  it's awful: ' travis reached over and rested his hand on
rebecca's shoulder.  "be careful, kid.  austin has broken more hearts
than my brothers and i put together. he's not into relationships except
for the convenient kind."

she looked up at him and smiled.  she was dressed in a floral print
dress that floated around her body.  the garment was loose enough not to
even hint at curves below.  with her long hair, minimal makeup and flat
shoes, she looked like everyone's stereotypical idea of a librarian.  or
a sunday school teacher.  the innocence lurking in her gaze had been one
of the reasons nothing had happened between them.  he didn't want that
on his already-full conscienoe'i know that," rebecca said.  "there's
just something about him: ' "

"he's dangerous: '

"yeah, kinda like you: ' he and rebecca sat on the front porch swing
while elizabeth put mandy to bed. he could hear the sounds of mandy's
laughter floating out of the upstairs window.  he liked the domesticity
of their arrangement.  if he couldn't have the real thing, this was a
damn close second best."

"elizabeth seems very nice," rebecca said, pushing off the porch with
her foot and causing the swing to rock."

"uh-huh: ' "

"that's what i like best about our friendship," she said, poking him in
the side.  "your articulate statements."

he didn't bother responding.  rebecca had something to say, but he
wasn't going to make it any easier for her.

"you're a fool if you let her get away."

he didn't answer."

"i know you probably think it's too soon to know if she's the one or
not, but you two look right together.  she's bright, funny, great with
her daughter and"

"shut up."  he softened the words by resting his arm on the back of
rebecca's should en and pulled her next to him.

"but-"

"no, rebecca.  i can't do this.  i'm not a fool if i let her go, i'm a
fool if i try again.  you're right.  ftiqqbeth is great.  mandy's
irresistible, but so what?  i come from a long line of failures in the
relationship department.  none of my uncles, or my broth en have been
able to make it work.  neither could i: ' "

"maybe julie wasn't the right one for you: '

"maybe i should quit trying to be something i'm not: ' she looked up at
him.  the porch light illuminated her pale skin and the concern in her
eyes.  she was as slender and fragile as a porcelain figurine, and just
as beautiful.  he'd held her close, even kissed her once.  and felt
nothing damn.  why did elizabeth abbott have to be the one to make him
crazy? it would have been easier to try again with rebecca.  he told
himself it was because they were friends, but he knew better.  it would
have been easier with rebecca because with her he didn't have as much to
lose.

"you don't have to be like them," she said, snuggling closer.  there was
a slight chill in the air.  he welcomed the decrease in temperature.
maybe it would cool his desire.  "you're your own person.  blaze a new
path.  start a new tradition in the haynes dynasty."

"if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and sounds like a duck,
it's probably a duck.  no point in trying to be something else."

she grinned.  "what are you saying?"

he chuckled.  "that i'm a duck."

"well, go ahead and be one if it makes you happy."

the trouble was it didn't make him one bit happy.  he wanted more.  that
was the hell of it.  he couldn't be like his father, going from woman to
woman. none of his brothers were.  they all wanted to make a
relationship work and settle down with one woman.  like them, he wanted
to get married, have a herd of children and wake up in the same bed for
the next fifty years.  what right did he have to try for somethizag that
was doomed to failure?

"but maybe julie wasn't the one for you: '

"she was the perfect wife.  a guy couldn't ask for more."

"maybe you didn't love her."

interesting thought.  he was beginning to think he didn't know what love
was."

"travis!"

he stood up when he heard elizabeth call his name.  "be right back."

rebecca rose and stretched.  "i'll come with you.  i want to say
good-night to elizabeth and then leave.  i have a lot of work tomorrow"

she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.  he waited, hoping for
some reaction.  some hint of desire.  nothing.  not even the tiniest
spark.  she could have been his sister.

"hang in there," she said."

"i will: he opened the front door for her to go in first.

elizabeth watched rebecca and travis enter the hallway they looked good
together.  both tall and attractive.  rebecca said something, and travis
laughed.  how easily they spent time together.  elizabeth fought down a
feeling of envy.  after the first year it had never been easy with sam.
he'd been charming, of course, but he'd never let her inside and never
shared his feelings.  now, of course, she knew why.  but then she'd
always wondered what was wrong with her.  why wasn't she enough to keep
her man happy?

travis looked up at her."

"mandy wants to say good-night to you," she said.

"su.  " he climbed the stairs two at a time and went into mandy's room.
rebecca followed more slowly.

elizabeth wanted to ask what they'd been talking about outside.  she'd
heard the creak of the swing.  it had been an intimate sound.  elizabeth
told herself she wasn't jealous.  why should she be?  she wasn't
interested in travis.  at least not romantically.  she resisted the
impulse to touch her nose to see if it was growing.

tonight she was going to have to have a long talk with herself.  she
couldn't afford to get involved with anyone, and certainly not him.  he
would sweep her up in passion, muddle her thinking, pleasure her body
and then leave her for the next one on the list.  which almost made it
easier.  if travis wasn't such a flirt, she would have a more difficult
decision.  she would have to face trusting her judgment about a man. she
shook her head.  never again. she was done making those kinds of
mistakes.

rebecca reached the landing.  "i'm glad we got to spend some time
together."

"thanks for bringing me the work.  i'll get started on it in the
morning: '

"oh, please take your time."  rebecca frowned.  "i don't want to be
responsible for you not getting better.  you don't have to do any of it
if you don't feel up to it: her frown turned into a smile.  " heaven
knows the paperwork has waited for months now.  a couple more weeks
isn't going to matter."

"i'm desperate for something to do during the day.  between louise and
travis, i barely have to move around at all.  i'm looking forward to
getting back to work"

"your desk is waiting for you" rebecca nodded toward mandy's room.  "now
you take care of yourself and that hunk in there.  he needs some looking
after."

elizabeth rolled her eyes.  "after all the stories i've heard, looking
after is the one thing he doesn't need more of."

rebecca sobered.  "maybe i shouldn't have passed on all those stories
about travis.  he really is a nice man.  don't judge him too harshly."

"i don't judge him at all.  he's been great to me and mandy, but he's
not my type: ' "

"too bad.  he's not mine, either: rebecca stared off in the distance for
a moment.  " there must be someone brave enough to take on this
particular haynes boy.  i haven't known travis for all that long, but i
know him well enough to know it would be worth the trouble.  " she
touched elizabeth's forearm briefly.  " get better, but don't push
yourself the piles of paper aren't going anywhere.  good night."

she started down the stairs.  elizabeth moved to follow her but rebecca
stopped her with a raised hand.

"i'll find my own way out.  you'd just have to climb the stairs again to
tuck in your daughter.  i'll talk to you soon: '

"b

elizabeth watched as her boss left.  when the front door closed, she
stared at it for several minutes.  rebecca was great.  she was looking
forward to working for her.  it would be nice to have some new friends
in her life. except she shook her head and turned toward mandy's room.
except for the secrets she had to keep.  they made it hard to open up.
there was always a barrier between herself and anyone she wanted in her
life.  she knew she should put it behind her, but she couldn't.  what
would louise and rebecca think if they knew the truth?  worse, what
would travis think?  she didn't want to even imagine that moment he
would know what a fool she'd been.  he would blame her, as she blamed
herself, for not figuring it out, for not getting the clues.  there must
have been hundreds.

stop thinking about it, she told herself.  but it was hard to forget
what was keeping her from the life she really wanted.  tonight's dinner
had reminded her how much she liked having people in her life.  being
with everyone had taunted her with the vision of what she'd once
imagined her life with sam to be like.  she'd thought they would be a
family together; she'd been wrong.

brushing aside the unpleasant thoughts, she moved toward mandy's room.
as she entered the room she saw travis sitting on the edge of the bed
holding mandy in his arms.  they both had their backs to her.

"sometimes i miss my daddy," mandy said.

"i know, honey," travis answered.

elizabeth felt as if someone had stabbed her in the heart.  mandy had
adjusted so well to all the changes that sometimes she allowed herself
to forget how this must be upsetting her daughter.  of course she missed
her father.

she wanted to go to mandy and comfort her, but travis seemed to be doing
a fine job.  besides, it was her fault the girl didn't have a father
anymore. she'd been the one to demand sam sign custody of their child
over to her. she clutched the door frame.  sam hadn't given her any
trouble he'd signed the papers, then passed them to her.  his blue eyes
had spoken his silent apology as the prison guards had led him away.
that quiet apology hadn't been enough.

elizabeth knew this was hard on mandy, but it was better this way.  sam
had never really loved either of them.  she'd finally figured out it had
all been a game to him.

"how come your hugs make me feel better?"  mandy asked, settling back on
her bed.

"they're magic hugs."  travis bent over and kissed her cheek.  when he
straightened, he saw elizabeth standing just inside the room.  "hi.  we
were discussing her father."

"i heard," she said.  elizabeth addressed mandy.  "were you feeling
sad?"

"a little."  her little girl looked up at her with sam's eyes.  "travis
gave me a magic hug and i'm better now."

"aren't you lucky.   " elizabeth picked up her stuffed teddy and placed
him next to her."

"are you ready to go to sleep?"

mandy nodded.

"i love you, sweetie."  "

"i love you, too, mommy."

elizabeth fussed with the covers for as long as she could, knowing she
didn't want to turn around and face travis.  what must he be thinking
about her? every time they came to some kind of agreement, something was
there to remind him about the mysteries in her life.  she knew he was
curious she just prayed he would stop asking her questions she couldn't
answer.

travis was waiting for her in the hallway.  without saying a word, he
placed his hand on the small of her back and led her down the stairs.
when they reached the foyer she was about to say good-night, but he
opened the front door.

"come outside," he said.  "it's a beautiful night."

she hesitated.  it would be better for both of them if she went to her
room-alone.  the two of them sitting in the dark could get into a lot of
trouble.  their kiss this afternoon had proved that, and it had still
been daylight.  but the cool night beckoned.  she was tired from her
long day, but not in pain.

"i won't bite," he promised.

how could she resist him?"

"if you're sure," she said, and stepped out onto the porch.

the light beside the front door cast a soft glow down the steps.  the
swing was to her left, but she felt that would be tempting fate too
much, so she sat on the top step and pulled her full skirt over her
knees to her ankles. travis settled next to her.  the night air was full
of sounds: crickets, the soft buzz of invisible flying wings, the
hoot-hoot of an owl.  she inhaled the smells.  damp earth from a brief
afternoon shower, the last lingering sweetness of the roses by the porch
rail and the hint of woodsmoke from some faraway fireplace.

a quarter moon hung just above the horizon.  this was a different sky
than she was used to.  the lights of los angeles washed out most of the
stars, but up here she could see the twinkling lights of the
constellations.

travis sat close enough for them to touch.  shoulder to thigh.  she
should probably pull away, but he was warm and familiar, her only anchor
in her new world.

"you want to talk about mandy's father?"  he asked.  he'd lowered his
voice, but it still sounded loud in the quiet evening.  "i assume you
heard what she said: '

"most of it."  she folded her arms on top of her knees and rested her
chin on them.  "i can't."

"how about your father?"

"what?"

she glanced sideways at him.  he smiled at her.  in the soft light, he
looked like a chiseled statue.  his hair and mustache were the color of
midnight, his skin a polished bronze.  if it wasn't for the warmth of
his arm brushing her and the heat seqping through her dress from hip and
thigh, she would have wondered if he was real.  she'd escaped her past
and had somehow stumbled upon this man.  was fate being kind or playing
the most horrible joke on her?

"i'm changing the subject.  tell me about your family.  did you grow up
in la.?"

"in the area.  near san bernardino.  a small town, a lot like this one.
then i went to the big bad city to go to college"

"and you're the only child: '

"yes.  mom was in her late thirties when i was born, and that was a lot
less popular then.  i was lonely growing up.  i'd always planned on
having three or four kids of my own to make up for it, but it didn't
turn out that way."

"you could have them now: '

"i'm not sure.  being a single mom is hard.  i'm not getting married."
again.  she almostqsaid it, but at the last minute held back the word.
still it hung in the night like a winged creature before taking flight
and disappearing into the silence.  she cleared her throat.  "what about
you?"

either he didn't notice that now she was the one changing the subject,
or he was too kind to comment.  she had a feeling it was the latter."

"four boys, an assortment of uncles dropping by to visit.  it was noisy.
" he shrugged.  she felt the rise and fall of his shirt as it brushed
against her skin.  it was nice.  " my dad was sheriff of glenwood for
about twenty-five years"

"did you work for him?"

"yeah: he chuckled.  " for about a minute.  he took an early retirement,
but there was a month there when i was his newest deputy.  " he paused.
when he spoke again, his voice was different.  " he rode me hard: '

"did it make you angry?"

he turned to look at her.  "why do you ask?"

"you sounded..."  she trailed off.  "bitter, i guess: '

"maybe i am.  not about the work, that was fine.  dad and his brothers
were the original good ol' boys.  they lived hard, drank hard, played
hard.  by the time i was ten, three of my four uncles were divorced. the
fourth one, bob, never bothered getting married.  i knew my dad had a
bunch of girlfriends, not to mention a mistress he kept in the next
town: he drew in a deep breath.  " this is the seedy side of the haynes
family legend.  sorry. you don't want to hear this: ' she felt bad that
he'd gone through that, but part of her was grateful to have something
to focus on other than her own problems.  she shifted until she was
facing him.  her knees bumped his thighs.  he leaned forward, resting
his elbows on his kneas and letting his hands hang loose."

"people in town think it was all good times and parties at our house,"
he said at last.  " it wasn't.  my folks fought a lot.  you can imagine
what my mom thought of my dad's activities.  " his mouth twisted into a
grim smile.  " he was so damn proud of himself.  he had four sons and,
no matter what else he did, he woke up every morning in his own bed.
what a saint.  " he drew in a breath." she split when kyle was fifteen.
packed her bags and left.  not a word, or a note.  we thought about
looking for her, but we figured if she wanted to stay in touch, she knew
where to find us"

"how old were you?"

"iwventy-one.  it didn't really bother me.  i'd just finished college
and was about to find my own place anyway, but it hit kyle hard. jordan,
too, but he wouldn't show it: ' elizabeth's heart squeezed painfully.
jordan wasn't the only one who didn't want to show his pain.  travis
might have been older, but she had a feeling his mother's abandonment
had hurt him just as much.  she was torn.  part of her couldn't blame
the woman for walking out on travis's father, but she didn't understand
how a mother could abandon her sons.

"so you decided to punish all women for what she'd done?"  she asked.

"no.  it's not like that.  none of us are angry at women.  nobody has
figured out how to make it work: he turned his head and looked at her.
she saw the sadness in his eyes.  instinctively she reached out and
rested her hand on his forearm.  he didn't acknowledge the comfort, but
she didn't mind.  he felt warm and strong, even with all his pain.  she
liked to think she was giving a little back.

"craig got married right out of college.  had three boys.  but he
couldn't make it work.  i tried with julie.  you know what happened
there.  i come from a long line of ducks"

"what?"

"if it looks like a duck and walks like a- never mind.  we talked about
it, my brothers and i.  watching our dad and the uncles fool around
convinced us that we were all going to be faithful to the women in our
lives.  wishing isn't enough, is it?  monogamy doesn't guarantee
success.  there's something else we all just don't get."

he stared into the night.  their backgrounds were so different, she
thought. yet here they sat together, facing their personal demons.  she
was glad that she and travis could be friends.  they needed each other.

"so you stay single forever?  " she asked.

"there doesn't seem to be a choice."

"what about children?"

he turned on the step, shifting so his back pressed against the railing.
he parted his thighs and rested his right foot on the porch, bending his
knee. his other foot balanced on the bottom step.  her calves brushed
against his inner thigh.  it was a very intimate position.  her gaze
seemed drawn to his chest, drifting lower to his trousers.  she looked
away before she reached dangerous territory, but their new positions
made her hyper aware of his heat and scent.  she clutched her arms to
her chest.

"i'd like a family," he said, seemingly unaware of what he was doing to
her. "but it's not in the cards for me."

"too bad.  you're wonderful with mandy."

he brushed off her compliment with a flick of his wrist.  "speaking of
mandy, i've been thinking.  there's a soccer league for the younger
kids.  it gives them something to do during football season.  the teams
are coed, but they match them up by size and skill.  sign-ups are
tomorrow.  i thought i could take her to the park.  what do you think?"

"" i think you're a sheep in wolf's clothing, travis haynes.   all this
tough talk, but underneath, you're a sweetie."

his slow, sexy grin chased the last of the shadows from his eyes.  "tell
anyone, and you're dead meat."

"tough guy, you don't scare me.   soccer will be great for mandy. thanks
for offering to take her: '

"no problem.  i know the coaches.  she'll have fun and make lots of
friends."

she leaned forward.  "travis, you're wonderful with kids.  this is a
perfect example.  you shouldn't dismiss that."

"the truth is, i'm a sprinter.   it's easy to play daddy for a couple of
hours, but it makes a big difference when the kids are yours.   i know.
i've seen craig struggling: ' "

"you keep saying that you don't have what it takes, but from everything
i've seen, all the parts are in working order : ' he raised his dark
eyebrows.  instantly her gaze dropped to his crotch and she remembered
the feel of his hardness pressing against her.  she blushed and looked
away.  "you know what i meant."

"i prefer my interpretation of what you said: ' she sank back against
the railing.  "i think it's time for me to say good-night."

"not so fast: ' he stood on the bottom step and loomed over her.  his
head moved lower, blocking out the night stars.  his hands touched her
almost-bare should en making her instantly tremble.  but at the last
minute, she turned her face away.  his mouth grazed her cheek."

"elizabeth?"

"i can't," she whispered.  she risked looking up at him.  confusion
filled his brown eyes, fighting the fire there and slowly putting it
out.  she couldn't.  for a thousand sensible reasons that all boiled
down to being afraid of making the same mistake again.

if only she'd met travis seven years ago.  if only he'd been the one to
steal her heart and seduce her body.  but it hadn't been travis, it had
been sam. maybe if sam had beat her or cheated on her, it would have
been easier to get over what happened.  but how was she supposed to
recover from being a fool? how was she supposed to forget the lies?

travis stepped back and held out his hand to help her up.  she ignored
him and rose.  a pain jabbed her side as her movements pulled the
incision.

"i'm sorry," she said, looking over his left shoulder.  "i can't do
this. i'm not what you think i am" she smiled sadly, knowing she either
had to smile or cry.  already her eyes were burning.  she prayed she
made it to her room before she gave way.

"so it all comes back to that damn mystery," he growled."

"what is so terrible?"

"don't ask me, please.  i really appreciate everything you've done.  i'm
very grateful."

"i don't want your gratitude."

she blinked several times, but it didn't help.  one tear rolled free.
she brushed it off her cheek.  "it's all i have to give you, travis.
there's nothing else.  please believe me.  i'm not who you think i am."

chapter eight.

the coach blew his whistle, but none of the kids on the field paid any
attention.  they continued to chase the white soccer ball, screaming
with excitement in the frenzy of being the first one to actually kick
the ball. when the ball made a sudden left turn, mandy was right there.
she stared down at it, her expression a mixture of confusion and
delight; then she kicked for all she was worth.  the ball saiied into
the air and landed out of bounds.  travis stood up and cheered.  the
coach wearily shook his head and continued to blow the whistle.  finally
the dozen or so six and seven-year-olds quieted down to listen.

for the fifth time, the coach explained the rules of the game.  each of
the children nodded earnestly, then scattered in an effort to find and
kick the ball.  travis chuckled mandy was right in the middle of the
pack.  with her bright red shorts and t-shirt she was easy to spot.  her
blond ponytail swung with each step.

"the kid's a natural athlete," he said.

"you sound like a proud papa."

he shifted on the bleachers set up on the side of the field and turned
around.  a sultry brunette with legs that stretched from here to forever
smiled down at him.  her cropped t shirt and microscopic shorts left
little to the imagination.

"unless you've been hiding something, travis, she couldn't possibly be
yours:

"no, amber.  she's the daughter of a friend of mine.  i brought her to
the practice.  i'm surprised to see you here."

"jimmy's playing: she motioned to the field.   a short dark-haired boy
ran tenaciously after the ball."

"you know how karl is about sports: ' he did know.  karl was one of his
deputies.  a former college football hero, karl had hoped for a career
in the pros.  he had the heart but lacked speed. amber had married him
before the 49ers released him from his contract.  rumor had it she
wasn't happy about being cheated out of her role as the professional
football player's wife.  travis couldn't confirm the rumors, but the
last two times he'd stopped amber for speeding, she'd offered to pay her
ticket with something other than cash.  he'd refused.  even if karl
hadn't been his subordinate and a friend, travis didn't dally with
married women.

"my husband's working today," she said, moving down closer to where he
was sitting.  "but then you know that, don't you?  are you going to be
at all the practices?  they take a couple of hours, don't they?"  she
moved closer and smiled.  "maybe we could get a cup of coffee, or
something"

it was the"something" that had him worried.  "thanks, but i don't think
so, amber.  i'd rather stay with the kids."

her perfect features twisted into a snarl.  "i always knew your
reputation was a lot of hype, travis.  figures there'd be nothing hot in
this crappy little town."  she jumped off the bleachers and stalked
away.

it was starting to make sense, he thought, remembering how distracted
karl had been lately.  amber must be making his life hell.  he grimaced.
looks like the haynes boys weren't the only ones who couldn't keep their
marriages together.

he returned his attention to the field.  the coach was trying to set up
drills for the kids.  it wasn't working.  travis thought about
volunteering his services, but he was already committed to a pint-size
football team.  in a couple of weeks the practices would overlap.

mandy continued to run back and forth, laughing as she tried to kick the
ball.  her smile made him think of her mother.

life wasn't fair.  amber was ready to get involved in an affair.  she
would understand it for what it was and not expect more of him.  he
hadn't had a woman in months, so he should have been tempted.  but amber
didn't do a thing for him.  not to mention the fact that she was
married.  he shrugged.  he had a bad feeling that even if amber had been
single, he wouldn't have been interested.

elizabeth, on the other hand, could turn him on in a heartbeat.  she was
single but not available, and certainly not the type a man played around
with.  if it wasn't for that damned feeling he got when he was around
her-the sense of belonging-he could put her out of his mind.

but instead of trying to not think about her, he recalled their kiss.
hot and perfect.  she'd gone all soft in his arms, holding on, kissing
him back. his chest still burned where her breasts had pressed against
him.  she'd tasted sweet and ready.  god knows he'd been ready.  even
thinking about it made his jeans uncomfortable.  he shifted on the bench
and glanced at the kids still playing.  think about something else,
haynes, he told himself.

i'm not who you think i am.  her words haunted him.  what could they
mean? she said she wasn't married, and he didn't think she was a liar.
so what was it?  damn.  he should have made her tell him.  barring that,
he should have kissed her again, kissed her until neither of them cared
about her mystery, or anything but the feelings they generated when they
were together.

a white sheriff's car pulled up, distracting him.  he stood and
stretched, then walked over to the vehicle.  kyle stepped out and walked
around the car.

"what's up?"  travis asked.

kyle shook his head.  "nothing's up.  i called the house and elizabeth
said you were here: kyle grinned.  " is she as pretty as she sounds?"

"what happened to lisa?"

kyle leaned against the car and folded his arms over his chest."

"we broke up."

"you dumped her."

"yeah.    i guess."

travis studied his twenty-eight-year-old brother.  he'd been the one
hardest hit by their mother leaving.  he was six-two, lean, with the
haynes dark hair, eyes and good looks.  girls, women and old ladies
loved him.  he dumped them all before they could dump him.

"what happened this time?"  travis asked."

"you know, same old thing.  she wasn't right.  so tell me about
elizabeth.  i heard from louise that she's really pretty.  and about my
age."

"don't even think about it," travis growled.

kyle grinned.  "jealous, old man?  that's a first: ' "

"i'm not jealous. elizabeth is going through some things right now and
she doesn't need to get involved with a romeo like you: ' kyle leaned
forward and mockingly punched him in the stomach.  travis feinted right
and shot back a jab of his own.

"you've got it bad, big brother.  the lady has you hogtied with luvvvv."

"it's been less than two weeks.  we're just...  friends."

kyle dropped his arms to his side.  "sell it somewhere else.  i
recognize the signs.  you'll be parking your slippers under her bed by
the end of the month: ' travis shoved his hands into his jeans front
pockets.  "it's not what you think, kyle.  i like her."  how long had it
been since he'd admitted that to himself or anyone else?

kyle's good humor faded.  his mouth pulled straight and his eyes
darkened with sadness.  "i guess that means you're going to stay away
from her, huh?"

"i don't have much choice."

"the haynes curse."  kyle turned and braced his forearms on the top of
the marked sedan.  "we're all pretty bright.  you'd think we'd have
figured out a way to break the thing: '

"you keep trying."

"not anymore.  i'm giving up on women."

"thayll last about a minute."  he looked out at the field and watched
mandy play.  she saw him and waved then went back to her game.  "we make
a sorry group, kyle: ' "

"that we do.  and we're contagious.  austin was probably normal before
we got a hold of him: ' travis shook his head.  "i don't think so.
austin had trouble before he ever got to glenwood.  maybe the five of us
should start a twelvqstep program. hi, my name is travis, and i don't
know how to make a relationship work: ' kyle pushed off the car and
stepped into the street"let me know if it helps. are we on for the game
this sunday?"

kyle, austin and whichever of his other two brothers were around usually
came over to watch football in the fall.  he'd canceled last week
because of elizabeth.

"sure.  she's feeling better."

"so i will get to meet her."  kyle's smile didn't reach his eyes.

"yeah, but watch yourself."  "

"i will: ' travis watched his brother open his car door.  before he
stepped inside, travis called, "wait a minute."  he walked around the
hood of the vehicle and hesitated."

"can you run a name for me?"

"sure.  who?"

he shouldn't do this.  if elizabeth found out, she would be furious.
worse, she would be hurt.  she'd said she hadn't done anything illegal,
but what if she'd been lying?  he didn't want to think that of her, but
there was obviously something she wasn't telling him.

he pulled a pad of paper out of his back pocket and borrowed kyle's pen.
he vacillated another second, then wrote the name"sam proctor" down and
handed kyle the sheet.

"call me if you find anything.  and keep it under your hat: ' kyle
studied the name.  "no problem.  see you sunday."

travis watched the car pull away from the curb.  what would elizabeth
think when she'd found out what he'd done?  what would he think if he
learned her secret?

mandy licked her ice-cream cone frantically, but the drips were faster.
"travis, help," she called, holding out her hand.

he grabbed two napkins and wiped her clean.  by the time he was done
with that hand, the other one was a mess.

"you've got to learn to eat them quicker, honey."

mandy giggled.  she had several grass stains on her shirt and shorts
from the soccer practice.  there was a smudge of dirt on her cheek and
chocolate ice cream on her chin.  she was adorable.

"i'm done."  she gave him the half-finished cone, which proceeded to
drip all over his hand.

"great.  thanks."  he licked it a couple of times, then tossed it in the
plastic-lined trash container in the ice-cream shop.  he wiped both
their hands, then collected their packages.  mandy slid off her stool
and followed him out onto the street"hold this," he said, handing her
one of the bags.  he reached in his back pocket and pulled out the list
elizabeth had made.  "okay, we bought t shirts."

"three of them," mandy said helpfully.

"yes, three.  and shoes.  we got underwear."

"with pink bunnies."

"the bunnies are nice."  it had been tough deciding botween bunnies, a
popular female cartoon figure and flowers he'd picked out female
lingerie before, but not cotton panties for a six-year-old.  he hoped
elizabeth approved of the bunnies.  he scanned the list.  "that's it,
kid.  we just have to go by the post office and collect your mom's mail.
then we'll head home."

"okay."  she started down the sidewalk."

"mandy?   " he called."

"what?"

"it's that way."  he pointed in the other direction.

she smiled."

"okay.  " the bag was light, but almost as big as she was. he reached
down and took it from her.

"i didn't mean for you to carry that, sweetie.  i'll take it: ' "

"but i want to help: ' he sorted through the other packages.  "here.
take this one."

"mommy's present?"  she looked in the small gift store bag and smiled.
"mommy will like it."

"i hope so.   " it had been an impulsive purchase.   a small yellow
stuffed duck.   she wouldn't get the joke, but seeing it would remind
him not to try to be other than he was.

mandy walked at his side chatting about school and soccer practice.  he
liked the sound of her voice and her stories.  he liked how she looked
up at him and simply assumed he would keep her safe.  she accepted him
with the tacit trust of a child raised in a house full of love and
security so where was the girl's father?

thinking of sam proctor sent a shiver of guilt slipping down his spine.
as they crossed the street and he saw a restaurant up ahead, he had the
urge to step inside and use the phone to call kyle at the station.  it
would be easy enough to tell his brother to back off.  why did it matter
who sam proctor was?  but he passed the restaurant without making the
call.

they reached the post office.  there was a short line mandy stood
patiently, humming softly under her breath.  he glanced down at her
pretty face and beautiful blue eyes.  eyes she had to have inherited
from her father.  he smiled at her.  she grinned in return and reached
for his hand.  the trusting gesture twisted his heart.  a stab of
loneliness caught him off balance.  it was going to be hell when
elizabeth and mandy moved into their own place.

when it was their turn, he approached the counter and collected
elizabeth's mail.  she was having her forwarded conespondence held until
she had her own place.  he resisted the temptation to flip through the
stack of envelopes checking on sam proctor was one thing, reading her
mail quite another.

"ready to go home?"  he asked.

she nodded.  "i had the best time, travis.  i like doing things with
you.  my old friends did stuff with their daddies but mine was always
busy.  i like soccer, too: ' the slightly confused speech gave him the
in he'd been hoping for.  as they approached the car, he dug in his
front jeans pocket for his keys.

"you haven't seen your daddy in a long time, have you?"

mandy shook her head.  "mommy said he had to go away.  my daddy left
because he's big: ' she'd said that once before.  what the hell did it
mean?

"big?"

she nodded.  "i heard her say that once.  mommy was on the phone.  i was
supposed to be in bed, but i got up for a drink of water.  mommy said
daddy was big.  then she started to cry."  mandy's mouth twisted into a
frown.  "i got scared and went back to my room.  mommy and daddy fought
sometimes.  i could hear them: she handed him the bag then climbed into
the front seat of his bronco.  as he bent over to fasten her seat belt,
she glanced up at him."

"it made mommy sad when he went away.  it made me sad, too."

he could see that sadness in her eyes and felt like the lowest kind of
scum for questioning her.  to distract her, he bent over and tickled
her.

"sad?  no one is allowed to be sad in my car."

she twisted away and giggled.  "is it a magic car, like the magic hugs?"

"absolutely.    " he handed her the mail and closed her door.

after tossing the packages on the back seat, he climbed in and started
the trock.  mandy's good humor had been restored and she chatted
happily.  his mind reeled with curiosity my daddy left because he's big.
elizabeth abbott, who are you?  he signaled to turn out of the post
office parking lot.  frustration welled up inside of him.  he drew in a
deep breath.  he wasn't going to get answers anytime soon. kyle might
come up with something, or he might not.  until then, he would just have
to let it go.  he liked elizabeth and found it hard to believe she was
involved with anything shady.  his gut trusted her, and he trusted his
gut.

"look at the pretty dog," mandy said, pointing at a teenage boy walking
a collie.

travis stopped at a red light and turned to look.  mandy raised her
hands to wave at the dog.  the mail on her lap slipped off on the floor.
he glanced at the light to make sure it was still red, then bent over
and picked up the envelopes he told himself not to, but he couldn't help
glancing at the address.  it was a suburb of los angeles.  he looked up
a line, to the addressee.  his teeth clenched together he flipped
through the rest of the envelopes.  a1most all of them were addressed to
the same person: elizabeth proctor.

she'd lied.

elizabeth wiped the kitchen counter.  again.  it had been clean the last
four times she'd wiped it.  she was wasting time, trying to avoid the
inevitable.

travis had put up a good front through the late afternoon and even into
dinner.  but she knew there was something wrong.  she could see it in
his eyes, hear it in the way he hesitated before answering her
questions.  he'd held himself apart from her ever since he and mandy had
come home.

she looked around the clean kitchen, liking the way the cream-and-blue
tiles complemented the bleached oak cabinets it wasn't a traditional
kitchen, but it suited her, and the house.  she would miss it when she
left.

she walked over to the coffeepot and poured out two cups.  sitting on
the shelf above the sink was a stuffed yellow duck.  the little creature
seemed to smile at her, as much as a duck could smile.  the gift had
delighted her. only travis's seeming emotional distance distracted her
from her pleasure. something was wrong and she was going to find out
what.

she carried the mugs carefully to the stairs and started to climb.
travis was fitting cabinets in the big bathroom off the master bedroom.
mandy had been in bed for almost an hour.  her morning on the soccer
field had worn her out.  she had new clothes, thanks to travis's
patience at shopping, and several new friends.  life was good for the
six year -old.

elizabeth walked down the hallway to the last door.  like most of the
rooms in the house, the master bedroom was vacant, the walls stripped of
wallpaper, the hardwood floor in need of repair.  but even empty and
abandoned, it was a beautiful room.  bay windows overlooked the back of
the property, creating an intimate sitting area.  there was a stone
fireplace in the corner and a huge bathroom through the doorway at the
far end.

she made her way over the stacks of supplies and tools.  she could hear
a file rubbing against wood.

"you ready to take a break?"  she called.  "or should i come back later?

"i can take a break."

"good."  she entered the bathroom.  molding for the ceiling lay stacked
in the center.  travis had told her he planned to do the master bed and
bath in a victorian style.  he'd even ordered a claw-footed bathtub.
several cabinets stood around the oulside of the room.  pipes stuck out
from the wall.

travis sat in the middle of the floor, an open cabinet in front of him.
he looked up as she entered.  something flickered in his eyes.  not
passion, not even interest.  it was almost a fleeting hint of sadness,
followed by a healthy dose of mistrust.  she stopped dead in her tracks.

"what's wrong?"  she asked.

"nothing."  he blinked and the expression was gone, replaced by one she
couldn't read.

her stomach tightened as worry made her gnaw on her lower lip.  she
handed him a mug of coffee.  he took it and nodded his thanks, then
sipped the steaming liquid.  silence stretched between them.  she didn't
know what to say.  apparently he didn't, either, because the room stayed
quiet.

she walked over to the rolls of wallpaper and studied the rose-and-ivory
pattern.  she could feel travis's gaze on her back.  what had she done?

"you didn't have to stay home tonight to keep me company," she said at
last, still staring at the wallpaper.

"i've been neglecting the house."  he picked up his file and went to
work on the cabinet.

she wanted to believe that was all it was, but she couldn't.  the knot
in her belly was too big to be ignored.

"then tell me what's wrong.  are you angry with me?"

the file clinked when he dropped it to the floor.  she heard him stand
up and move close to her.  she drew in a deep breath and turned around.

he'd set his coffee on the cabinet and stood with his arms folded over
his chest.  worn black jeans hugged his strong thighs.  his flannel
shirt, rolled up to the elbows, had seen better days.  the faded, soft
fabric clung to him, highlighting his strength.  when she gathered
enough courage, she raised her head to look at his face.  dark eyes
revealed nothing, nor did the straight set of his mouth.

"i didn't deliberately look through your mail he said.

the knot in her stomach tightened.  when he and mandy had come back with
her mail, she'd had a moment's unease what if travis had noticed who it
was addressed to?  but mandy had proudly told herqthat she'd carried it
all by herself.  when travis hadn't said anything, elizabeth had assumed
he hadn't looked.

"mandy kept it on her lap.  when it fell off, i picked it up.  it's all
addressed to elizabeth proctor.  there's a postcard from your parents,
elizabeth.  your own parents use sam's last name.  why did you lie?"

she expected the shame.  when the hot emotion flooded her, she had to
fight to keep from ducking her head.  she could feel the blush creeping
up her cheeks.  even in the soft iight of the bathroom he would be able
to see her embarrassment but she hadn't expected to feel such sadness
and regret. travis had believed her.  despite the evidence against her,
despite his questions, he'd trusted her to be who she said she was.  he
hadn't pressed to know her secrets.  he'd been there for her, a good
friend, and now that was gone."

"i m sorry," she said slowly, gripping her mug tightly."

"i didn't want anyone to know.  i couldn't tell you because i knew what
you would think."

"what's the problem?"  he asked.  his eyebrows drew together.  he
unfolded his arms and held out his hands, palms up.  "it's no big deal.
people get divorced all the time.  hell, i'm divorced.  why would you
think anyone would care?"

"it's not that simple."

"what's not that simple?   did he beat you?   was he into men instead of
women?   dammit, elizabeth, tell me the truth: ' she'd always known it
would come to this.  she should have known the secret would get out.
what would travis think of her when he knew?  would he despise her? call
her a fool?  she shook her head.  he couldn't say anything worse than
what she'd already told herself.

"none of those things," she said at last.  "sam proctor was already
married when i met him.  i didn't know, and he didn't tell me.  sam was
a bigamist: '

chapter nine.

if the situation hadn't been so sad and serious, elizabeth might have
laughed.  travis couldn't have looked more shocked if she'd stripped off
all her clothes and started dancing around naked.  the giggle in the
back of her throat cracked and threatened to become a sob.  she covered
her mouth with her hand and turned away.

"you're the second wife?"  he asked.

"y-yes: she cleared her throat.  it didn't help.  her legs started to
tremble.  she clutched at a stack of boxes of tiles, but the support
wasn't enough.  shame, bitter regret, pain and confusion flooded her.
she didn't want to lose travis.  not yet.  she needed him to be her
friend.  now everything was lost.

she stopped trying to hold on and sank to her knees.  the floor was cold
through her jeans, but she didn't care.  she clutched her arms to her
chest and fought to stay coherent.

"i didn't know," she said, not turning around to face him.  she didn't
want to see the disgust in his eyes."

"i swear i didn't know.  i should have, of course.  i was stupid. young,
naive.  it was my fault for not questioning more.  but i was barely out
of my teens. things like that didn't happen to girls from like me.  "
she spoke quickly, as if by telling the tale fast he would be more
likely to believe her.

"i met sam at a lecture, at college.  my parents had wanted me to stay
home and go to a local junior college, but i wanted to get away.  they
seemed so old and out of touch with everything.  i was working and going
to school part-time.  there was this lecture.  i saw his picture.  he
was blond and good-looking.  when he spoke, it was wonderful the lecture
was on staying motivated to achieve goals.  he was very big on staying
motivated."  she paused to catch her breath.

"you don't have to tell me this," travis said quietly.  he was still
behind her.  she didn't dare turn around; she couldn't.  maybe if she
explained it all correctly, he would understand.  maybe he would know
that she'd tried, really tried.  she hadn't meant to make such a big
mistake.

"i sat in the back because i was shy."  she sniffed.  "silly.  i didn't
have the courage to ask my questions in front of the group.  there were
probably two hundred people in the room.  but afterward i went up to
talk to him. there was a crowd, mostly women.  they were older and well
dressed.  i was just a kid.  when he spoke to me, i was enchanted.  he
looked at me as if i were something special.  something different.  that
meant a lot.  when he asked me to go for coffee...  well, i couldn't
refuse."

"elizabeth, don't."

"i have to.  i have to make you understand."  "

"i understand : '

"no, you don't: she looked up at him.  shock still flared in his dark
eyes. he sat on the edge of the cabinet staring down at her.  his arms
were folded over his chest.  his body language told her he'd pulled
back.  the teasing man who opened his home to her was gone, replaced by
a judging stranger.

"i was a late bloomer.  i didn't know how to dress or act around kids my
age. my parents didn't help.  the clothes they bought me were
inappropriate for school.  too dressed up and conservative.  i'd never
had a boyfriend.  sam was ten years older than me, but very hip and
sophisticated.  i was overwhelmed."  she looked up at him and forced
herself to smile.  it felt a little shaky."

"you know how that is, travis.  you've knocked your share of women off
their feet."

"one or two," he admitted.  "but i'm not judging you"

"yes, you are.  of course you are.  do you think i don't judge myself? i
made it so easy for him."  she closed her eyes remembering how eager
she'd been for his kisses, his touch.  she'd never been with a man
before.  sam was tender, teaching her the ways between a man and a
woman.  she'd fallen in love in a matter of days.

"he lived in seattle but commuted to la.  on business a lot.  i even
visited him there, once, at his apartment: she opened her eyes and
stared at her clenched fists.  she tried to relax her fingers, but she
couldn't.  she was holding on to all of herself to keep from breaking
down.  it was overwhelming knowing what travis thought, what other
people would think.  knowing she'd been irresponsible and foolish and
gullible.  feeling hornbly alone.  there was no one to turn to.

"i know now that apartment must have belonged to a friend.  he was
already married.  he has two children with his real wife.  a boy and a
girl.  when i got pregnant, i just assumed we'd be married.  he'd never
said anything about a wife.  i never thought to ask.  he said of course
we would.  he loved playing the odds.  it was all a game to him.  his
dual life was exactly the kind of challenge he thrived on.  i should
have known."

"elizabeth, i don't know what to say."

"i don't blame you.  i didn't know what to say, either.  i lived with
that man for six and a half years."  she laughed, then stopped before
the laugh turned into a sob.  "i found out when the police knocked on my
door in the middle of the night.  they arrested him, right there in my
living room.  you know the funny part?"

he didn't answer.

"i was going to leave him and get a divorce.  the marriage - the
whatever we had together-had been in trouble for a while.  it didn't
work with his separations.  of course his already being married would
have put a strain on things, too, if i'd known."

"elizabeth- "

"no, i know what you're thinking.   any kind of moron could have figured
it out.   my god, in six years there should have been hundreds of clues.
there were.   i know there were: she couldn't look at him anymore.   she
stared at the loose tiles in front of her.   one was plain cream with
tiny flecks of rose.   the other was the same cream background with
rose-colored flowers in eaeh of the corners.   the bathroom was going to
be beautiful when he was done.   she wondered if he would let her come
and look at it then, or if he wouldn't ever want to speak to her again.
she couldn't blame him.   her friends had stared at her with disgust.
most had stopped calling.   the ones who had continued to speak to her
had made her feel worse.   she hated their pity.

"i should have known.  there i stood on my wedding day, so happy.  i
knew i would be the best bride, the best wife, the best mother.  it was
all a joke."

the colors on the tiles blurred.  she heard a movement behind her.
travis crouched next to her and grabbed her shoulders.  "dammit, stop
beating yourself up."

she stared at him, at his wavering image and only then did she realize
she was crying.  she raised one hand to her cheek.  it was wet with
tears.

"i told you," she whispered, her voice low and husky.  "i warned you i
wasn't who or what you thought."

"give me a break," he said impatiently."

"you made a mistake.   so what?   people make mistakes all the time."

"not like this: '

"hey, this isn't half as terrible as some of things i've been imagining:

"you don't mean that: '

"elizabeth, you aren't the bad guy.  you didn't do anything wrong: ' "

"except be stupid: ' he smiled slightly."

"that's not against the law: ' she pulled free of his grip.  "you
haven't thought this through, travis. it's not just about being stupid.
i was never married.  every document i have is a lie.  i won't even
bother with the details of what the irs had to say about this.  we had
joint property together.  it's still not all straightened out.  and my
daughter-" her voice started to shake.  "my daughter doesn't have a
father anymore.  i wasn't married when she was born. even her birth
certificate is a lie.  i love her more than anything, yet i might have
destroyed her life.  i only wanted the best for her and look what
happened."

"i'm sorry."

he reached for her, but she pulled back.  she leaned against the pile of
tiles.  "do you know what it's like having the police show up at your
door at four in the morning?  do you know what my neighbors thought or
said the next day?  sam was gone about two weeks every month.  i used to
wonder why he didn't want to buy a house.  now i know it's because his
other life would show up on the credit report.  he didn't want me to go
back to work, but thank god i did.  when this all hit, i walked away
with my daughter, my personal savings account and only what i'd paid
for.  i left behind everything else.  i wanted to start over."  the
tears began to flow again. she felt her voioe getting thick, but she
couldn't stop.  she had to explain it all.  "i didn't know.  i swear i
didn't know: '

"hush" he reached for her and this time she didn't have the strength to
resist him.  after months of carrying around her guilty secret she felt
cleansed, having spoken the truth at last.  she knew that travis would
never be able to understand what she'd been through or look at her
without feeling disgusted, but right now she couldn't deal with that.

he drew her into his embrace.  he was warm and comforting, all the
things her life lacked.

"don't touch me," she said, willing herself to fight, but not able to
find the strength.  "i'm incompetent.  i ruined my life and mandy's,
and-"

"never," he whispered.  he rested her head on his shoulder and stroked
her back.  "never."

"it's true.  i am.  i'm-"

he silenced her with his kiss.  his firm lips brushed against hers, his
mustache tickled her skin.  he tasted salty; then she realized it was
her own tears.  she clung to him, to his strength, letting herself
believe that this was real.  even for just a second, it was enough.  his
powerful body acted as a shield from the horrors of her past.  in his
arms, she could forget her part in the debacle that had been her life.
she could ignore how it had affected mandy, and caused them both to be
cut off from friends and family. even her parents didn't know the truth.
she couldn't face telling them.

she turned her face away, breaking the kiss.  "i wish you didn't know,"
she said, inhaling the scent of his warm body, knowing he would soon
remove his strength from her reach and she would be alone again.  "i
wish i didn't have to see the disgust and pity in your eyes."

he touched her chin, forcing her to look at him.  "what do you see in my
eyes?"  he asked.

she saw the flames that had been there the last time they'd kissed.  she
saw compassion, and something she couldn't identify.

"you haven't had time to think it through," she said, not willing to
believe it was that easy."

"give me a little credit for knowing myself."

she didn't say anything because she knew he was wrong.  in time he would
get angry at her for being so young and blind.  her friends had.  she'd
certainly gotten angry at herself.  she was used to the weight of
disapproval.

he rose and pulled her to her feet.  then he bent over and picked her up
in his arms.  she thought about protesting, but she didn't have the
energy.  she wrapped her arms around his neck and savored the feeling of
being safe.

he carried her down the hall into his bedroom.  she'd never been in here
before.  there was a large sleigh bed pushed against one wall.  it
dwarfed this room, but would look perfect in the master suite.  an
antique rocker stood in one corner.  he settled down on the seat.  she
started to struggle.

"i'm not mandy," she said.  "i don't need to be treated like a child: '

"maybe not," he said mildly, "but you neqd a good holding anyway and
this is the best way i know to do it.  relax, elizabeth.  everything is
going to be all right.  i promise."

"you can't make it all right: '

"sure i can.  even if i can't make it right forever, i can fix it now.
close your eyes.  don't think about it anymore"

he held her head against his shoulder.  his other hand moved slowly up
and down her back.  the comforting embrace weakened her resistanoe.  she
felt the tears forming.  she clutched at his shirt and gave in to the
pain.

it filled her, surrounding her.  all the days and nights she'd lived
with her shameful secret, all the lies she'd told, willingly and
unwillingly.  she'd hoped for a fresh start in this small town. nothing
was the way it was supposed to have been.  this shouldn't have happened
to her.

travis murmured quiet words of encouragement.  her sobs lessened.  she
drew in a ragged breath and turned her face toward his neck.  his shirt
was damp against her cheek, his legs hard beneath hers.  big strong
hands held her gently, as if she were the most fragile of creatures.
something precious. she wanted to believe his embrace.  she wanted to
know that she was fragile and special, something of value.

"better?"  he asked when she'd been silent for several minutes.

elizabeth nodded slowly.  "thanks for understanding.  sometimes i'm so
overwhelmed by all of it.  not just what went wrong with sam, but for
everything we've lost.  i wanted to give my daughter a perfect home with
two loving parents."

"mandy is fine.  you have a new job, you're healing from the surgery.
you're both going to make it.  so what's the problem?"

she stared at his neck, studying the way his evening stubble roughened
his skin.  she wanted to touch him there, to see what he felt like
against her fingers, but she couldn't.  it wasn't right to repay his
kindness with her own selfish neqds."

"i can't marry again.  i would never trust myself to pick the right
man."

"that's a big decision to make, based on one mistake."

she sat up and glared at him.  "it was a hell of a mistake who are you
to be telling me what i should think about marriage?  you've had one bad
experience, and you're never getting married again: ' one corner of his
mouth turned up in a smile."

"i'm glad you're feeling better.  " she tried to wiggle out of his lap,
but he held her firm.  " it wasn't just one experience," he said;
resting his hands on her waist.

she stopped fighting and sagged against him.  "does it hurt you, too?
does it hurt to know you'll always be alone?"

"yeah.  it hurts like hell."

he reached down for her at the exact moment she raised her head toward
him. their lips met.  unlike their other kisses, there was nothing
gentle this time, no soft exploration it was hard and hot, hungry and
desperate.  she could feel her own pain and his pain.  the hurt, the
bleakness of their futures compounded one another, growing until they
were both close to drowning in need.

she clung to him, to his arms and shoulders, shifting to move her body
closer.  his strength would be her salvation.  just for this night, just
for this tiny slip of time, she would steal what she had to, give all
she could so he would be saved, as well.

his mouth angled over hers, his lips parted.  she welcomed him, welcomed
the sensations he brought, the forgetfulness of pleasure.  that is what
she needed, she thought, feeling his tongue with her own, tasting him,
being tasted.  she needed to forget everything in her life.

he touched her face, her hair, her shoulders, her back.  whisper-light
touches that barely grazed her skin.  they set her on fire.  she moved
closer so that her side pressed against him.  her breasts ached.  she
wanted him to touch her there, touch her everywhere.  the heat of the
fire helped her forget.  she could get lost in the smoke.  disappear
into the flames.  he made her come alive in ways she'd forgotten
existed.

his hands rested on her waist, then began to move higher.  her breasts
swelled, her nipples puckered inside her bra.  against her hip she felt
the hard ridge of his erection.  an answering wanting moistened her
panties.

"travis," she breathed in anticipation as his fingers stroked her rib
cage.

he buried his face in her neck, kissing the sensitive skin under her
jaw, nibbling on her earlobe, whispering her name like a prayer.  his
lips were warm and damp.

his hands moved higher still, at last cupping her full breasts, taking
their weight into his palms.  his thumbs swept across her nipples,
sending sharp jolts of pleasure down to curl her bare toes.  she arched
against his caress, searching for more and more of his touch.  but
instead of assuaging her need, he moved his hands up to her shoulders,
then slipped his fingers through her hair and held her head in place.

she opened her eyes and stared at him.  the fire burning in his dark
irises left no room for any emotion other than passion.  she reveled in
the need and desire that matched her own.

never taking her eyes from him, she touched his face.  her fingers
tracerl the straight line of his nose, the shape of his jaw.  she heard
the rasp of her fingertips against his stubble, and felt the smoothness
of his mustache. she touched his damp mouth, tracing the shape, enjoying
the heat.  he parted his lips and licked the tip of her finger.

she laughed.  he smiled at the sound; then his smile faded and she saw
the questions forming in his eyes.  questions that quenched the fire and
overpowered the need.

the loss was more than she could bear.  "don't," she whispered.

"elizabeth, you're reacting.  it's too soon."

the disappointment tasted bitter.  "i thought men always wanted to get
women into bed.  i guess it's not true."  she tried to slide off his
lap, but he held her in place.  she flushed.  "or it's not true with
me."

he thrust his hips forward, pressing his erection hard against her.  "do
you need more proof that i want you?  i'm trying to keep you from having
regrets in the morning."

"you're thinking about my past" it hurt to be rejected out of hand.  the
feeling was made worse by the fact that he was the first man she'd been
attracted to, or had even kissed, since sam.  she hadn't made love for
over a year.  she'd never once been tempted to stray, and since she
found out the truth about her marriage, she'd been too ashamed to try
dating.  nothing had changed.  she was still the shy little nobody.  the
girl who didn't understand boys or know how to attract them.  the boys
had grown into men, but she was just as lost as ever.

"i'm sorry i embarrassed you," she said stiffly, wishing she wasn't
turning bright red.

"damn it, elizabeth, what do i have to do to prove to you that i'm
trying to act like a gentleman?"

"nothing at all- what are you doing?"

he plaoed one arm around her back and slipped the other underneath her
legs. as he rose to his feet, he pulled her against his chest.  he
walked four steps to the bed.

"you are the most stubborn woman," he growled as he bent over and placed
her on the comforter.

"stop.  you don't have to do anything.  in fact, i'd rather you didn't:
she started scrambling off the other side.

he grabbed both her hands in his.  one he held down at the mattress, the
other he drew to his crotch and placed against him.  even through his
jeans he was hard and hot.  he held on to her wrist and moved her palm
up and down. a tremor shot through his body, and he gritted his teeth.

"had enough?"  he asked, his eyes once again burning with the fire.

"no," she said truthfully.

"elizabeth, don't tempt me like this.  you're still recovering from your
surgery.  you're upset about your past.  i don't want you to wake up and
hate my guts.  i like you too much for that: ' if he'd promised to love
her forever, she would have never believed him.  if he'd said the truth
didn't matter, she would have never forgiven him for the lie.  but
liking her she could believe.  she liked him back.  he was the closest
thing in the world she had to a friend.  he knew the truth about her and
hadn't turned his back on her.  he might tomorrow he might pity her or
get angry.  but for tonight he was her friend.

she reached for the first button on his jeans."

"it doesn't have to mean anything.  it could just be about tonight: '

"hell: he brushed her fingers away and bent down and kissed her.

he didn't wait for an invitation, but thrust inside her mouth savagely,
hungrily, as if he'd been given permission to devour that which he most
desired.  he sucked on her lower lip, nipped her chin, then moved lower
to the neck of her t shirt.  he paused long enough to slip off the
offending garment and continue his journey of exploration.

his hands led the way, unfastening her bra to bare her breasts.  the
evening air was cool, in contrast to the heat of his mouth trailing ever
closer. damp kisses ignited her skin.  his scent surrounded her, filling
her with images of the man who touched her.  she reached out to embrace
his body, feeling the muscles in his arms and back, touching his short
dark hair.

he murmured her name over and over again as if it were an incantation.
his fingers reached for and found her puckered nipples, toying with
them, readying them for his mouth.

he moved until he was straddling her.  their jeans slid back and forth
creating friction.  the bulging male part of him mated with her softer,
damper center.  through the layers of clothing, she felt the promise of
their joining.

her hands fluttered against his chest and touched the buttons of his
shirt. before she could unfasten even one, he touched her right nipple
with his tongue.

all rational thought fled.  her body awakened painfully to the joy of
moist heat, the suckling that pulled exquisitely from her breast through
her belly down to her swelling center.  her arms fell to her sides and
her hands clung to the comforter.  her hips arched against him seeking
the re lease of his touch.

her breathing increased.  she'd tried not to think about making love
with travis.  she hadn't been as successful as she would have liked.
she'd known he would be tender and patient, qualities she'd seen in him
every day.  she thought she might enjoy the feel of his body close to
her, on top of her, his powerful strength reminding her of her
femaleness his broad shoulders made her feel fragile-and safe.  she'd
known she would enjoy his attentions, but she hadn't expected to lose
control.

his fingers toyed with her other breast, teasing the hardened tip with
the flick of his thumb.  his kiss on her deepened, then he drew back and
moved his lips over her nipple.  the individual hairs of his mustache
swept over her sensitized skin, making her gasp and bringing her
shoulders up off the bed.  she reached up and grabbed his head, holding
him in place.  she'd never been aggressive in bed before.  she'd never
offered any comments on sam's performance.  he'd pleased her most of the
time, and she'd been content with that.  he'd occasionally asked her to
be the aggressor, but she'd never had the courage to act without being
acted upon.

but now, she had no choice in the matter.  those tiny prickling caresses
made her breath catch and legs tremble.  she couldn't bear for him to
stop.  he kept moving back and forth against her breasts, taunting her
with the movement.  her hips flexed again and again, pressing harder
against his arousal.  she was more ready than she had ever been.  so
close it hurt to breathe hard, and yet he hadn't even touched her there.

when she thought she would explode or go mad, he slid down her body,
trailing kisses to the waistband of her jeans.  he sat up and unfastened
the button and slipped the zipper down.  she had enough awareness to
raise her hips to assist him.

it was only when she felt his mouth on her thigh that she realized he'd
taken off her panties along with her jeans.  before she could be
embarrassed, he moved his hands between her legs and urged her to part
them.

she willingly availed herself to him, anticipating the skillful touch of
his fingers.  something warm fanned her most secret place.  a breath of
air.  her eyes opened.  before she could react, his fingers drew her
open and he kissed her moist, quivering center.

a thrill of pleasure shot through her.  her protest died unspoken. she'd
read about this, of course, had even taken sam into her mouth once, but
he'd pushed her away telling her it was dirty.  she'd wondered what it
would feel like to have a man touch her so intimately.  a thousand
questions filled her mind.  what exactly was he doing with his tongue?
did he like the taste and scent of her?  could he feel her muscle
contracting as he her breath caught in her throat.  it was as if he knew
exactly how to touch, where to touch. she relaxed back on the bed and
forgot her questions.  nothing mattered except the feel of him against
her, loving her over and over.  the rhythm increasing in cadenoe,
matching the thunder of her heartbeat.

she whispered his name without thinking, then got embarrassed he paused
long enough to tell her to say it again.  so she did.  she spoke his
name aloud, gasped her pleasure, rotated her hips mindlessly and
surrendered to his masterful touch.  the fire grew, burning hot and
brighter.  the flames didn't frighten her-nothing frightened her. travis
was strong enough to save her. this night was a magical escape from her
real world, from everything except the passion.

he moved faster against her, then shifted, slipping one finger into her
woman's place, moving it slowly.  once again she was shocked, but this
time there was no room for questions, no room for anything but the
sudden tension that locked her muscles and the explosion that shattered
her into a million tiny pieces of perfect pleasure.  , he held her
tightly in his embrace, comforting her as the aftershocks rippled
through her.  the dull ache in her side told her that she'd used her
stomach muscles too much.  who cares, she thought sleepily, and sighed.

"that sounded very contented," he said, his voice rumbling against her
hair.

"it is: she snuggled closer, rubbing her cheek against the soft flannel
of his shirt.  his shirt?  she opened her eyes."

"you're not even naked!"

"i know: his slow, lazy smile belied the erection she could see pressing
against the fly of his jeans."

"travis?"

"hush.  " he brushed her hair out of her face and gently stroked her
head.  " rest, darling'.  you've had a long and difficult day"

it didn't make any sense.  if she'd taken too long with sam, he had
simply pleasured himself and left her unsatisfied she'd always
understood that a man's needs were more uncontrollable than a woman's,
that a man had to find release or face a painful night.  it had never
been just for her."

"but you didn't..  do anything: '

"you're too sore," he said and reached down to touch her healing
incision. "i saw you wince when you settled down.  you can't even drive
yet.  there's no way your insides are ready for anything vigorous."

she drew her eyebrows together.  she couldn't fault his argument.  just
the thought of anything thrust inside of her was enough to make her side
ache more.  but this didn'tfeel right.  it wasn't the way she'd planned
it.

he moved his hand from her side to her breast and gently caressed the
sensitized flesh.  her eyes drifted shut.  it had felt so good when he'd
loved her with his mouth.  she couldn't remember ever experiencing such
exquisite sensations in fact the idea came to her full-blown.  she rose
up on one shoulder, then collapsed back on the bed.

"what?"  he asked.

she didn't answer.  sam hadn't wanted her to do that.  but"iicavis
wasn't sam, she reminded herself.  sam hadn't done what travis had done
to her, either."

"flizabeth?"

she exhaled deeply.  "i was just wishing i'd had more lovers."  "

"what?"

she laughed.  "just so i'd know how to handle this situation : ' he
shook his head.  "you're handling it just fine.  trust me.  now lay down
and relax."

she shimmied closer, so that she could rest her chin on his chest.  "i
don't think so"

"what does that mean?"

"nothing," she said, innocently and sat up.  she straddled his hips and
leaned forward so she could start unbuttoning his shirt.

"what are you planning to do?"  he asked.

"just wait and see.  if you don't like it, i promise to stop."

chapter ten.

travis warned himself not to blow it.  just because he was naked and she
was sitting on his bare belly kissing his chest didn't mean she was
going to reciprocate what he'd done to her.  but he couldn't stop
thinking about it. couldn't stop imagining what it would be like to have
her taste him, touch him in that most intimate way.  he told himself
just having her in his bed, trusting him with her body, was enough.  the
hardness between his legs throbbed in time with his heartbeat and told
him he was a liar.

her hands were everywhere.  his shoulders, chest, neck, arms.  soft skin
brushing, stroking.  her small hot mouth pressed against his flat
nipples, teasing him to frenzied awareness.

she slipped back and down, settling between his legs.  he thought about
telling her she didn't have to do that.  he could simply lie here a few
minutes and explode from the need.  he tried to think about other
things, to get control, but every time he closed his eyes, he was back
on top of her, touching and tasting her, loving her cries of pleasure,
feeling her release against his lips.  she'd been made to be pleasured
by a man-by him.

her hands rubbed up and down on his thighs.  he looked at her.  she
nibbled on her lower lip as she studied him, obviously trying to figure
something out.

"you don't have to do this," he said, cursing his mother for raising him
right."

"do what?"

hell.  "whatever it is that has you confused."

she tossed her hair over her shoulders.  the movement caused her breasts
to sway slightly.  the sight of her hard peach-colored nipples bouncing
in the air made his erection surge toward her.

"i want to, but i'm afraid you won't like it"

he tried to laugh.  it came out a little strangled.

"i've never done this before.  i can't hurt you, can i?  i don't want
to, you know, do anything awful."

the muscles in his legs and arms started twitching.  if it wasn't for
the small red incision, bright and angry against her pale flat belly,
he'd roll her on her back and bury himself deep inside of her.  that
would end the debate and the growing pressure.

"i doubt you'd do anything awful," he said, trying not to grit his
teeth. "but we can stop now."

she smiled."

"did you know the veins on your forehead are sticking out?"

"i'm not surprised," he muttered, knowing he was being punished for some
previous offense.  it must have been pretty bad, whatever it was.

he couldn't stand it any longer.  he started to sit up, determined to
suffer the indignity of a cold shower when she reached forward and
touched his arousal.

his groan sounded loud in the silent room.  she bent over him, her brown
hair falling likeqan erotic curtain, caressing the tops of his thighs.
he sank back on the mattress and held his breath.

her touch was sweet, wet and tentative.  a delicate pressure, careful
yet adventurous.  he could have exploded then, but thought better of it.
her fingers traced small circles at the base of his desire, moving
through the hair, slipping lower to cup his softer parts.  weighing them
in her hands tentatively, then moving more boldly when he exhaled his
pleasure.

it wouldn't take long, he knew.  a few slow strokes, a flick or two with
her tongue and he was ready.

"elizabeth," he said, tensing his muscles, ready to stop and have her
complete him just with her hands.  "you can stop now"

she looked up and tossed her head.  at that second their eyes locked. it
was the most erotic sight of his life.  her heart-shaped face poised
over his engorged maleness, her breasts swinging freely.  pale on
qanned, he saw the lines of her bathing suit.  she licked his sensitive
tip once, then smiled.

"i don't want to stop," she whispered.

and she didn't.

it was nearly two in the morning when he woke up.  he smiled in the
darkness when he felt elizabeth's warm body pressing against his side.
one of her soft, delicate arms lay across his chest.  her face was
buried against his arm.  he could smell the scent of her body and the
lingering aroma of sex.

in seconds he was hard.  he didn't have to fully form the memory of what
she'd done before he was ready to have her do it again and again.  he
figured he'd get tired of looking at her and making love with her in
about fifty years.  that thought scared the hell of out of him.

slowly he slipped out of bed, being careful not to disturb her.  he
picked up his jeans and stepped into the hall way.  after closing the
door softly behind him, he pulled on his jeans and buttoned the fly.

he checked to make sure mandy was sleeping soundly, then picked up her
bear off the floor and set it on her pillow finally he made his way
downstairs. louise took care of the grocery shopping and kept him
stocked with all the essentials.  he reached in the back of the
refrigerator for a bottle of beer and twisted off the top.

the cold liquid went down easily.  not bothering to turn on any lights,
he walked into the family room and settled on the sofa.  the leather was
cool against his bare back.  he shifteq to get comfortable, then relaxed
and closed his eyes.

a bigamist.  he would never have guessed that one.  it was hard to
believe something like that had happened to someone as sweet as
elizabeth.  it wasn't right.  his hand tightened around the beer bottle
as if the slick glass were sam proctor's neck.

she'd mentioned that her ex-husband-former husband, or whatever the hell
he was to her-was still serving time in prison.  travis was glad.  he
hoped the bastard never got out.  the anger inside of him simmered down
to a slow burn, tempered by the question of what he was supposed to do
now.  elizabeth had obviously been embarrassed when she'd told him the
truth.  he'd hated doing that to her.  he'd tried to get her to stop
talking, but she'd continued on as if finally telling someone about her
past was the ultimate act of absolution.

he'd hated knowing she was uncomfortable around him.  had their
lovemaking made it better or worse?  he shook his head and took another
swallow.  the knot in his gut told him it was all about to get worse.
damn.  he should have handled it better.  he shouldn't have kissed her
in the first place, or he should have tried harder to get out of making
love with her.

he grinned mockingly.  oh, yeah, haynes.  get out of it.  as if making
love with elizabeth had been some irritating charity work instead of the
most incredibly intimate, erotic act of his sorry life.

he rubbed his hand over his face, then scratched his chin.  none of this
was helping him answer the most important question.  now what?  what did
he do with the truth, and what abqut what happened betweqn them last
night?

okay, knowing the truth.  that was easy.  elizabeth would want it kept
quiet. that wasn't hard to figure out.  he just wouldn't tell a soul. he
sat up straight and swore.

"kyle."  he'd asked his brother to run a check on sam proctor.  damn. he
knew exactly what his deputy was going to find out.  he would have to
have a talk with kyle and tell him to keep the information to himself.

the knot in his stomach tightened.  he'd felt like slime when he'd asked
his brother to run the check.  he should have listened to that feeling.

a bigamist.  it boggled his mind.  he smiled suddenly, his mood
lightening as he remembered what mandy had said about her father.  he'd
had to leave because he was big.  the kid almost had it right, he
thought, draining the beer and setting the bottle on the coffee table in
front of him.

his smile faded.  where did they go from here?  despite his stellar
reputation, he wasn't the casual sex, one-nightstand kind of guy.  he'd
had enough of that at college.  he generally held back physically until
there was an emotional connection.  he knew nothing was going to last
forever, but he'd never played fast and loose with a woman before.
elizabeth didn't strike him as overly experienced.  with his luck, she'd
only ever been with one man-sam.  which meant she was going to be hating
life and him come morning.  would she expect something of him?  a
commitment of some kind?

it wasn't, he realized with bone-chilling shock, a horrible idea.  he
liked elizabeth, he adored mandy.  they got along well and slow down,
boy, he told himself.  nothing was going to happen between him and
elizabeth.  last night was a..  a..  he hated to use the word mistake.
it hadn't been a mistake for him.  last night had been an unusual
circumstance.  they'd both needed each other.  but there wasn't going to
be anything permanent between them.  he didn't have what it took to make
that kind of relationship work.  even if he did, elizabeth had made it
clear she wasn't interested in getting involved with him or any man.
after what sam had done, he almost couldn't blame her.

in a week her medical restrictions would lift.  she would be driving,
and leaving him for her own place.  if they both tried, they could put
last night in its proper place and stay friends.  it's really all he
wanted.

the sounds of the night crowded in around him.  the cool air made him
shiver. he told himself to go back to his bed, to snuggle against
elizabeth's warm naked body and savor the moments while he had them. but
he couldn't.  not yet.  not when he'd finally realized how hard it was
going to be to let her go.

"it's a fumble on the twenty-yard line dallas recovers and runs it in
for a touchdown.  san francisco is now down by fourteen points."

travis groaned and reached for the remote.  he hit the mute button and
sank back against the couch.  mandy looked up from her place on the
floor where she was working on a jigsaw puzzle.

"is your team doing bad, travis?"  she asked.

"they're getting their fannies kicked."

"really?"  she glanced toward the tv screen.  "i don't see anyone
kicking fannies."

he chuckled.  "hopefully it won't happen again"

she abandoned her puzzle and climbed into his lap.  "i'll make you feel
better," she said and gave him a hug.  "they're magic, just like yours:
' he hugged her back.  "i do feel better.  thanks."  he pointed at the
puzzle."

"what is it going to be?"

"a dog: she pursed her lips together.  " mommy says there's bunnies at
our house and i can see them when we get there, but i was thinking maybe
i could have a puppy instead do you think mommy would like a puppy?"

"i don't know.  you'll have to ask her."

she wrinkled her nose.  "maybe later.  she's cooking, and if you ask her
stuff now, she usually says no: ' he'd heard the pots rattling in the
kitchen and had decided to stay clear himself.  he was giving elizabeth
time to recover from what happened between them last night."

"you're a very smart girl: ' "

"i know."

her smile took a direct line to his heart.  she wore sweatpants and a
matching sweatshirt in bright pink with a redheaded mermaid on the
front. her pale blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her bangs
hung almost to her eyebrows.  she was going to be a heartbreaker in a
few years; when she left with her mother at the end of the week, she was
going to break his heart.

elizabeth walked into the room.  she stared at a point above and to the
left of his head.  "mandy, there are still a few flowers left in the
garden.  why don't you pick some for the table?"

"okay."  the little girl slid off his lap and grinned.  "i get to pick
flowers."

"i heard."

she practically quivered with excitement.  "you can finish my puzzle if
you want to she told travis.

"i'll pass and let you do it: ' she nodded and ran out of the room,
singing a song about flowers.  elizabeth turned to leave, then
hesitated.

she wore her hair as she had the first time he'd seen her, in a ponytail
on top of her head.  the loose strands tumbled down to her shoulder.  a
light touch of makeup accentuated her chestnut-colored eyes.  an
oversize peach sweater hung midway down her thighs.  matching leggings
outiined her curves, taunting him with what he'd seen and touched and
tasted the previous night. her flat loafers didn't give her any height,
and she looked small and ill at ease.

"what's wrong?"  he asked, rising to his feet.

"nothing: her voice was hoarse, as if she was having trouble speaking."
i was just wondering if you wanted to cancel the party."

"a couple of friends over for a late lunch and football is hardly a
party."

"i know, but..  : her voice trailed off.  she clasped her hands together
in front of her waist and stared at the ground.  " i thought you might
prefer to keep me away from your friends because of last night."

that didn't make any sense.  "because we made love?"

she shook her head.  "no, the other thing: ' the spot of color on each
cheek had nothing to do with cosmetics.  she looked as if she were
praying for the ground to open and swallow her whole.  it was all his
fault.

in an effort to be a gentleman, he had left their bed that morning to
give her the privacy to wake up alone.  if he was going to be completely
honest with himself, he would have to admit there had been something
other than altruism in the act.  he hadn't wanted to wake up and see the
regret in her eyes.  unfortunately, she thought he was the one having
regrets.  she might say she was worried about her confession, but her
body language told him she was thinking about the sex.

he crossed the room and reached toward her.  before he could pull her
close, she stepped back.  "don't," she murmured

"i'm not sorry we made love," he said quietly, aware that mandy could
return at any moment.  "i left you alone this morning to give you some
privacy, not because i didn't want to be with you in bed.  i wanted us
to make love again, "i already know.  " but i was worried about you
being sore and mandy wak- " about the bigamy?  " ing up.  it was
wonderful, elizabeth.  at least it was for me.  " yeah.  " i guess i'll
understand if you're having second thoughts"

"elizabeth abbott is in the report.  the second wife, or"i'm not sorry,
either."  whatever you'd call her"

she looked up at him and he saw the sadness in her eyes.  "i know that,
too: ' it puzzled him.  if she didn't have regrets, then why was she"
you okay?" sad?  travis turned back toward elizabeth, but she'd left
the"it doesn't change anything, though," she said drop- room.  no, he
wasn't okay; he was never going to be okay ping her arms to her side.
again.  she'd touched him and loved him in his bed, and make that: it
hadn't meant anything.  he'd been so now she was going to shut him down.
part of him couldn't damned worried about what she would be thinking and
blame her.  he was the last guy in the world she should get feeling that
he hadn't spared a thought for his own feelinvohqed with.  he would only
screw up the whole thing.  but ings.  "so you're saying," thanks for the
good time, no re- his brief experience of paradise had left him hungry
for grets, but gee, let's never bother doing that again'?  " more.  he
wanted to be different, he wanted to be the kind"not exactly."  of man
who could marry and have a family.  he wanted he would have laughed but
there was this pain deep in his"

"travis, are you there?" chest.  he'd been a one-night s2and.  women
across the" sorry.  i'm fine. look, kyle, i want you to keep this in
county would be crowing with delight if they ever learned formation to
yourself, okay?  " a haynes had finally had his comeuppance.  he'd been
kyle exhaled in disgust.  " i might be the youngest, travis, looking for
something more, and elizabeth was the one but i'm not a kid.  i know
this could hurt elizabeth.  i won't backing off.  say anything: '

"don't worry about me," he said.  "as for the com- " i know.  i'm sorry.
look, could you just get your butt pany.  hey, why would it matter that
people came over?  over here as quickly as possible?  " he needed
someone to don't worry, i won't talk about your secret or last night:
run interference before he said or did something stupid.

"thank you," she said, looking at him oddly.  worse, before he made a
promise he knew he could never"so nothing's changed.  we're exactly
where we were qeep.  yesterday. friends.  great."

"travis, are you okay?"  her brows drew together in'i can't sit out
there with those boys if i know you're in confusion.  " have i said
anything to-" here doing all the work," louise said walking into the the
sharp ringing of the phone cut her off.  "excuse kitchen.  " what can i
do to help?  " me," he said, and reached for the phone on the end table.
elizabeth closed the oven door and smiled.  for the first"hello?"  time
that day, her sense of doom lifted a little.  "nothing."

"hey, travis, it's kyle."  his brother sounded wary.  "i 4'; i've got
everything under control." ran that guy you asked me to.  sam proctor.
you're not go- "

"you make me feel guilty.  i'm supposed to be looking ing to believe
what i found: after you: ' elizabeth laughed and moved to the kitchen
table.  "i'm feeling great.  doing more things every day."  she bit down
on her lower lip.  she'd almost blurted out, "last night travis and i
made love, and i felt wonderful afterward." that would have given louise
something to talk about."

"my incision hardly gives me any trouble at all.  " except for a slight
tenderness after they'dstop thinking about it, she ordered herself.  it
only made everything more difficult"do you want some coffee?"  she
asked, pointing to the full pot.  "it's fresh."

"i'll get it," louise said.  "you sit down for a minute and rest
yourself. there's no point in spending all this time getting better if
you're just going to wear yourself out in one afternoon."

she poured herself a cup, then offered one to elizabeth.  she shook her
head in refusal.  louise poured in milk and added a rounded teaspoon of
sugar.

today she was dressed all in purple.  a frilly blouse that did nothing
to hide her generous curves, a calf-length ruffled skirt and bright
purple cowboy boots.  her short blond hair had been puffed and sprayed
into little spikes.  she wore saddle earrings and lots of black mascara.
the kindness and concern in her blue eyes made her look beautiful.

"i'm doing great," elizabeth said.  it wasn't an actual lie.  physically
she was doing well.  emotionally, she was hovering about a half inch off
the ground.  last night had been perfect, but this morning, when she'd
woken up alone in travis's bed, all her doubts had crashed in around
her.  they'd made a terrible mistake.  theqlovemaking had been so right
between them, but the memory was tainted by the reason he'd reached for
her in the first place. once travis realized that, he wouldn't want to
remember what had happened at all.  he would put it and her out of his
mind.  she hated to think about that.  she knew there was no hope for
any kind of long-term relationship between them, but she'd counted on
them staying friends.

"you want to talk about it?"  louise asked, then took a sip from her
mug. she walked to the table and plopped into the seat next to
elizabeth.

"don't bother lying, honey.  i can see the pain in your pretty eyes. did
something happen here, or is this about whatever made you come to town
in the first place?"

elizabeth stared at hqr.  had the other woman guessed or had travis said
something?

"don't give me that look," louise said.  "it doesn't take a lot of
brains to figure out something is wrong with you.  when you first
arrived you spent most of your time looking over your shoulder.  who are
you afraid of?"

fliq.  qbeth fought the urge to confide in louise.  she'd felt better
after telling travis the truth.  confession was good for the soul.  but
she was afraid.  she hadn't even told her own parents.  she couldn't
face the disappointment and shame she would hear in their voices.  would
louise understand?  she gathered her courage together.

"if it's about you and travis being lovers, then you don't have anything
to worry about: ' her courage fled and with it her composure.  her mouth
dropped open.  "he told you?"

louise leaned forward and smiled.  "no one had to tell me, honey.  i
could feel it the second i walked into this house."  she patted her
hand.  "don't worry.  the boys are too dense to figure it out.  your
secret is safe with me."

"it doesn't make any difference," elizabeth said, staring at the water
glass in front of her.  she moved it back and forth over the bleached
oak table. "travis isn't the kind of man a woman settles down with, even
if i was interested."

"you be careful about believing all of his press," louise said.  "he and
his brothers paid a high price for their father's and uncles' ways.  the
boys have worked hard to be decent to the women in their lives.  they
mostly lack any kind of skills in relationships.  no role models-at
least that's what they usually say on those daytime talk shows"she
smiled.  " maybe you should think about giving him a chance."

"i can't."  she drew in a deep breath.  the courage returned'i came to
glenwood to get away from my life in la.  mandy's father was a bigamist,
and i was his second wife."

she told the story quickly, even the embarrassing details about how
stupid she'd been.  she finished, then braced herself for louise's
well-intentioned scolding.

"that bastard," louise said, glaring at her.  "excuse my french, but
that's exactly what he is."

elizabeth blinked.  she couldn't have heard the other woman correctly.
"no, you don't understand.  it's my fault.  i should have known: '

"how were you supposed to know?"

"he was my husband."

"all the more reason to trust him.   oh, i just hate men like that: ' "

"but, louise- "

"don't you" but, louise' me.  you were a virgin when you met him,
weren't you?"

elizabeth was too surprised by her friend's anger to be embarrassed by
the question.  "yes, but-"

"and you were faithful to him during your relationship"

"of course, but- "

louise rose to her feet and started pacing the kitchen.  "i'd like to
find him and give him a piece of my mind.  no.  i'd like him castrated."

elizabeth giggled.  "that sounds a little harsh, even for sam: ' louise
paused and leaned against the counter.  "okay, maybe we'll just threaten
him with dismemberment.  just enough to put the fear of god into him."

elizabeth's smile faded as she felt tears forming in her eyes.  louise
wasn't judging her, she was defending her.  it was a miracle.

"does this means we can still be friends?"  she asked tentatively.

"why in the world wouldn't we be?"  louise hurried over to the table and
bent down to give her a hug.  her spicy perfume comforted elizabeth,
reminding her of her own mother.

"thank you," elizabeth said.  "thanks for giving me a chance."

"i'm not giving you anything: louise straightened and smiled.  " but
while we're on the subject, you might think about giving yourself a
chance. travis, too.  i know that boy, and i think he's smitten."

it would never work, elizabeth told herself.  if she gave travis a
chance, he would break her already fragile heart.  leaving sam had been
hard enough.  if she got much closer to travis, leaving him would be the
end of her world.

chapter eleven.

they finished eating close to four.  despite elizabeth's protests,
everyone helped clear the table and set out dessert travis looked at the
small group sitting around the dining room table.  jordan and craig
couldn't make it back for the game, so it was just him, elizabeth,
louise, austin and kyle.  oh, and of course mandy who had seated herself
next to him.  he was torn between wanting to ease her shyness with kyle
and austin and being pleased that she sought him out for protection.

"of course i specialize in stopping long-haired types like you," kyle
said to austin.

the other man ignored the teasing and gave mandy a wink.  his charm even
worked on six-year-olds.  she dimpled delightfully, then buried her head
in travis's arm.  travis glanced over at elizabeth and saw she had
noticed the exchange.  she gave him a little smile.  better, he thought,
remembering how she'd avoided his gaze for the first part of the meal.
every time she looked at austin, his gut clenched as he waited for her
to figure out his friend was handsome as sin and richer than god.  so
far she seemed singularly unimpressed.

"kyle is leading the pack this month," travis said, stroking mandy's
hair."

"giving out the most tickets: '

"that must make him popular with the locals," elizabeth said.

kyle shrugged.  "at least i'm not like you, big brother.  always parking
in the same place.  he's got the worst record in tickets."

elizabeth began cutting the cherry cheesecake in front of her and
placing the shoes on plates.  "if you're the sheriff, why do you give
out tickets at all? i wouldn't have thought that was part of your job."

he made the mistake of looking at kyle, who was making cow eyes at him,
mocking him before he'd even started to answer the questions.

he balled up his napkin and tossed it across the table.  kyle burst out
laughing, elizabeth remained calm, louise muttered about boys being boys
and austin stayed out of it.  as always, his friend was on the fringe of
the group, watching but never actually belonging.

"i don't ask my men to do anything i wouldn't do."

"that's fair," elizabeth said, as kyle clutched his hands over his heart
and pretended to swoon.  "if you don't behave, kyle," she said, her
voice staying even and friendly, "i'm going to make you stand in the
corner and not give you any dessert."

travis burst out laughing.  kyle looked suitably chastised even austin
smiled.

"he also parks his car in one place," austin said, taking the plate she
offered.  "by the main highway.  whenever he's out looking for speeders,
we all know where to find him: ' elizabeth glanced at him.  "i'm glad
you were there," she said.  "if you hadn't been, who knows what would
have happened."

"travis took mommy to the hospital," mandy said, taking her serving of
cake and picking up her fork.  "i was scared, but he used the siren and
made sure mommy was all better."

"just doing my job," he said, slightly embarrassed.

elizabeth saved him by changing the subject.  she cut the last piece of
cake and started to hand it to kyle.  his baby brother was her age, but
she treated him as if he were several years younger.  travis couldn't
help being pleased by that.

"are you going to behave?"  she asked, holding out the plate.

"yq, ma'am: '

"good.  no more trouble from you, young man."  her voice was stern, but
her eyes danced.

travis watched her tease kyle and felt a warmth burning deep in his
chest. he glanced around the table, at the people he loved most in the
world.  it felt right to have elizabeth share in this part of his life.
louise chatted with austin.  mandy scraped her plate clean.  for the
first time in years, he felt content.

elizabeth looked up at him and their eyes met.  the sadness and wariness
from that morning was gone.  in their place something soft and lovely
flared to life.  he wanted to make love to her.  instantly heat boiled
through him, burning in his blood and engorging his groin.  an answering
passion made her lean forward slightly and lick her lower lip.

he wanted to feel her and taste her, loving hez until she writhed with
need. the room faded and all he saw was her.  the v neck of her sweater
had slipped slightly, allowing him to see the valley between her breasts
and the hint of a curve.  he wanted her naked, next to him.  under him.
as much as he'd loved the feel of her mouth on him, this time he wanted
to be inside, claiming her.  he figured that line of thinking meant he
was pretty primitive, but that didn't make his erection go away.

louise stood up and asked if anyone would like coffee.  her prosaic
question broke the spell between them, and elizabeth looked away.  after
a few minutes, travis managed to quench his desires.  the conversation
moved from speeding tickets to the local high school football team and
the chance they had at the local championship.

mandy climbed onto his lap.  he put his arm around her back to support
her. she leaned against his chest.

"you've got gravy on your shirt," he said, pointing to the spot on her
sweatshirt.

she glanced down and held the shirt out so she could see it.  "i always
spill, huh?"

"yeah, but i like it."

"you like it?"  she grinned.  "that's silly.  you're not supposed to
like it."

"well, i do."

he bent over and tickled her under her arms.  she squirmed and laughed.
when he stopped, she sagged against him and sighed.  "you're nice,
travis: '

"you're not too bad yourself."

"there's a boy in my class.  he said he lost his parents, but then he
found new ones.  i guess his mommy and daddy were too lost to ever find
their way home."

he didn't know whether or not he should explain what the boy had meant
by"lost."  before he could decide, she continued."

"he loves his new mommy and daddy, but he misses the old ones.  he says
new parents are fun.  i lost my daddy.  mommy says he's not ever coming
back.  could you be my new daddy?

he felt as if he'd been hit by a speeding train.  all the air rushed out
of him and his chest ached.  he tried to speak, but couldn't.  his
throat was too dry.

mandy stared up at him, her wide blue eyes trusting him with her heart.
he glanced around the table.  everyone else was busy with their own
conversation.  no one had overheard mandy's question.

"i'm flattered you would ask me," he said at last, touching her soft
cheek, then tucking a loose shand of hair behind her ear.  "but i don't
know how to be a daddy.  i don't have any children of my own.  why don't
i just be your friend instead?"

she frowned.  "do you have to learn how to be a daddy?"

"i think so."

she raised her shoulders and let out an exaggerated sigh.  "okay.  you
can be my friend, and then when you learn how to be my daddy, you can be
that too, okay?"

he hadn't cried in about twenty years, but suddenly he felt a burning
behind his eyes.  he pulled mandy close and hugged her tight.  "it's
better than okay, mandy.  it'll be great."

the house was still.  elizabeth stood by the door and listened to the
creak creak of the swing on the front porch.  she balled her hands into
fists, then consciously relaxed them.  the company had gone home, mandy
was asleep in her bed.  elizabeth couldn't avoid travis forever, even if
she wanted to.  but what was she going to say?

she shook her head.  the problem wasn't what to say, it was where to
start the conversation.  they had many things to discuss, not the least
of which was what had happened between them last night.

she walked toward the front door, placed helq hand on the handle and
paused. all of this would be a lot easier if she knew what she wanted.
she knew what she didn't want.

she didn't want to make another mistake like the one she'd made with
sam. she didn't want to be a fool again for a man.  the easiest and
safest way to ensure that was to never get involved again.  especially
with someone even worse than sam.  travis was too good-looking by far.
he was kind, tender, sweet with her daughter and hot in bed.  by
comparison, sam was an amateur, his smooth-talking ways falling far
short of travis's charm.  i, ogically, she had to steer clear of travis
haynes.  if not, she would be risking herself all over again, and she
would have learned nothing from her false marriage.

false.  just the word was enough to send waves of shame surging over
her. her cheeks heated.  she pressed her hands against her face and
prayed that she would one day be able to look back on what had happened
and not feel so disgusted with herself.  friends had told her she was
overreacting even travis had told her to stop beating herself up about
it.  they didn't understand, she told herself.  they didn't know what it
was like to have made that big a mistake in judging someone's character.
they weren't going to have to explain it to mandy when she was old
enough to understand.  they didn't have to spend the rest of their lives
knowing they had been taken in by a con man.  elizabeth knew she had
been so starved for love and affection, too eager to believe that
someone-a man-finally loved her, that she hadn't wanted to see that sam
was using her.

she drew in a deep breath.  one day she would be able to look back on
this without wanting to crawl away and die.  it had to get better; time
was all she had.  she grabbed the door handle and turned it, then pulled
open the door and stepped out onto the porch.

the night was dark, the moon a faint sliver in the inky sky.  stars hung
low, as if they wanted to eavesdrop on what she had to say.  she knew
travis had seen her come outside, but the creaking of the swing
continued in the same rhythm-slow, steady, seductive.

she told herself to go lean against the railing where it was safe.
better to keep her distance.  but she was too tired and tense to be
sensible.  she moved over to the swing and sat next to him.

one long arm stretched along the back of the wooden seat.  she relaxed
and rested her head against the slats.  he shifted, wrapping his arm
around her shoulder and pulling her close against him.  she told herself
to resist, to stiffen and move away, but she couldn't.  her cheek rested
against his hard chest.  she could feel the muffled thudding of his
heartbeat.  the slow, steady sound reminded her of last night.  she
awakened several times to find herself in his arms.  the warmth of his
body, the scent of their lovemaking, and the sound of his heart had
soothed her back to a restful sleep.  for the first time in months,
she'd felt safe.

"the meal was terrific," he said.  his voice rumbled through his chest,
vibrating against her skin.  "thanks for going to all that trouble.
you've spoiled everyone.  they're used to me cooking hot dogs or
something out of a can."

"i enjoy cooking," she said, fighting the urge to look up at him.  she
wanted to see what he was thinking, she wanted to read the expression in
his eyes. she was equally terrified of what she would see there.  what
if he didn't want her?  worse, what if he did?

"do you cook a lot?"  he asked."

"some.  " she smiled and snuggled closer."

"i used to think if i was a better wife, sam would stay home more.  so i
took a couple of courses given by a restaurant and started really doing
some exotic things.  it didn't seem to help.  for the longest time i
assumed it was my cooking."

"it wasn't."

"of course not.  it was his wife and kids.  the fanciest beef dish in
the world can't compete with that."

"elizabeth, sam cared for you: ' she grimaced.  "maybe.  sometimes, when
i'm feeling rational, i believe that he did.  in a sort of sick, twisted
way.

if he'd really cared, he would have told me the truth about himself."
she shook her head.  " i don't want to talk about him anymore.  thanks
for including me today.  i enjoyed having your friends around.  sam
never wanteddamn.  now that i've spilled the beans about him, i can't
seem to stop talking about what happened.  sorry."

"don't be."

travis slid his hand up her shoulder to her head.  his long fingers
slipped through her hair to the band that was holding her ponytail in
place.  he tugged gently, easing it down the strands until her hair was
loose and falling over her shoulders.  she should probably tell him not
to touch her so intimately.  she was giving him the wrong idea.  but she
couldn't help herself.  she liked the feel of his hands on her.  he made
her feel safe and cherished.  she hadn't felt any of those things in a
very long time.

he bent down and kissed the top of her head.  "you were saying sam never
wanted what?"

"sam never wanted us to have friends over.  he didn't want me to have
friends at all.  but the crowd today was nice."

he chuckled low in his chest.  "if you think this was a crowd, you
should wait until my other brothers join us.  between craig's three boys
and everybody's dates trying to figure out who belongs with whom, it's a
madhouse.  i'll give you plenty of warning before letting that group
descend on you: ' it sounded lovely, she thought wistfully, thinking of
her own solitary childhood.  she shifted on the swing.  her right breast
pressed against his chest.  her nipples hardened in response to his
body, but she ignored the tingling sensation'i wouldn't mind," she said,
then realizec!  she would be gone by the time travis's family invaded.
she would be driving at the end of the week and moving out to her own
place next weekend.

a sharp stab of regret and disappointment startled her.  she didn't want
to think about what it meant, so she recalled what travis had just told
her.

"you mentioned dates," she said.  "i thought the haynes brothers didn't
want to get involved with anybody."

"we all want it to work out, so we seem to keep trying.   i guess each
of us is praying for a miracle: ' the bitterness in his voice surprised
her.  "you sound upset."

"it gets damned lonely," he admitted.  "it's probably a matter of
wanting what we can't have.  craig got burned big-time.  his wife walked
off with one of his closest friends, leaving him with a pile of bills
and three little kids.  damn fool keeps looking for the right woman.
kyle dumps his girlfriends before they have a chance to dump him.  i'm
sure it has something to do with our mother abandoning him when he was
fifteen and the string of women dad brought into the house right after.
we went through three stepmothers in three years.  and then there's
jordan: ' travis paused.  elizabeth wished she could move closer to
offer him comfort. she could feel his pain.  it radiated out from him
like the heat of a fever. in the past, he'd talked about his family and
his resistance to believing relationships lasted, but this was the first
time she'd really understood all that he and his brothers had been
through.  she was the last one to be giving him any kind of advice,
though.  her own track record was pretty awful.  so she didn't say
anything.  she reached up her hand to his face and stroked his cheek.
his evening beard poked at her palm.  he felt warm and alive.  a
quivering began low in her belly; she told herself this wasn't about
sex.

"jordan, hell, i don't know about him.  he keeps everything inside.  he
was always the odd one out.  the rebel."  he grabbed her hand and
brought it to his mouth.  his kiss on her palm was sweet and damp, his
tongue tracing an erotic line from the base of her thumb to her little
finger.  she shivered.

"after all," he continued, "look at what he does for a living.  he's a
fire fighter, the crazy fool."

he laughed and she joined him.  it felt good to be with travis like
this.  he turned toward her, angling one knee across the bench.  his
position moved them a little apart, but now she could see his face.

he looked good by porch light, she thought, studying the way stubble
darkened the hollows of his cheeks and made his eyes more mysterious.
she wanted to lean close and touch him all over, relearning the body she
had caressed so intimately the night before.  his pleasing scent made
her remember other smells and tastes, his laughter made her think of
other sounds.  the way he'd called her name, his voice husky with
disbelief and pleasure.  her breasts grew more sensitive inside her bra;
her most secret place dampened in anticipation.  desire filled her, but
she kept it firmly in check.

"i had an interesting conversation with mandy at dinner," he said,
resting his palm on her thigh.

"i thought i saw you two talking.  what about?"

"her father."

she started to fold her arms over her chest.  he grabbed her hands,
pulled tbem down on top of his knee and held her in place.  "she was
telling me that a boy at school lost his parents.  she assumes that
they're physically lost and won't be able to find their way back to him.
she thinks sam is lost to her, as well."

elizabeth tried to ignore the soft denim of travis's jeans, the heat of
his leg below and the warmth of his hand above hers.  she tried to
ignore the feeling of panic boiling to life in her belly.  she'd known
it would come to this with mandy, but not yet.  she wasn't ready.

"i told her that sam wouldn't be able to see her again," she said.  "but
i can't explain the rest of it to her.  not yet.  she's too young."

she dropped her head so that she could stare at her lap.  no doubt
travis would disagree with her decision.  she didn't care.  when she'd
asked sam to sign away the rights to see mandy, he hadn't even bothered
to protest.  he'd never been much interested in the girl.  not having
him visit every few months would make it less confusing for mandy."

"i agree," he said, surprising her."

"but i think you should be willing to let her talk about missing her
father if she wants to."

"thanks for the advice," she said, surprised she wasn't irritated with
his interfering.

he turned her hand over and placed his on top, palm to palm.  his skin
was rough from his carpentry work-warm, yet dry.  he had large hands,
strong, capable fingers.  she trusted his hands as much as she trusted
the man.  a big mistake, she warned herself, hoping it wasn't already
too late.

"she asked if i could be her father instead of sam."

elizabeth's heart clenched.  fierce jealousy and possessiveness poured
through her.  she wanted to jerk her fingers free and use that hand to
slap travis away.  how dare he try to worm his way into her daughter's
affections?

she opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again.  he hadn't done
anything wrong, a small rational voice whispered he had been nothing but
sweet to her and her daughter.  of course mandy would respond to that
affection she'd spent more time with travis in the past few weeks than
with sam in the past year.

"what did you tell her?"  she asked, daring to look at him.

his dark eyes met and held her own.  he shrugged sheepishly.  "i told
her i didn't know how to be a dad, but that i was willing to be her
friend.  i hope that's okay."

he was obviously concerned about her feelings.  she was grateful she
hadn't given in to that moment of jealousy and destroyed the special
friendship she and travis had built.  it made sense that she would be
protective of mandy. look at all that had happened to them.  but travis
wasn't the enemy she would do well to remember that.

she smiled softly.  "you shouldn't have lied to her travis.  " , he
straightened, obviously startled.  "i didn't lie to her."

"of course you did: she leaned a little closer to him, allowing the
night to shut out the rest of the world.  " you know exactly how to be a
father.  it's something you do very well.  " she held up her hand when
he started to protest.  " think about it.  you took her to soccer so she
could have fun and make friends.  you eat raw french toast and tell her
that her cooking is wonderful.  you hold her tight and protect her from
the world."

he dismissed her words with a shrug.  "that's the easy part.  anyone
could do that: '

"sam didn't.  it's not what you do with her, it's taking the time to
make the little things matter.  i think you're a terrific father.  mandy
does, too, or she wouldn't have asked."

"i- thanks," he said, looking distinctly uncomfortable his gaze darted
around the porch, to the ground, the sky-anywhere but at her.  "i hope i
can still see her.  you know, when you guys move."

"sure.  she'll love it: '

"and i think you should talk to her about sam."

"travis, i know what's best for mandy."

"you don't have to tell her about the bigamy, just let her talk about
being without him.  glenwood is a small town.  we don't have a lot of
single parents around here.  mandy probably feels different from
everyone else she knows."

"i hadn't thought of that," she admitted.  "it makes sense.  i'll talk
to her."  she drew in a deep breath.  she should have seen that on her
own. "see, you're not the only one who questions about parenting
skills."  would she ever get it right?  first she messed up completely
by believing sam.  now she was concerned about making a mistake with
mandy.  when would the second-guessing end?

"you're going to make yourself crazy," he said, taking her in his arms
and pulling her toward him.  "stop worrying everything is going to be
fine."

"but-"

"no" buts,"

" he said, covering her mouth with his finger"that's enough thinking for
tonight.  i don't want you to tax your brain with anything more complex
than how wonderful this feels."

he lowered his mouth to hers.  she told herself she should stop him.
they couldn't do this again.  but it felt too good.  too right.  his
lips were hot against hers.  his arms felt strong and safe as he
enfolded her against his broadness.

he shifted, pulling her onto hisqlap.  of their own accord, her arms
reached around his neck.  one of his hands slipped up from her thigh to
her waist, then to her breast.  he touched her curves, stroked the
puckering nipple. elizabeth gasped her pleasure and knew that she was
seconds from losing control.

she pulled her mouth away from his drugging kisses, away from the
pleasure and escape he promised.

"i can't," she whispered, fighting the tightness in her throat and the
screams of protest from her aroused body."

"please don't make me do this again."

"darlin', no one's going to make you do anything: ' she risked looking
up at him.  he wasn't smiling, but he didn't look angry. "i didn't mean
it like that.  oh, travis, you are wonderful and there's nothing i'd
like better than to make love with you tonight."

"but?"

"but i don't want to fall in love with you or care about you more than i
do. if we make love again, i won't be able to be just friends."  she
pulled free of his gentle embrace and stepped onto the porch.  it was
tearing her up inside to leave him, but she knew she had to.  for both
their sakes.

"i'm doing you a favor," she said, looking down at him, hoping that
wasn't hurt she was seeing in his eyes.  "after all, aren't you the one
claiming you don't want to make another mistake?  aren't you the one who
doesn't want to get involved again?"

chapter twelve.

the question hadn't left him alone in two days.  elizabeth was right-he
had told her he didn't want to get involved again.  it went against
everything he believed.  trying for a long-term relationship was a sure
guarantee of heartbreak.  not only for himself, but for the woman
involved.  it would be crazy to start something he didn't intend to
finish.  the easiest thing for both he and elizabeth was to stop playing
footsie under the table and get on with being friends.  at the end of
the week, when she was able to drive and her rental house was available
to move into, she would go back to her life and he would get on with
his.  no big deal.

he moved closer to the edge of the soccer field and watched mandy race
across the grass as she chased the elusive ball.  she and her new
friends squealed with excitement when she connected with her toe.  the
ball landed far short of the goal, but no one cared, least of all mandy.
she raced over to him and grinned.

"did you see me kick it?"  she asked, panting.

"you bet."  he ruffled her bangs, then gave her a little push.  "go back
to the game, honey."

"okay, travis: she raced off.

he shoved his hands into his uniform trouser pockets.  he was supposed
to be taking care of paperwork back at the station.  but this morning
when elizabeth had asked him if he could take mandy to soccer practice,
he hadn't been able to say no.  time was ticking by too quickly and he
wanted be with the little girl as much as possible.

he wanted to spend time with her mother, as well, but that was
dangerous. and confusing.  what the hell was going on with him?  he
should be pleased that elizabeth was well enough to spend the afternoon
with rebecca at the office learning about her new job.  she was
certainly excited enough to be out of the house.  but he'd hated
dropping her off at the child services center.  it wasn't because he
didn't want her to have a job or be independent, it was that he didn't
like the reminder that she was leaving.

"you thinking about taking on a new coaching job he turned and saw
austin walking toward him.  as always, his friend was dressed in jeans
and cowboy boots.  a small gold hoop hung in one earlobe. he looked like
a modern-day pirate.

"just baby-sitting," travis said, pointing to mandy.  "what about you?"

"one of the deputies told me you'd be out here," austin said, stopping
beside him.  "i wanted to let you know i'm going to be out of town for a
few days."

"vacation?"  travis asked, then grinned.  to the best of his knowledge
austin had never taken a vacation.

"nope.  i'm giving a paper at a conference in france.  technical stuff.
i'll be gone about five days: ' travis nudged his friend with his elbow.
"you know what they say about french women, buddy.  have a great time."

"are you going to start living vicariously, now that you've got the hots
for elizabeth?"

travis started to deny the statement, then figured, why bother?"

"you saw?

"sunday, at your place?  sure.  the way you two were looking at each
other, you about set the table on fire."

"it's more than sex."

"then you've got a problem."

travis looked at the field where mandy was in the middle of the young
crowd of soccer players.  she darted left, the ball went right and she
landed on her rump.  he could hear her laughter from across the field.
involuntarily, he smiled.

"you know anything about being a father?"  he asked."

"no."

"me, neither.  except i wouldn't want to be like my old man.  i'd want
to be more interested in my kids than in other women."

"so be more interested in your kids."  "

"as simple as that?"

"why make it hard?"

it made sense, travis thought, in a twisted, austin sort of way.  "you
have any kids?"

for the first time since they'd started talking austin smiled.  "i'm
very careful."

"i just bet you are.  you don't want any gold digger getting a part of
your money."

austin glanced at the playing field, then looked back at travis.  for
once his guard wasn't up and travis was able to see past the usual
blankness in his cold gray eyes.  somothing ugly and painful flared
there.  something that made travis want to apologize for ever bringing
up relationships, women or kids.

"it's not the money."  the shutters went back down and austin was once
again in control.  "it's about belonging."

the best bride 17g austin had never belonged.  travis remembered the
first day his friend had shown up at the local junior high school.  he'd
been a skinny misfit of thirteen.  within two days he'd been in the
middle of four fights and had a rainbow-colored black eye.  he'd started
an argument with travis, not realizing that messing with one haynes boy
had meant getting involved with all four.

travis looked over at the good-looking man next to him and wondered when
he'd begun to change.  he liked to think it had been at the moment
travis had stood with him, against his brothers.  he always wondered why
he'd done it. maybe it had been the hopelessness he'd seen in austin's
expression, or the fear behind the bravado.  craig, down from the local
high school had been willing to let austin off the hook, but kyle was
too excited about his first fight with his older brothers.  jordan, more
like austin than any of them, had stood on the outside watching and
waiting.

in the end no one could remember what the fight had been about.  when
the boys' vice principal had come to investigate, the haynes brothers
had closed ranks, including austin as one of their own.  he'd never
forgotten, travis knew.  austin hadn't said anything; he hadn't had to.
even after he'd run away from his foster home and gotten into trouble
and been sent away, even when he turned up years later, never once
saying where he'd been, even now that he was wealthy enough to live
anywhere, he stayed close.  travis trusted him as much as he trusted any
of his brothers maybe more.  austin stayed because he wanted to, rather
than simply because of the loyalty of blood.

"you chose not to belong," travis said.

"you chose not to get involved."  austin jerked his head toward mandy.
"face it, travis, you've got it bad for the lady and her little girl.
you can run but you can't hide."

"no.  it's not like that.  i'll admit mandy's got me by the short hairs.
i would do just about anything for that kid.  her dad won't be showing
up in her life anytime soon.  i want to be there for her.  warn her away
from guys like you."

austin grinned.  "don't worry.  i stay away from the innocents unlike
you: ' it was true.  austin only spent time with women who understood
the rules of his game: no involvement.  "elizabeth's not an innocent."

"so you are involved."

travis glared at his friend, then smiled sheepishly.  "okay, i'll admit
i'm tempted."

austin glanced at his watch.  "i've got to get going if i want to make
my flight."  he turned to leave, then paused and looked back.  the
afternoon sun caught him full in the face, highlighting his strong
features and boring into his gray eyes.  for just a second, some emotion
flickered there.  travis wasn't sure, but he thought it might be envy.

"you shouldn't believe it all, buddy," austin said.  "what people say
about you.  sure you had some tough breaks with your dad and all.  but
it doesn't have to be like that again.  you have a choice.  don't screw
it up just because you think that's all you know: ' with that he walked
over to his car and climbed in.  travis was still staring after him long
after he had disappeared down the road.  he shook his head and turned
his attention back to the game.  austin made it sound so damn easy. as
if he'd wanted to mess up before, just because it was easier.  it wasn't
like that.  he'd tried with julie.  they'd both tried.  it hadn't worked
out. despite austin's feelings to the contrary, travis knew there was
too much of his father in him to ever risk anything again.

"we make a sorry group," he muttered to himself.  "maybe men are just
born stupid about women and love."

he watched mandy sprint across the field and kick the soccer ball.  it
bounced off the goalie's shin, over his head and hit the net.  there was
a moment of stunned silence on the field, then the kids erupted into
screams of delight.

mandy caught his eye and grinned victoriously.  travis called out his
approval.

the coached strolled past him.  "are you working with her between
practices?" he asked."

"a little."

"it shows.  most parents don't take the time."

travis started to remind the man that mandy wasn't his child.  he
shrugged. it would take too long to explain.  he worked with mandy
because they both enjoyed the time spent together.  the fact that it
improved her soccer game was just a by-product of the fun.  practicing
football with his brothers had been one of the best parts of growing up
in his family, he remembered.  not that their father had spent much time
with them.

travis frowned.  earl had been kept pretty busy.  between his job as
sheriff of glenwood, and his extracurricular activities, there hadn't
been a lot of spare time leftover for four growing boys.

without even trying, travis found himself remembering the past.  one day
in particular, that day in the hardware store, came back to him.  he'd
seen his own father pick up a woman and take her with him.  he'd heard
most of their conversation, had winced at the practiced lines, had been
shattered and embarrassed as his father had touched a woman who wasn't
his wife.  he'd seen the lust in earl's eyes, watched as his father's
big hands, hands too much like his own, had rested on that woman's back,
then slid lower to her backside.  he remembered the smiled promise, the
way the woman had brushed her breasts against his father's arm.  he'd
seen her nipples hardening to tiny points through her thin tank top.  at
fourteen, what he'd seen had disgusted him, but the woman's body had
also aroused him.  the conflicting feelings had forced him to run away
before he confronted his father.

even now, travis could feel the burning in his lungs as he'd run farther
and faster than he ever had.  away from his father and that woman, away
from what was happening to his family, away from his own adolescent
desires.  he remembered he'd cried that afternoon.  alone on the banks
of the stream, hidden from everyone by a screen of bushes, he'd sobbed
out his heart, crying for the pain of what he'd lost.  thinking then it
had only been for the loss of his father, knowing now those tears had
been for the end of his innocence.  he'd never told anyone about that
afternoon at the hardware store.  his mother hadn't asked why he didn't
return with the items she'd sent him for.  he wondered now if she'd seen
the truth in his eyes.

it had been nearly twenty years since that day, but he could still
remember every moment.  he'd clenched his fists, raising them high
toward the heavens, and sworn he would never be like his father.  he'd
declared that he would never treat a woman like his father treated his
mother.  he'd sworn to be faithful, no matter what.  he'd risked his
soul in a pledge of honor to his yet unknown wife.  at fourteen he'd
assumed that all emotional problems could be solved if a man didn't
cheat.  with the hindsight of adulthood, he knew it wasn't that simple.

the soccer ball bounced past him, calling him back to the present.  he
reached over and grabbed it, then threw it back into the fray.  the kids
were tiring from their practice.  a few wandered past the lines marking
the playing field.  mandy was on the other side of the grass, kneeling
on a stretch of dirt tying one of her shoelaces.  someone kicked the
ball toward her.

travis saw the bounce of the ball and in that moment, he knew what was
going to happen.  he started to call out her name, but it was too late.
before she'd even risen to her feet, he was partway across the field.
she turned toward the ball, grinned and stepped after it.  she hadn't
finished tying her laces, though.  when she took a step, she caught the
loose lace, and tripped. she put out her arms to brace her self for the
fall, but her forward momentum was too strong.  she hit the dirt, hands
and knees first, and went skidding.

the coach was closer and got there first.  by the time travis reached
her side, she was crying hard enough to break his heart.  the coach bent
over to help her.

"no!"  she screamed, pushing him away.  "travis!  trav"

he was down beside her in an instant.  "i'm here, honey."  he gathered
her close in his arms.

her small body shook with sobs.  he could feel her tears soaking his
shirt, but he didn't care.  the other children started to gather around,
but the coach shooed them away.

"it's okay, mandy."  he bent over and looked at her knees.  dirt caked
both of them and the right one was already bleeding.

"i have a first-aid kit," the coach said.  "let me get it: ' mandy
looked up at him.  her pretty round face was blotchy and damp.  her long
lashes had spiked together and her blue eyes were filled with tears. her
breathing came in gasps, between the sobs.

"i-i h-hurt my h-hand," she said, as fresh tears rolled down her cheeks.
he looked at her palms.  they were scraped and bloody, with bits of dirt
and small pebbles stuck to the skin.

"oh, baby.  i bet it stings, huh?  i'm going to give you a magic hug to
help, then we'll get you cleaned up: '

"m-make it really b-big magic, okay?"  she said, clinging to him.

as he hugged her for all he was worth, the pressure in his chest grew.
damn, he didn't want anything to hurt this little girl ever.
unfortunately, reality was going to get in the way of that desire.  he
couldn't control the future, but he could control keeping her a part of
his life.

he picked her up in his arms and carried her over to the water fountain.
there was a small hose attached to the middle of the pipe.  he stood
mandy up and took off her shoes and socks; then he turned on the tap and
grabbed the hose.

"this is going to be cold," he warned, hoping it was cold enough to numb
some of the stinging.

she stood bravely as he hosed off her knees.  the dirt came out easily.
her hands took a little more work, but he was able to get them clean
without having to hurt her more.  the coach handed him a towel to dry
her off, some antiseptic and a few bandages.  by the time mandy had
stopped crying, she was patched up and ready to go home.

he knelt before her on the muddy ground, not caring that he was ruining
his uniform trousers.  she sniffed, then wiped her eyes.

"i need another hug," she said, holding out her arms.

he pulled her close.  the tears started up again, but he knew they were
more from shock than from pain.  "it'll be okay," he whispered.  "i
promise."

her body was slight against his chest.  her little-girl scent-part dirt,
part sunshine-made him want to smile.  the trust implicit in her embrace
twisted in his chest like a dagger.  he was probably ten different kinds
of fool, but he couldn't let her go.

he and his brothers had decided long ago that cops made lousy fathers.
the hours were long, the interruptions unavoidable for all his
thirty-four years he'd believed that as much as he' dbelieved in the
existence of gravity.

but as mandy clung to him with her sobs breaking his heart, he knew he
couldn't believe it any longer.  not when he remembered his own father.
no one had forced his old man to pick up that woman in the hardware
store.  no crime, or criminal had been the reason he'd come home late
every night smelling of sex and booze.  earl haynes had decided early
that his right in life was to have lots of women, his wife and family be
damned.  he had chosen.

travis swallowed hard.  it had been a decision on his father's part. not
genes, not an unavoidable family curse.

earl had chosen his destiny.  and he'd used his position as sheriff to
hide away from his real responsibilities to his family.

travis didn't want to risk hope and then have it blow up in his face,
but mandy wasn't leaving him a lot of options.  in the past few weeks
she'd stolen her way into his heart.  he couldn't cut her out now.  if
it was a matter of choice, he could choose a different path from the old
man's.  after all, craig was a great father.  travis could be one, too.

mandy released him and stepped back.  she smiled and wiped her face.
"that was a magic hug," she said.  "i feel better.  can we get ice cream
before we pick up mommy?"

"sure," he said.  he rose and held out his hand.  mandy slipped her
smaller one trustingly in his and started walking toward the car.

he would talk to elizabeth, he decided.  mandy needed a father and he
needed the little girl.  he would be there for her as much as elizabeth
would let him be.  he'd made his decision and nothing was going to steer
him off course.

elizabeth stepped out into the bright sunshine and smiled.  she felt
wonderful being out of the house and back at work.  if she had to be
cooped up, then travis's place was a wonderful home in which to recover,
but after almost three weeks, she'd grown tired of staring at the same
collection of walls.

she sat on the bottom step to wait for her ride.  late september
sunshine warmed her skin through the light cotton dress she wore. beside
her was a briefcase full of paperwork.  rebecca had teased her about not
having to get it all done in one night.  elizabeth didn't mind the extra
work.  she had a lot of time to make up for.  besides, she liked feeling
that she was actually accomplishing something a familiar black bronco
turned at the corner and pulled to a stop in front of her.  she walked
across the sidewalk as travis leaned over and opened the passenger's
door.

"hi, guys," she said, slipping into her seat."

"we had ice cream," mandy announced.

"good for you: elizabeth snapped her seat belt into place, then half
turned to look at mandy.  her breath caught in her throat.  mandy's face
was tear-streaked and there were bandages on her hands and knees."

"what hap" i fell down, but travis gave me a magic huq and now i'm
almost all better." mandy rubbed her left palm with her fingers.  " but
it still hurts a little.

"i'll bet."  elizabeth glanced at travis.

he grimaced.  "she tripped on her shoelace at practice.  unfortunately,
she was outside of the grass playing field and on some dirt.  i cleaned
her up and patched the worst ones.  i think she'll be okay."

"she looks fine.  thanks for taking such good care of her."

"no trouble."

they drew to a stop at a traffic light.  he glanced at her.  his
normally open expression seqed slightly shuttered and cautious.

he faced front again.  she took the opportunity to study his strong
profile, the straight line of his nose, his trimmed mustache, the firm
yet sensual curves of his mouth.  how was she supposed to resist this
man when even the faint scent of his body was enough to make her weak
with long?

only a few more days, she told herself.  she would already be driving
her own car if the clutch wasn't so stiff.  she'd tried it that morning,
but shifting gears had caused a sharp pain in her side.  her gaze
slipped over travis again.  being chauffeured by him wasn't the worse
punishment in the world.

the best bride lg7

"would you mind if we went by my rental?"  she asked.  "the landlord
dropped off the key at work.  i'd like to take a look at what furniture
is there and what i need to buy."

"sure."

there was nothing in his voice to indicate that he was pleased or sorry
to take her there.  did he think about her leaving as much as she did?
did he want his house back to himself or would he miss her?  it wasn't
fair, she told herself she wanted travis to miss her terribly, yet at
the same time she knew she had no business staying involved in his life.
she couldn't do anything but hurt both of them.  she wasn't getting
involved again.  ever. it was too dangerous.  she didn't have the common
sense to know when a man was right for her.  even if she did, everything
about travis warned her that he was all wrong.  they were both
relationship impaired, neither of them knowing how to make love work. it
would be foolish to try.

so why was she thinking about it?  she stared out the window and bit
back a sigh.  she had no answer.  she was probably just tired from her
first day back at work.  think about something else, she ordered
herself.

as they drove through glenwood, elizabeth gave him directions to her
rental house.  the neighborhood wasn't anything like travis's, she
noted, eyeing the homes that hadn't seemed so small the last time she'd
been here.

mandy sat as far forward as her seat belt would let her.  she peered out
the window searching for the promised bunnies.  "there were really three
of them, mommy?"  she asked, her voice laced with pleasure.

"yes, honey.  i saw them from the kitchen window.  they're probably
hiding in the backyard.  maybe you could look for them."

mandy bounced with excitement.  "okay."

travis stopped in front of a small, tan-colored, one-story house.  there
were two windows facing the front, and a ga rage.  she opened her door
and slipped out.  mandy was already racing in circles on the lawn.

elizabeth pulled the key from her dress pocket and led the way up the
walk. she opened the door, then stepped inside.  the house opened
directly onto the living room.  to her left was a small dining alcove,
in front of her, the dark hallway.  she could see the entrance to the
kitchen beyond the dining room.

the carpeting was only a couple of years old.  a muddy brown that would
wear well and not show the dirt.  two gold patterned couches filled the
living room.  there were a couple of end tables and a big square
wood-and-glass coffee table.  the entertainment stand was empty.  she
would have to get a tv she walked down the hallway.  a green-tiled
bathroom was flanked by two bedrooms, one slightly larger than the
other.  the master bedroom, if it could be called that, had a king-size
bed and a single dresser.  the other room was empty.

the kitchen hadn't been remodeled since the house was first built in the
fifties, so the large tiles on the counter and up the wall were light
and dark green.  the refrigerator was newer, but the gas stove was
large, with massive burners and curved edges.  over the kitchen sink, a
window looked out onto a fenced backyard.

"there's no furniture in the other bedroom," mandy said, bouncing into
the kitchen.  "am i going to sleep on the floor?"  she sounded slightly
intrigued by the idea.

"no."  elizabeth brushed her bangs out of her eyes.  "i'm going to buy
you a new bedroom set."

"golly!   " mandy's eyes got round."

"can i have a desk, too?   so i can do my homework in my room like a big
girl?"

"sure."  elizabeth opened the back door.  "why don't you go see if you
can find the bunnies?"

"okay."  mandy ran outside.  the screen door slammed shut behind her.

the best bride igg so far, travis hadn't said a word about the house.
she turned toward him. "what do you think?"

he stood in the doorway to the kitchen.  with his arms folded over his
chest, and his khaki shirt pulling across his broad shoulders, he looked
like some kind of conquering warrior.

"it's very nice.  i'm sure you'll be happy here."

there was something in his voice, something dark and broken.  she wanted
to ask what, but she was afraid.  instead, she dug in her purse and
pulled out a small notebook'i need tons of things.  do you have the time
to wait while i make a quick list?"

"sure."  he stepped back to allow her to pass him.

but he hadn't moved back far enough, or the floor was uneven, or her
feet unsteady because she managed to brush her arm against his chest as
she went into the hallway.  the heat from the brief contact sent a
tremor up her arm and into her breasts.  it was dark in the small house.
dark enough to make her forget it was still daytime outside and that her
daughter was just a few feet away.  dark enough to give her the courage
to look up at his face and meet his gaze.  dark enough to wonder if the
fire would return to his irises and flicker there, matching the flames
she felt burning inside.

the house smelled musty and unused.  the furniture wasn't to her taste.
after being in travis's beautiful home, this place was a rude awakening.
it could all be fixed, she told herself.  a few throw pillows, some lacy
curtains, a good scrubbing and airing out-then everything would be fine.
but it wasn't the house at all.  it was the man.

he tempted her.  even though she knew it was foolish and wrong and this
time more than her pride would be at stake, she couldn't resist him.  he
made her care about him, even when she didn't want to.  even when it
made her a fool twice in the same lifetime.  even when she knew they
were doomed to heartbreak.  which is why she had to leave him as quickly
as possible.

he reached out to hold her at the exact moment she stepped away.  his
arms hung there a moment, giving her time to step back into his embrace.
he would kiss her.  she could see the promise in his eyes.  he would
hold her and tonight he would make love to her.  she turned her back on
him and started down the hall.

within twenty minutes she'd completed her list.  travis had followed her
from room to room, offering suggestions it was as if that moment in the
hall had never happened but it had.  her fingers trembled as she wrote
out the items she would need.  her heart raced in her chest and her eyes
burned with more than regret.

"i think that's it," she said.  "the miniblinds will make a big
difference at letting in light.  thanks for the suggestion"

"you're welcome."

she pocketed the small notebook and led the way back to the kitchen. "is
there some kind of mall around here?  i need to buy mandy furniture, as
well as some other supplies for the house."

"there's a furniture warehouse store about forty miles away," he said as
he followed her.  "i have tomorrow off.  i could drive you there if
you'd like."

the screen door slammed open and mandy ran into the kitchen.  she glared
at her mother.  "i looked everywhere and i couldn't find even one
bunny."

"i'm sorry, honey.  maybe they're hiding."

"but i looked!"  mandy's lower lip thrust out.  "i don't care about any
stupid bunnies.  i want to stay with travis and get a puppy."

elizabeth drew in a deep breath.  of course, she thought, wondering why
it hadn't occurred to her sooner.  she wasn't the only one who was going
to miss their host and his wonderful house.  mandy would, as well.  she
shook her head.  she should have thought of that already.

"you'll like it here," travis said, squatting down to the child's level.
"there are lots of kids for you to play with right here on this street
you'll forget all about me, but no matter what, i'll still be around."

he paused, as if waiting for elizabeth to disagree.  she wasn't going
to; she was pleased he wanted to stay in touch with mandy.  the little
girl needed some continuity in her iife."

"this house is dumb."

"it's not dumb," elizabeth said, touching her daughter's hair.  "i'm
going to buy you a beautiful bedroom set and a real big-girl desk."  she
tried to ignore the flash of guilt.  she didn't usually try to buy
mandy's cooperation, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

despite the bribe, mandy didn't look convinced.  it was only after
travis tickled her into a giggling pile on the floor that her good humor
returned.

while mandy raced ahead to the car, travis locked the front door."

"you should be able to get everything you need at the furniture store,
"he said."

"the entire first floor is filled with household items.  linens,
miniblinds...  that sort of thing: '

"do you know if they deliver?"  she asked, taking one last look at her
new home.

"i think so.  are you thinking for the bedroom furniture?"

"yes."  she squared her shoulders.  "mandy is becoming too attached to
you. i need to get us into our own place as quickly as possible."

travis didn't answer.  she wasn't sure if she was sorry or glad.  maybe
a little of both.  if he'd responded at all, she would have been forced
to admit that mandy wasn't the only one becoming too attached.

chapter thirteen.

they took the elevator to the top of the giant furniture warehouse, then
started the circular descent to the ground floor.  sample rooms had been
set up, followed by rows of couches, entertainment centers and end
tables.

"oh, good.  they do deliver," elizabeth said, pulling her list out of
her jeans pocket.

"yeah, within forty-eight hours," travis replied, pointing to a sign
posted on the wall."

"great.  if we buy mandy's bedroom set today, it can be delivered
saturday when we move in."

she'd been reading the sign, but she felt travis stiffen at her side.
she risked glancing at him.  he stared down at her, his normally
readable face expressionless.

"that's quick.  when did you make that decision?"

yesterday, when i figured out how much mandy and i were going to miss
you, she thought.  "it makes sense, travis.  i'm completely back on my
feet.  i've arranged for mandy's afterooon daycare, although i'll be
getting off work at three-thirty, so she'll need it for less than an
hour.  my car's clutch is still a little too stiff for me, but rebecca
is going to give me a ride to and from work for a conple of days: '

"i see."  he turned toward a fabric-covered sofa next to them.  "you've
got everything figured out"

"i guess i do.  i'm sure you'll be pleased to see the last of us: '

"sure."  he looked back at her and smiled.  "we both need our lives to
get back to normal."

if his smile didn't reach his eyes, she wasn't going to comment on the
fact. if he noticed that she couldn't stop looking at him or brushing
against him as they walked through the store, he didn't say anything,
either.

the tension between them stretched until she could physically feel it
tugging on her insides.  she didn't want it to be like this.  she wanted
travis to be her friend.  she needed him to be there, to be strong.  was
that wrong?

before she could figure out the answer to the question, he darted across
the aisle to a selection of leather furniture there were three different
rooms displayed, all in the same soft, buttery leather.  he dropped down
onto a black sofa and leaned back his head.

"this is wonderful," he said, closing his eyes.  "i may do my entire
house in leather."

"even the bathrooms?"  she bit back a giggle.

he opened one eye.  "laugh all you want, but this is man furniture."

"oh, i see.  so you'll want a gun rack right next to the tv and what
about your famous knife collection?  you know, the ones you used to hunt
the woolly mammoth."

she'd made the mistake of moving too close to him.  he growled out a
warning, but before she could jump back, he reached forward and tackled
her legs, pulling her toward him.  she landed in a heap on his lap.
their faces were inches apart; his breath fanned her cheek.  it could
have been a dangerous moment, but they were both laughing too hard.

his thighs were hard beneath her legs.  their jeans-hers blue, his
black-rubbed together, generating an erotic heat.  l, ow in her belly,
wanting grew.  she acknowledged the feeling, acknowledged that travis's
hands became less teasing and more caressing on her arms.  but he didn't
try to kiss her. in that moment of laughter, their friendship had been
restored.  apparently neither of them wanted that threatened again.

the sound of someone clearing his throat broke through her musing.  she
looked up, then blushed like a high schooler caught necking in the back
seat of her father's car.

"may i help you?"  the small, gray-haired man asked, his bushy white
eyebrows raised above his wiqrimmed glasses.

elizabeth tried to slide off travis's lap, but his large hands held her
in place.

"no, thanks," travis drawled.  "we were just testing the sofa: '

"i see.  does it work to your satisfaction?"  the man asked, glaring
down at them.

"we're not sure yet: travis winked.  " i think it needs a little more
testing."

the man turned on his heel and marched away.  elizabeth struggled to
break free.  "he's probably gone to get the manager."

"so what?"  travis leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose.  "the
store is practically empty and we weren't doing anything wrong: ' she
couldn't help herself.  she sagged against him and giggled.  "maybe you
should have worn your uniform.  at least then you could have threatened
to arrest him."

"you just miss seeing me in my cowboy hat.  if i'd known you were so
attached, i would have worn it today."

"oh, stop: she gave one last, hard push on his chest and broke free. she
scrambled to her feet and smoothed the front of her shirt.  her fingers
caught on an open button right above her bra.  " i was flashing him,"
she said, horrified travis chuckled.  "he was getting a bit of an
eyeful, but i doubt it's anything he hasn't seen before."  he stood up
and stretched.  "need some help?"  he asked, approaching her.

"don't even think about it: she slapped his hands away.  " no more pit
stops. we have a list: she waved the piece of paper in front of him.  "i
want you to behave for the rest of the day.  do you promise?"

he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.  she knew she
should resist, but it was just for one day, she told herself.  they were
in a public store.  what's the worst that could happen?

"i'll behave," he said, whispering in her ear.  "but i just might want
to test-drive a mattress or two."

she managed to steer him clear of the adult bedroom section, but they
spent almost an hour picking out mandy's furniture.  she stood between a
bedroom done in white, with a canopy bed and delicate furniture, and one
done in light pine.  that bed was a four-poster design with a raised
mattress.

"she'd practically need a step stool to get on it," elizabeth said,
gauging the distance.

"but it comes in a double.  the canopy doesn't.  if you get the bigger
bed, she can have a friend over to sleep with her.  even if they use
sleeping bags on top of the covers it'll be more fun than one of them on
the floor."

she eyed him warily.  "how do you know what little girls want?"

"mandy tells me things: ' "

"what kind of things?"

"things like how she'd enjoy having a friend spend the night
occasionally, and how much she wants a puppy."

"a puppy?"  elizabeth looked at the bed.  "it would be a lot less messy
to get the larger mattress.  what do you think of the desk?"

it matched the pine dresser.  there were two small and one large drawer
on either side.  a bookcase sat next to it.

travis knelt down and ran his hands over all the edges of the desk.  he
checked the workmanship, then tested the drawers and the sturdiness of
the shelves.

"i like it," he said.  he glanced up at her.  "if it's about money- "

"it's not," she said, cutting him off.  she perched on the edge of the
four-poster bed."

"you might not understand my logic, but running off and leaviq
everything sam had bought us wasn't something i did lightly.  i know it
wasn't the most sensible thing i've ever done, but it was a symbolic act
for me.  one that really proved to me i wasn't kidding about completely
cutting him out of our lives.  i think doing that is what has allowed me
to heal as much as i have.  " she held up her hand.  " i know what
you're going to say.  i haven't healed completely.  i know there are a
few things i'm working through, but i'll get there.  " she paused and
drew in a breath."

"why are you grinning at me?"

he stood up and pulled out the desk chair.  after turning it around, he
sat down, straddling it, resting his arms along the slatted back.  "you
seem to know everything, so you figure out why i'm grinning."

"travis!"

"i was just thinking about how strong you are.   i believe that you will
put this behind you and get on with your life.   i admire that: ' she
ducked her head.  "thanks," she said softly.  "your support means a lot
to me."

a different sales clerk approached.  this one was a young woman in a
navy suit.  "may i write up an order for you?"  she asked, her gaze
locking on travis's.

elizabeth was too contented to care.  "yes, for me."

the young woman forced her eyes away from travis."

"what can i do for you?

elizabeth hesitated, then pointed at the pine set.  "i'd like this
bedroom set.  all the pieces, please.  can you have it delivered on
saturday?"

they made the rest of her purchases quickly.  they had one argument in
the linen section, picking out sheets for mandy.  elizabeth wanted
something floral while travis voted for the redheaded cartoon mermaid.
in the end she bought them both.

"you're worse than mandy," elizabeth grumbled as she tossed the sheets
into her cart.

"you love it," he said, coming up behind her and planting a quick kiss
just below her left ear.  instantly a shiver raced through her body. she
did love it.  that was the problem.

they went through the kitchen accessories.  she picked out some
dinnerware and glasses.  she started to hold up the box for his
approval, then stared at him.

"what?"  he asked, standing at the end of her cart.  "have i grown
horns?"

"i don't care if you like these," she said.

"thanks so much: '

"no."  she smiled.  "i didn't mean it in a bad way.  i meant, i don't
have to get your approval on anything.  i don't have to get anyone's
approval ever again"

travis frowned and planted his hands on his hips.  "i have a lot of
flaws, elizabeth, but i'm not an ogre."

"oh, i know."  she put the dinnerware in her cart.  "i suddenly realized
that i don't have to get sam's approval.  even though he was gone so
much, i thought he should be a part of the decision making.  i waited to
get his opinion on drapes, dishes, what time mandy should go to bed.  i
don't have to anymore.  i can do what i want."

"it sounds like you're over him."

she glanced up at him.  he held himself stiffly, as if regretting making
the observation.  around them, shoppers chattered about their purchases.
she could hear the faint electronic beeping of the cash registers.  they
stood alone in the middle of housewares discussing the state of her
heart.  why did she feel her answer was so important?  it couldn't be.
not now, not after she was just getting over what had happened.

"i am.  the relationship had been in trouble for a long time.  i was
ready to ask for a divorqce, and then it turned out i didn't need one. i
know what he did to me has made me wary of trusting anyone again.  but
that's about pride, not about my heart.  i've been over sam proctor for
years: '

"soon you'll be over me, too," he said, his voice teasing but she didn't
smile back.  "travis, i'll never get over what you did for me and mandy.
you came to my rescue when i was in dire straits, and i'll never forget
that.  you gave me more than a roof over my head.  you were good to
mandy and a great friend to me."

you showed me how it's supposed to be between a man and a woman.

but she didn't say her last thought aloud.  better for both of them if
they simply put it out of their minds.  if only it were that easy.  if
it had just been sex, she would have been able to forget.  being with
him had been more than that.  it had been warm and tender, loving and
caring.  he'd made love to her slowly and easily as if he'd been waiting
for her all his life, as if he'd had all the time in the world.

he'd made her feel cherished.

"i'll never forget what you did," she repeated.  "i'm going to miss you
when i move out."

she waited, but he didn't answer in kind.  and suddenly the warmth in
her belly turned very, very cold.

travis checked the rearview mirror for traffic, but the main highway was
empty on a weekday afterooon.  he looked in the mirror again, this time
glancing at the boxes and bags stuffed in the back of his bronco. they'd
managed to fit everything in except for mandy's bedroom set. that would
be delivered to elizabeth's new house in time for her to move in on
saturday. she was really leaving.

he didn't want to think about that, or how it made him feel.  he tried
to come up with some topic of conversation.  the cab had been quiet for
too long.  elizabeth sat in her seat, with her hands folded on her lap.
she never once glanced at him.

he knew why.  he hadn't said he would miss her, as well.  he cursed
under his breath.  those words were inadequate to describe what he was
feeling.  hell, he didn't even know what he was feeling.  everything was
confused.  it had happened so fast.  one minute he was living his life,
with no conceros and no questions.  a few short weeks later he was
deeply involved with a woman and her daughter.  he didn't know what he
was supposed to do.  should he ask her not to leave, or just forget
about her?  could he risk another relationship? would she be willing to
take that chance?  was it genetics or bad luck that kept the four haynes
brothers single?  was he or was he not a duck?

the last question made him smile.  he saw elizabeth glance at him out of
the corner of her eye.  he drew in a deep breath to plunge into an
emotional discussion, but at the last second chose something more safe.

"mandy's going to love everything you bought her," he said.

"i hope so."  she brushed her hair off her shoulders.  "everything cost
enough.  if she doesn't like it, i think i'll make her get a job to pay
me back for everything."

he grinned.  "we can always use another deputy."

for the first time in almost an hour, elizabeth grinned back.  she
looked at him, some of the concern leaving her eyes.  "she'd love that.
i suspect she'd spend her day running the siren."

"that would be a problem."  his smile faded.  "look, i've been thinking
about this whole money thing.  i don't want you to pay me for the rooms.
you're going to need it to get on your feet, financially."

she turned until she was facing qim.  he gave her a quick glance.  her
mouth pulled into a straight line and her jaw was clenched.

"i insist," she said forcefully.  "we made a deal, travis.  the money
was the only thing that allowed me to accept your hospitality.  it was
too little to begin with, it probably didn't even cover food.  if i
can't pay you, it's too much like lying about everything."

he should have known she would make this more difficult than it had to
be. he grabbed the steering wheel tightly, then moved into the right
lane for the turnoff to glenwood'i don't need the money and you do.  as
for covering the food bill, give me a break.  you two hardly eat
anything.  i want to do this for you.  i want to help: ' she rested her
hand on his forearm.  he liked the feel of her fingers brushing against
his skin.  it was hard not to get distracted.

"i don't need your help anymore," she said.  "even if i did, i can't
accept it.  this isn't about you, it's about sam.

he paid for everything.  he didn't want me to work.  when i did, after
mandy started school, he was very unhappy.  he insisted that i keep my
money for myself.  i have almost a year's salary saved up.  it might
sound silly to you.  you've always been responsible for yourself.  but
for six years a man controlled my life.  i don't want that to happen
again.  please don't start changing the rules on me now: ' he drove past
the sheriff's station and the small park with the duck pond. at the
corner he turned left and entered the residential section where
elizabeth was going to live.  he made a right on her street, then pulled
into the driveway and turned off the engine.

he understood what she was saying, but he didn't have to like it.  so
much of her life was still tied up with sam proctor.  he rubbed the
bridge of his nose.  who was he to talk?  so much of his life was tied
up with his past and reputation'i don't care about the money," he said
at last.  "if you insist on paying me, at least let me use the money to
buy mandy something.  a bike, maybe.  is that against the rules?"

elizabeth shook her head.  "no.  that would be wonderful i appreciate
all you've done with her.  she really cares about you"

"i care about her.  i know you don't want the rules changed, but i don't
have a lot of choice about this one.  i can't let go of mandy.  i don't
want to lose her.  i'm not saying i'm a great father figure, but i'm not
as bad as i thought.  i want to stay involved with her."  he shifted in
his seat, turning to face her.  "can we make that work?"

he hadn't expected tears.  her big brown eyes glistened as she blinked
frantically.  one tear slipped onto her cheek.  she brushed it away
impatiently."

"you're a damn fine man, travis haynes.  don't you dare let anyone tell
you otherwise"

he could feel something uncomfortably like a blush

" heating his cheeks.  he cleared his throat.  yeah, well, don't let it
get around, okay?  i have this reputation: ' she leaned forward and
touched her hand to his cheek.  "i'm beginning to think your reputation
is all talk.  you're far too decent to be any kind of a heartbreaker.  i
would like it very much if you would continue to see mandy. i'll work
around your schedule or whatever it takes.  she adores you: ' in the
close confines of the bronco, the scent of her body-the sweetness of her
woman's fragrance and the spicy temptation of her perfume-mingled
together in a seductive aroma designed to drive him crazy.  her face was
so near his, he could see the individual lashes framing her dark brown
eyes.  a few curling hairs drifted onto her cheek.  the red lipstick
she'd put on that morning had long since worn away, leaving her mouth
soft and rose-colored.

this conversation was supposed to be about mandy, but all he could think
about was elizabeth.  even as his mind screamed at him to just let her
go, his heart protested the parang.  he was torn between what he
believed and what he wanted.  could he fight the legacy of his father?
he and his brothers were so terrified of falling in love, of failing.
was it circumstance or destiny?  he'd chosen to become involved with
mandy.  could he choose to become involved with elizabeth?  could he
choose to love her? could he make it work?

he'd tried once, and failed.  julie had been his wife.  but he'd never
felt these powerful emotions before.  he'd never needed her the way he
needed elizabeth.  was it enough?"

"travis?"

he had to let her go.  it was the only sensible decision to make.
everything in his past warned him that he would fail if he tried again.
yet his heart begged for one more chance.  what if everyone was wrong?
what if he could do it?

making it work with elizabeth would be worth anything.  what did he have
without her?

he took her hands in his.  her fingers were small and delicate, yet
capable. she stared at him, her eyes concerned yet trusting.

they hadn't been together long enough.

she was moving out; he didn't have any more time.

"don't go," he said.

chapter fourteen.

cc what did you say?  " elizabeth asked, sure she must have heard him
incorrectly."

"don't go.  i want you and mandy to stay with me."

"are you crazy?"

"maybe.      but stay anyway."

"no," she said loudly.  "no, i can't.  i won't.  don't ask me.  dammit,
travis.  what are you doing?"

she didn't wait to hear the answer.  after undoing her seat belt, she
opened the truck door and jumped down to the ground.  she moved to the
back of the bronco and started grabbing her packages.  he stood and
watched her."

"i care about you.  i don't want to lose you."

each word was a blow to her heart.  her chest tightened and her
breathing became labored.  "i asked you not to change the rules.  why
are you doing this?"

"why are you angry?"  his voice was low and quiet.  she could hear the
pain in each word.

the anger would keep her strong, but she couldn't tell him that.  when
she'd collected as much as she could carry, she walked past him to the
front door. after fumbling with the key, she stepped inside and dropped
her bags on the ugly gold sofa.

the house still smelled musty.  the small dark rooms would never be more
than what they already were: a temporary escape from her life, from her
past and the shame that haunted her.

she stood in the oenter of the living room and fought the tean.  pain
clawed at her stomach.  she folderl her arms over her belly and tried to
hold it all inside.  not now, she prayed.  not like this.  not travis.
didn't he know how much she'd grown to need and trust him?  he couldn't
change now.  it wasn't right.  it wasn't fair.

she heard him behind her.  he set several boxes on the floor."

"elizabeth.

"don't say anything."  she turned to face him.  "i don't want to hear
it.  we had everything planned.  we were going to be friends.  travis, i
desperately need you in my life, but only as my friend.  i can't do
more.  it's too dangerous.  i've made that mistake before and i'm never
going to do it again."

he was tall and powerful standing there in the darkened room.  his
white, long-sleeved shirt emphasized his strength and good looks.  she
studied the lines of his face, the sadness in his dark eyes.  his arms
hung loose at his side, but his hands were clenched into fists.

"you don't understand," he said.

he was right, she thought.  she didn't understand and she didn't want
to.

"i love you: ' his words hit her with the force of a lightning bolt, and
she nearly went down.  her legs trembled and her breathing stopped.  she
stared at him, then gasped in a breaq.  he loved her"

"you can't" , she said.  go dehusban or fa h my ljfe i've been told i
couldn't be a er my dad made a mess of both.  m ep y uncles are all
failures in that d apartment, as well.  every time i tng to make it
work, i couldn t.  after a while i gave up tryin.  if it looks like a
duck and walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it's probably a
duck."

she remembered the small stuffed yellow duck he'd brought her when he d
gone shopping with mand then he d been wrestling y even should have with
his feelings for her.  she known.  but what difference would it have
made?  would she have left him?  she wanted to say yesq of course she
would have, but she wasn't sure it was true.  her time with travis had
been magical.  would she have willingly cut it short?"

"what i have figu qed out" qeryone has choices.  ea he said,
continuing," iq that rl and his brothers didn't try hard enough.  they
could have made it work if they wanted to.  i could have made it work
with julie.  i cared about her.  the ac f ned because ofqa lack of
chemistry or each of us q', o b tionship last.  " quq i m incapable of
making a rela" i don't want to hear this.  she started toward the hall"
way.

he grabbed her arm as she passed"you have to him.  listen.  it's
important. this thing between us isn't going to go away.  i'm wiqqing to
take a chance, elizabeth.  i know you've been burned, i have, too.  i
know it's frightenin. it's too soon, we don't g can't risk losin qow
each other well enough.  but i g you and mandy.  i love you both.  i
never thought i d ever say those words again, but i believe them to be
true with all my being.  trust me.  trust us.

she tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her go, she was forced to
look up at him, at the fire flaring in his eyes.  'q'these flames
frightened her more than the fire of desire.

his gaze burned with the heat of conviction.  he did believe what he
told her, that he loved her.  that they had a chance.  q she wanted to
weep from the sadness of it all.  quldn the see that this was all a
cruel joke?  it would never work out; she wouldn't let it.

oh, but she wanted to believe.  her heart had leapt when q dqlity wo s
tooep wor a single heartbeat, joy ha d filled no red erful, though, and
couldn't be ig'i don't want to hear this," she said and looked away from
him.  "i don't believe you.  even if i did, it doesn't change anything:
' he was stunned.  she could tell by the way he stiffened.

he released her instantly and stepped back.  "why?"

spe closed her eyes against his suffering and against the term tat ion
he offered.  if only she had never met sam she might have been able to
respond to the gift travis offered.

but she had met sam and he had changed her.

"love isn't enough.  i loved sam and look what hapned e."  q q hq own
twlsted way, he might have even loved'i don't appreciate the comparison.
i'm not a bi am i'mogoina t a et past. i'm not going to des hoy y g qt.
seer g, our life, o make it better.  q'i like my life just the way it
is.  mandy and i don't need anyone.  sam disappearedq never bothering to
saw done it.  he barely apologized y hy he'd g.  he signed over custody
of his dau hter as if she meant less to him than a car. i'm nty'er going
to risk that again.  never."

she knew she was p qctq qqq houting, but she couldn't help herself he
much. she wouldn't take a chance, couldn't.  "i know, the loving doesn't
keep y she you safe."

travis moved close and placed his hands on her shoulders'i am not sam,"
he said, speaking slowly as if she couldn't make out the words clearly.

"i would never do that to you.  what i do is a part of who i am.  the
ideals of my job are here-" he touched his chest, then brushed hers,
just above her left breast.  "and here.  you know that, elizabeth.
you've always known you could trust me.  that's why you came home with
me.  that's why you're afraid now.  you don't want to believe, but i'm
not going to give you another choice in the matter.  i'm not sam
proctor.  i won't leave you or lie to you.  i'll take care of you and
mandy.  i'll be here every night to protect you"

his words were like quicksand.  the more she struggled, the deeper she
sank. soon she would be swallowed whole into his world.  she fought
against his spell.  "i don't need rescuing.  i'm fine on my own.  why
won't you believe that?"

suddenly she was free.  he jerked away from her and the quicksand
disappeared into nothing.  his emotional bonds had snapped.  she was
alone, as she had requested.

he walked to the window and stared out at her front yard.  the pain
radiated out from him.  waves and waves crashed over her, making her
want to weep for both of them.

"why?"  he asked, without looking at her.

she had no answer because she didn't understand the question.  did he
ask why she couldn't love him back, or why he had loved her at all?  she
didn't want to know which.  he had come to the end of his journey, had
shed the false covering learned from his family and had finally seen the
true man inside. to what end?  she was the last woman in the world to be
able to give him what he needed.  she would carry that guilt with her
forever.

"i'm sorry," she whispered.  "so very sorry.  i want to be what you
need, what you want, but i can't be.  if it was just me, i might take
the chance again.  but i have to think about mandy.  i won't risk either
of our hearts."

"qy won't you listen?"  he asked, still staring out the window.  "i'm
not sam: ' " i know.  i just wish it was enough.  " he turned then.
anguish filled his face, drawing his mouth straight and tightening his j
aw."

"have you considered the fact that it might be too late?  " she fought
the urge to step back.  too late?  too late because she had already
fallen in love with him?  "it's not."  it couldn't be.  he smiled then,
a cold smile without humor.  "you'd better pray that you're right: ' "
please don't be angry with me.  i wish i could explain : ' "

"no!  " he crossed the room in two strides and grabbed her.  this time
his grip was hard and bruising.  before she could start to fight, he
pulled her up against him.  " i'm the one who has to explain.  why can't
i find the words?"

"because there's nothing you can say."

"you're wrong"she expected a verbal assault.  instead he began another
campaign, one much more deadly to her peace of mind.  he kissed her. not
the hot ravishing kiss she might have expected.  despite his firm hold
on her shoulders, his mouth was tender against hers.  familiar warmth
curled through her, starting at her toes and working its way up to her
breasts.  the fingers on her shoulders began to knead her tense muscles,
soothing them, relaxing her to the point of weakness.  he used his body
to speak for him. his chest pressed against hers, offering strength and
a place to rest. i, ong, powerful legs brushed her own.  his arousal
spoke of passion and perhaps even love if she was foolish enough to
believe.

she told herself to push him away, to be cruel to be kind.  better for
both of them.  she raised her hands to his arms to give herself the
leverage necessary to walk away; then she felt the sweet brush of his
tongue on her lips.

instantly her body responded to the caress.  her breasts swelled.
already puckered nipples sought the relief of his touch.  between her
thighs the ache deepened as moisture dampened her panties.  one last
time.  one last moment of passion.  one last embrace.  one last chance
to lean on him, to accept his strength and his comfort.  while his love
frightened her, she could understand and accept the solace of his body.
when he knew what she had done-willingly come to him, knowing it was
never going to be more than this moment-he wouldn't forgive her.  she
wouldn't have to bother with sending him away.  he would go on his own,
hating her.

he was her weakness and her greatest strength.  she would be with him,
fully knowing that each moment of pleasure would cause her to die a
little.

she opened her mouth to him, accepting him inside.  he swept over and
around, touching, tasting.  she stroked his shoulders and back, then
moved up to slip her fingers through his curly hair.  when he stepped
away from her, she murmured a protest.  he picked her up in his arms and
carried her toward her bedroom.  she clung to him, kissing his neck,
tracing the line where his afternoon stubble met smooth skin, wrinkling
her nose at the slightly bitter taste of his after-shave.

the king-size bed had no sheets or covers.  he placed her in the center,
then bent over her.  before he could touch her, she began to unbutton
his shirt. she worked quickly, while she was able, then pulled the loose
ends free of his jeans.  she crushed the still-warm fabric in her hands,
savoring the feql of his body heat.  he sat up and shrugged out of the
shirt.

his chest was broad and tanned, with a faint sprinkling of dark hair
between his flat nipples.  slipping free of his long legs, she, too, sat
up, mimicking his position and pulled her own shirt over her head. their
eyes locked.  a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.  she caught the
spirit of their game and reached for her shoes and socks.

her athletic shoes hit the floor the same time as his boots.  she
settled back on the bed, kneeling in front of him.  he reached for the
first button on his fly.  she did the same.  as he unbuttoned, slie
unzipped.

the air around them grqew thick with tension and the heady smell of
desire. her heart pounded harder and her fingers trembled.  his hands
moved to the waistband of his now-open jeans.  she shook her head.

he raised his eyebrows questioningly.  she touched his bare chest, then
fingered the strap of her bra.  they weren't starting from the same
place. he sat back on his heels and watched.

she wanted to unfasten her bra and pull it off quickly.  instead she
drew her fingers up from her belly, along her ribs to her breasts.
travis swallowed. she locked her gaze on his face, watching him watch
her.  his breathing increased he rested his hands on his thighs,
motionless, and she could see his hardness straining against his white
briefs.  he was already large and swollen with desire.

slowly, very slowly, she reached for the front fastener.  it released
and slid open across her pale breasts.  the laoe cups caught on her
nipples.  his breathing increased.  she tossed her head, sending her
hair back over her shoulders and freeing the bra.  it drifted down her
shoulders and she tossed it to the floor.

travis returned his hands to the waistband of his jeans.  she matched
the movement.  they pulled them off together clad only in briefs and
panties, they stared at each other.  she was already weak with desire.
every inch of her body was ready for him.  her breasts ached, her thighs
trembled.  she drew down her panties.  his briefs followed, freeing his
engorged maleness to view.

the silence in the room was broken by the faint sound of cars passing on
the street and the occasional call of a bird.  their breathing blocked
out all other noises.  she would have thought she would find this dance
unnerving, but it aroused her.  she liked knowing what she could do to
him without saying a word or even touching him.  she liked that his skin
gleamed with perspiration and his hands shook as they hung at his sides.

their eyes met.

she raised her hand to his neck.  he matched the motion she wanted to
see more of him, she wanted to know what pleased him.  she needed these
memories to carry her through the long winter of her life.

he took her breasts in his hands.  she covered his flat male chest. when
he tweaked her nipples, she did the same.  the rate of their breathing
increased.

she moved her hands lower, across his belly.  his hands followed.  her
gaze dropped to his hardened length.  how powerful and male he looked.

her eyes burned as tears threatened.  he moved closer, at last drawing
her down on the bare mattress.  he kissed her face and neck and chest,
then suckled her nipples into taut points of need.  she felt his
hardness probing her thigh.  when he would have pulled back, she reached
for him drawing him closer to her waiting moisture.

he hesitated before entering.  she knew he worried about her healing
muscles. she didn't care about any of that.  she needed him to be inside
of her.  she arched her hips toward him, enveloping him in her heated
dampness.  he groaned once and thrust forward.

the feelings were too perfect, too intense.  she clutched at his back,
then lower at his buttocks, urging him deeper.  her breath came in
pants.  he'd barely begun to move when her muscles began to convulse
around him.  he stared at her, obviously surprised by the suddenness of
her release. fighting against her instinct to hide, she kept her eyes
open, letting him see her wonder, her pleasure, her sorrow as her body
spent itself.  he moved back and forth, giving her all the time she
needed to quiver against him, reveling in her soft cries of ecstasy.
when the tension in her body had become a satisfied hum, he moved again,
quickly bringing himself to the same place.

the game played on as he met her gaze, leaving his own emotions bare as
his body shook with release.  she saw the muscles in his chest and neck
tighten, then relax.  his eyes flashed with pleasure and promise, then
flared with love.

as he held her close and she listened to the pounding of his heart, she
at last gave in to the tears.  she believed he loved her.  knowing that
truth, she would still leave him.  the tears fell silently in mourning
for all she had lost.

travis turned left onto his street and did his best not to speed.  he'd
left the station early, even though kyle had been giving him trouble
most of the day.  his brother knew him too well not to notice his sudden
lack of concentration thank god nothing out of the ordinary had happened
that day in glenwood.  of course any kind of serious crime was pretty
unusual in the small community.  even so, kyle had been on him from
early that morning, making comments about his big brother being at the
mercy of a woman.  travis had taken the teasing good-naturedly for two
reasons.  first, because there had been a note of envy in his brother's
voice, and secondly because it was true.

he hadn't been able to think about anything but his night of making love
with elizabeth.  after they'd gathered themselves together yesterday
afternoon, they'd left her place to pick up mandy, then had spent the
evening together he grinned as he pulled into the driveway.  elizabeth's
car was gone, but he wasn't concerned.  she'd taken it to work that
morning as she'd lain in his bed with him that morning, watching the
sunrise, she'd said she felt better than she had in days.  he knew the
feeling.  being with her, holding her, telling her he loved her, had
changed him, as well.

it had been a night without sleep, but he didn't care.  the promises her
body had whispered had been enough for him.

he stopped in front of the house and got out of the car.  after reaching
in the back seat, he pulled out the bottle of chilled champagne he'd
picked up on his way home, and a bouquet of lilies and exotic orchids.
he was bearing more than gifts.  in his back pocket was a list of
arguments to convince elizabeth that they helpnged together.  he
understood her concerns.  hell, he even shared some of them.  they had
both been burned in a big way.  she with sam, and him with his whole
damn family.  but that didn't mean they were destined to fail at love.
it just meant they had to try a little harder to make it work.  he took
the porch stairs two at a time.  the victory would be that much sweeter
for their effort.  she was right for him.  she needed him, mandy needed
him.  and more important, he needed them.  but he only had tonight to
convince her.

he opened the front door and stepped inside.  the quiet of the house was
unsettling.  he frowned and tried to figure out why.  his brow cleared.
he was used to coming home to elizabeth and mandy, but neither of them
was there.  even louise was off today.

he walked into the kitchen and stuck the champagne in the refrigerator.
they would be back shortly.  he would start talking to elizabeth then.
he had to convince her.  if he didn't, she would leave him in the
morning.  he didn't

doubt that he could eventually show her that they belonged together, but
he knew it would be a lot easier when they were still living in the same
house. if he had to, he would resort to guerilla tactics and seduce her.

he knew she cared about him.  last night her body had spoken the words
for her.  he' dtold her over and over that he loved her and would never
hurt her. she'd heard him.  he liked to think she'd believed him.  he
shut the refrigerator door and leaned against it.  he was in love.

he shut his eyes and smiled.  who would have thought it would happen to
him? he'd given up hoping.  all his brothers had.  if he'd known what
being in love was really like, he wouldn't have made the mistake of
marrying julie. he knew now that had been about pride and a desire to
prove everyone wrong. not the greatest basis for a marriage this time he
was getting involved for all the right reasons.

he laughed out loud for the sheer joy of it, then pushed away from the
refrigerator.  a piece of paper caught his eye.  he turned to look and
saw that mandy had left him a new picture.  he picked it up, staring at
the three figures shown standing in front of a large white house.  there
was a brown blob in front of the three figures.

"it's us," he said aloud, his throat suddenly thick with emotion.  mandy
had drawn a family scene with him-he recognized his khaki uniform and
stetson-elizabeth, and mandy herself.  the brown blob was probably the
puppy she wanted so much.

he put the picture back on the door, anchoring it with magnets.  he
would thank her when she got home.  he started to walk out of the room,
then paused.  slowly, very slowly, he turned back and stared at the
sketch.  it hadn't been there that morning.  he would have noticed it.
which meant she'd done it that day at school.  so elizabeth had picked
her up, brought her home and then.

and then what?  and then she'd left?  for where?

a cold feeling swept over him.  without thinking, he raced toward
elizabeth's room.  the door was partway closed.  he flung it open and
stared at the perfectly made double bed.  the dresser was clean, the end
table bare of anything save a white envelope addressed to him.  he
didn't have to look at the signature to know who had written the note.
he recognized elizabeth's handwriting.  there were no personal effects
in the room, no half-packed suitcase, no nightgown hanging by the
bathroom door.  no smell of perfume or makeup.

he grabbed the note without reading it, then climbed the stain and
entered mandy's room.  his chest ached as if someone had wrapped a band
around his ribs and was slowly tightening it.  her room was the same as
elizabeth 's: clean and impersonal, as if no one of importance had ever
lived there.

he couldn't breathe, he couldn't see.  he couldn't do anything except
feel the pain.  it surrounded him, filling every pore of his being until
it darkened to black and he fought against drowning in the hopelessness.
she was gone.

she'd left without giving him a chance to convince her to stay.  she'd
left after they'd made love throughout the night.  she'd left after he'd
told her how much he loved her.  none of that had mattered to her.  he
hadn't mattered to her.

when the honed edges of the razor-sharp emotion had faded to a
mind-numbing ache, he opened the envelope.  several fifty-dollar bills
floated to the floor.  he held the single sheet of paper and read it.

thanks for your warm hospitality, travis.  i don't know what we would
have done without you.  i hope you understand that i think it's time for
mandy and me to make our own home.  we were both becoming too attached
to you.

it wouldn't work, you know.  no matter how much we wanted it to.  i wish
it could have been different.  i wish i could have been different.  but
it wasn't meant to be.  i hope you find someone as wonderful as you
deserve, and that we can still be friends.  i need a friend like you in
my life, but i'll understand if that's asking too much.

he stared at the words, studying the shape of her letters and the way
her signature scrawled across the page.  he thought about the champagne
and the flowers, the list of arguments and how he'd assumed loving her
would be enough.  he crumpled the note and let it fall to the ground,
then walked down the stairs and out into the coming night.

chapter fifteen.

cc how drunk are you going to get?  " rebecca asked as she stretched
across the leather couch in travis's family room.

travis stared at the half-empty glass in his hand, then glanced at the
bottle sitting on the coffee table.  there were about three more inches
of scotch waiting for him.  through his slightly drunken fog, he
wondered how much longer it was going to take for the alcohol to allow
him to forget.  the liquor was dulling his senses enough for him to
breathe without feeling that his chest was going to cave in, but he
could still sense the broken edges of his exposed heart.  he could still
remember everything.  damn elizabeth abbott and damn his own sorry hide
for ever being stupid enough io care.

he drained the glass in his hand, then roqe from the leather wing chair
sitting at right angles to the sofa.  it was exactly three steps to the
coffee table.  he kept the bottle that far away deliberately.  as soon
as he wasn't able to navigate those three steps, he would know it was
time to stop drinking.

"a lot more drunk," he said carefully, conscious of the effort it took
to form words correctly.

rebecca stared at him.  her dark hair was held away from her face by a
headband.  even though it was saturday afternoon and most people were
dressed in jeans and casual shirts, she wore a floral print jumper over
a white silk shortsleeved shirt.  he knew it was silk because she'd
explained it to him once.  he'd actually figured out the difference
between it and cotton. that's how he'd known elizabeth's skin had felt
like silk against his body.

he stared at her white shirt and wondered if it would feel like
elizabeth's skin.  or would it feel differently because rebecca wore it?
or if he was still sober enough to grab the scotch bottle.  maybe if he
asked politely, rebecca would pour for him.  he frowned.  judging from
the way she was glaring at him, he didn't think she would be willing to
cooperate as if she'd read his mind, she grabbed the bottle.  he held
out his glass hopefully.  she shook her head and set the bottle on the
far side of the couch.  he sighed and sagged back in his chair.  he
didn't have a prayer of getting that far.  not with the buzz filling his
head or the weakness in his legs.  his coordination was shot.  he just
wished a benefit of his condition included a lapse in memory.

"i want to talk to you while you're still reasonably sober," rebecca
said, settling down on the edge of the sofa closest to him.

"terrific.  pour me another drink-then i'll listen."

"i'm your friend, so no, i'm not going to pour you anything else. you're
drunk enough.  in the morning, you're going to wish you were never
born."

he set the glass on the floor next to him."

"i already wish i hadn't been born.  nothing's going to change that."

"elizabeth needs time."

"what the hell are you talking about?"

"this isn't about you, travis.  this leaving.  she needs some time to
find her way.  you've got to give her that: she spoke slowly and
patiently, as if dealing with a slow-witted child.  he thought about
protesting, but he didn't think he could get the words out.  his tongue
was getting thicker by the minute, and who had started spinning the
room?

he leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes.  that was better.  "of
course it's about me," he said carefully.  "i'm the one she left."

"fool: she said the word affectionately.  he thought about taking
offense, but he didn't have the energy.  " you're her knight in shining
armor. unfortunately, your timing couldn't have been worsq."

that comment was almost worth opening his eyes foralmost'that's me.  a
knight.  show me the dragon.  i'll slay it.  maybe it'll slay me
instead. that would be better: ' "

"travis: ' he held up his hand, then let it drop to his side.  when had
his arm gotten so heavy?  "sorry.  didn't mean to get maud...  maud..  :
what was that word?"

"maudlin?  " she offered.

"yeah.  that.  so my timing stinks.  nah.  it's not that.  it's me.  i
tried. not supposed to try.  forgot who i was: he rubbed his hand over
his face, then grimacqd as he felt two days' worth of stubble.  he
hadn't shaved that morning.  hadn't done anything exrept drink more
scotch and try to forget. he couldn't forget; he made a lousy drunk.

"you've got it all wrong," rebecca said, sounding slightly impatient.

"i know."  he risked opening his eyes.  rebecca was glaring at him.  he
closed his lids again to shut her out.  "it was all pretty pointless
from the beginning.  who was i trying to kid?  she figured it out.  that
i couldn't do it.  not the right type.  who'd want me for her kid's
father?"

"i would."

travis looked at her.  "you're just saying that because i'm your friend
and you have to be nice to me."  he got so caught up in being pleased
that he'd completed such a long sentence that he almost forgot what they
were talking about.

rebecca stood up and moved over until she was standing in front of him,
looking down.  fire flashed in her eyes.  she planted her hands on her
hips, her chest heaved.  she wasn't built like elizabeth.  rebecca's
curves were subtle.  he'd never cared one way or the other because he'd
never really been attracted to her.  it didn't mean anything.  but he
still admired her.

"you are so beautiful," he said wistfully, wishing that staring at her
got him aroused.  he only had to think about elizabeth and he was ready
to make love, but rebecca left him with a warm fuzzy feeling and zero
passion.  the great cosmic joke.

rebecca drew in a deep breath, then let out a laugh and sank to the
floor. she knelt between his legs and rested her hands on his thighs.
"you need your butt kicked."

"that's pretty harsh."  he raised his eyebrows, or thought he did.  his
face was getting numb.

"you're thinking about yourself, travis, and none of this is about you
at all.  it's about elizabeth.  she's got the problem, not you.  finally
you've figured out that you can make a relationship work.  i think
that's terrific. you're right, you do love her, and she left you: her
big eyes grew sad as they met his own.  " find it in your heart to
forgive her.  she's running because she's afraid.  that's good.  that
means she cares back."

he covered rebecca's hands and squeezed tight.  "if it's so good, why
does it feel so bad?"

"because she hurt you.   but hang in there.   give her time to
understand what she's given up.   she'll come around.   i promise."

his face was completely numb, his tongue thick, his legs heavy beyond
movement.  none of it helped.  he could still feel the sharp stabs of
pain in his chest and gut."

"i told her i loved her," he said, softly.  he had to look away from his
friend's compassionate gaze.  " i promised her the world, and she left
anyway."

"give her time."

"why?  nothing will change."  he forced his thick lips into a smile.  "i
can't blame her for leaving me.  look at what sam did to her.  look at
who i am.  there's no way she's going to get past my reputation.  i'm
the last man on earth she'd ever want.  that's why i'm drinking,
rebecca.  so i can forget the truth."

she touched her cool hand to his cheek."

"is it helping?"

"no.  i played the game and i lost" he shrugged.  "i gave her everything
i had and it wasn't enough.  let it go, honey.  i'm going to try my
damnedest to do just that."

seven days later it didn't hurt any less and he still hadn't learned to
forget.  he'd given up the alcohol by sunday morning.  mostly because he
had a job to do and responsibilities he couldn't hide from.  also,
because he was a lousy drunk.  even rebecca had told him that when he'd
awakened with the mother of all hangovers.  he knew he had to get on
with his life.  elizabeth had chosen not to be a part of that.  fine. he
didn't understand her reasoning, but he respected her right to make that
choice.  but there was still the matter of a six-year-old girl.

he stood in front of elizabeth's front door for several minutes before
gathering the courage to knock.  he heard voices from inside, then the
sound of little footsteps hurrying down the hall.

"i want to get it," mandy said.  she opened the door and stared at him.
"" travis!"

she flung herself at him.  he caught her in his arms and pulled her hard
against his chest.  her thin legs came up around his waist.

"hi, mandy," he said, and was surprised his voice sounded so gruff.

she buried her face in his neck and sniffed, then glared up at him.
"you've been gone, travis.  you said you'd come to my soccer game, but
you didn't. mommy said you were working: her pale blond eyebrows drew
together mutinously.  " you promised me you'd come.  why weren't you
there?"

because i couldn't face seeing your mother, he thought, then kissed her
forehead and set her on the ground.  his relationship with mandy was
important to both of them, regardless of what was going on between him
and elizabeth.  he squatted down beside the little girl.  "i'm sorry,"
he said, holding her shoulders.  "you're right.  i did promise.  i'll be
there for the next one, and all the ones after that.  i might have to
leave early if i'm working, but nothing else will keep me away.  okay?"

mandy thought for a moment, then grinned.  "okay.  i'm going to get a
goal next time.  you watch!"

something small and brown scurried out the front door.  mandy shrieked.
travis leaned down and grabbed the fur ball by the scruff of its neck
and raised thq animal up to eye level.  it was a small dog of
undetermined breed. big brown eyes stared into his face; then the puppy
barked excitedly and licked his nose.

mandy laughed.  "that's buster.  he's our new dog.  we got him at the
pound. he sleeps in my bed and everything"

travis smiled and handed her the puppy.  mandy held him carefully.
buster wiggled in her embrace, quivering with excitement.  apparently
the dog had already figured out where his loyalties lay.

travis heard a soft sound and looked up.  elizabeth stood in the center
of her small living room.  the band around his chest tightened as he
looked at her familiar heart-shaped face.

her mouth was pulled straight, as if she were in pain, and her eyes were
dark with emotion.  her pale color, the shadows and lines of exhaustion,
told him that she'd been suffering as much as he.  because he was a fool
where she was concerned, he was pleased with the obvious signs of her
distress.  he had meant something to her.

his happiness faded as quickly as it had arrived.  the operative word
about her feelings was had.  whatever affection she'd maintained for hiq
hadn't been enough to keep her in his house or his bed.  it hadn't been
enough to allow her to believe in him.

"hello, travis," she said, her voice soft and husky.

he rose to his feet.  god, he loved how she sounded.  even now, just
looking at her and hearing her, his whole body went on alert.  from the
ten or so feet that separated them, he could smell the scent of her
perfume.  she wore a cream sweater over jeans.  her hair was pulled back
in a braid.  he supposed there were men who wouldn't think her
beautiful, but to him she was perfection itself."

"elizabeth."

he was afraid she would see how she affected him so he stuck his hands
into his leather jacket pockets.  the business -size envelope there
crackled as he touched it.  his ace in the hole.  later, he told
himself.  patience was the key.

elizabeth studied him, her gaze drifting over his face, to his chest and
lower.  he saw the slight blush that appeared on her cheeks.  he got to
her. good.  please god, let it be enough.

"mandy, why don't you take buster into the backyard and play?"

mandy nuzzled her pet and giggled.  "okay."  she turned away, then spun
back. "travis, there's a play at my school.  i'm going to be broccoli
and an indian.  please come."

he tore his gaze away from her mother."

"i wouldn't miss it for anything. give me a kiss before you go"

she raised her face.  her lips were pursed.  he bent down and brushed
them with his own.  she gave him a sweet smile that warmed him to the
bottom of his soul, then ran through the living room and into the hall.
"" would you like to come in?  " elizabeth asked, moving to the door and
drawing it back.

"sure.  for a minute.  i still have some things to take care of today."
he stepped inside and glanced around the small living room.  she'd hung
the miniblinds at the front windows a lace shawl was draped over one of
the ugly gold couches.  "this is nice."

she closed the door and wrinkled her nose.  "no.  it's still small and
dark, but it's ours.  we're making it a home."  she cleared her throat.
"how have you been?"

he could have made it easy for her, but he was hurting too much inside.
she'd gone and left him, and then had made a home for herself and her
daughter.  he'd been abandoned, cast aside without a second thought.
"how do you think?"

she folded her arms over her chest, then straightened them.  "i'm
sorry," she said.

his hands closed into fists, but his jacket hid his reaction from view.
"are you?  why don't i think so?  if you were sorry, you wouldn't have
walked out of my life."

"imeant to call: she stared at the carpet.

"so you're a liar as well as a coward."

her head shot up.  anger burned in her eyes.  "how dare you say that to
me?"

"if the shoe fits, lady.  you're the one who snuck out of my house like
some damn thief.  you didn't even have the courage to say goodbye in
person.  i thought that we meant something to each other.  i guess i was
wrong: he stopped talking because it was starting to hurt too much.  the
act of breathing caused his chest to ache.  deep inside, around his
heart, the hole deepened as pieces of his soul slipped away.

"you have no right to judge me," she said, leaning forward toward him.
"no right at all."

"the hell i don't.  what about all your concerns about mandy?  i'm more
than willing to have her in my life.  you're the one keeping her away
from me."

"i-" her anger fled as quickly as it had flared.  her shoulders slumped.
"you're right.  about everything.  i'm sorry, travis: ' he wanted to go
to her and hold her tight.  he wanted to fight her battles and conquer
her demons.  the only flaw with the plan was the fact that he was her
biggest problem.

"i didn't want to make love to you that day, but i couldn't help myself.
you make me feql..  " she shook her head sadly.  "i can't explain it.
you make me want things that i know i can't have.  i can't do what you
need me to do. i can't be that woman.  i can't trust again: '

"you mean you won't."

their eyes met.  her pure brown irises shone with tears."

"i won't, "she agreed."

"i wish i was stronger.  you are a wonderful man.  strong, sensitive,
caring, funny.  far too good-looking for your own good, or my peace of
mind."

she was ripping him apart inside.  he didn't know how much longer he
could stand this."

"you forgot about being dynamite in bed," he said, hoping the joke would
make them both feel better.  it didn't help him, and judging by the
tears on elizabeth's cheeks, she didn't find it all that funny.

"that, too," she whispered.  she reached up and brushed away the tears.
"" that's why i ran.  because it was too wonderful i couldn't bear to
believe and then have it turn out to be another mistake."

he'd expected to be sad, even disappointed.  he hadn't thought he would
feel the cold ice of rage.  he pulled his hands out of his jacket
pockets and clenched them into tight fists.  he'd lost it all-they'd
both lost everything-because she was afraid.

"i thought you were stronger," he said, fighting the urge to roar with
anger. "my mistake."

she flinched as if he'd slapped her.

before she could say anything he spoke again.  "i don't claim to
understand what you're thinking.  but there are more than two people
involved here.  i have a commitment to mandy, and i intend to honor it.
are you going to give me trouble with that?"

she mutely shook her head.

"good.  then i'll be at her school play and her soccer games and
anything else she wants me at: '

"thank you: '

"don't thank me.  i'm not doing it for you.  i'm doing it for mandy and
for myself."

there was a loose strand of hair floating around her face.  he wanted to
touch that strand, to brush it back and tuck it behind her ear.  his
rage disappeared as quickly as it had come.  he wanted to stroke the
smooth skin of her face and neck.  his fingers ached to touch her.  his
body rebelled at being left unsatisfied.  if it wasn't for mandy, he
would gladly go the rest of his life and never see elizabeth abbott
again.  she was going to be the death of him.

he reached in his jacket pocket for his keys.  his fingers touched the
envelope again.  he pulled it out and looked at it.

"i thought there might still be a chance," he said.  "but i see rebecca
was right."

"what did she say?"

"that this wasn't about me at all.   this is your problem and there's
nothing i can do to help you get over it" he looked at her then,
studying the shape of her face, the smooth skin, the tears.   he'd
finally fallen in love.   unfortunately it was with the one woman who
would never trust him enough to love him back.   a perfect ending to a
haynes family story.

he handed her the envelope.  "it's not worth the paper it's printed on,
but what the hell.  it'll give you a laugh.  years from now you can use
it to remember me by.  that crazy haynes brother who was stupid enough
to fall in love."

"travis!"

she raised her hand toward him.  he gave her the envelope, being careful
not to touch her.  it would be too easy to get lost in her for the
night.  just one last time.  however he knew if he did it again, he
would never find his way back.  this time he would stay lost.

she opened the envelope.  he told himself to leave, but he couldn't help
standing there watching.  just in case it got ugly, he reached back and
gripped the door handle.

she pulled out the three sheets of paper and studied them.  a slight
frown drew her delicate eyebrows together.  "i don't understand."

he opened the door and stepped onto the porch.  "it's a report from a
private investigator," he said and shrugged.  "i paid to have myself
investigated. just so you'd know i have nothing to hide.  his number is
in there, along with his license information.  the guy's legitimate.
check it out if you don't believe me."

"but why would you do this?"

"i wanted you to know i wasn't like sam.  i didn't realize it was
already too late to change your mind."

the harvest play was held in the school auditorium.  the seats weren't
all that comfortable, but elizabeth knew her restlessness was due to
more than the hard wooden chair.  travis had promised to come and see
mandy in her acting debut.  she, along with the other first-graders, had
small parts in the school production.

elizabeth had draped a sweater over the seat next to her on the outside
left aisle.  her heart thundered in her chest.  she prayed travis would
show up and not disappoint her daughter.  with equal fervency, she
prayed he did forget the date, time or location of the play.  she
couldn't face him again. nothing made sense anymore, but she was getting
used to living in a state of confusion.

leaving travis had felt horrible, but she'd known it was the right thing
to do.  what choice did she have?  it was either leave with some small
portion of her heart intact, or risk making the same mistake again.
she'd judged so badly with sam, how could she risk doing it all over
again?  it wasn't just about her, either.  what about mandy's feelings?
she'd already lost one father.  she would really be hurt to lose travis.

but he was still seeing her daughter, a little voice in her head
whispered. she tried to ignore the sound, much as she ignored her
sweating palms and trembling legs.  good thing she was sitting down, she
thought, trying to find the humor in the situation and failing badly.

she shifted on the hard seat, and smoothed her narrow wool skirt.  the
autumn weather had taken a cool turn.  she'd bought several sweaters and
a few skirts and trousers in a nearby town.  rebecca had accompanied her
on the shopping trip.  try as she might, elizabeth hadn't been able to
gather the courage to ask her friend about travis.  she supposed her
reticence was part embarrassment, part shame.  if rebecca had given
travis advice, then she knew the entire story.  elizabeth had wanted to
say that it wasn't her fault, but she knew it was.  she was the one who
didn't have the courage to try.  she sighed.  no one understood what it
was like to wake up one morning and find out her entire life was a lie.
okay, she should get over it, but not just yet.

the crowd of excited parents continued to file into the rapidly filling
auditorium.  elizabeth looked over her shoulder, scanning for afamiliar
face. she nibbled on her bottom lip.  what if he showed up?  what if he
didn't?

at last she spotted travis threading his way through the other adults.
she stood up so that he could see where she was sitting, then quickly
sat back down.  what if he didn't want to sit next to her?

she hunched down and stared.  fixedly at the stage.  he'd already told
her it was a lost cause.  she still remembered the words as clearly as
if he'd just spoken them.  he'dbeen standing in her living room, handing
her the detective's report why had he done it?  why had he paid to have
himself investigated?  she'd called the man, then the state licensing
board.  everything had checked out. travis had no secrets in his past.
she appreciated the gesture, but it didn't change anything.

"are you saving that seat for someone?"  a man asked.

she recognized the voice before she looked up and met his gaze.  he wore
his khaki uniform, with the stetson she loved so much.  the brim hid his
eyes from view, but she could see his trimmed mustache, and the straight
line of his mouth.  he wasn't smiling.  why was she surprised?

"for you," she said, and moved the sweater.

he settled next to her.  his arm brushed hers on the armrest she started
to move, then left her arm in place.  if he didn't like them touching
then he could be the one to shift in his seat.

brave words, she told herself.  they were in the middle of a crowd.
nothing was going to happen.

"you look very nice today," he said.

she glanced down at her new skirt and sweater, then smiled and looked at
him. "thank you: ' her smile faded when he removed his hat and she saw
his eyes.  nothing flared to life in his brown irises.  no emotion
darkened the volatile color, no quick grin curved his lips.  she was
looking into the face of a stranger.

and then she knew the truth.  he hadn't been lying when he'd said it was
all a lost cause.  whatever feelings he'd felt for her had been locked
away in a place she could never reach.

the room darkened and the first students appeared on the stage.  there
was no time for conversation.  elizabeth blinked several times and knew
that it didn't matter.  she'd turned her back on his offer of love,
she'd taken the detective's report and had never called to discuss it
with travis.  he'd gotten her qmessage loud and clear.  he knew she
wasn't interested, so he was shutting her out.  she'd gotten exactly
what she'd asked for.  everything was working out perfectly.

chapter sixteen.

cc what on earth did you expect?  " rebecca asked that night after
dinner at elizabeth's house.

elizabeth shrugged.  she cocked her head toward the living room.  mandy
was watching one of her favorite cartoon videos.  "i didn't expect him
to ignore me like that: '

"you tell the guy to take a flying leap, and now you're surprised that
he's not all over you?"

elizabeth took the chair opposite her friend.  she placed her coffee mug
in front of her."

"no one ever mentioned the words flying leap."

rebecca sighed.  "i saw him the next day, elizabeth.  he was in bad
shape. you walked out on him without a word.  in my book, that qualified
as pretty cruel behavior."

elizabeth stared at the table.  she could feel the heated blush on her
cheeks.  "it was awful.  i'm so soiry i did that.  travis is a great guy
and he deserves better."

"i'm not the one you should be telling this to."

"i know that, too."  she risked glancing up.  "what am i going to do?"

"what do you want from all this?"

that was easy.  she wanted him to sweep her off her feet and make mad,
passionate love to her.  she wanted to spend the night lost in his arms.
she wanted him to promise to love her forever, then hold her tight and
never let her go.

her eyes began to bum.  he'd already done that and more.  she'd rewarded
him by throwing it all in his face.  but i she couldn't risk another
mistake.

"i don't know: she saw rebecca's wide mouth twist with impatience.  " go
ahead and yell at me, but you don't know what it's like.  you haven't
made the same mistakes i have."

"i've made others."  rebecca leaned back in her chair and tucked her
long curling black hair behind her can."

"i've made plenty of mistakes.  one thing they've all taught me is that
the way to learn from them is to get on with your life.  hiding out
accomplishes nothing."

"is that what you think i'm doing?  " elizabeth demanded her friend
looked at her steadily.  "yes, i do."

"you don't know what it was like."

"you're right.  i don't.  so what?  it's over, elizabeth.

travis isn't sam.  you're losing a good man because you're terrified of
making the same mistake again.  here's a news flash.  everyone makes
mistakes.  and everyone gets to deal with making at least one huge one.
forgive yourself and get on with your life."

"you make it sound so easy."

"you make it sound so hard.  it doesn't have to be."

elizabeth sipped from her coffee.  after the play travis had stayed long
enough to congratulate mandy and to warn the girl he wouldn't be able to
stay for the entire soccer game the following saturday.  elizabeth had
offered to bring her home instead.  they'd made the arrangements, then
had parted.  it had been so civilized, she'd wanted to scream.  she
didn't want calm, rational conversation with travis.  she wanted the
passion.

"it's difficult to give up hiding once you've learned how," she said
quietly."

"i know.  but you have to try.  " rebecca leaned across the table and
squeezed her hand.  " if you don't forgive yourself and get on with
what's important, you'll have paid the highest price of all."

elizabeth sighed.  "i'll have lost travis: '

"worse.  you'll have lost yourself."

elizabeth stood in the silence of her small house.  it was lunchtime and
mandy was still at school.  buster was asleep on his bed in the corner
of her daughter's room.

normally, being alone was a pleasure.  she reveled in the quiet, knowing
it would soon explode into childish laughter, the sounds of the
television and buster's high-pitched barking.  today she found no peace.

the pain in her heart hadn't gone away.  if anything, it had grown,
along with her sense of failure.  she gripped her purse tightly in her
hands and stared at the living room.  when she'd left sam, she'd been so
sure she'd made the right decision.  she'd protected herself and her
child and had sworn to never make that kind of mistake again.  she'd
promised herself never to be emotionally vulnerable to love.

had that been the lesson sam's deception should have taught her?

she walked into the kitchen and studied the calendar pinned to the wall.
mandy had marked all her soccer games.  tomorrow travis would arrive
early and take the girl to breakfast.  they woqild leave, laughing with
each other. elizabeth knew she would stand at the window and watch
travis smile at her daughter.  she would feel the loss when he touched
her easily, perhaps even carrying her piggyback style to the car.  she
envied her daughter's relationship with travis.  elizabeth shook her
head and wondered when she'd become a fool.

next to the calendar was a bulletin board.  several of mandy's class
projects had been pinned up, as had a postcard from elizabeth's parents.
they were back from their trip.  they'd called a couple of weeks ago to
tell her all about the orient.  elizabeth had listened politely and had
avoided questions about her personal life.  she'd never had the courage
to tell them the truth about sam.  her parents sensed something was
wrong, but they wouldn't ask.

she couldn't tell them the truth.  they wouldn't understand how she
could have been so stupid.  elizabeth tossed her purse on the small
table and balled up her fists.  damn him.  she was tired of living only
half her life.

it wasn't an emotional connection that kept her tied to the past.  she
knew that much.  her feelings for sam had faded over the years. i,
looking back with the perfect vision of hindsight, she could see that
she'd never loved him.  he'd charmed her, showing up in her life just as
she was ready to spread her wings.

so why couldn't she let go?  she glanced down at her hands and slowly
straightened them.  her finger were bare.  for over six years she'd worn
a wedding band.  she'd thought she was married.  mrs. sam proctor.  it
had all been a lie.  that's what she couldn't let go.  being married had
been part of her identity.  it's as if she'd lost part of herself when
she'd learned the truth.  her world had exploded, nothing had been as it
seemed.  she'd been left empty and broken, feeling as if she'd spent her
whole life being a fool.

and lonely, she thought suddenly.  very, very lonely.  sam had kept her
isolated from the world.  he hadn't wanted her to work or have friends.
now she knew it was his way of making sure he controlled the game. she'd
finally defied him and started working.  that had given her a measure of
independence, but hadn't taken away the feelings of isolation she'd
spent her entire marriage being on her own.

she stepped closer to the bulletin board and touched one of mandy's
drawings. it was a duplicate of the one she'd done for travis.  three
stick figures stood in front of a white house.  her daughter had even
drawn in a puppy. the sight of the brightly colored picture made her
smile.  mandy was going to be all right.  even as her world had been
falling apart, elizabeth had made sure she'd been there for her
daughter.  her smile turned wry.  of course she'd had six years practice
of being a single parent.  with sam gone so much, most of the
responsibility had fallen on her shoulders she knew she was capable of
making it all work out.

so what was she trying to prove?

the thought came out of nowherq and stunned her.  what was she trying to
prove?  that she was strong enough to make it on her own?  she knew that
already.  that she had to punish herself for making a mistake?  maybe.
she should have known.  she should have seen the clues.  she
should"stop!"  she said out loud.  "just stop."

she hadn't known.  she hadn't thought to look for clues.  did that make
her a bad person?  was rebecca right?  did everyone get one free big
mistake?  was it time to let the whole thing go?

her gaze drifted from mandy's picture to the postcard her parents had
sent. the feeling of loneliness swept over her again.  she realized how
much she hated hiding from them, hiding from the world.  she'd been so
worried about what everyone would think that she'd allowed the fear to
rule her life. she'd left herself with no support to get her through the
rough times.

without giving herself time to talk herself out of it, she walked to the
phone and picked up the receiver.  she dialed from memory."

"hello?"

"hi, mom.  it's me."

her mother laughed with delight.  "your father and i have missed you,
honey," the older woman said.  "how have you been?"

elizabeth felt the hot tears flood her eyes and flow down her cheeks.
she leaned against the wall and twisted the cord in her fingers.  "not
that great, mom.  i have some things to tell you.  about sam.  i don't
know how to say this.  i'm so sorry.  i never meant to disappoint you.
it turns out-"

"just a minute, dear.  before you say another word, you don't have to
apologize for anything to either me or your father.  we love you, no
matter what.  do you want us to fly out and be with you?  we could get a
flight today."

elizabeth sank into a kitchen chair and smiled through her tears.  "no.
you don't have to.  mandy and i are okay.  but thanks for offering." she
drew in a deep breath to tell the rest of her story and realized she'd
spoken the truth.  she was okay.  probably for the first time in years.

"you're not eating," mandy said, waving her fork at travis's full plate.
"don't you like the pancakes?"

"i'm just not hungry."  he winked at the little girl.  "you sure wanted
your breakfast, though: '

mandy looked down at her half-eaten meal.  a thin pancake wrapped around
a sausage was all that was left of everything she'd ordered.  "i was
hungry.  i went to bed early, so i could sleep a lot.  mommy says i need
to be rested to do good at my game.  i'm going to score a goal: '

"i bet you are."

she chatted about school and all her friends.  he studied her small
face, loving the way her eyes lighted up with her stories.  her hair was
pulled into two pigtails.  a red ribbon, matching her red-and-white
soccer uniform, had been tied on each end.  her fresh-scrubbed face
looked innorent and trusting.

he sipped from his coffee cup and tried to control the emotions swelling
up inside of him.  he adored this little girl.  he missed the sound of
her laughter and her cartoons, the endless questions, the way she
crawled into his lap and demanded a story.  he missed being loved by
her.

he knew she still cared about him.  they had planned several activities
together over the next few weeks, but it wasn't the same as living with
her. or her mother.

damn, he didn't want to think about elizabeth.  but he couldn't help
himself. staring at mandy, knowing most of her features came from her
father, he still saw traces of the woman he loved in her face.  loving
and losing mandy had broken his heart.  i.  oving and losing elizabeth
was killing him.

the hell of it was he didn't know what to do.  he couldn't think of any
more words to convince her.  he knew rebecca had been right in telling
him this was elizabeth's problem and not his.  knowing the truth didn't
stop him from wanting to fix everything.  he couldn't, though.  no one
would tell him exactly what to fix.  louise preached patience and cooked
his favorite meals. neither made him forget.  he'd tried words, he'd
tried making love, he'd even tried giving elizabeth that damned
detective's report.  nothing had worked, and he'd run out of ideas.

"mommy called grandma yesterday," mandy said, then nibbled on her
sausage. "she told me."

"that's nice," he said, then frowned.  hadn't elizabeth mentioned she
didn't talk to her parents much because she was ashamed?  she hadn't
even told them the truth about sam.  a flicker of hope sparked in his
chest, but he doused it with cold, wet reality.  calling her parents
didn't mean anything.

"they're coming to visit us at the end of the month.  grandma's going to
take me out for halloween."

"are you sure?"  he asked.

mandy nodded vigorously, her blond pigtails bouncing against her
shoulders. "i talked to her last night.  i'm going to be a fairy
princess."

a phone call was one thing, a visit quite another.  if they were coming
out, elizabeth would have to tell them the truth.  maybe she already
had.

hope threatened again.  travis did his best to ignore it.  so what? they
were her parents.  she still hadn't contacted him in any way.  this
morning, when he'd driven up to get mandy, she'd sent the girl outside
without giving him more than a brief, impersonal wave.

mandy put her fork down and looked at him.  something in her big blue
eyes made him give her his full attention' what wrong?  " he asked.

"are you and mommy fighting?"

he didn't have an answer for that one.  they weren't angry at each
other, but they sure weren't getting along.  "why do you ask?"

mandy shrugged.  "mommy was crying last night.  i heard her after i went
to bed."

his gut clenched into a hard knot.  rather than give in to the impulse
to jump up and find elizabeth, he gripped the table.  it wasn't his
fault she was crying.  if she wanted his comfort, she knew where to find
him.  he'd already told her he loved her.  what else was there to say?

"we're not fighting," he told the little girl.  although he wasn't sure
he hadn't made her cry.

mandy seemed relieved.  he changed the subject.  "i told you i can't
stay for the whole game," he reminded her.  "i have to work this
afternoon."

"i know," she said, nodding.  "i'll score my goal early, okay?"

he leaned across the table and ruffled her bangs."

"you do that,.   kid: ' they left the restaurant and he drove them to
the park.  most of the parents and children were already there.  mandy
ran off to join her team.  travis walked to the edge of the field and
stared at the players.  he didn't want to look around and sea elizabeth.
if there was any lingering trace of her tears, he would feel obligated
to ask what was wrong.  maybe it was weak of him, but he couldn't face
her shutting him down again.  he needed a little time to let the wounds
heal.

apparently she didn't share his feelings.  he'd barely been there a
minute when he inhaled the soft scent of a familiar perfume.  his body
reacted instantly.  his groin flooded with heat and his chest tightened.

"hi, travis: ' "

"elizabeth."  he forced himself to look at her.  she wore an oversize
blue sweater over jeans.  her hair was loose and shiny in the autumn
morning.  all traces of tears were long gone.  her brown eyes glowed
with something, but it wasn't pain or unhappiness.  he wanted to believe
it had something to do with him, or at the very least, was the result of
talking to her parents, but his luck wasn't that good.  he glanced
around the field. there were several single men here.  any one of them
could have put that special light in her eyes.

he wanted to ask about her parents and what had prompted her to call. he
wanted to tell her how much he loved her and beg her to come back to
him.  he wanted to hold her in his arms until he convinced her that they
belonged together.  he did none of those things.  he couldn't move,
couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything but endure the heartache of
knowing what could have been.

"mandy mentioned you'll be leaving early," she said.

"yes.  can you take her home?"

"of course: her gaze met and held his own.  he tried to read her
emotions, but he couldn't.  just as well, he thought, turning away. what
was there to see?

"i've got to go," he said abruptly and walked away."

"travis?"

he kept on going.  if he moved fast enough, maybe the pain wouldn't be
able to catch up with him.

elizabeth stared at travis's retreating back.  the hurt and hunger in
his eyes had left her with tangible wounds.  she could feel the ache
pouring through her body.  every part of her screamed at her to take a
chance.  one small risk.  he wasn't sam.  he wasn't lying about anything
in his life. he'd told her the unvarnished tcuth about himself, his past
and his family. she'd seen his shame when he'd talked about his father.
travis had even risked telling her he loved her.  he had no secrets
left.

she took a step after him, then paused.  could she risk it?  what about
the mistakes she'd made?

"take a chance."

elizabeth spun on her heel and found rebecca standing behind her.  "what
are you doing here?"  she asked.

"one of the kids from the children's home is playing.  i thought i'd
come watch and show support: rebecca stared at her."

"elizabeth, this may be your last opportunity.  don't be a fool: ' "

"i can't: elizabeth closed her eyes."

"i can't risk-" her eyes flew open.  she clasped her hand over her
mouth, then dropped her arm to her side.  "i can't risk losing him, can
i? what have i been thinking?  travis haynes is the best thing that ever
happened to me."

rebecca grinned.  "finally.  he went that away."  she raised one finger
and pointed.

elizabeth hurried off in that direction.  she scanned the growing crowd
but there was no tall man in a stetson anywhere she stopped and looked
toward the parking lot.  her heart sank.  the sheriff's car was gone.
travis had left.

disappointment dragged at her.  now what?  should she wait until he came
off his shift?  she shook her head.  no, she couldn't wait another
minute. they'd both suffered for too long.

she ran to a phone on the edge of the park.  dialing quickly, she
shifted her weight from foot to foot.  finally the phone rang."

"sheriff's office."

it wasn't travis, but the voice was familiar.  "kyle?"

"yes."

"hi, it's elizabeth abbott.    i'm looking for travis.    is he around?"

there was a pause.  she bit her lower lip.  maybe travis had told his
brother about her behavior.  if so, kyle might not want to help her. oh,
but he had to.

"he's subbing for one of the deputies.  he's qut on patrol, giving out
tickets."

"oh, then i'll never find him: '

"i don't know about that.  is this good news?"

she clutched the metal cord.  "very good news, kyle.  the best news: '

"he's been walking around here like a kicked dog."

"i know.  i'm sorry about that."

"he deserves something wonderful, elizabeth."  kyle's voice got husky.
"he's a good man."

"i know.  believe me, i know.  i need to find him before it's too late."

there was a pause; then kyle said, "do you remember where he stopped you
that first day?"

"yes."

the best bride ?  a3

"he always parks in the same place.  the locals know to avoid him.  if
you go now you'll be able to find him: ' she thought for a second.  "i
have to wait until the soccer game is over.  i can't leave mandy alone."

"i'll be by in five minutes to get her."

"you'd do that for me?"

"i'm doing it for travis: ' she had to fight against the tears burning
in her eyes.  to think she might have lost the man she loved because of
her own fears."

"thank you, kyle. i really appreciate this: '

"yeah, well, don't make me regret it."

"i won't.  i just hope it's not too late.  by."

"elizabeth?"

"y

"it's not too late."

she hung up and prayed he was right.  she started toward the parking
lot.  at the sight of her car, she paused.  tcavis knew her car.  she
didn't want to give him time to get away from her or start to think up
reasons why it wouldn't work.  not now.  she glanced around the playing
field and saw one of the coach's wives standing close to her.  she
rushed over.

"mary, can i borrow your car for a few minutes?"

the young woman looked startled.  "didn't you bring your car?"

"yes, but-oh, it's difficult to explain.  i need to find someone and i
don't want him to know it's me until it's too late and please, i promise
i'll be careful."

mary looked at her for several seconds, then grinned."

"sounds like man trouble to me."

"itis: ' the blonde reached into her jeans pocket and pulled out a set
of keys.  "it's the red station wagon right there."

impulsively, elizabeth gave the other woman a hug.  "thanks.  i'll be
right back."

"take your time."

she ran to the car, slid inside, fastened her seat belt, then started
the engine.  after drawing in a deep breath for courage, she pulled out
of the parking lot and turned onto the main road.

travis stared morosely down the highway.  even for a saturday morning,
the traffic was light.  he'd only seen half a dozen cars and all of them
had been going the speed limit.  not that he was in the mood to stop
anyone.

he leaned his heaqback and groaned.  mandy was going to be upset that
he'd left before her game had started.  there was no way he could
explain to the little girl that he hadn't had a choice in the matter. it
had been too hard to stand there staring at elizabeth and knowing he
could never be a part of her life.  just seeing her had been difficult.
how was he supposed to get through the torture of being her friend?

friends.  he swore.  she might as well just shoot him in the back and
get it over with.

he heard a car engine and straightened.  a red station wagon barreled
around the curve behind him and zoomed past onto the straightaway.
travis checked his radar and raised his eyebrows.  someone was going
somewhere in a hurry.

he pulled out onto the highway and hit the gas.  his patrol car was
gaining, but slowly.  he flipped on his blue light and accelerated, then
frowned when he realized the driver in the red car was going faster than
he'd thought.  he stared ahead, but all he could see was the person wore
a baseball cap.  at last the driver glanced in the rearview mirror, saw
him and turned off onto the shoulder of the road.

travis parked behind the car and collected his ticket book and stetson.
he stepped out and walked over to the car.  the window was already
rolled down.

"you were going pretty fast there."  he flipped open his ticket book,
then glanced up at the driver.  and about dropped his pen.  "elizabeth?"

"hi: she jerked off the baseball cap and her brown hair tumbled over her
shoulders.  " i wondered if you'd see me."

"you were hard to miss, especially when you hit the straightaway doing
eighty: he glanced at the unfamiliar car and frowned.  " why are you
driving this?"

"that's not important."  she opened the car door and got out.  "i was
speeding.  are you going to give me a ticket?"

he frowned.  what kind of game was she playing?  there was an odd
flickering in her eyes, some suppressed emotion her mouth quivered, but
he couldn't tell if she was upset or trying not to smile.  none of this
made sense.

"you were over the speed limit," he said."

"i know.  ask me for my story.

"what?"

"travis: she planted her hands on her hips.  " isn't it a tradition here
in glenwood?  if i tell you a story you haven't heard before, don't you
have to let me go?"

he shoved the ticket book and pen into his back pocket, then folded his
arms over his chest.  he could feel his heart thumping.  that damn hope
flared to life again.  this time he let it burn hot and bright.  this
time he dared to believe.  but he wasn't going to ask.  she was going to
have to tell him.

"what's the story?"  he asked cautiously, wondering if she was about to
say something he wanted to hear, or if she would deliver the death blow.

the odd flickering in her beautiful brown eyes turned into something he
could have sworn was caring.  her mouth curved up in a smile.  when she
leaned forward and placed her hands on his chest, it was all he could do
not to pull her close.

"i love you," she said, then touched her lips to his.

fire exploded through him.  his mind echoed with the wonder of her
words.  he grabbed her arms and held her away from him."

"what did you say?"

"oh, travis, i've been a fool.  i was wrong to judge you by sam's
actions, and wrong to let the past destroy my future" she shook her
head.  "our future.  i could have lost you forever."

"elizabeth."  he breathed her name.  "you would never have lost me.  i
have nowhere else to go.  no one else to love."

"i love you: ' he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her hard
against his chest. he kissed her once, softly, savoring the reality of
knowing they were at last together.  then he angled his head and thrust
his tongue into her mouth. they met in a conflagration of sensationq
when they came up for air, they were both breathing heavily.

"does this mean i don't get a ticket?"  she asked, and smiled.

he grinned in return.  "it's a story i haven't heard be fore, so i guess
not."

"good.  i would have been a little cranky on our wedding day if you had
given me a ticket."

he stared at her.

her smile faltered.  "you do want to marry me, don't you?  i mean i
assumed that was the next logical step."  she bit her lower lip and
blushed."

"oh, travis, we don't have to if you don't-"

he grabbed her hands and pulled them to his mouth.  after kissing each
palm, he stared into her eyes.  "i love you, elizabeth abbott.  will you
marry me?"

a single tear slipped down her cheek.  "yes."

"we can get married when your parents are here if you'd like."  when he
saw her confused frown, he kissed the tip of her nose.  "mandy told me.
you'll be a beautiful bride, darling'."

he bent his head toward her mouth again.  the kiss quickly heated them
both. he was thinking about which of their houses was closer when a
burst from a siren made them jump apart.

travis turned and glared at the patroi car rolling toward them.  kyle
was driving, with a young girl bouncing at his side.  when the car came
to a stop, mandy opened the front door and jumped out.  her smiie about
split her face in two and her blue eyes were shining."

"mommy, mommy, uncl.  e kyle says you and travis are getting married,
and we're going to live happily ever after.  is that true?"

elizabeth laughed and pulled her daughter close.  "uncle kyle has a big
mouth, but yes, it's true."

kyle got out more slowly.  "sorry, trav.  i just thought the kid might
want to know."

travis pulled elizabeth and mandy into his embrace.  "no problem, little
brother.  we are going to live happily ever after."

mandy looked up at her mother."

"are you going to have a baby now?"

elizabeth glanced at him.  he swallowed hard.  "maybe," he said, not
wanting to hope for too much.

"yes," elizabeth said firmly.

the joy in his heart doubled.

kyle came forward and slapped him on the back.  "another haynes son. you
can name this one after me."

"why a son?"  elizabeth asked.

travis touched her cheek.  "there hasn't been a daughter born to the
family in four generations."

"i'd forgotten about that."  elizabeth looped her arm around his waist.
"i just might surprise you all."

he held her close and felt the loving warmth of her body.  "you already
did, elizabeth.  you already did."  she had been, he knew then, the best
surprise of all.

* * * * *

q% )

s %

b.  qq g prepare yourself for ' a serious heat wave this summer with
silhouette's latest selection of sizzling summer reading.

this sensuous collection of three short stories provides the perfect
holiday escape and is brought to you by three of silhouette's favourite
authors:

annette broadrick, jackie merritt and justine davis.

available: july 1995 price: 4.  50

silhouette

available from wh smidi, john menzies, volume one, forbuoys, martins,
woolworths, tesco, asda, safeway and other paperback stockists.

c) silhouette

same time, next year

debbie macomber thnt special woman!

one unforgettable night with summer lawton had james wilkens vowing to
meet her at the same time, the same place, the next year..

a family home

celeste hamilton the sexiest man in tennessee had proposed to lainey
bates, but he'd done it to give his son a family home.  lainey wanted
her husband's heart..

marriage on demand

susan mallery amid countless adoring females, rebecca chambers hadn't
expected delicious austin lucas to notice her, but he had.  now he was
planning on giving his child his name: would he also be giving rebecca
everlasting heartache?

q silhouette

the real elizabeth hollister..

trisha alexander the search for her true identity led grace gregory to a
family of great wealth and power, to paul hollister, a naturally
suspicious man.  was she the woman he'd been waiting for?

jenni finds a father

brittany young alec devereaux and tess parish both could achieve their
dreams if they were married for one full year.  tess's little sister,
jenni, and alec's daughter wanted to make it permanent..

hearth, home and hope

kaitlyn gorton cooper sanford was back-but a lot had happened since coop
had broken hope's heart.  what was the secret she wasn't telling him?

r) silhouette

beginning next month a new mini-series from elizabeth bevarly
celebrating the many joys of motherhood-and fatherhood!

three single women each meet the man of their dreams.  and find
themselves expecting a surprise package.  watch these soon-to-be mums as
they are swept off their feet and into the maternity ward!

in july: a dad like daniel (desire 908j in september: the perfect father
desire 920)

in november: dr daddy (desire 933)

from here to maternity: look what the stork brought-a bundle of joy and
the promise of love!

avnilablefrom w.  h.  smith, john menzies, volume one, forbuoys,
martins, woolworths, tesco, asda, safeway and other paperback stockists.

r)silhouette

special editidn

these heart-stopping hunks are rugged, ready and able to steal your
heart. silhouette special edition are proud to announce a new set of
linked books from popular writer susan mallery.  look out for:

the best bride june 1995

sexy trauis haynes had a reputation as a lady-laller-until he rescued
elizabeth abbott and gave her young daughter a temporary home.  who
would have guessed that the rough, tough lawman had a softer side?  it
made travis very tempting..

marriage on demand july 1995 the women of glenwood all agreed, austin
lucas was as dangerous and desirable as any forbidden sin.  but when an
impulsive encounter obliged rebecca chambers to marry him, rebecca
wasn't sure their passion could lead to everlasting love.

avnilablefrom wh smith, john menzies, volume one, forbuoys, mnnins,
wooln, onhs, tesco, asda, safen, ay and other good paperback stockists.

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my god, he was jealous jealous that shea was laughing at something his
partner was saying, jealous of the man's easy charm.  chance watched the
sparkle in shea's eyes and the dimple that appeared in her cheek as her
mirth deepened.  then he looked away.

chance just couldn't do it; he couldn't look at shea austin and just see
a job.  not when those wide, thickly lashed eyes made his stomach knot,
not when just hearing her laugh made him feel a warmth he'd never felt,
not when that slim yet ripely curved figure made his body respond with a
fierceness that left him breathless.

you'd better bail out, chance, he told himself.  you've lost your
impartiality-you've committed the cardinal sin in police work.  you're
already so far gone that it'll rip you apart if she's guilty.  but then
chance looked at her again and knew he wasn't going anywhere.