fade to black
by
Unknown

Prologue qind if it's a boy, I think we should name him Max: '

"You know I hate that name," Jessica Kincaid complained as she pressed
down a loose corner of the circus motif wallpaper in the newly
redecorated nursery.  " Besides , what makes you so sure it's a boy?
"

"Well, Maxine then," Pierce teased her, stretching to paste the last of
the glittering stars to the ceiling.  Suddenly the ladder he stood on
teetered, and Pierce grabbed for a handhold.  His arms flailed wide as
the ladder toppled and crashed to the floor.  Jessica cried out in
alarm, but as usual Pierce landed on his feet.

Jessica's hand went to her heart.  "Are you all right?"

"Right as rain, sweetheart."  Pierce bent to drop a light kiss on the
top of her head.  "Don't you know by now I have nine lives?  " " " By
my count, you're getting dangerously close to the last one," Jessica
remarked dryly, referring to her husband's penchant for adventure and
excitement.  Whether it was snow skiing or para sailing driving a car
or riding a motorcycle , nothing ever seemed quite fast enough for
Pierce Kincaid.  He seemed to relish living on the edge, and he often
left Jessica breathless in more ways than one.

Why he had ever been attracted to someone as shy and hopelessly
introverted as she, Jessica still couldn't understand , but their
marriage had already survived two wonderful years.  Not only survived,
but flourished.  And now with the baby on the way, everything in her
life seemed like a dream come true.  A dream she prayed would never
end.

She reached up and caressed Pierce's cheek with her fingertips'I
wouldn't be able to bear it if anything ever happened to you.  You're
my whole life, Pierce.  I love you so much: '

He touched the teardrop on her cheek in wonder.  "WhaYs this?"  he
asked gently.  "Why the tears?"

"Hormones," she whispered, but it was more than that.  Sometimes when
Jessica looked at Pierce, she still couldn't believe how happy they
were.  Sometimes in the dead of night, with Pierce sleeping peacefully
beside her, she would wake up, certain that something would happen to
take it all away from her.  Just like it had when she was a little
girl.

Sensing her need, Pierce took her in his arms.  "I'll always be here,
Jesse.  For you and the baby.  We're a real family now.  Nothing can
change that."

He kissed her again, then turned and, in typical fashion, quickly
changed the mood and the subject.  But he kept one arm protectively
around her shoulders.  "I think a celebration is definitely in order
here.  We've finally remodeled one room in this monstrosity we
optimistically call a house, business is picking up at the shop, and
Max here will be making his debut in another couple of months.  So what
do you say, my love?  Dinner and dancing tonight?  A movie?  Or shall
we turn in early and celebrate in bed?  And I might add that I'm
particularly fond of the third choice."  His dark eyes teased her as
his head lowered to kiss her again, but the phone in the hallway rang,
interrupting them.  He nuzzled her neck.  "Hold that thought," he
murmured, then turned and left the room.

Moments later when he came back, his smile was missing : The glint in
his eyes had disappeared.  It wasn't the first time Jessica had noticed
his troubled look, but he would never let on to her that anything was
wrong.  In spite of what he'd said earlier, she couldn't help wondering
if he might be having problems with the business.

"Pierce, is something wrong?"  she asked anxiously, touching his arm.

His expression instantly altered as he smiled down at her.
"Everything's fine.  Now, where were we?"  He reached for her, pulling
her into his arms and holding her close, as if he could somehow protect
her from the outside world.  Or, from whatever might be troubling him.
"Have you decided what you're in the mood for tonight?"

"Actually..  " Jessica trailed off, trying to shake the dark
premonition stealing over her.  Her own expression turned coy as she
skimmed one finger down the front of his shirt.  " " I have this
irresistible urge for..  "

Pierce's voice deepened.  "For what?  For once, tell me exactly what
you want, Jesse."

"I want..  some ice czqeam," she admitted.  "I'm dying for butter pecan
ice cream."

He groaned.  "

" That's all?  "

"Well... for starters."

" " In that case, I'd better get to the store.  " He paused at the door
and looked back, lifting his brows suggestively.  " Need anything else?
Whipped cream?  Jell-O?  "

"I'm seven months pregnant, Pierce," Jessica reminded him, but the look
he gave her had her heart racing just the same.

"And sexier than ever," he added with a wink.  "I'll be back in a
flash."

By Jessica's calculations, it should have taken Pierce no more than ten
minutes to walk to the store, no more than ten minutes inside, no more
than ten minutes to get back home.

When he'd been gone an hour, she started to worry.

When he'd been gone two hours, she drove to the store and looked for
him, but no one remembered seeing him.

When he'd been gone three hours, she called her brother, Jay Greene,
who was a naval officer at the Pentagon in nearby Washington, D. C.
When Pierce had been gone four hours, she called the area hospitals
while Jay searched the streets.

At midnight, when he'd been gone ten hours, Jessica sat in the darkened
nursery, hugging a teddy bear to her chest as she rocked back and
forth, her dry eyes burning with grief.  A star had fallen from the
ceiling and lay shimmering on the floor near her feet.

It seemed like an omen to Jessica, that fallen star.  Like a symbol of
all her lost dreams, her hopeless prayers, her unshed tears.

Because Pierce Kincaid, her beloved husband, had vanished in broad
daylight without a trace.

Chapter 1

Five years later..

VqV here in the world was he?

Jessica glanced at her watch for the umpteenth time as she gave the
chocolate batter the requisite fifty stirs.  Sundays were the only full
days she had to spend with her son, and she'd promised him this morning
they'd make brownies together She'd been out of eggs, though, so she'd
sent Max next door to borrow one from her best friend, Sharon
McReynolds.

"That was your first mistake," she muttered.  Sharon's daughter, Allie,
had just acquired a new kitten, a white fluff ball named Snowflake,
that attracted five-year-old Max like metal to a magnet.

Jessica grimaced, envisioning the conversation that would ensue with
her son as soon as he returned.  "Allie's not even as old as I am, Mom,
and she has a pet.  Why can't I have one?  "

Jessica knew the routine by heart because they'd been through it every
afternoon for the past four days, ever since Sharon had taken Allie to
the animal shelter to pick out a kitten.  Explaining to Max that
Allie's mom didn't work outside the home and, therefore, had more time
than Jessica did to help take care of a pet did no good.

She knew Max already felt cheated because he had to go to the
baby-sitter's after morning kindergarten while Allie got to go home and
spend the afternoon with her mom.  Jessica knew Max thought it also
unfair that Allie had a daddy to take her to the zoo on Saturday
mornings and work on special projects with her on Sunday afternoons.

Allie had a real family, with a mother and a father.  Max didn't.

Jessica suspected her son's penchant for super heroes was his own way
of trying to make up for the lack of a male role model in his life.
Superman and all the other comic-book characters that Max loved and
tried to emulate were substitutes for the father he'd never had.

Sometimes Max pretended that his own father was a superhero , off
fighting bad guys.  That's why he couldn't be here with them now.  In
spite of the fact that Jessica had told Max his father was dead, she
knew that deep down, her son had never really believed it.

Sighing deeply, Jessica wiped a stray lock of hair from her forehead
with the back of her hand as she stared out the window, trying to catch
a glimpse of Max's red cape as he came through the hedge.  Wiping her
hands on a dish towel, she reached for the phone just as she heard the
screen door on the back porch slam shut.  Without turning, Jessica
picked up the spoon and began stirring the brownie mix again.

"What took you so long, sweetie?"  she asked over her shoulder, trying
to hide her impatience.  She knew full well what Max's explanation
would be.

"You'll never believe what happened."

The deep, masculine voice that responded shocked Jessica to the core. A
chill shot up her spine.  She whirled to see a tall, dark stranger
emptying a bag of groceries into her freezer.

Scream!  she commanded.  But to Jessica's horror, not a sound escaped
her throat.

Run!  she ordered, but her feet remained rooted to the floor.

The man stood with his back to her, but even in her terror , Jessica
saw that he was tall and lean with dark, unkempt hair.  The blue jeans
he wore looked old and threadbare, and the cotton shirt was shredded at
the hem, as if it had been caught on something sharp.

"It was the weirdest thing, Jesse."  He closed the freezer door and
opened the refrigerator.  "Have you ever arrived somewhere without
knowing how you got there?  I mean, I left the house, and the next
thing I know I'm in front of the iceqcream freezer at Crandall's, and I
have no idea how I got there."  He chuckled softly as he shook his
head. "Anyway, once I finally found the ice cream, I remembered we were
out of milk, and then I saw the grapes, and one thing led to another. 
I forgot the whipped cream, though: '

He folded the sack and turned, smiling.

Jessica's knees threatened to buckle.  "Dear God: Her hand flew to her
mouth.  It couldn't be!  It couldn't be possible !  She clutched the
counter for support as she stared at the man, at the darkly handsome
face that seemed so familiar and yet so strange.

The brown eyes stared back at her in confusion.  "What the devil's the
matter with you?  You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"You are a ghost," Jessica whispered in horror.  "You must be."

He started toward her, but she shrank away, her hands still frantically
gripping the edge of the counter.  "Don't touch me," she pleaded.  Then
he seemed to look at her, really look at her, for the first time, and
he stopped dead in his tracks, as if he'd just been struck by
lightning.

For one breathless moment, they eyed each other in utter disbelief.

"Jesse?"  His voice was a hushed question.  The confusion in his eyes
deepened to horror as he continued to stare at her.  His gaze roamed
over her long black hair, scrutinized her face, studied her slender
figure.  Then lingered on her flat stomach.  "What... what's going on
here?  Your hair..  your face... dear God, the baby... : His voice
trailed off as he scrubbed his eyes with his hands.  " I must be
dreaming, " he muttered.

Jessica cowered away from the apparition before her, denied the vision
that stood not four feet away.  It couldn't be him.  It wasn't
possible.  Not after five years.  Fiveyears!

She'd long ago resigned herself to the possibility that her husband had
met some tragic death because the other alternative -that Pierce had
simply tired of their life together and walked away-would have been, in
many ways, harder for her to accept.  She'd had so many losses in her
life.  So many abandonments.

But if Pierce had died all those years ago, there was absolutely no
explanation for the specter that stood before her now.  No earthly
explanation.

Jessica had the slightly hysterical notion that if she reached out and
touched him, her hand would pass right through him.  A shiver crawled
up her spine as the hair on the back of her neck stood on end.  Almost
reluctantly she let her gaze move over him.

Whether ghost or man, something about him was different , she realized.
He looked older and leaner and..  hurt.  There were lines on his face
she didn't remember, but the scars were the worst.  Pierce's face had
been so handsome , so perfect.  This man was a dark, frightening
stranger.

That's it!  she thought suddenly.  This man was a stranger.  A stranger
who was a dead ringer for Pierce.  A new wave of fear washed over her
as she stared at him.  She began edging toward the door.

"Who are you?"  she demanded, but her voice trembled with terror.

He looked at her incredulously.  "For God's sake, stop it.  You're
scaring the hell out of me, Jesse.  Is this some kind of sick joke? How
can you look so different?"  He paused, letting his gaze roam over her
again as his eyes clouded in confusion.  "My God, I hardly recognize
you, but how can that be?  How the hell can that be?  I've only been
gone half an hour."

Jessica could feel the color draining from her face.  "Half an hour? My
husband has been missing for five years," she whispered.  " " Five
years ?  " He gaped at her in horror.  " "What are you talking
about?"

Jessica put trembling hands to her face.  "Who are you?"

"

" You know who I am "

"Please tell me your name," she begged.  "I have to hear you say it:
'

Slowly he crossed the tile floor toward her.  The knees of his jeans
were ripped and his ragged tennis shoes were muddy.  A long, jagged
scar creased his right forearm,

drawing Jessica's gaze for a second longer before she lifted her eyes
to his.

The brown eyes were shuttered now, completely unreadable She didn't
know him.  He was a complete stranger to her.

He said slowly, "My name is Pierce Kincaid.  Now kindly tell me who the
hell you are.  And where is my wife?"

A stunned hush fell over the room.

It was the kind of silence that always follows some mind boggling
revelation.  But why that should be, Pierce couldn't imagine.  Why his
appearance in his own home should shock anyone was beyond him, but he
had the oddest feeling that he'd walked into the last few minutes of a
movie, and though the climax was exciting, he had no idea what the hell
was going on.

The woman standing before him-face ashen, eyes wide with shock-looked
like Jesse, except..  different.  Her hair was the color of Jesse's,
but instead of the short bob of curls with which he was so familiar, it
cascaded down the woman 's back in gleaming, luscious waves.  The wide
silver eyes, fringed with thick black lashes, were colder and harder
than his wife's.  And where Jesse's figure was thin, almost frail
looking , this woman's body was gently rounded with womanly curves.

Pierce felt something stir within him, and he frowned in disgust.  He
hadn't so much as looked at another woman since he and Jesse were
married, and yet this stranger elicited a response from him that seemed
disturbingly familiar.

Who was she?  A relative?  That would explain the overwhelming
resemblance.  He'd never met any of Jesse's family except for her
brother.  She rarely talked about her, but Pierce knew Jesse had a
sister somewhere.  Maybe the woman had simply shown up at their
doorstep while he'd been out.

He tried to temper his own shock with a tentative smile.  "Are you
Jesse's sister?"  he asked as he took another step toward her.  The
woman flinched away, but the coldness in her eyes warmed for a moment
with a flash of anger.  Doggedly he held out his hand to her.  "I'm
Jessica's husband: '

He watched the last shred of fear fade away from her eyes as a sort of
horrified realization dawned in those magnetic gray depths.  With an
almost visible struggle for control, she pulled herself up straight.
She faced him squarely, her eyes dropping to his outstretched hand,
then returning to meet his gaze.  "Why, you arrogant son of a bitch.
What kind of fool do you think I am?"

Her hand swept upward so quickly it seemed to surprise them both.  It
connected with his cheek, and the stinging sensation triggered an
automatic reaction from Pierce.  He grabbed her, shoved her up against
the edge of the counter and pinned her arms behind her back with one
hand while his other hand fastened around her throat.

For one heart-pounding moment, brown eyes stared into gray.

Her face swam before his eyes, a hazy image from a dark dream.  Pierce
was no stranger to fear.  He knew what it looked like, what it smelled
like, what it felt like.  He could see fear in her eyes again.  Could
feel her flesh tremble beneath his fingers.  For one brief moment, it
gave him an almost perverse sense of gratification to be the one to
inflict it.

Then the mists cleared, and the face before him was once again a sweet,
lovely, familiar face-a face far removed from the blackness, from the
explosion of pain behind his eyes.  As abruptly as he'd seized her,
Pierce released her.  He backed away, shocked and sickened by his own
reaction.

"My God-" His hands moved to his eyes, as if he could rub away the
searing pain in his head.  Black it out, he mentally instructed
himself.  Fade to black.

The pain subsided, but his stomach still roiled in sickening waves.
What the hell was the matter with him?  He could easily have hurt her,
and he didn't even understand why.  He was beginning to think he didn't
understand anything.  The whole scene seemed so disjointed, like a
nightmare fragmented into bits and pieces he couldn't seem to fit
together in any way that made sense.

"I don't know why I did that," he mumbled.

She didn't say a word, just stood there looking at him like an animal
trapped in a corner.  He wished she'd say something , do something to
help him understand, to help him put the puzzle together.  "Can you...
just tell me your name?"  he asked with a desperate edge to his
voice.

Her fingers were at her throat, massaging the vicious red mark left by
his hand.  She moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue, "I think
you already know," she said, as the quiver in her voice shook Pierce
anew.  He felt his muscles tighten with awareness, with anticipation,
as if preparing for a situation fraught with danger.

Their gazes clung for one electric moment, and then she whispered into
the silence, "I'm Jesse."

Jessica thought for a moment he would collapse.  He staggered backward,
supporting himself against the counter much as she'd done earlier.  Her
own knees were shaking so badly she could hardly stand.  The sound of
her heartbeat seemed to echo through the silence.

Pierce had come back.  Somehow, some way, her husband had found his way
back to her.  But why had he left?  Where had he been?  And, dear God,
why was he here now after all this time?  The questions exploded in her
head, mirroring the confusion and shock in Pierce's brown eyes.

She closed her eyes, trying to shut him out, but the man standing
before her drew her gaze against her will.  He looked at once so dear
and familiar, and yet so strange and frightening.  His once handsome
face was haggard and deeply lined.  His body, once powerful and
athletic, had thinned to gauntness.  A narrow white scar sliced the
left side of his face, marring what had once been a perfect jawline.

She reached a trembling hand up to touch it.  "What happened to you?"
she whispered.  "Where in God's name have you been?  "

He recoiled from her touch, and Jessica instantly drew her hand back,
nursing it against her heart as if to hide the bitterness of his
rejection.  His brown eyes were bleak, distant now.  The eyes of a
stranger.

"I don't know," he said numbly.

"You don't know what happened to you?"  She knew her voice sounded
disbelieving, but Jessica couldn't help it.  The whole situation was
unbelievable.  Incredible, but terrifyingly real.  "You don't know
where you've been for five years?  Were you in an accident?  Is that
how you got those scars?  "

Pierce put an unsteady hand to his temple.  "I have no idea what you're
talking about," he said.

"Are you saying... you don't remember anything?"

He shook his head.  "I don't know.  I remember leaving here to go get
ice cream.  The next thing I know, I'm standing in front of the freezer
in the store.  I get the ice cream, I walk back here, and in the space
of half an hour, everything has changed.  It's like... a nightmare.  Am
I going crazy, Jesse?"

At that moment, Jessica wasn't completely sure of her own sanity.  Her
heart was beating against her chest so quickly and so hard that for a
second she thought she might actually pass out.  She took a deep
breath, trying to calm herself.  "You walked out that door five years
ago," she said shakily, " " and until you walked back in a few minutes
ago, I hadn't seen or heard from you in all that time.  I thought you
were dead.  "

If he noticed the faint note of betrayal in her voice, he chose to
ignore it, concentrating instead on her words.  "Five years?  That's
impossible!"

" " Look at me, " she said desperately.  " "You said yourself I look
different.  I am different.  I'm five years older."

His proprietary gaze raked over her, stirring something in Jessica she
thought had long since died.  She struggled to keep her expression
calm, composed, but her mind reeled in confusion.  The dark gaze probed
her face, making her only too aware of the changes five years had
wrought in her appearance

"If what you say is true, then that must mean-" he trailed off as his
gaze dropped to her flat stomach once again " " that must mean.. you've
had the baby.  "

In the last few minutes, Jessica's emotions had run the gamut-terror,
shock, disbelief, anger and maybe even a glimmer of joy But the emotion
she felt now overwhelmed all the othen.  The fierce protectiveness for
her child settled around her like an impenetrable shield.

Max was hers.  She'd given birth to him all alone.  She'd raised him
single-handedly.  She'd made the sacrifices, she'd worked the endless
hours to provide for a child she loved more than life itself.  No one
would take that away from her.  Max was the one thing in her life she
had ever been able to count on.

She opened her mouth-to say what, she was never quite sure-but suddenly
the back door slammed, and both of them jumped.  In unison, Jessica and
Pierce whirled toward the kitchen doorway where five-year-old Max, clad
in jeans, a T-shirt and a shiny red Superman cape, stood staring up at
them.

The dark hair, the huge brown eyes, the stubborn set of his jaw and
chin-all were identical to the stranger who stared back at him.

The very air quivered with emotion.  Max's solemn little eyes took the
stranger's measure and seemed to find him lacking.  His gaze shifted to
Jessica then back to Pierce.  He squinted his eyes.  "Who are you,
mister?"  he demanded suspiciously.

Jessica's own gaze was locked on Pierce's white face.  She could see a
muscle throb in his cheek, saw emotion after emotion sweep across his
features.  There was no mistaking Max's identity.  He looked exactly
like his father.  Pierce took a tentative step toward him.

The slight movement roused Jessica.  She made an involuntary sound of
protest which drew both pairs of male eyes.  She knelt and opened her
arms, and Max flew across the room to her.  She hugged him tightly
against her as both of them stared up at Pierce.

"My God," he said woodenly as he gazed at mother and son across the
room, "I don't even know if I'm dead or alive."

He didn't wait for a response but turned and walked through the
swinging door of the kitchen.  Jessica wanted to go after him but found
that her heart was suddenly pulling her in two different directions as
Max's little arms caught around her neck and held on for dear life.

"That man's scary, Mom," he whispered, clinging to her.  " " Is he
going to hurt us?  "

"No, darling, he won't hurt us," Jessica soothed, hugging him.  But
even as she gave voire to her denial, she could feel the tender flesh
of her neck where Pierce's hand-a real , flesh-and-blood hand-had
pressed.

A warning pounded in her brain.  He's a stranger, she thought.  The man
somewhere in her house was not the Pierce she had known and loved.
Wherever he had been, whatever he'd gone through in the past five years
had changed him.  She only had to look into those haunted eyes to know
that.

Maybe she'd never known him, she thought with a jolt.  She'd shared her
life with him, shared his bed, but had she ever really known him?

She thought now, as she'd done for those five years, of all the times
he'd been away during their marriage.  So many of the trips had been
unexpected it seemed now in retrospect.  Sometimes when he'd been gone,
she hadn't heard from him for days at a time, but the answer to that
had seemed very plausible.  Many of the remote areas he traveled to in
Europe and Asia, looking for treasures for The Lost Attic, his antique
shop, didn't have easily accessible telephones.  In fact, Jessica had
been to some of those off-the-beaten-track places with him.

Back then, it had never occurred to her to question Pierce's absences,
the lack of phone calls.  She'd simply accepted it.  But maybe she
should have questioned Pierce.  Maybe she wouldn't have gone through
the hell she'd gone through the past five years if she'd taken the time
to know Pierce Kincaid a little better.

She'd believerl what she'd wanted to believe, she realized now, because
she'd wanted a home and family so badly.  Someone to love her.

Jessica untangled Max's arms from her neck and stood.  "Come on, honey.
Let's go back over to Sharon's house.  You'd like to play with Allie
and Snowflake for a little while longer, wouldn't you?"

Max stared up at her with rounded brown eyes.  "Are you coming back
here?"

"Yes."

"To talk to him?"

"Yes."

Max clung to her hand.  "I want to stay with you, Mom.

I don't think I like him.  I don't want him to hurt you: '

She bent and smoothed the dark hair from his forehead.

"You don't have to worry about me, Max.  I'll be fine.  Now, come on.
I'll walk you over."

As she and Max stepped outside, Jessica thought how normal everything
looked, how perfectly ordinary a spring morning it was.  The blue
morning glory blossoms that climbed the trellis walls of the
summerhouse were opened wide to the early sun.  A mild breeze rippled
through the trees, stirring the scent of roses and mimosa, and some
where down the street a lawn mower droned.

Everything was the same, and yet nothing was.  Five yean ago, when
Pierce disappeared, Jessica had thought her life was over.  For the
first few months, all she'd hoped and prayed for was that he would one
day come back to her.  As long as no trace of him was found, she
couldn't let go of the hope that he was still alive.

But the first time she'd held her tiny son in her arms, the realization
had finally hit her.  Pierce wasn't coming back.

She'd counted on him for everything, depended on him to , take care of
her, but he was gone.  Suddenly she had no one to rely on but herself.
; Max had given her life new purpose.  Not only had she been both
mother and father to her son, but she'd taken over Pierce's antique
business, learned everything about it there was to learn, and it had
continued to grow into a thriving concern.

She'd accomplished a lot in the past five years, but those
accomplishments had demanded restitution.  She'd changed, so much so
that sometimes when she stared at her reflection in the mirror, she
hardly recognized herself.  There wasn't a trace of the old, dependent
Jesse.  She didn't need anyone anymore.  Certainly not a man who had
walked out on her five years ago.  For whatever reason.

Her hand tightened on Max's.  She felt his fingers squeeze hers back in
response, and Jessica's heart melted with love.  She would do anything,
anything to protect her little boy.

Together they slipped through the opening in the thick hedge that
divided the two properties.  Sharon sat on the back porch steps,
watching Allie and Snowflake romp in the shady grass beneath an elm
tree.

"I knew you couldn't keep Max away," Sharon called gaily.  "Might as
well come have a cup of coffee while the two of them torment poor
Snowflake up a tree."

"Max, come watch!"  Allie squealed as she enticed the kitten with a
ball of twine.  Her squeaky laughter peeled across the yard, an
irresistible invitation, but still Max hung back, hugging his mother's
leg.

"Go play, Max," Jessica urged.

He looked up at her.  "I want to stay with you," he insisted

Sharon reached over and ruffled his hair.  "What's the matter,
Superman?  How come so shy all of a sudden?"

" " There's a strange man at our house, " Max announced solemnly, as if
that explained everything.

Sharon's cornflower eyes widened as she lifted her gaze to Jessica's.
One brow lifted.  "How interesting."

Jessica could see the curiosity in her friend's eyes, but didn't bother
to explain.  How could she, when she didn't understand it herself? "Can
Max stay over here for a little while, Sharon?  It's really
important."

"Well, of course.  You know he's always welcome."  She qmed to Max and
grinned.  "Allie's been trying to teach

Snowflake a new trick.  I think she could use a few pointers , from
Superman.  "

That did it.  Sharon knew exactly how to appeal to Max's male pride. He
took off toward Allie and the kitten, his red cape billowing in the
wind.

Sharon returned her curious gaze to Jessica.  "You want to tell me
what's going on?"

Jessica sighed.  "I'm not even sure I know.  I just need some time to
deal with... a problem."

Sharon shrugged.  "You know where to find me if you need me," she said,
and Jessica knew her friend wouldn't pry any further.  Sharon had
learned a long time ago that

Jessica wouldn't talk about anything until she was ready.

Jessica turned back toward her house, stopping for a moment to take one
last look at her son.  Sharon had joined the kids, and all three of
them were shrieking with laughter as the kitten rolled and tumbled and
became hopelessly entangled with string.

As Jessica stood watching them, she had to fight the overwhelming urge
to join them, to try to return her world to the nice, sane place it had
been that morning when she'd gotten out of bed.  But there in her
friend's backyard, with the sound of children's laughter filling the
air and the scent of spring flowers drifting on the breeze, the
realization hit her full force.

Her world would never be the same again.

"Pierce?"  Jessica called tentatively, feeling the strangeness of the
name on her tongue.  She felt a ripple of anxiety , in the pit of her
stomach, as if saying his name provided irrefutable proof that the
stranger in her house was indeed her dead husband.

Jessica shoved open the swinging door to the dining room and stepped
through, then went on into the living room.  The room had been
completely renovated nearly three years ago.  The dark paneling Jessica
had always hated had been replaced by Sheetrock painted a cool
robin's-egg blue and decorated with Allenburg watercolors she'd
acquired through the shop.

Light from the French doors gleamed on the hardwood floors and
highlighted the thick Aubusson rug she'd splurged on just laet month. A
grouping of chintz-covered sofas and oversize chairs flanked the brick
fireplace, and the carved oak mantel held dozens of photos of Max, all
lovingly displayed in antique pewter frames.

The pictures looked rearranged, Jessica thought, as if someone had
picked them up one by one and hadn't bothered returning them to their
original positions.  Her eyes moved to the curved staircase, upward to
the sunny landing and beyond.  Her bedroom was at the top of the
stairs, a huge suite which took up most of the second floor except for
Max's bedroom.  The third floor contained only a converted attic, which
Jessica was in the process of turning into a game room.

The hair at the back of her neck prickled with unease.  Somewhere in
this house a stranger roamed, looking at her things, touching them,
laying claim to them.

When Pierce had left, the only room that had been remodeled in the
fifty-plus-year old Georgian-style house had been the nursery.  That
same room had long sin re been transformed to accommodate a growing
boy's tastes and interests.  Was Pierce in there now?

The thought unsettled Jessica more than she cared to admit Her eyes lit
on the phone, and suddenly she wondered if she should call the police,
her brother, someone to help her deal with this situation.

She closed her eyes and rested her head against the wall.  No one could
help her.  No one could even comprehend what she was feeling at this
moment.  Even she didn't understand Because in spite of her fear, in
spite of her questions and her doubts, one small part of her heart
still rejoiced.

Pierce was alive!

The miracle she'd prayed for for so long had finally happened She
should be down on her knees giving thanks, except for one small detail.
Jessica had given up believing in miracles a long time ago. Resolutely
she opened her eyes and started toward the stairs, halting when she
noticed the powder -room door off the foyer stood open.  " " Pierce?  "
There was no answer, but still she crossed the hardwood floor and
entered the small washroom, assuring herself that everything was
intact.  And then her eyes fastened on the mirror, saw her reflection,
and she knew.  Pierce wasn't in there, but he had been. He'd gazed into
that same mirror, saw his reflection, and he'd learned the awful truth
about himself.

Jessica backed out of the bathroom, frantic now to find him.

"Pierce!"  She called his name as she stood in the hallway Colored
light filtered through the leaded diamond panes in the front door and
spilled onto the polished planks of the floor.  The wavering, jewellike
shadows drew Jessica 's gaze downward, then toward the source.  "The
front door was closed, but the dead bolt had been drawn back, and now
it was Jessica who had to face the truth.

Pierce Kincaid had walked out on her one more time.

Chapter2

A little while later, Jessica sat on the window seat in the dining room
and watched the street for her brother's car.  How long had it been
since she'd cried?  she wondered.  Not since Max had been born. Not
since she'd decided that never again would she depend on anyone but
herself.  Not since she'd vowed that she would never love again because
everyone she'd ever loved had left her.

Except Max.

She drew up her knees and wrapped her arms around them, hugging them
close.  It was an instinctive response to her pain and confusion.  For
the first few days in every foster home she'd ever been assigned to,
Jessica had similarly retreated into herself, had hugged herself
tightly as though recalling the feel of her mother's arms around her.
Finally, though, after so many homes she'd lost count, she could no
longer remember her mother's face, much less the warmth of her arms.

The orphanage had been better because at least there she'd had Jay. The
two of them had clung to each other those first few months after their
older sister, Janet, had left them there.  Their mother had died, their
father had disappeared , and eighteen-year-old Janet hadn't wanted to
be saddled with two kids, so one cold December morning, she'd dropped
Jessica and Jay at the statqrun orphanage in Richmond.

After a year, twelve-year-old Jay had gotten lucky.  He'd been adopted
by an aging couple in Washington, D. C. " who had always wanted a son
and realized they were too old to begin raising an infant.

Jessica hadn't been so fortunate.  She'd been plain and skinny with
unruly hair and eyes far too big and too sad for her ten-year-old face.
She'd been shy and sickly and had never developed much of a
personality.  No one had wanted such an unattractive child.

After Jay left, Jessica had been sent to one foster home after another.
She'd bonded fairly well with the first couple , but when the man's job
had forced them to move out of state, Jessica had been emotionally
ripped apart again.  After that, she kept herself aloof, sustaining
herself on sparse letters from her brother and on the even sparser
memories of her mother.

And then, years later, she'd met Pierce.  It was the summer she'd
graduated business school and moved to Edgewood , a suburb of D. C. "
to be close to Jay.  Jessica had always sworn it was fate that caused
her to answer the ad Jay showed her in a neighborhood newspaper about a
bookkeeping position at an antique store not far from her new address.
Fate, and perhaps a touch of desperation.  She didn't expect the job to
pay much, but she'd been making the rounds at employment agencies for
weeks with no luck.

Pierce Kincaid, the proprietor of The Lost Attic, had taken one look at
her frail body, her faded blue dress, her scuffed shoes, and hired her
on the spot.

Pity, she'd accused him later.

Love at first sight, he'd countered.

Jessica still remembered the exact moment when she first laid eyes on
him.  His assistant was about to turn her away when Pierce walked out
of his office and changed her life with one heart-stealing smile.

"I'm Pierce Kincaid," he said, dismissing the assistant with a curt nod
of his head.  "Welcome to The Lost Attic.  What can I do for you?"

Jessica's first thought was that he was the most handsome man she'd
ever seen.  He had longish dark hair that curled at the nape, and dark,
penetrating eyes fringed with thick lashes.  He was casually dressed in
jeans, a white T shirt and a gray sport coat, and as he leaned against
the counter, he gave her another smile, one that managed to look both
mysterious and openly inviting.

"I-I've come about the job," Jessica stammered, her poise completely
shattered by his attention.

"Wonderful.  How soon would you be able to start?"

His enthusiasm caught her off guard.  "Now.  Immediately"

"As in today?"

"Today?  But-"

"You said immediately," he reminded her, a subtle gleam in his eyes.  "
" I'm rarely here, you see, and I need someone I can depend on to
handle things while I'm away.  My previous bookkeeper up and quit
without notice.  Financial statements are due, tax payments are late,
the bank is screaming about overdrafts, and I'm due in Copenhagen
tomorrow morning.  Frankly, I'm desperate.  So can you start today,
Ms..  ?  "

"Greene.  Jessica Greene.  And yes I can," she added quickly, before he
could change his mind.

He grinned.  "Great.  Let me show you your office then."

"But don't you even want to see my resume?"  She'd worked so hard on
it, had even splurged on a rental typewriter

He shook his head.  "I know a good thing when I see it: '

Nonplussed, Jessica gazed around the shop, admiring the treasures. "You
have a wonderful store," she murmured.

"Do you know anything about antiques?"

"No.  But I know a lot about bookkeeping."

He smiled, and Jessica felt a tingle all the way to her toes.  "That's
fine.  I tell you what, Jessica.  You teach me enough bookkeeping so
that I know my way around a ledger, and I'll teach you everything I
know about antiques.  And then some.  How does that sound?"

It sounded wonderful.  Too good to be true, in fact.  Within days,
Jessica had settled into the routine of her new job.  When she'd been
working for Pierce for three months true to his word, he began teaching
her about antiques.

"This is a Lowell," he'd say as he showed her an exquisite glass
sculpture.  " " See the marking on the bottom?  Lowells aren't as
famous as Steubens, of course, but the designs are original and highly
detailed.  Andrew Lowell died so young, there aren't many of his pieces
around and most of the ones that are documented are in private
collections.  But I found this in a little shop on the outskirts of
Paris.  The owner didn't realize what he had: '

Jessica was like a sponge.  She drank in every word Pierce uttered,
exclaimed over the beauty of each and every piece he brought back from
his treasure hunts.  She loved being surrounded by beautiful things
with fascinating histories, possibly because her own past was so
dismal.  She adored having Pierce spend hours talking to her, devoting
his time solely to her.  She'd never had so much attention before.

When she'd been working for him for six months, he gave her a raise and
added responsibilities.  He began leaving her in charge when he went on
his regular jaunts overseas.  When he returned, he'd tell her
intriguing stories about the places he'd been to and the people he'd
met as they pored over his findings.  " " Pop quiz today, Jessica. Tell
me how we can be certain this is an authentic Allenburg watercolor?  "
he would ask, a teasing glint in his dark eyes as he and Jessica
unwrapped the paintings.

With a magnifying glass, Jessica would locate the tiny hidden water
lily which identified the artisYs work, and Pierce would smile his
approval.  "Excellent.  Perhaps you deserve a reward," he would say,
with that mysterious, sexy smile that always sent her heart racing. And
then he'd take her out to lunch at some little out-of-the-way place,
which would have both excellent service and scrumptious food. And for
the rest of the day, Jessica would feel special and pampered.

When she'd been with Pierce a year, he began taking her on buying trips
with him occasionally.  Slowly but surely, under Pierce's expert
tutelage, Jessica began to blossom, to come out of her self-imposed
exile.  And slowly but surely she was falling madly, passionately,
desperately in love with her boss.

When she'd been with Pierce fifteen months, he asked her to marry him.
They were in Paris, and at first Jessica convinced herself that the
romantic ambianre of the city of light, the effusive flow of champagne
at the Coshon d,or had made Pierce impulsive.

"If I were impulsive," he explained, staring at her over the flickering
candle on their discreetly located table, "I

would have proposed to you the first time I laid eyes on you.  Because
I knew even then that you and I were meant to be, Jesse.  You knew it,
too, didn't you?  "

"Yes," she whispered.  "I knew it."

"Then say you'll marry me," he demanded, his eyes glowing with
triumph.

"I'll marry you," she said, and then he lifted her hand and slipped a
beautiful antique diamond and garnet ring onto her finger.

"You won't regret it.  I'll make you so happy you'll forget all about
the past: '

"I already have," she vowed.

Weeks later, they were married and settled into their home in a lovely
neighborhood only a few miles from the shop.  Edgewood, located a few
miles from Langley, V'uginia, and across the river from Washington, D.
C. " was home to a lot of government and military employees.  Though
not as pricey as Georgetown or Alexandria, it still boasted many of the
same attractions: tree-shaded sidewalks, cobblestone streets, elegant
old Federal and Georgian homes, as well as a close proximity to the
nation's capital.

Jessica loved her job at the shop, but she gladly gave it up to
concentrate on remodeling and redecorating their home.  She had no
higher aspiration than to be the perfect wife and mother.  She loved
Pierce dearly, needed him desperately.

How could she have known back then that the one person she held most
dear, loved more than life itself, would eventually leave her just like
all the others had?

Jessica rested her forehead against her knees as she closed her eyes,
trying to push away the memories.  Why?  she asked herself over and
over.

Why had Pierce left her?

And why had he come back?

How could he not remember five years of his life?  And yet that was
exactly what he'd told her.  What had been five years of grief and
loneliness, struggle and frustration for Jessica had only been a mere
thirty minutes in time to him.  What could have happened to him?

He'd been hurt.  She could tell that by the scars on his face and arm.
It made her shudder to think what he might have gone through.  There
was only a shadow remaining of the man she'd known, loved, adored.  But
was that shadow merely a mirage?  Was there anything left of the man
from her past?

At that moment, Jessica wasn't sure she could handle the truth-whatever
it turned out to be.

Pierce walked the streets.  By force of sheer will, his tired legs
earned him farther and farther away from that house.  From his home.
From his wife.  From his son.

The image of those huge dark eyes in that solemn little face brought
stinging tears to his own eyes.  He rubbed the back of his hand across
them, trying to erase the vision as he wiped away the moisture.  He had
a son.  Dear god, a five.  year-old boy he didn't even know.

And Jesse.  Sweet, lovely, fragile Jesse.  She seemed so cold, so hard,
so suspicious.  But five years had elapsed, she'd said.  Five years!
How could that be?  How the hell could that be?  Pierce asked himself
desperately.

Just a moment in time for him had been five years of limbo for her. One
glance in the mirror had told him she wasn't lying-not that Jesse ever
would.  Not his Jesse, he thought as his fingers moved to touch the
scar on his face.

But the woman back there, the cold-eyed, beautiful stranger was not his
wife.  He felt something of the loss and betrayal now that she must
have felt so long ago when he hadn't come back, and he despaired for
them both.

A car horn blasted in his ear, and Pierce jumped back from the curb,
startled to alertness.  The driver shook his fist at him as the car
zoomed through the intersection.

Pierce paid him scant attention.  Automatically he waited for the
traffic light to change, then walked aimlessly across the street.  A
bright red Coca-Cola sign flashed in the morning sun over a corner
cafe, reminding him rather urgently that he was hungry.  He couldn't
remember the last time he'd eaten.  He couldn't remember anything, in
fact, beyond two hours ago.

That wasn't exactly true, he realized.  Ever since he'd seen Jesse's
shocked face, he'd been experiencing certain.  impressions. Impressions
of darkness and pain, of wandering around hopelessly lost but knowing
all the while there was some place he should be, had to be. That
certainty had driven him relentlessly through the mists until, almost
as if he'd awakened from a long, deep sleep, he'd found himself at the
grocery store and everything had clicked back into place.

For Pierce, the world had stopped for five years, then started back up
again in exactly the same place.  But why?  And how?

He gazed at the scar on his left arm.  What the hell had happened to
him?

Checking his pockets, he pulled out the bills and change he'd gotten
back from the twenty he'd used at the grocery store earlier.  He had no
idea where the money had come from.  Someone must have given it to
him..

Suddenly the street noises faded.  His surroundings disappeared For
just a flash of time, Pierce was back on an island, standing on the
beach, staring at the sky.  A bird soared high overhead, silhouetted in
the brilliant sunlight.  It was an image that instantly brought back
feelings of anger and betrayal.  A nagging premonition of danger.  And
then a man's voice at his shoulder.  "You'll need money.  Here's all I
can spare.  Go home now.  Find your family and protect them."

The vision vanished, leaving Pierce with a pounding headache in the
warm morning sunshine.

Findyourfamily and protect them.

Against what?  Against whom?

For a moment, Pierce fought an almost overpowering urge to turn around,
to go back home and make sure Jesse and his son were okay.  But they'd
managed just fine for five years without him.  How could he help them
now?  How could he protect them from something he couldn't even re
member?

Wearily he put his hands to his temples, massaging away the pain as the
memories and the feelings began to evaporate in the sunshine.

His stomach rumbled again-a demand for fuel-and Pierce knew that
whatever had to be faced would best be done by getting back his
strength.  Besides, Jesse neeqed some space, and he needed time to
figure out what to do.

He opened the glass door of the cafe and stepped inside.  As
disreputable as the place seemed to be, his appearance still garnered a
few curious looks.  He chose a table in the back and carefully studied
the one-page menu.  The meager selections tempted his appetite beyond
reason, making him wonder again just how long it had been since he'd
eaten.  He chose a club sandwich, then checked his money again after
the waitress had taken his order.

The bells over the door chimed, and Pierce's head swung around, his
gaze immediately scrutinizing the man who had just walked in.  He was
tall and thin with light brown hair and a thick mustache.  He took a
seat at the counter, and Pierce studied the man's back for a full
thirty seconds, not understanding his own wariness.

Did he know that man?

Caution.  It was a deeply ingrained command, an almost instinctive
behavior.  Pierce's gaze scoured the room, then came back to his own
hands resting on the chipped Formica tabletop.  They were
trembling-from fatigue and hunger as well as emotion-but what caught
his attention now was the raw, broken skin across his knuckles.  He
studied his hands as though they belonged to a stranger.  They were
scarred and dirty, the nails broken.  Disgusted, he rose from his seat
and located the men's room nearby.

Trying to avoid his reflection in the mirror, Pierce scrubbed his hands
with hot water and soap.  The raw places on his knuckles stung, but he
ignored the pain, automatically blacking it out.  When his hands were
as clean as he could get them, he filled the basin with cold water and
plunged his face into it, hoping the icy shock would restore his
memory.

Why was it he could remember Jesse and their life together so clearly,
so vividly, and not anything about the immediate past?  He could
reanember his childhood, his parents and the sterile, loveless home
he'd grown up in.  He remembered college at Georgetown and even friends
he hadn't seen or heard from in years.  He could remember traveling in
Europe and Asia before he'd met Jesse, and the secret he'd deliberately
kept from her, the side of himself he'd never told her about.

Guilt welled inside him as he thought about the evasions and half
truths he'd told her for years.  She'd innocently accepted each and
every one without question.

Except for the past five years, the memories were all coming back to
him now, pouring through his mind so fast he felt a little dizzy.

For years, before he'd met Jesse, Pierce had been a specializerl agent
for a very elite agency that operated within the

CIA.  Very few operatives even had knowledge of the group whose
specialty was deep cover.  Pierce had been recruited out of college
because he had a certain reputation for living on the edge and because
of the antique business he'd inherited from his parents.  It gave him
the perfect excuse to travel around the world without arousing
questions.  His real identity had become a deep cover for him, the very
best kind because no one ever suspected.

Not even Jesse.

He gazed at his reflection in the mirror.  He'd never told her even
after they'd married-not just because of the oath he'd sworn to
uphold-but because he'd always thought the less she knew the safer
she'd be.  It had been his duty to protect her.

It still was.

The washroom door swung open, and Pierce whipped his head around, his
hand reaching for a weapon he knew instinctively he hadn't had in
years.  The man who'd been sitting at the bar now stepped inside the
room.  He gave Pierce barely a glance as he headed for a basin and
began washing his hands.  Quickly Pierce drained the sink, then combed
his fingers through his damp hair, trying without much success to look
a little more presentable.

The man was studying him in the mirror.  Pierce turned and their gazes
met.  He searched the man's face for some sign of recognition.
Something other than the niggle of suspicion was worrying him.

"Nice day, isn't it?"  the man asked pleasantly as he dried his hands
on a paper towel.

"IYl1 probably rain this afternoon," Pierce replied automatically , not
exactly sure where the response had come from.

Somehow the answer seemed expected.  Something flashed in the man's
blue eyes, and then he smiled slightly, his musFade tache tilting at
one corner.  "One thing's for sure.  You qan nqer predict the weather
this time of year.  Be a fool to try."  Then he turned, tossed the
paper towel in the trash bin and exited the washroom.

Shaken by the encounter and having no idea why, Pierce waited a few
seconds, then followed the man out.  The stranger was seated at the
counter again and didn't look around.  But Pierce's appetite was gone.
He tossed some bills onto the table and hurried through the cafe
door.

Outside, the sun blinded him.  Pierce leaned against the building's
redbrick facade as the full realization of his plight hit him square in
the face.  He'd just spent the last of his money, he was still hungry,
and he had absolutely nowhere to go.

Wiping a streak of sweat from his temple, he pushed himself away from
the building and started walking down the street.

"Now, let me get this straight," Jay Greene said as he sat across the
kitchen table from Jessica.  "You're telling me that Pierce Kincaid-a
man who disappeared five years ago-strolled through your back door this
morning as if he'd only been gone half an hour?"

Jessica nodded weakly.  "He even brought me the ice cream I'd sent him
out to get that day, right down to the correct flavor."

"And you have no idea where he is now?"

"I took Max next door, and when I came back, he was gone.  That was
this morning, Jay.  He looked so tired, so... ill.  I can't help but
think of him out there wandering the streets.  IYl1 be dark soon-" The
look on Jay's face stopped her.

" " I wouldn't get carried away with the pity just yet, Jesse.  This
whole memory thing seems a little too convenient for me.  "

"You think he's lying?"  Her voice sounded anxious, shaky.  " "
Wouldn't be the first time a husband just up and took off.  Think about
it.  "

She had thought about it.  Endlessly.  " " But..  we were so happy,"
Jessica protested.  " We were both excited about the baby.  The shop
was doing great, we'd just bought this house"

"And maybe he woke up one morning and decided he couldn't handle the
respOnsibilities anymore.  It happens, and Pierce Kincaid was always a
bit footloose, if you ask me.  You said yourself he ran the business in
a haphazard fashion, and frankly he never struck me as the family-man
h'Pc

"Now, out of the blue, he appears on your doorstep, just when you've
gotten your own life in order.  Look at this place, Jesse.  It's worth
a small fortune, and so is the shop.  When he tired of whatever the
hell he was doing, why wouldn't he want to come back here?"

Jessica stared absently out the window.  Jay wasn't telling her
anything she hadn't thought of herself, but it still wasn't easy to
hear.  It wasn't easy to think that Pierce might have walked out on
her.  That he had lied about his feelings for her.

She had been so sure.  So sure their love had been real.

A breeze lifted the hem of the pale blue curtains as it carried in the
evening scents-honeysuckle, clover and roses.  Years ago, after long
days at the shop, she and Pierce would sit on the back porch and sip
wine while they watched the first stars twinkle out.  Twilight had
always been a special time of day for them, a time when the cares of
the day melted away into the coming darkness.

Had none of that meant as much to him as it had to her?

As if echoing her thoughts, Jay covered her hand with his and asked
softly, "How do you feel about him now, Jesse?  What was it like seeing
him again?"

She sighed.  "I'm not sure.  I know you're right.  I do have to be
careful, but you didn't see him.  I think he must have been in some
sort of accident.  He has all these scars.  Do you think-could he have
been kidnapped five years ago?  Held all this time?  " " " With no
ransom note?  " Her brother looked skeptical.  " IYs possible.  Hell,
anything's possible.  But victims who're kidnapped either in a robbery
or for sport usually turn up dead.  Five years is a long time to hold
someone captive.  "

"I know," Jessica agreed, her tone bleak.  "I just keep asking myself
where he could have been all this time.  What could have happened to
him?"

"Did he have any identification on him?"

Jessica shrugged.  "I don't know.  I didn't ask to see it.  I didn't
need to."

"You're that sure it was him?"  Jay's icy gray eyes scrutinized her
face.

"It was him.  It was Pierce."

Jay swept his hand through his brown hair, setting it on end.  He shook
his head.  "Damn, what a mess.  You know I'll do what I can, but I
couldn't find out anything about him five years ago.  It was as if he
disappeared off the face of the earth.  We may not have any better luck
now: '

"I just want you to find him," she whispered desperately' Whatever he's
done, wherever he's been-he needs help.  " " " Your help?  "

Jessica hesitated for a moment, biting her lip.  "He's still my
husband."

"Technically," her brother agreed grimly.  "All right, I'll see what I
can do " He took out a pen and pad and began jotting down notes.  "Give
me a general physical description of how he looked, what he was wearing
and all that.  And how about a cup of coffee?  This looks to be a long
night," he said with a sigh.

Jessica rose from the table and reached for a cup, but the barking of a
neighbor's dog stilled her movements.  A shadow swept across the open
window, so swiftly she thought at first she'd imagined it.  Then came a
scraping noise on the back porch, as if someone had bumped into a
chair.

Jessica's gaze flew to Jay's, her heart hammering in her chest.  He
lifted a finger to his lips, silencing her.  Slowly he reached for the
light switch just as the sound of the back door buzzer ripped through
the quiet.  Jessica gasped and Jay cursed softly as both their gazes
fastened on the dark silhouette outside her kitchen door.

Chapter 3

At Jay's nod, Jessica rose and went to answer the back door.  Heart
still pounding, she turned the knob and drew back the door.  Pierce
stood on the porch, his pale, gaunt features highlighted by the light
from the open doorway.  If possible, he looked even more weary than he
had that morning.

For the longest moment, he and Jessica stared at one another Neither of
them spoke, but the tension crackled between them like a live wire in
an electrical storm.

Then his hands slipped into the front pockets of his jeans and he
shrugged, a gesture that was at once familiar and dear.  The ghost of a
smile touched his lips.  "I seemed to have lost my key," he said
wryly.

They both seemed to waver with indecision.  Then with a little gasping
sob, Jessica took a step toward him as Pierce moved toward her.  His
arms went around her and held her tightly as she clung to him, her eyes
squeezed shut against the intense emotions spiraling through her.

Pierce was alive!

For a moment, everything else vanished from Jessica's mind.  She just
wanted to hold him, assure herself that this was no dream.  He buried
his face in her hair, and she could feel his arms trembling as they
held her, could feel his heart beating against hers.  One hand came up
and brushed through her tangled curls.

"I'm sorry," he whispered raggedly.  "Maybe I shouldn't have come back
here, but... I had to.  I had to see you again, to make sure you were
all right... "

"It's okay," she said, her voiceqcracking with deep emotion She could
feel the leanness of his body against her, the sharply defined ridges
of his ribs through the ragged shirt.  Pierce had once been so virile
and muscular.  To see him now made Jessica's heart ache with sorrow.

But even now, when he'd been through God knows what, she could still
sense remnants of strength in his arms, a hint of the same confidence
she had always admired so much.  Pierce was not a man who would be
taken down without a fight.

That thought struck her with cold reality.  Was that why he had all the
scars?  Had he been fighting for his life all this time?  Dear God..

As if sensing her thoughts, she felt his posture stiffen.  She lifted
her head and saw that he was staring over her shoulder , his dark eyes
wary once more.

"Hello, Jay," he said with a thin smile.  "Aren't you out of
uniform?"

Jessica had forgotten all about her brother.  Awkwardness now settled
over the room like a funeral pall.  She tried to pull away from Pierce,
but his arms held her for a fraction longer, as if staking his claim
before letting her go.

"I didn't think this was an official visit," Jay said.  But even
without his uniform, he stood military straight, his cool gaze taking
Pierce's measure without blinking.

Jessica backed away, her gaze darting from Pierce to Jay.  Her
brother's expression must have been identical to the one she'd worn
that morning.  The mixture of suspicion, disbelief , anger and even
touches of fear echoed in Jay's gray eyes.

It seemed a million years before either of them spoke again.  Jessica's
heart raced with tension as she stared up at Pierce, once again taking
in the haggard features, the scar.

Pierce smiled.  "

" You haven't changed a bit: '

"Not where my responsibilities are concerned," Jay agreed.  "Shall we
all sit down?  Jesse, can you get us some coffee?"

The command finally motivated her.  Jessica headed toward the
coffeepot, relieved to have something to do.  She could feel Pierce's
dark eyes on her, following her every movement.  Reluctantly her own
gaze lifted to meet his.  Something flashed between them-a memory?  A
feeling?  Jessica wasn't sure.  But all of a sudden, she felt a tiny
shiver of warning scurry up her spine.

Pierce's proprietary gaze moved over her, greedily, familiarly , making
her body tingle with memories she'd long ago suppressed.  He was
looking at her the way she remembered him looking at her.  The brown
eyes were narrowed slightly, the long, thick lashes hooding his
expression, but Jessica knew what he was thinking.  She'd always
known.

She said the first thing that came to her mind.  "

" You look hungry.  "

"Starving: His eyes never left her mouth.

Her face flamed at the inadvertent-or not so inadvertent -innuendo.
Nervously she wiped her moist palms on a paper towel as she moved past
him toward the refrigerator.

"Actually, what I'd really like to do is get cleaned up," Pierce said.
He started toward the kitchen door, then checked himself as he looked
back at her.  "Is that all right?  " " " Of course.  "

He hesitated, his gaze unreadable.  "Where?"

That jolted her.  Where, indeed?  She'd long since removed his
belongings from her bedroom, except for a few mementos she couldn't
bring herself to part with.  The idea of him once again occupying that
room was distinctly uncomfortable

The question of where he should shower brought up a whole new set of
problems for Jessica.  Where would he stay?  Where would he sleep? What
did he expect from her?  They were still legally married, but five yean
was a long time.  Even if he had no memo=y of their separation, the
reality of those long, lonely years still breathed a life of their own
inside Jessica's heart.  Surely he didn't expect just to waltz back in
and pick up where they'd left off five yean ago.

But if he was really suffering from amnesia, then thaYs exactly what he
would expect.  His feelings hadn't changed even if hers had.

Her gaze lifted again, and Pierce's eyes trapped her with a look she
thought seemed slightly reproachful, as if he'd read her exact
thoughts.  She blushed again and said almost defiantly, "Sometime ago,
I moved all your things into the guest room downstairs.  You'll find
fresh towels in the bathroom.  Everything you need... "

Her voice trailed off at his look.  Not everything, he seemed to be
communicating.  Then he turned and disappeared through the swinging
door to the dining room.

Silence quivered in the air for a long moment, then Jay said, "Well,
I'll be damned.  I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with
my own eyes."

With shaking fingers, Jessica pulled the makings of a sandwich from the
refrigerator and placed each item carefully on the counter.  "So ...
what do you think?"  she asked , not daring to meet her brother's eyes.
He'd already seen more than she would have wanted him to.  Her reaction
when she'd first seen Pierre at the door had been purely spontaneous ,
an overreaction to the tumultuous emotions racing through her.  She
hadn't stopped to think about what she was doing, about the wrong
signals she might be sending to Pierce.

Now she did stop to think, and she regretted the embrace because it had
instantly created a bond between them, an intimacy that was far more
than she could deal with right now.  She was glad Pierce was alive.
More than glad.  Joyful Thankful.  They'd conceived a son together. 
But the years apart had been longer than the years they'd had together
There was no way they could ever go back to what they'd once had.

She hoped to God Pierce understood that.

Jay got up and carried his cup across the room to the coffeepot.  He
poured himself a fresh cup, took a tentative sip, and grimaced.  "Damn,
Jesse, I wish you'd learn to make a decent cup of coffee."

"My mind was elsewhere, okay?"  she snapped.

"Hey, don't bite my head off.  I'm an innocent bystander in all this:
'

"Sorry."  She dropped down at the kitchen table and propped her chin in
her hand.  "What am I supposed to do?"  she asked in desperation.  "I
don't even know him anymore, and he doesn't know me.  I don't know
where he's been, what he's done, why he's back.  I'm not even the same
person he left five years ago.  I've grown up.  I've taken charge of my
life.  I don't-"

"Need him anymore?"  Jay nodded.  "I'm sure he'll find that out soon
enough, if he sticks around."

" " What do you mean if?  " Jessica raked impatient fingers through her
hair as she stared at her brother.  " You think he's going to leave
me..  leave again?  "

Jay shrugged as he brought his coffee to the table and sat down again.
"Let's just say I'm trying to keep an open mind.  Wherever he's been,
he's had trouble.  You only have to look at him to know that much. What
I can't help wondering is what kind.  And if he's bringing it back here
with him: '

Jessica's silver gaze rested on Jay's stern countenance.  " " Meaning
he could be on the run?  "

Her brother merely shrugged as he lifted the cup to his lips.  But his
gray eyes were darkened with worry.  "Max is next door with Sharon,
right?"

His tone was a little too casual.  Jessica found herself shivering with
an eerie premonition as she nodded.  "She called earlier and asked if
he could stay the night.  Under the circumstances, I thought it was a
good idea."

"So do I: '

Their gazes met again, and Jessica saw her own uneasiness mirrored in
Jay's eyes.  But before either of them could speak, the kitchen door
swung inward and Pierce stepped into the room.

Jessica's gaze instantly collided with his.  He looked better , she had
to admit.  Much better.  His dark hair, still glistening with dampness,
had been carefully combed and the days-old growth of beard had been
scraped away, accentuating even more dramatically the white scar down
his cheek, the deep creases around his eyes and mouth.

,

The jeans he'd put on were old and worn, a pair he used to favor for
puttering around the house.  But even though they were frayed at the
hem and shiny at the knees, they were far better than the disreputable
pair he'd discarded.  They hung loosely on his gaunt frame, reminding
Jessica of how snugly they had once fitted him, how sexy he'd always
looked in them.

He wore a blue cotton shirt-sleeves rolled up, tail out that triggered
yet another memory for Jessica.  He'd worn a blue shirt the day he'd
disappeared.  Had he remembered that, too, or was his selection an
ironic coincidence?

He returned her appraisal, the deep brown eyes warm and see lang as
they moved slowly over her face and then downward Her own jeans fitted
a little too snugly.  She'd always been pencil thin, but after Max was
born, she'd filled out and had never been able to drop the extra ten
pounds.  Actually , she'd always been happy with the added weight, but
now she found herself wondering what Pierce thought.

The sudden warmth spiraling through her veins shocked her.  And scared
her.  It had been a long time since she'd felt sexual desire.  Not
since Pierce had left.  Sex with him had been wonderful because it was
with him.  But before she'd met him and after he'd left, abstinence had
never been a problem for her.

Pierce had always teased her that she was like a car engine on a frosty
morning.  She had to be warmed up properly to get the best mileage.
Jessica's cheeks heated at the memory.

Finally breaking eye contact, she jumped up from the table and busily
began assembling his sandwich.  Pierce sat down at the table across
from Jay, and the two men eyed each other stonily; reminding Jessica
that, to her despair, they'd never been the best of friends.  She
placed the plate in front of Pierce, and their hands touched briefly
before Jessica drew hers back.  " " What would you like to drink?  "
she asked in a brisk tone.

"It's been a long time since I've had a beer," he suggested with a
smile that sent a new wave of awareness washing over her.

"How would you know that?"  Jay asked quietly.  "I thought you lost
your memory."

Pierce's head swiveled so that his eyes met Jessica's.  "It's just an
impression, not a memory.  I think I've done without a lot of things:
'

The bottle almost slipped from Jessica's fingers.  Hands shaking, she
poured the beer into a mug and set it beside Pierce's plate, careful
this time to avoid his touch.  She sat down at the table and watched
him attack the sandwich.

His appetite seemed ravenous, though she could tell he tried to curb
his urgency.  The sandwich disappeared in seconds

"Would you like another one?"  she asked softly, her heart feeling as
if it would break in two.

The idea of seconds seemed to shock him for a moment.  Then he said,
"If you're sure it wouldn't be too much trouble"

It took Jessica a long time to make the second sandwich.  She stood at
the counter, her back to the men as she tried to gather her shattered
poise.  But as soon as she wiped away the silent tears from her face, a
new batch would take their place.  Instinctively she knew she wouldn't
let him see her pity.  That was the worst thing she could do to a man
like Pierce.

At last, sniffing as unobtrusively as she could, Jessica placed the
sandwich on the table and said hurriedly, "If you'll excuse me for a
moment, I, uh, have something to do in the other room.  "

She all but fled the kitchen, leaving dead silence in her wake.

After a few seconds, Pierre picked up the other sandwich and began
eating.  Jay reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and withdrew
a pack of cigarettes and lit up, leisurely blowing a thin stream of
smoke skyward.

"I thought you'd quit," Pierce said as he eyed his brother-in-law
curiously.

"I've quit several times since you left.  If I hadn't already started
again this last time, I'm sure I would have after tonight : '

Pierce's brows arched.  "I'm glad I don't have to take the
responsibility then."

Jay blew a trail of smoke from the corner of his mouth as he spoke.
"What about your other responsibilities?  You as anxious to dismiss
those?"

"M

" " Jessica and Max.  You left them high and dry five years ago.  If it
wasn't for Jesse's grit and determination, I'm not sure what they would
have done: '

"You don't have to remind me of my responsibilities to my wife and son.
I'll take care of them from now on."

Jay crushed his cigarette in his saucer as he stared at Pierce.  "You
still don't get it, do you?  They don't need you to take care of them.
Jesse's managed just fine without you.  More than fine.  The business
you left behind is booming, thanks to her.  This house is worth a small
fortune, and Max, well, Max won't even know you, will he?"

It was a reality Pierce had been trying to come to terms with since
he'd stared into those wide, accusing eyes this morning.  Max.  How
strange that Jessica had named him that after she'd fought him so hard
about it.  It gave Pierce a small thrill of happiness to know that even
after he'd left, Jessica had still wanted to please him.

"Look."  Jay folded his arms on the table and leaned toward

Pierce.  "Let's cut through the crap, shall we?  This memory business
may work with Jesse, but it won't wash with me.  I can recognize a man
in trouble when I see one, and I'd say you, my friend, are definitely
in trouble.  You don't have to tell me what, you don't have to tell me
how or when or who.  All you have to tell me, Kincaid, is why ?  Why
did you come back here?  " " " This is my home.  " " " Was your
home."

Brown eyes challenged gray.  It gratified Pierce to see Jay glance away
first.  He'd always thought his brother-in-law a little too cocky, a
little too self-possessed.  Pierce could spot a phony when he saw one,
but he'd never had the heart to tell Jesse just how onqsided her
sibling devotion was.  " " This is my home, " he said, feeling the
warmth of anger stealing over him.  " I don't have to justify myself to
you.  I may owe Jesse an explanation, one I don't have at the moment ,
but let's get one thing straight.  I don't owe you a damned thing.  "

The air buzzed with tension.  Jay's gray eyes glinted with steely anger
as he half rose from his seat.  The unspoken challenge lay in the air
between them like a gauntlet thrown to the ground.  Slowly Pierce stood
up.

"What's going on in here?"

Both male heads whipped around to find Jessica standing in the doorway,
watching them with an expression that wavered between curiosity and
disgust.  Her assessing gaze went from one to the other as she did her
own summation of the situation.

Jay spoke first.  "I need to be shoving off, Jessica.  But I don't want
to leave until I know everything's all right here."

Her expression softened as she smiled at her brother.

"I'm okay.  Thanks for coming over "

Jay's gaze returned to Pierce.  "Can I drop you somewhere ?"  he asked
bluntly.

The question struck Pierce like a physical blow.  He was being asked to
leave his own home.  For one black moment, it was all he could do to
curb the sudden rage hurtling through him.  He turned to face Jessica
who still hovered in the doorway.  He tilted a brow in question.

Her gaze burned into Pierce's until his heart started to pound.  What
was she thinking?  he wondered.  Did she still feel anything at all for
him?  It was impossible to think that for him only a moment ago they
had been in love, happy, and now she might feel nothing at all for him
except pity.

God help him, he could stand anything but that.  I Jessica took a deep
breath and released it as if she was gathering her courage for what she
needed to say.  Pierce's own breath seemed suspended somewhere in his
throat.

"This is your home, too, Pierce," she said finally.  "I can't ask you
to leave.  Not when...."  Her voice trailed off as she gazed at him,
the gray of her eyes turning to mist.  Pierce knew how he must look to
her, and it made him cringe.

"Go on," he said evenly.

Her gaze dropped.  "Not when you obviously need a place to stay."

"Jessica, for God's sake, what do you think you're doing ?"  Jay
objected.  "He can't stay here.  What about "

"What about Max?"  Pierce said in a deadly quiet voice that seemed to
hold both brother and sister in thrall.

"My God, man, you have to know what this will do to j him.  He's only
five years old."

"I'll take care of Max," Jessica said, and the firm note of resolve in
her voice surprised Pierce.  Once she would have turned to him to make
such an important decision.

Five years, he thought again.  Five years of his life gone in the blink
of an eye.  How much more was lost to him than just that time?

"I hope to hell you know what you're doing," Jay muttered angrily as he
pushed past them both and strode out of the kitchen.

Jessica chewed her bottom lip, a nervous habit Pierce remembered so
well.  It heartened him to know that at least some things hadn't
changed.

"I'll be right back," she said, then turned and hurried after her
brother.  Pierce hesitated a moment, then pushed through the door, too,
distracted once again by all the changes Jesse had carried out on the
house.  Changes they had once planned to work on together.

Had she done all this by herself?  he wondered as he walked through the
formal dining room.  The decor was elegant , but somehow the room left
him cold.  It was almost too perfect, he thought, remembering the house
he'd grown up in.  There was no life in it.  No warmth.  No love.  It
was a room that matched the hard chill in Jessica's eyes.

He walked through to the living room and looked around.  He liked this
room better.  The pictures of Max in here added a homey touch that
somehow soothed him.

Jessica had walked her brother to the door, and now they both stood in
the foyer, their furtive whispers attesting to the nature of their
conversation.

Pierce crossed the hardwood floor to the fireplace and picked up one of
the pictures of Max he'd studied so intently that morning.  A baseball
cap angled over the boy's forehead as his brown eyes squinted into the
sun.  There was a rip in his shorts and a scab on one scrawny knee.

Pierce's heart melted.  He'd loved the baby Jesse had been carrying,
and now he loved this little boy with an intensity that astounded
him.

Jessica stood at the end of the sofa and watcheqd Pierce.  He didn't
look up, and she realized he hadn't heard her come in.  She watched him
trace a finger gently along the photo, and the look of fierce
possessiveness that came over his face shocked her.  Her heart skidded
with warning as her own defenses rose in reaction.

Pierce glanced up, and the expression in his eyes confirmed her deepest
fears.  When he spoke, his voice gave rise to new ones.  Jessica
trembled with dread as his gaze continued to hold hers.

"Where is he, Jessica?  Where's my son?"

Chaqter 4

qessica tried to keep her voice controlled.  She didn't want to give
away her fear, didn't want to appear weak or vulnerable even to Pierce.
Fspecially to Pierce.  "Max isn't here," she said, glancing away.

"Where is he?"

"He's somewhere... safe."

"Safe?  That's a strange term to use."

Her eyes challenged him.  "

" Is it?  "

He lifted his brow, and the scar twisted it, giving him an almost
sinister appearance.  "Are you implying that I'm a threat to our son?
Or to you?"

Jessica hesitated, then said, "You barely resemble the man I knew back
then.  You've obviously been hurt.  Maybe you're even in some sort of
trouble.  God knows what might have happened to you since you left.
You've been gone for five years, Pierce.  Fiveyears.  I don't even know
who you are anymore," she finished in a whisper.

His voice lowered.  "I'm your husband."

"Technically," she said, bon owing Jay's term.  Jessica took a deep
breath and let it out, trying to calm her pounding heart.  She walked
over to the window and stared out into the darkness.  "Can you even
begin to imagine what this is qe for me?  All those years you were gone
and not one I word, not one clue, and now suddenly here you are, acting
like nothing's happened.  Acting like you think..  everything should be
the same between us.  It's not.  IYs not the same."

She turned and faced him.  "It'll never be the same again: '

His eyes close briefly.  "Don't say that " "qy not?  It's the truth.  I
don't want to hurt you, but the sooner we face it, the better off we'll
both be."

"My God, Jesse."  He spread his hands in appeal.  !  "You're acting
like you think I left because I wanted to.  And given your background,
I guess I can understand that.

My..  disappearance-whatever you want to call it-must have seemed like
the ultimate betrayal to you.  You must have felt as though I had
deserted you, too.  "

"You can't know how I felt," she said, crossing her arms.

"No, I guess I can't," he agreed.  "But one thing I do j know.  I
didn't leave you because I wanted to."

Her chin lifted a fraction.  "Then why did you leave me?"  "I've
already told you," he said helplessly.  "I don't know what happened." i
"You have no idea?"

Pierce hesitated, as if searching for the right words.  "I have no
memory of the past five years," he finally said.

"It's incredible," she whispered.  "So hard to believe."

"Yes, it is," he agreed.  "It's even hard for me to believe.

So I guess I have to ask you, Jesse, given the circumstances , where
does this leave us?  Where do we go from here?  "

Jessica made a futile gesture with her hand.  "I don't know.  I think
the first thing you should do is see a doctor,

but beyond that..  I just don't know..  " Her words trailed off as she
glanced away.  She couldn't bear to look at him any longer.  Couldn't
bear to see what the past five years had done to him.  To her.  " You
need a place to stay for the time being.  I won't ask you to leave,
Pierce.  I..  can't.  "

"Is it just pity you feel for me, then?  I know how I look to you," he
said, with a derisive smile.  "As you said, I'm hardly the man I once
was."

"That's not what I said," she flared out.  "It has nothing to do with
the way you look.  At least not in the way you mean.  It has everything
to do with where you've been these past five years.  What you've been
doing.  Why you left me in the first place."

Her anger deepened as she forced herself to meet his dark gaze.  Her
voice grew shaky with emotion as she spread her hands in supplication.
"Can't you understand?  Maybe you didn't leave because you wanted to,
but that doesn't change the fact that you did leave me.  I thought you
were dead.  All these years, I've mourned you, and now I find out it
was all for nothing.  It was all a lie."

"You sound disappointed, Jesse."

His observation startled her.  Made her feel just a trifle uneasy about
herself.  Was she disappointed?  Or was she just feeling hurt and
confused?  Angry and betrayed and..  wronged.  "I feel a lot of
things," she admitted.  "Not the least of which is fear " " " I would
never hurt you : '

"You already have," she said.  "You have no idea."

" " But not intentionally.  Never intentionally.  " Pierce took a step
toward her, but stopped when she flinched away.  " You have to believe
that, Jesse.  I don't know what happened five years ago.  I don't know
where I've been, what I've done, why I couldn't come back to you.  I
wish to God I did "

He raised his hand to massage his right temple.  His eyes closed for a
moment as though he were experiencing excruciating pain.  "IYs
something I have to figure out.  I have all these bits and pieces of
memories floating around inside my !  head, and somehow I have to fit
them all together again.  I ; know none of this makes any sense to you
right now.  To me, either.  But the one thing I do know is that I never
stopped ; loving you."

"How can you possibly know that?"  she demanded.  "If you have no
memory of the past five years, how can you be so sure there wasn't
someone else?  "

He lifted his gaze to hers.  "Because there could never be anyone else.
At least... not for me."  ; It took Jessica a few seconds to register
the note of accusation in his tone.  The brown of his eyes deepened
almost to black.  His gaze was intense, probing, his voice a i little
too calm.  Jessica felt a chill of apprehension as he said slowly,
"Perhaps that should have been my first question.

I'm almost afraid to ask it, though: '

Jessica glanced away guiltily.

"With good reason, it would seem.  Is there someone !  else?"  he
persisted.

She hesitated, then shook her head.  "No."

"You don't sound too sure."

"There isn't anyone else," she repeated angrily.  She tossed back her
hair and eyed him defiantly.  "But there ; could have been.  And who
would have blamed me?  You were gone all that time.  I didn't know if
you were dead or alive.  For all I knew, you could have had another
family somewhere else.  You could have been in love with someone ;
else. You could have forgotten all about me, she said, feeling the
sting of tears threaten her anger.  " "I had no reason to believe you'd
ever come back.  Why should I have waited for you?  "

"

" Then why did you?  "

Silence.  Jessica's heart pounded in her chest as his gaze held hers.
His brown eyes softened, misted, looked at her the way he used to look
at her, as if she was someone so very special to him.  As if she was
the only woman in the world for him.  As if he couldn't wait to take
her in his arms and hold her.  Dear God, how often she had thought
about that look, how often she had prayed to see it again, just one
more time.

But how could she trust it now?  How could she trust her own emotions
when memories of the past were so strong at that moment she could
almost reach out and pluck one from the air between them?

She let her anger blaze to life again.  "I didn't wait," she denied. "I
was busy working, raising my son, providing a stable home for us both. 
I was busy growing up, learning how to make my own decisions and
realizing that I had no one to rely on but myself.  Look around you,
Pierce.  I did all this by myself.  I didn't wait for you.  I've gone
on with my life.  Max and I are happy.  We're a family.  We don't need"
She broke off, realizing what she had almost said.

His brow arched upward, twisting slightly from the scar.  "You don't
need me?  That's what you were about to say, isn't it?  You have
changed, Jessica.  I remember a time when you would never have tried to
hurt me like that."

Pierce's face looked like a cold, hard mask.  At that moment , he
seemed more than ever like a stranger to her.  A stranger who had
shared her life once, who had helped create a son with her.  A stranger
who had walked back into her life just when she was beginning to feel
good about herself again.  " " Five years is a long time, Pierce, " she
countered.  " People change.  I've changed.  I'm not the same woman you
left behind.  "

'~i ;

"Yes," he agreed quietly, "but I never would have imagmed you could
have changed that much: '

Jessica lay wide awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking how strangely
quiet the house seemed without her son.  She could hear the soft whir
of the reiling fan overhead, the chime of the Tompion grandfather clock
down in the foyer, the rustle of leaves in the trees outside her
window.  If she listened closely enough, she could almost imagine she
could hear the sound of Pierce's breathing.

She turned her head and gazed at the side of the bed that had been his.
She'd slept on the same side all these years, never giving it a second
thought, even when Pierce's would have been more convenient for getting
up in the middle of the night with Max.

Had she unconsciously been waiting for Pierce to come back?  Had she
known all along, somewhere deep inside her heart, that he wasn't dead?
That he was alive..  and still loving her?

Don't, she told herself harshly.  Don't believe everything he says. How
could he have loved her and left her like that?  How could he have
loved her and not gotten in touch with her all these years?  How could
he have loved her and forgotten all about her?

Maybe there was a perfectly logical reason to explain where he'd been
all these years.  Maybe he hadn't left by choice, just as he claimed.
Maybe he'd been in an accident and hadn't remembered her at all until
now.

Surprising how that thought gave her very little comfort.  Her own
husband couldn't remember her?  Couldn't remember what they'd had
together?  Maybe because it hadn't meant as much to him as it had to
her, Jessica thought with a new flash of anger.  Maybe because

Oh, God, stop it!  she commanded herself.  What good did own person,
but not without a price.  She'd grown harder, it do to go over and over
all the possibilities in her head?  colder, even bitter at times.  She
seldom laughed anymore, Whatever had happened to Pierce didn't change
anything.  except with Max.  It wasn't a pretty image she drew of her
Not really.  Five years had gone by.  Five years of her grow!  self,
she knew.  Perhaps this change in character wasn't one ing and maturing
and taking charge of her own life.  She of her finer triumphs, but it
was life.  It was reality.  hadn't meant to hurt him earlier when she'd
said she and q It was just the way things were now.  Max didn't need
him anymore, but it was the truth, wasn't q And Pierce, well.  Pierce
would learn soon enough that it?  f you can never go home again.  She'd
learned everything there was to know about Pierce's business, and it
had flourished in the past few years.  She'd q It was good to be home.
redecorated the house to suit her own tastes, and the result Now that
he was back, Pierce didn't intend to ever leave was elegant and
beautiful, if a little cold.  She'd raised Max ( again.  all by
herself, with no help from anyone, and he was an q He didn't care what
the hell the agency said.  He'd paid his adorable, well-adjusted, happy
little boy.  q dues.  Five years of his life gone, and Pierce had no
idea Jessica's life was ordered now.  Completely secure.  For the what
purpose they had served.  What good he might have first time, she felt
in control of her own destiny.  She didn't done.  have to depend on
anyone else for her security and hap pierce Standing in the shadows of
the backyard, he let his gaze ness.  She'd made a safe, stable life for
herself and Max, and roam over the familiar, yet changed, surroundings.
The she wouldn't let anyone, not even Pierce, threaten her peace f
cherry trees he and Jessica had planted together had grown of mind so
tall, so thick and hardy.  The flower beds were neatly What right did
he have to come back here now?  q tended, the grass freshly cut.  A
little thread of guilt wove through her anger as Jessica q With a sharp
pang of guilt, Pierce wondered if Jessica punched her pillow, then
turned her back on the empty side q hired someone to come in regularly
to do the chores that of the bed that had once been Pierce's.  = he'd
once done.  He'd always hated yard work, but now he If only he didn't
look so hurt, so badly in need of some , found himself resenting yet
another usurpation of his posione to take care of him.  She sniffed,
telling herself she must tion here at home.  be catching a cold.  His
home.  If only he didn't have those horrible scars to remind them He
sighed deeply.  He only had to look at his reflection in both that the
past five years hadn't been kind to either of the mirror to know that
wherever he'd been in the past five them.  If only she didn't have to
wonder how he'd gotten years, it wasn't a place he would have called
home.  The them, about the pain he must have endured.  scars, the
gauntness, the haunted look in his eyes suggested , She tried to harden
her heart at the rush of emotion that i he d been through hell.  swept
through her.  She'd suffered, too, hadn't she?  She had q He grimaced,
remembering the first time he'd seen him her scars, too.  She'd taken
charge of her life and become her !  self in the mirror.  He certainly
wouldn't be winning any beauty contests, that was for damned sure.  No
wonder Max had been so afraid of him this morning.

Max.

Pierce still couldn't believe he had a son.

He smiled into the darkness, recalling the little boy's face, the dark
hair, the brown eyes, the solemn expression.  He might have been
looking at his own mirror image thirty yean ago, Pierce thought.

His smile disappeared, replaced by a brooding frown.  He hoped the
resemblance ended with the physical appearance He'd hate to think his
own son might be as unhappy and lonely as he'd been at that age.

But surely Max and Jessica had fun together.  Surely Jessica spent time
with their son, saw to the special needs of a little boy, made him feel
wanted and loved-unlike Pierce's own parents who hadn't had a clue how
to raise a child, he thought bitterly.

A boy should be allowed to have friends over, Pierce thought,
remembering the hours he'd spent alone as a child.  A boy needed to be
able to get dirty and roughhouse once in a while without being
reprimanded for it.  Surely Jessica understood all that.  But as Pierce
stood there gazing into the darkened backyard, an image of the
immaculate interior of their home flashed through his mind.

The house was beautiful, but so different from the way it used to be.
He missed the casual mix-and-match furnishings they'd begun their
married life with.  Jessica had gotten rid of all the old stuff.  He
wondered if she'd even kept the antique pine bed they'd found together
at an estate sale.

Pierce let his gaze drift up to their bedroom window, imagining Jessica
lying in that bed, fast asleep, her hair fanning across the pillow like
a dark, misty veil.  How he wished at that moment that he could see
her, touch her.  be with her.

Would it ever happen for them again?

Would he ever be able to hold her as he'd once held her , kiss her as
he'd once kissed her?  Would he ever be able to make love to her
again?

He closed his eyes, feeling the old familiar need rush through him. She
looked so different now.  So sophisticated and mature and.. womanly. 
She'd let her hair grow long, he thought.  So long and lustrous..  He
wondered what it would feel like beneath his hands or brushing against
his bare chest.

Dear God, he could remember vividly the way she tasted, the way she
kissed, the way she felt beneath him.  He could rqqqr q,erything about
the way it used to be between , them, and the images tormented him now,
just as her words had earlier.

It'll never be the same again.

A mild breeze drifted through the cherry trees, stirring the leaves and
bringing to his nostrils the nostalgic scent of honeysuckle and clover.
It reminded him of all the summer evenings they'd spent out here,
planning the rest of their lives together.

He should have told her the truth about himself long ago.

Maybe none of this would ever have happened.  Maybe he wouldn't have
left her on that fateful day five years ago.

The assignment he'd been on was supposed to have been his last, Pierce
reflected.  He'd given his notice to the agency.

The rest of his life belonged only to himself and to Jesse and the
child she was carrying.  One last assignment, and then

Pierce would be free.

So what the hell had gone wrong?  What had happened to him?  Why
couldn't he remember?

As much as he hated to bring that part of his past back j into his
life, Pierce knew that he could never truly be free until he learned
what had happened the day he'd left the house five years ago.

And there was only one way to do that.

With one last glance at Jesse's window, he turned and noiselessly
slipped through the darkness, taking care to keep to the shadows.
Thankfully he still knew how to blend with the night.  At least he
hadn't forgotten that.

Within minutes, Pierce had located the familiar phone booth on a
secluded street a few blocks from the house.  He'd often used it years
ago, and had wondered earlier when he'd let himself out the back door
if it might have been removed while he'd been gone.  So many things had
changed.

But there it stood, an old-fashioned glass booth where many a message
had been given and received.  He'd gotten a phone call in that very
booth on his way to the grocery store the day he'd disappeared, Pierce
recalled.

The memory shocked him.  For a moment, time stood still, then reversed.
The day had been cloudless and brilliant with a mild breeze stirring
the leaves in the cherry trees that lined the street where the phone
booth was located.  Pierce crossed the cobblestone street, opened the
phone booth door and stepped inside.  Within two minutes, the phone
rang and he picked up the receiver.  " " Hello?  "

Silence on the other end.  After a few seconds, Pierce began to grow
uneasy.  Automatically he recited the code, but the caller still didn't
respond.

The sound of a car engine was Pierce's next alarm.  His instincts
kicked into action.  He jerked open the door and dived for the street,
but not fast enough.  A blinding flash of light and a stunning blow to
his shoulder sent him sprawling to the ground.  In his last seconds of
consciousness, he lay on his back and stared at the blue sky.  A
bird-an eagle he thought-soared against the brilliant light of the
sun.

Then..  nothing.

Pierce closed his eyes, trying to summon more.  Memories and
impressions ripped through him as sharp as a knife, followed by the
echo of emotions long forgotten.  Betrayal.

Fear.  Guilt.

And pain.  Blinding pain.  Pain so intense he'd had to retreat into the
darkness.  Into a blackness so complete that nothing else had existed
for him.  He couldn't let it.

That same pain slashed through him now.  He put his hands to his head,
pressing his temples as if he could squeeze away the hurt.  But there
was only one way to stop the pain, and he knew it.  Only one way to
save his sanity.

He had to fade to black.

Within moments, the pain inside his head subsided.  The memories
vanished.  And Pierce was left standing in the darkness, feeling more
helpless than ever.  He crossed the street and entered the phone booth.
Inserting the coin, he dialed the number and waited.  ; "Tremont
House."  The voice sounded as if it belonged to an old woman.  Pierce
had a sudden image of gray hair pulled back into a severe bun, a
ramrod-straight backbone and dark, wary eyes.  Had he met her before?

"I'd like to speak to the manager "

"Whom should I say is calling?"  she asked curtly.

Pierce hesitated, choosing his words carefully.  "Tell him an old
friend is in town.  Tell him I've been... away for several years.  Tell
him I'm in desperate need of a room: " Wouldn't do you any good to talk
to him," the old woman answered coolly.  " We're booked solid: '

The line clicked, then went dead, but Pierce had his answer He gazed
bleakly down the remote, empty street.

Help would not be forthcoming as he'd hoped.

Hell, he couldn't even be sure the number he'd called was j even a
contact anymore.  Things inside the agency could change within five
minutes' time, much less five years.  The agency itself might no longer
exist, and if that were the case, Pierce might never be able to find
out the truth.

It was a nightmare, he thought.  He felt as if he'd been trapped in the
Twilight zone for too long or, like Rip van Winkle, had fallen asleep
for half a decade while the rest of the world had passed blithely by
him.

No time for self-pity, though.  He had Max and Jessica to think of, and
the possibility that they might somehow be in danger.  Maybe he had
brought the danger with him, Pierce thought.  Maybe the best thing he
could do for his family would be simply to disappear again.

But even as the idea formed, he dismissed it.  No one would take care
of his family the way he could.  No one could protect them the way he
would.

Somewhere down the street, Pierce heard the distant hum of a car
engine.  His heart accelerated as the car turned the corner and its
headlights caught the phone booth in their full glare.  Automatically
he tensed.

The car slowed as it passed by the phone booth.  Pierce glanced around.
The car was a dark green Ford Taurus, but the windows were tinted so
that he couldn't see the occupant -or occupants-inside.  It was exactly
the kind of innocuouslooking vehicle that the agency furnished its
operatives.

Were they already checking him out?

Steady, he cautioned himself.  By all indications, he'd been out of the
mainstream for a long time now.  Even though he had no memory of the
past five years, Pierce couldn't imagine that he would still be a
threat to anyone.  The double agent he'd been after before Pierce had
disappeared would have surely long since been trapped.  The codes, the
contacts, even the targets would have all changed by now.

Pierce Kincaid was a dinosaur.  A washed-up agent without a memory.  No
one would want him anymore.  Dead or alive.

Not even Jesse.

But even that grim thought couldn't dim the deeply ingrained need for
caution.  Pierce gripped the handle of the glass door, readying himself
to yank it open and make a dive for cover.  The car seemed to slow even
more, then with a burst of acceleration, it sped down the street.

Pierce waited for a moment, watching the taillights disappear into the
night.  He felt a keen mixture of relief and disappointment.  For a
while there, with the adrenaline pumping and all his senses working
precisely as they'd been trained, he could almost believe that he
hadn't changed that much.  That there was still something left of the
man he'd onre been.  The man Jesse had once loved.

But that man had been a lie.  That man hadn't really existed If Jesse
had known the truth about him then, she might never have loved him at
all.

Burdened with guilt, regret and an almost overwhelming need to return
to his family, Pierce opened the glass door, stepped out into the cool
night air and quickly headed for home.

The ringing of the telephone awakened Jessica at a few minutes past
two.  She pushed herself up, certain that a call at that time of night
could only mean one thing.  Something had happened to Max.

In full-blown panic, she grabbed the phone in the dark.  "Hello?"

When no one answered, Jessica first felt relief, then a strange
uneasiness.  Someone was on the line but wouldn't answer her.  For some
reason, the silence seemed eminently threatening.  She could hear the
soft breathing, almost sense the caller listening intently to her
voice.  A shiver crawled up her spine as her heart accelerated.

She swung her legs off the side of the bed and sat on the edge as if
poised to flee.  "Hello?  Are you there?  Who is this?"

Still silence, and then very softly the line clicked dead.

Jessica hung up the phone, her hands trembling in spite of herself.
She'd gotten hang-up calls before.  Everyone did.  No reason to be
upset or frightened.  No reason to suspect anything was amiss.  No
reason to think that call had anything to do with Pierce's returo.

But what if it did?

What if someone from his past-his immediate past-had found him?  What
if Jessica got up and paced the room, wringing her hands.  Dear God.
What was she going to do?  The unanswered questions, the suspicions,
the not knowing were going to drive her crazy.  Every little thing out
of the ordinary would take on new significance for her now.  She knew
she wouldn't be able to stand this kind of limbo indefinitely, but what
could she do?  Ask Pierce to leave?

She felt guilty at even contemplating such an action, but really and
truly, how could they go on like this?  How could they live in the same
house now that they were nothing more than polite strangers?

Perhaps not even polite, because Pierce was now some one she could no
longer trust.

After crawling back into bed, Jessica huddled beneath the covers,
unable to fall back asleep.  Images, both of the past and the future,
crowded her mind.  She tried to tell herself that things had a way of
working themselves out, but Jessica had never been much of an optimist.
Pierce's glass was the one that had always been half-full.

There was only one thing she could do.  Only one way to handle such an
impossible situation.  She had to think of her son, after all.  His
emotional, as well as his physical security had to be her first
priority.  She had to do what was best for him.

And the sooner she let Pierce know her decision, the better it would be
for all of them.

Chapter 5

cc

I'll give you a month " Jessica said the words aloud in her bedroom,
testing the way they sounded as she tried to decide exactly what to say
to Pierce when she saw him this morning.  " I'll give you a month.  Not
one day longer "

"A month should be long enough to get your affairs in order."  Jessica
flinched at the prissy formality of her words.  There was just no easy
way to say it, she decided, but the fact remained that she wanted him
out of here.  They couldn't possibly go on living in the same house
indefinitely Not after all these years.

A month seemed reasonable to her.  More than reasonable , actually.
Perhaps a little foolhardy, considering that for all she knew, he could
be a common criminal now.

She sat up in bed.  Hugging her knees, she chewed on her lip.  A thief
on the run.  That would explain a lot.  The scars.  His appearance.
What if he'd been in prison or..

But wouldn't she have known that?  Wouldn't she have been contacted?
Maybe he used aliases.  Maybe he was like one of those men she'd seen
on Oprah who had different identities and different families in several
cities.  Maybe she should call Jay and have him do some kind of a
check, run Pierce's fingerprints through a government computer or
something.

It was strange how that idea made her feel just the tiniest bit like a
traitor when she had absolutely no reason to.  Yet she'd be a fool not
to do everything in her power to protect herself and her son.  She'd be
a fool to trust Pierce again after all these years.

"Mo-o-m?  Mom, where are you?  I'm home!"

The sound of her son's voice startled Jessica into action.  She swung
her legs off the bed and reached for her robe just as her door flew
open and Max launcherl himself toward her.  " " Why are you still in
bed?  " he demanded.  " "You have to find me clean clothes for school.
I had a bath at Allie's house, but I didn't have no clean clothes to
put on," he said accusingly.  "Hurry, Mom.  I'll be late."

Still functioning at only half speed, Jessica let her son pull her to
her feet and drag her down the hallway to his bedroom Rummaging through
his drawers and closet, they managed to come up with a pair of denim
shorts-the only kind he would wear-and his favoriteqSuperman T-shirt.
Mollified somewhat, he dutifully brushed his teeth and combed his hair
without complaint.

Jessica watched as he bent over his black high-tops, laboriously tying
the laces.  She resisted the temptation to help him, knowing that the
best gift she could give to her son was the ability to be
self-reliant.

Oh, but how she wanted to take him in her arms at that moment, to
shield him from the hardships of the world.  How she wished that she
could turn back the clock and make this morning as peaceful and
unthreatening as she had tried to make all his other mornings.

Seeming to read her thoughts, Max looked up at her.  His dark eyes,
eyes so like Pierce's, narrowed slightly as if he was concentrating on
something he didn't quite understand' Why is that guy still here, Mom?
I saw him downstairs He's in the kitchen making coffee.  "

The image jolted Jessica.  Obviously Pierce was making himself at home,
but then to him, this was still his home.  Jessica ran her fingers
through her mussed hair.  "He spent the night in the guest room, Max.
He had nowhere else to go."  She winced, realizing how lame her answer
sounded.  She'd have to do better than that.

But Max, as usual, was one step ahead of her.  His frown deepened.  "I
been thinking," he said.  "That guy-he's the one in the pictures you
showed me when I was a little kid, isn't he?  He's my dad, right?"

Jessica's heart pounded more rapidly.  She and Max used to look at
Pierce's pictures together.  She'd tried to instill in her son a sense
of his father, tried to make him understand that Pierce would have
loved him just as much as Jessica did, if he had lived.

But what did she tell him now?  she wondered desperately How did she
explain Pierce's resurrection?  How did she keep Max from hating his
father because there was no plausible explanation for his absence from
their lives?

She took a deep breath and said simply, "Yes, Max, he is: '

"Then why isn't he dead?"

"I don't know.  Something happened to him.  He..  might have been in an
accident.  He doesn't remember anything about the years he was away."

"You mean he's got anesia?"

qde to Black

Jessica stared at her son, amazed.  "Amnesia and where did you learn
that word?  "

Max shrugged.  "From Superman."  His tone implied "Where else?"  Aloud
he added, "Once, Lois Lane couldn't even remember who Clark Kent was
'cuz she got conked on the head by these bad guys."  Max scratched the
side of his nose.  "That guy downstairs-my dad-does he remember you?"

"Well... yes: "

"Does he remember me?  "

"He never knew you, Max.  You hadn't been born when he
le-disappeared."

Max seemed to mull over the information, but something in his eyes made
Jessica uneasy.  A glint of excitement that made her stomach flutter
with dread.  Already, she thought.  Already Max was starting to think
of Pierre as his father.  Already Jessica could feel just a tiny bit of
her son slipping away from her.

"Is he gonna stay here with us?"

"I'm... not sure what his plans are."

"Does he know how to play baseball?"

Jessica's heart sank.  "I don't know."

Max's dark eyes lit up.  "That would be great, wouldn't it?  Because
then you wouldn't have to get your clothes all dirty.  Girls don't like
that, do they?"

"Some don't, I guess.  I've always enjoyed our time together ,
though."

"Yeah, but you can't catch the ball very good, Mom.  I bet he knows how
to play baseball," Max concluded.  "I bet he knows how to fight, too
just like Superman.  I bet that s how he got all those scars.  Marcus
Tate's father's an accountant He sits in an office all day behind a
great big desk.  He don't have no scars: Marcus Tate's father, the
T-ball coach and once one of Max's heroes, had certainly been cut down
a peg or two.  Jessica didn't like the way the conversation was
going.

She brushed her fingers across Max's silky hair.  "Honey...."  She
trailed off, grasping for words.  "I don't think you should get your
hopes up too much about, well, about baseball and all that.  I told
you, I don't know what Pierce's plans are."

"But if he's my dad," Max said, frowning, "don't he have to stay here
with us?  Isn't it a law or something like that?  Maybe I should ask
Uncle Jay.  I bet he'd know."  Max's Uncle Jay was another point of
pride with him.  He was sure his Uncle Jay was a super-duper agent of
some sort.  Jessica had tried to explain that just because Jay worked
in the Pentagon didn't mean he was a spy, but Max wouldn't hear of it.
"Mom," he'd complain, "haven't you ever heard of a cover?"

Jessica sighed, bringing her thoughts back into focus.  "Can we talk
about this later?  The bus will be here any minute, and I don't want
you to miss it again."

" " Okay.  " Max shrugged into his leather backpack, then looked up at
her, his gaze solemn.  " Can I ask you a question , Mom?  " " "Sure,
sweetie."

Sudden tears glinted in Max's dark brown eyes.  Most of the time he
tried to act so cool and grown up, but he was still just a little boy
with a whole list of questions Jessica didn't know how to answer.
"Don't you want my dad to stay here with us?"

"Oh, Max."  Jessica knelt and folded him in her arms, and for just a
while, he was once again her baby, the one person in the world whose
love she had been able to count on.  Jessica tightened her arms around
him, holding him close, trying to blink back the hot tears before they
could spill down her face.  At that moment, she didn't know what she
wanted.  "It's not that easy," she whispered.  "He's been gone for five
years.  Things... change."

"Carly Wilson went away to her grandmother's house for two whole
weeks," Max said, tolerating Jessica's embrace for only a second or two
longer before he pulled away.  "qen she came back, she'd lost her two
front teeth."  He grinned, tapping his own front teeth with his finger.
"She looked real funny.  Is that the kind of change you mean?"

Jessica managed a smile, ruffling his hair.  "Not exactly ," she said.
"But we'll talk some more later.  Now get a move on before you miss
that bus."

Jessica quickly dressed, too, slipping on blue jeans and an old faded
shirt.  Hand in hand, she and Max walked to the bus stop and greeted
the other children and mothers who were already waiting for the bus.

Sharon, dressed in a light blue sundress, her blond hair glistening in
the sunlight, gave Jessica a knowing look.

"Didn't get much sleep last night, eh?"

Jessica grimaced.  "How can you tell?"

" " The dark circles are a dead giveaway.  " She tugged at one of
Jessica's rolled-up shirtsleeves.  " And I haven't seen you wear this
lovely ensemble out on the street before.  "

"I dressed in a hurry this morning," Jessica murmured.  "I...
overslept."

Sharon's brows soared.  "You?  I've never known you to be anything but
disgustingly punctual in your whole life."

"I never claimed to be perfect," Jessica snapped, then immediately
regretted her bad temper.  Sharon McReynolds was the best friend she'd
ever had.  She and her husband , Frank, had helped Jessica with Max on
more occasions than she cared to remember, and she owed them a lot. She
gave Sharon an apologetic smile.  "I not only overslept, but I got up
on the wrong side of the bed this morning.  I'm sorry."

Sharon studied her thoughtfully.  "

" Don't worry about it: '

Jessica gazed at the children playing at the curb.  "I hope he behaved
himself last night," she said.  " " Who, Max?  " '

Jessica shot her a look.  "

" Of course Max.  Who else?  "

"Max was a perfect angel, as always: Sharon hesitated, then said, " You
aren't going to say a word, are you?  " " "About what?  "

Sharon shook her blond head.  "I have never known anyone as
infuriatingly closemouthed as you are.  Don't you know I'm positively
dying to know why you overslept this morning and why you got up on the
wrong side of the bed?  And who, for God's sake, is that gorgeous man
standing on your porch?"

Jessica whirled.  Sure enough, there he stood on her front porch, in
broad daylight, for all the world to see.  Dressed in faded jeans and a
white T shirt, Pierce leanerl against the railing with a proprietary
casualness that instantly brought a frown to Jessica's brow.

When he saw her looking, he lifted his arm and waved as if nothing in
the world was amiss.  Jessica had to keep reminding herself that for
him nothing was wrong.  Everything was just the way it had been five
years ago when he'd left the house to go get iq cream.  When they'd
still be in love.

She whipped her head around, looked at her friend, then glanced away.

"Well?"  Sharon demanded.  "Is that the strange man Max told me about?
The one who obviously spent the night at your house last night?"

Jessica gave her a nervous smile.  "It's not what you think: '

"It never is.  But you'd better explain real quick," Sharon warned,
"because he's coming this way and I might just be inclined to ask him
instead."

Coming this way?  What in the world was he thinking?  How was she going
to explain his sudden appearance to all her neighbors?  Jessica had
told them long ago that her husband was dead, and now here he was,
obviously not a ghost, but a real flesh-and-blood man.

Obviously a man.

Too obviously.

The group of chattering mothers fell silent as Pierce approached the
group.  There was something different about him this morning, Jessica
thought.  In the bright sunlight, he looked taller.  Broader.  Tougher.
More confident.

More like the old Pierce.

She felt her heart stop for a moment.

The sunlight caught the scar on his cheek, highlighted it, but somehow
the effect was less daunting than when she'd first seen it.  He didn't
look like a man who needed taking care of at all this morning.

What he looked like, Jessica thought with a catch in her throat, was a
man very much in control.

Their eyes met and clung, and Jessica's heart started beating again,
almost painfully.  No, she silently denied.  I don't feel anything for
him.  Nothing at all.  I can't.

But the butterflies in her stomach wouldn't listen to her.  They were
going crazy.  They were making her feel weak and helpless and out of
control, and Jessica wouldn't stand for that.  Not anymore.  She lifted
her chin and eyed him with chilly annoyance.

ThaYs when she realized that the whole group of mothers and children
were still silent and staring at the scene unfolding before them with
avid curiosity.

Out of the corner of her eye, Jessica saw Max move away from his
friends and start toward them.  Oh, no, she thought.  Not here.  Not
like this.  What would this kind of scene do to him?  Pierce should
have known better.  What if

Max got upset?  What if he started to cry in front of his friends? He'd
hate that later.

But it was too late to head off disaster now, because Max was already
standing beside her.  He slipped his little hand in hers and squinted
up at Pierce, his expression as inscrutable as his father's as they
stared at each other for a long, tense moment.

Max bent and scratched a scab on his knee.  He kicked the dirt with the
toe of his new running shoe.  He looked Pierce straight in the eye.
"Hi, Dad," he said, and smiled.

The group had been silent before, but now everyone looked stunned.  Max
had spoken right up so that everyone at the bus stop had no trouble at
all in hearing what he'd said.

Pierce felt his heart give a funny little twist.  He stuck his hand
casually into the pocket of his jeans.  Then he grinned.  "Hi, Max: '

Dad.  Max had called him Dad.  Pierce couldn't believe it.  It was too
much to ask for, this soon.  It was too good to be true..

And then he turned and glimpsed Jessica's thunderstruck expression. She
looked as stunned as he felt, but not in the same way.  There was no
elation in Jessica's eyes.  No joy in her face.  Just a rigid
determination to see this scene through with as much dignity as she
could muster.  He couldn't help but admire her resolve because Max's
easy acceptance of him must have been like a slap in the face to her.

He tried to catch her eye, wanted to smile at her in reassurance , but
Jessica wouldn't look at him.  Instead she turned and watched their son
as he boarded the school bus.

As Max climbed the steps, the little boy behind him said loudly, "Wow!
That's your dad?"

qr

"Yeah," Max said.  "Did you see all his scars?"

"Yeah!  How'd he get 'em?"

"Fightin' bad guys, a course."

"Cool," the little boy said with reverence.

Pierce grimaced.  He was afraid Max's assessment had hit a little too
closely to the truth, but he hardly had time to worry about that now.
As the bus lumbered down the street q'and the neat stop, the crowd of
mothers reluctantly began to disperse.  Several of them smiled and
waved at him as i they turned in various directions toward their homes.
A tall, attractive blonde, who stood just behind Jessica, glowered at
him with open distrust.  i "Jessica," the woman said, "are you all
right?"

"I'm fine, Sharon," Jessica said quietly.  "I'll call you later,
okay?"

"Please do."  The blonde gave Pierce one last disapproving look before
she turned and strode up the sidewalk of the house next door to
theirs.

Without a word, Jessica started down the cobblestone walkway.  Pierce
caught her arm as she tried to brush past him.  "Jesse-"

The look she gave him stopped him cold.  Her gray eyes frosted over as
she glared at him.  "Are you satisfied?"  she demanded.  "Do you see
what you've done?"

"I didn't do anything," Pierce said.  "I came out here to say goodbye
to our son.  What's so wrong with that?"

"WhaYs wrong with it?  Oh, please.  You can't be that dense."
Impatiently Jessica brushed the windblown curls from her forehead.  Her
manicured nails flashed pink in the sunlight.  "Don't you see what
you're doing to him?"

Pierce kept an easy pace beside her as they headed for home.  "Why
don't you tell me what I'm doing to him?  I've barely met him "

"My point exactly.  You just met him."  Jessica turned on the top step
of the porch to face him.  Her hands went to her slim hips as she stood
there glaring at him.  Anger had warmed the chill in her gray eyes, and
now they sparked with silver fire.  Two rosy spots of color tinted her
high cheekbones, and her lips-those gorgeous lips-trembled with
indignation.

Standing on the top step put her at an even level with him.  Their eyes
were flush, their mouths only inches apart.  Even in anger-perhaps even
more so in anger-she was still the most beautiful woman Pierce had ever
known.  He had to resist the urge to reach out and cup the back of her
neck and pull her to him, not gently, until he could claim her lips
with his.  He wanted to kiss her, hold her, touch her in such a way
that she would have to remember she belonged to him.

Only to him.

Something of his thoughts must have shown on his face, because
Jessica's eyes turned wary, almost frightened.  She reached out a hand
and grasped one of the white porch pillars for support.

"Your son is five years old and you just met him, Pierce."  She took a
deep breath, her eyes filling with tears, but Pierce didn't reach for
her or try to comfort her.  He didn't dare.  "Max has always wanted a
father like all his friends have.  Someone to play baseball with,
someone to take him swimming , someone to teach him the things all the
other little boys know how to do.  And now suddenly here you are, after
all these years, ready to step in and make all his dreams come true.
You're setting him up for a big fall, and I'm the one who'll have to
pick up the pieces."

"What are you talking about?"  Pierce demanded angrily'I would never do
anything to hurt our son.  Why can't I do all those things with him?
Why can't I be the father he always wanted?  "

"Because I don't even knuw if you're going to be here " , Iessica burst
out.  She seemed stunned by her own words, her own anger.  Her fingers
trembled as she lifted her hand to her mouth.

Pierce had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.  He took a step
toward her, and when she would have backed away, his hand shot out to
grasp her arm.  Reluctantly her gaze lifted and met his.  " " Are you
asking me to leave, Jessica?  Is that what all this is leading up to?
"

Her gaze flickered.  "I don't ... not exactly," she faltered , but she
could no longer meet his eyes.  She made a helpless gesture with her
hand.  "This is an impossible situation , Pierce.  We have to talk,
decide what's best for... all of us " ""I thought we talked last
night," Pierce said, frowning.  He didn't like the way she kept dancing
around his question Did she want him to leave?

"Things got a little too tense last night," she said.

He smiled sardonically.  "No kidding.  It's not every day I return from
the dead, you know "

"IYs not every day my long-lost husband walks through my back door,"
she countered, her gaze leveling on him once again.  But her eyes
softened just a hint.  Pierce felt enormously encouraged.  "We do have
to talk, Pierce, but not out here.  I think we've given the neighbors
enough to gossip about for one day."

"Worried your reputation will be tarnished, Mrs.  Kincaid ?"  he teased
softly.

Jessica gave him a defiant look as she tossed her dark hair over her
shoulder.  "How do you know it wasn't already?"  she asked.

Then she turned and left him standing on the porch, swearing beneath
his breath.

* * *

Jessica decided she didn't want to have such a serious discussion with
her husband while she looked like the waif he'd once rescued.  That
insecure young woman was long gone, thank goodness.  Jessica wanted to
make sure Pierce knew they were on equal footing now.  She gazed
critically at her reflection in the mirror.

The narrow black skirt and white rayon blouse she chose were simple yet
elegant, and the French twist that tamed her hair made her look
sophisticated and businesslike.  Jessica decided she looked like a
woman ready to face the world.  Or, as Pierce had said, a husband who
had just returned from the dead.

When she talked to him this time, Jessica didn't want to let her anger
get the better of her.  She wanted to present her plan to him clearly
and concisely in as straightforward a manner as she could muster.  She
wanted to make him see that she had thought it all out, and it really
was the only viable plan for their rather peculiar situation.  She
wanted to make this as painless as possible-for all of them.

Pierce would cooperate.  How could he not?  What reasonable alternative
could he possibly come up with?

Yet that reassurance didn't calm her nerves in the least as she walked
down the stairs.  It annoyed her to find that her palms were sweating
and her throat was suddenly, achingly dry.

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee greeted her as she shoved open the
swinging door and stepped inside the kitchen.  She let the door swish
shut behind her.  It barely made any noise, but Pierce, who had been
standing at the sink, whirled around as if she'd just fired a gun.

It wasn't that he was startled, she noticed.  There was no look of
surprise in the dark gleam of his eyes.  No jumping pulse in his
throat.  He eyed her with what she could only call steely readiness.  A
determination to face.  whatever he had to face.

Her own heart leaped to her throat.  Jessica's hand went to her neck,
as if to quiet her own rioting pulse.  As she stood there, Pierce's
gaze softened and moved over her.  " " Is that the way you always dress
on your day off?  " he asked approvingly.  " At least, I assume the
shop is closed today.  I always closed it on Mondays: q

Jessica cleared her throat, stepped across the room to the counter and
poured herself a cup of coffee, somehow managing not to spill the
steaming liquid as she clutched the cup with hands that still
trembleql.  "I don't do everything at the shop the way you used to,
Pierce."  She shot him a challenging glance.  "In fact, I have my own
policies now.  My own rules and regulations."

"I see."

Jessica shrugged.  "You used to complain yourself that the way your
parents ran the shop was archaic and inefficient.  You just never took
the time to implement change.  In fact, in many ways you were a very
lax businessman," she said with cool disapproval.

"Is that so?"  He didn't seem perturbed in the least by her criticism.
"And you are the very epitome of efficiency, I imagine."

Jessica fought the flash of hurt his flippancy brought on.  "Yes, as a
matter of fact, I am.  Is that so hard to believe?"

"A little," he admitted.  "I never thought of you as a businesswoman,
Jesse."

"I used to work for you," she observed, annoyed.  "That's how we
met."

His gaze softened.  "I remember.  But you seemed happy to quit when we
bought this house.  You wanted to be a wife and mother.  You had no
interest in the business."

"Things change," Jessica said.

"So you've said."

"In fact," she continued, "I think you'll be quite surprised by the
margin of profit The Lost Attic now enjoys: '

"Are you going to show me your books?"  Somehow he managed to make the
innocent question sound like a sexual proposition.

Jessica frowned as she carried the cup to the table and sat down,
crossing one leg over the other and then carefully smoothing her napkin
across her lap.

"So," Pierce said as he leaned back against the sink.  His eyes
lingered on her legs for a moment, then lifted to meet her gaze.  "Are
you going to work today?"

"Actually, no," Jessica admitted.  "I still close on Mondays : '

"Aha.  Something that hasn't changed around here."  He made it sound
like some kind of marvelous discovery.

Jessica decided she'd better nip that train of thought in the bud right
now.  "Why don't you sit down?"  She gestured toward the chair across
from her.  " " I have a few things I'd like to say.  "

He ignored the chair she'd indicated and pulled out the one next to
her.  His knees brushed hers under the table, and Jessica quickly
shifted hers aside.

She lifted her chin, ignoring the tiny thrill that raced up her spine.
"I think what we should do first is set some ground rules for our...
cohabitation."

Pierce's brow rose almost imperceptibly.  "Cohabition?"  he said in a
voice that was faintly mocking.  "Is that what we have here?  "

"For lack of a better term," Jessica said.  She took a deep breath,
throwing him a defensive glance before averting her gaze to her coffee
cup.  "In fact, I have an ultimatum for you.  Sort of a two-part one,
you might say."

" " Let's hear the first part.  " His voice was oddly devoid of
emotion.  Jessica gave him another glance.  Then a second one.  He
looked so... clean this morning, she thought fleetingly She could smell
the barest hint of soap on his skin, and his dark hair gleamed in the
morning sunlight, begging to be touched.  She could still remember the
texture of his hair, she realized.  Could almost feel the softness as
she ran her fingers through it while they Stop it, Jessica!  she
admonished herself as she tore her eyes from his rugged profile.  He's
a stranger now.  Worse than a stranger-a counterfeit.

A counterfeit husband, that was a good description for Pierce
Kincaid.

"Well?"  Pierce prompted, jerking her thoughts to the present.

"I'd like you to see Dr.  Prescott," she said.  "Today, if possible."
Dr.  Prescott had been their family doctor ever since he'd administered
Pierce and Jessica's blood tests before they got married.  A few years
later, he'd delivered Max.

Seeing him seemed like the logical first step to Jessica.

"You think Dr.  Prescott can prescribe some miracle drug that will cure
me, Jesse?"  , "I don't know what he can do," she said.  "But I
certainly think you should have a thorough examination.  All those
scars..."  Her voice trailed off as her gaze lit on the jagged line
that marred the left side of his face.  "I... think you can understand
why I would want you to see a doctor ," she said uneasily.

Pierce smiled.  "I understand more than you think," he said softly. "If
it'll make you feel any better, I'll go see Dr.

Prescott.  Just don't expect too much.  Don't get your hopes Jessica
looked him straight in the eye.  "I never do that: '

Pierce's gaze flickered with something Jessica thought looked a little
too much like pity.  That was the last thing she wanted from him.  She
cleared her throat.  "The second part of my ultimatum is this.  I'll
give you one month."

His scarred brow twisted.  "To do what?"

" " To stay here.  To come up with the right answers.  To explain to me
why you left five years ago and why you haven't been in touch since.  I
think a month is more than reasonable Don't you?  "

Pierce shrugged.  "I'm hardly in a position to bargain: He sat back,
staring at her.  " All right, supposing at the end of this month, I
still don't have any answers for you.  Supposing my memory still hasn't
returned.  What then, Jessica ?  "

"Then... I don't see that there can ever be any hope for us.  Maybe you
didn't leave me on purpose, Pierce.  Maybe there were extenuating
circumstances.  But if you never get your memory back, then we'll never
know for sure, will we?  " She locked her hands together in her lap,
trying to stop the trembling.  Might as well face the truth, hadn't
they?  Ciet it all out in the open?  No use pretending that things
could ever be as they used to be.

Pierce's chair scraped against the tile floor as he shoved it away from
the table and stood.  Jessica jumped at his sudden movement, at the
look he gave her.  His dark eyes glittered like black diamonds as he
placed his hands on the table and leaned toward her.  His face was only
inches from hers.  His lips only a breath away..

Jessica's heart thundered in her chest.  What was he doing ?  What
right did he have to look at her like that?  As if he wanted to..

Surely he didn't think she would let him kiss her?  Not after the
discussion they'd just had.

But he was so close she could hear the slight quickening of his breath,
could see the warmth of desire in his eyes.  His lips were moving
closer and, dear God, it had been so long.  So very long since he'd
kissed her.  Jessica's eyes fluttered closed..

"One month," he said, his voice low and seductive.  "I'll giveyocc one
month, Jesse."

Jessica's eyes flew open.  She gazed up at him, and the hint of
amusement she saw on his face made her anger flare to life once again.
"What are you talking about?"  she demanded, her face heating in
embarrassment at his rejection

He smiled.  Slowly.  Mysteriously.  He smiled just like he used to.
"I'll give you one month to fall in love with me again," he said
softly.

Then he turned and strode from the room, leaving Jessica sitting alone
with an open mouth and a pounding heart.

Jessica fumed all the way to the bank.  What nerve!  How dare he
challenge her that way?  Fall in love with him again?  Not bloody
likely.  What kind of fool did he take her for?

She should just turn the car around, drive back home, march inside the
house, and demand that he leave the premises immediately.  Letting him
stay a month was just prolonging the agony.  Both she and Max would be
better off making a clean break now.

At the thought of her son, Jessica sighed.  How would Pierce's return
affect her relationship with Max?  She'd never had to share him with
anyone: Their devotion to each other had been complete and
uncomplicated.  Max's love was the only love Jessica had ever been able
to depend on.  To trust.  The thought of sharing it, of losing even a
little bit of his affection, was more than she could bear.

Why?  she asked herself bitterly, biting her lip to hold back her
emotions.  Why did Pierce have to come back?

You sound disappointed, Jesse.

Unbidden, his accusation came back to her, and Jessica realized with a
sinking sensation in her stomach that it wasn't disappointment she felt
at that moment.  It wasn't anger or resentment or even confusion.

What she felt was fear.  Cold, mind-numbing terror.

I'll give you one month to fall in love with me again.

Jessica parked the car in front of the bank, then sat staring out the
window.  There was no way, she promised herself No way on earth she
would ever let herself fall in love with Pierre Kincaid again.  She was
over him.  She'd been over him for a long time.

But things change, a little voice in the back of her mind taunted
her.

Pierce wouldn't let himself consider the possibility that it might
really be over.  For just a moment this morning, for just a split
second of time, he'd seen the hint of desire in her eyes.  The flicker
of memory that told him she hadn't forgotten how it used to be between
them.

It wasn't love, he admitted grimly.  It wasn't even affeotion , but it
was something.  Something he could hold on to while he grappled with
all the other losses.

She'd given him a month.  Not much time when you considered the five
years in which he'd lost ground.  He could almost smile at the image of
her sitting beside him, dressed so prim and proper, issuing her
two-part ultimatum with what seemed like all the confidence in the
world.

How she'd changed, he thought in wonder.  How she'd matured.

There was hardly anything left of the woman he'd fallen in love with
and married, of the woman who had once looked up to him with a hero
worship that had made him feel ten feet tall.  Jessica had grown into
her own woman, as he always knew she would.  What he hadn't counted on
in those days was that she might one day outgrow her need for him.

Of course, he had to admire what she'd done.  Running a business and
raising their son singlehandedly couldn't have been easy.  He admired
and respected her more than ever, but when he thought about the way she
used to be, he couldn't help feeling something of the loss she must
have felt when he disappeared five years ago.

One month, he reminded himself grimly.  He had one month to counteract
all the negative feelings the past five years had generated inside her.
He had one month to win back his wife.  One month to regain his
memory.

One month to fight for his life.

Chapter 6

cc

Doctor, can a person pretend to have amnesia when in fact he really
doesn't?  "

Dr.  Prescott raised an eyebrow as he settled back in his leather
chair.  "Are you saying you think that's the case with your husband,
Jessica?  "

Jessica squirmed under his unwavering stare and tried to settle more
comfortably into her own chair.  She'd been in Dr.  Prescott's office
for several minutes now while Pierce waited in the examination room.
She wondered if he was as nervous as she was.

She made an aimless gesture with her hands.  "I don't know what I'm
saying, Dr.  Prescott.  It just seems so strange to me that he could
leave one day, be gone for five years, then show up out of the blue
thinking he'd only been gone for thirty minutes.  I mean, is that
really possible?"

"I'll admit it seems a bit..  extreme, but selective amnesia if that's
what he's suffering from-is a complicated illness, Jessica.  There's
still a lot about it we don't under Fade stand.  I know of several
documented cases, not unlike Pierce's, where the amnesia victim loses
an entire block of time from his memory, nothing else, just a
particular period of time.  The rest of his memory remains intact."

"What would cause that?"

Dr.  Prescott leaned forward and folded his hands on the top of his
desk.  "Any number of things, actually.  An accident A serious illness.
Sometimes a blow to the head is all it takes to bring on some form of
amnesia.  Selective amnesia , however, is a bit trickier.  Sometimes
the cause can be more mental than physical, the result of a severe
shock or trauma.  Something so painful the victim has to block it from
his or her memory in order to deal with it.  Sometimes in order to
survive."

Jessica thought about the scar on Pierce's face and on his arm.  Would
his wounds have been traumatic enough to make him block the memories?
Or had it been something else?  A different kind of shock?  Jessica
took a deep breath, avoiding Dr.  Prescott's kindly stare.  "During
this five years, could... could he have been leading another life?
Could he have forgotten about... you know, his real life during that
time?  "

"It's entirely possible," Dr.  Prescott said.  "You see, sometimes when
a person recovers from total amnesia, he won't remember anything about
the interval of time when his memory was gone, not even the people he
met or the places he went to.  His mind simply reverts to the person he
was before he lost his memory.  Do you follow me, Jessica?

"What I'm saying is that something could have happened to Pierce five
years ago to bring on a complete memory loss.  He might not have even
known his own name.  Then five years later, something might have
triggered the recall.  Gradually his memories returned, but the period
of

94 Fade to Black q qde to Black time in which he suffered from amnesia,
the interval, could be gone forever.  " " "You mean... we may never
know what happened to him?"

Dr.  Prescott must have read Jessica's distressed reaction , because he
added softly, "ThaYs not necessarily conclusive , Jessica.  I'm merely
reciting some textbook cases.  As I said before, there's still much
about amnesia we don't understand Each case is different.  Sometimes
memories will manifest themselves in dreams.  That can be extremely
helpful."  He stood and picked up the folder on his desk.  "We can talk
some more later if you like.  I know it sounds complicated and
confusing, but right now I think I better get to our patient."

The sound of the office door closing behind Dr.  Prescott barely
registered with Jessica.  She sat staring straight ahead, her mind
reeling with all she had learned.

Something could have happened to Pierce five years ago to bring on a
complete memory loss.  He might not have even known his own name.

Jessica closed her eyes, letting the impact of the doctor's words sweep
over her.  It was entirely possible that everything

Pierce had told her was true.

One thing I do know.  I didn't leave you because I wanted to.

Jessica put her hands to her face, overcome with emotion Did she dare
believe it?  Did she dare believe that Pierce hadn't left her because
he wanted to?  That he hadn't just abandoned her because he didn't love
her anymore?

And if it was true, if she did accept it, where did that leave them?
Five years had gone by.  Five long years of learning to live without
him, of being happy with the person she had become.  She wasn't the
woman Pierce had left behind, no matter what his reason for leaving had
been.

Jessica knew she would never be content again to stay at home and be
the perfect wife for him.  She would never be able to tolerate his over
protectiveness his treating her as if she were some rare and fragile
flower.

She was older, stronger, more mature now.  She was capable of taking
care of herself and her son, and if truth be told, she had no idea
where Pierce, with or without his memory, was going to fit into her
life.

"My God, son, what the hell happened to you?"

"If I knew that I probably wouldn't be here," Pierce said dryly as he
sat, shirtless, on the examination table.  He knew Dr.  Prescott was
staring at his back.  He could see the shock on the nurse's face beside
him as she glanced around, then hastily averted her eyes.

It had been quite a shock to Pierce last night, too.  After his shower,
he'd studied himself in the mirror-not out of any particular sense of
vanity, far from it-but to try to reacquaint himself with a body that
seemed very much a stranger's to him.

The mass of thin, crisscrossing scars on his back had only served to
confuse him even more.  When he'd tried to remember how he'd gotten
them, he had experienced a headache so severe, so blinding, Pierce had
feared he might black out.

Dr.  Prescott whistled softly.  "You know what this puts me in mind of?
Some of the POWs I saw as an army doctor during and after Korea."  He
hesitated for a moment, then said, "Step outside for a minute, will
you, Sue?"

The nurse nodded and quietly left.  Dr.  Prescott came around and took
a seat in front of Pierce.  "Has Jessica seen your back?  "

Pierce flinched, reaching for his shirt.  "No, and I'd just as soon she
not know about it."

96 Fade to Black q'ade to Black 97

Dr.  Prescott raised a brow.  "She'll have to sooner or later , won't
she?  That is, if you two plan to resume a normal married life."

"That doesn't seem too likely at the moment," Pierce muttered,
buttoning his shirt.

"Pretty emotional time for you two, I would imagine;" Dr.  Prescott
observed kindly.  "Five years is a long time to be separated from one
another.  A lot can happen.  Things change.  People change.  If I was
inclined to offer something other than medical advice, I'd say it's not
the time for anything but complete honesty: '

Pierce frowned at the terrazzo floor.  "If I was inclined to accept
unsolicited advice, I'd say you could be right.  But complete honesty
is not always all it's cracked up to be, Doctor."

" " I wouldn't share that bit of wisdom with Jessica if I were you.
She.  well" he searched for the right words, gesturing with his hand
"let's just say she has her doubts about your condition.  "

"She doesn't believe I have amnesia."  "

" She's skeptical.  "

"And you?"  Pierce asked bluntly.

"Now that I've examined you?  No.  Judging from your back alone, I'd
say you've been through enough trauma in the past five years to want to
block it from your memory in.  any way possible."  He paused, eyeing
Pierce with an understanding but not pitying look.  "Make no mistake,
that's purely a gut instinct from someone who's been there, and not the
professional opinion of a medical doctor.  I'll reserve that judgment
until we have all your test results in: '

"Fair enough," Pierce said, shoving himself off the examination table.
"But one more thing, Dr.  Prescott.  I don't want you to mention the
scars to Jessica.  The one on my face is bad enough.  I'd like to tell
her about the othen myself , when the time is right: '

When he thought she could handle it without looking at him in pity and
disgust, Pierce mentally added.

When the door to the office opened again, Jessica jumped to her feet, a
testament to her agitation.  Her gaze went first to Dr.  Prescott, then
to Pierce who followed just behind the doctor.

"Have a seat, you two," Dr.  Prescott began.  He seated himself behind
his desk and opened Pierce's chart, studied it for a moment, then
closed it and laid his folded hands on top of it.  Jessica wasn't sure
why but the gesture seemed fraught with symbolism.  An open-and-shut
case.  Nothing more to be done.

Reluctantly she sat down again, and Pierce took the seat next to her.
She cleared her throat and stared ahead at Dr.  Prescott, but it was
Pierre who dominated her thoughts.  She could feel him beside her, and
her overwrought nerves seemed to scream with awareness.  " " As I just
told Pierce, " Dr.  Prescott explained, " "I want to withhold my final
opinion until we have all the test results in, but I do have one
recommendation I'd like to make at this time."

"What is it, Dr.  Prescott?"  Jessica asked nervously.  Pierce remained
silent as if he, too, was withholding final judgment.

"I'd like to give you the name of another doctor, a psychiatrist , I
think you should see."

Jessica wasn't looking at Pierce, but she felt his almost violent
reaction to Dr.  Prescott's suggestion.  Dr.  Prescott scribbled the
name and number on a piece of paper and handed it across the desk. When
Pierce made no move to

9g Fade to Black accept it, Jessica reached out and took the paper from
the doctor's hand, glancing at the Georgetown address.

"His name is Dr.  Layton.  He just moved here recently from Chicago.
He's cut back on his patient load, but I think he'll be willing to see
you with my recommendation.  His work with amnesia victims is
well-known and respected in the medical community.  I really hope
you'll go see him, Pierce.  At the very least, he can help you cope
with the stress."

"We'll call him," Jessica promised as they all stood, concluding the
meeting.

Pierce said nothing.  He opened the door for her and they walked out of
the office together, but still he remained ominously silent.  When
Jessica tried to question him about the examination on the drive home,
he answered her questions as curtly and evasively as possible.  Once
home, he went straight to the guest room.  He was still there when
Jessica left to go pick up Max at the baby-sitter's.

Jessica pondered his reaction on the drive to Mrs.  Taylor 's house. It
seemed to her that Dr.  Prescott's suggestion that Pierce see a
psychiatrist had brought on some sort of anxiety attack, but why?  Why
would he be so reluctant to see a psychiatrist, someone who could help
him, unless..

Unless..  he was afraid of what he might reveal.

Jessica blocked that idea from her mind.  She wouldn't think about it
now.  Not when her son was hurling himself at her like a speeding
bullet.  She caught him up and spun him around.  It felt so good to
hold him in her arms today.

"Do you have a kiss for me?"  she asked.

"Uh-huh."  He dutifully pecked her cheek.  "Did you bring my cape?"  he
demanded.

"It's in the car, Mr.  Kent."

"Good."  He wiggled out of her arms and looked up at her, squinting one
eye.  "Can we go see my dad now?"

Fnde to Black 99

Jessica said nothing as she and Max climbed into the car.  pll the way
home, Max kept up a running commentary on the day's events.  Alan
Michael had brought a dead turtle to school that morning which had
greatly impressed Max.  By lunchtime, though, it had started to smell
so the teacher made them give it a decent burial in the playground.

"It was real cool," Max said.  "Cari Thompson cried but everyone knows
she's just a big baby, anyway."

Jessica murmured the proper response, and Max launched into a new
topic.  "I made a new friend today," he informed her.  "I think his
family's gonna move into the house next to Mrs.  Taylor's.  At least I
hope so.  He was real cool: '

Jessica made a mental note to check with Max's babysitter about her
potential new neighbors.  "Is he about your age, Max?"

Max thought for a moment.  "He's older, I think.  But we played a
really cool game called secret mission."

"Secret mission?  What kind of game is that?"

Max instantly clammed up.  He locked his lips together and stared out
the window as if he'd said more than he should have.  "It's just a dumb
kid game," he muttered.  "No big deal."

"You mean like the superhero games you and Marcus sometimes play?  "

Max brightened.  "Yeah.  Like that."

"Well, don't get too carried away with it, okay?  Remember , it's just
pretend."

"Okay, Mom.  Are we almost home?  I promised Allie I'd help her build a
house for Snowflake today.  Course, cats don't like houses, you know.
Dogs do, though: '

Jessica ignored the bait.  Her mind was still on their previous
conversation.  She hoped Max's imagination wouldn't get the better of
him with this new game.  She supposed she should be relieved that his
obsession with super heroes might be waning, but secret missions?  What
would he come up with next?

She slanted him a look as she braked for a traffic light.  Was it her
imagination, or did he seem a little secretive tonight ?  A little
evasive?  Oh, he was talking ninety to nothing as usual, but there was
something about the way he almost skillfully led the conversation onto
topics he knew Jessica wouldn't object to that bothered her.  Made her
just a tad suspicious.

He reminded her a little too much of the way Pierce used to be when he
came home from one of his buying trips, she thought with a start.
Pierce would dazzle her with attention from the moment he walked in the
door until Jessica would soon forget all about the questions she'd
intended to ask him when he got home.

Maybe she was just being overly suspicious in hindsight, she concluded,
but her gaze strayed back to her son.

He's only a little boy, she reminded herself.  It was only natural he'd
have secrets from her.  Nothing sinister in that.  Probably had a frog
stashed somewhere up in his room.  Or dirty underwear stuffed under his
bed.

He caught her looking at him and smiled Pierce's smile.  "I love you,
Mom," he said sweetly.

"I love you, too, son."

Oh, dear.  Something was definitely up.  Jessica had a feeling that the
next time she cleaned his room, she was in for some nasty surprises.

"Why don't we just order a pizza?"

Jessica stared at the meager selection in the refrigerator, trying to
ignore Pierce and his comment as he hovered over her shoulder.

"You love pepperoni."

Jessica slammed the refrigerator door, annoyed with herself for not
having gone to the grocery story after leaving the doctor's office and
annoyed with Pierce for being .  well, for being Pierce.  She couldn't
seem to get his reaction to the suggestion of his seeing a psychiatrist
out of her mind.  It seemed to her that he should be willing to do
whatever it took to restore his memory.  She didn't understand his
reluctance.

"For your information," she said, turning to confront him, "I haven't
eaten pirza in years.  It's loaded with fat and cholesterol.  Max is a
growing boy.  He needs proper nutrition : '

"Just trying to help," Pierce said, throwing up his hands.  "Why don't
we go down to Kelly's," he proposed, referring to a cafeteria where
they used to eat once or twice a week.

"Kelly's went out of business three years ago," Jessica said.  "I'll
just have to go to the grocery store."

"But, Mo-o-m," Max complained as he materialized in the doorway.  His
red cape fluttered behind him.  "I'm starving!"

"Surely pizza just this once wouldn't hurt," Pierce murmured

"Pizza?"  Max's spirits immediately perked up.  He tossed his cape over
his shoulder.  "Do we get to have pizza for supper, Mom?"

Jessica could almost see the little boy's mouth watering.  Even though
she'd always worked, Jessica had tried to give Max balanced meals, at
least at dinnertime.  It was a point of pride with her.  But her head
was hurting tonight, her stomach was clenched with tension, she was
tired, and she had to go to work tomorrow.  A trip to the grocery store
was the last thing she wanted to make.

"Oh, all right.  I'll call in the order," she conceded, giving

Pierce an exasperated look that said "You may have gotten your way this
time, but don't try it again" as she brushed past him to reach the
phone.

Max clapped his hands in glee.  "Yippee!  Pizza!  Get a real big one,
Mom.  I can eat five hundred pieces all by myself."

The sound of Pierce's laughter drew Jessica's gaze.  The quality of his
laughter had always affected her so strongly.  She realized now how
long it had been since she had heard it.  How much she had missed it.

Pierce ruffled Max's hair affectionately.  "That's quite ari appetite
you have there, Superman."

Max beamed proudly.  " " Mom said I got that from you.  She said I got
your smile, too.  " He grinned broadly.  " "Didn't you, Mom?"

Jessica could feel Pierce's eyes on her as she avoided his gaze.  "I
... I don't remember."

"Sure you do.  We were watching the wedding movie, remember ?  The part
where you were feeding each other cake.  Mom said you could've eaten
that whole cake all by yourself on account of your teeth are sweet or
something like that.  We used to watch that movie all the time, didn't
we, Mom?  " Cept we had to stop, 'cuz it always made her cry.  "

Max rattled on, oblivious to the tension in the room.  He twirled his
cape over his arm.  "" Specially that part where you put the ring on
her finger and said you would always be together till death has a party
or something like that.  Didn't you always cry, Mom?  "

Jessica could feel Pierce's stare, and almost against her will, she
lifted her gaze.  His eyes were deep and dark and liquid with emotion.
I'm sorry, they seemed to tell her.  I'm so sorry for your pain.

And at that moment, all Jessica wanted to do was drown in those eyes,
melt inside his arms, and rejoice in the miracle that had brought her
husband back to her.  He was alive.  Dear God, Pierce was alive. All
those years of agony.  All those days of uncertainty.  All those nights
of loneliness.

Pierce was alive.

Shouldn't that be all that mattered?

But it wasn't, Jessica thought with a pain deep inside her heart. There
were too many unanswered questions.  Too many memories.  Too much time
between them.  Too much doubt and suspicion.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

Jessica dropped her gaze and turned away.  "I'll place the order," she
murmured, reaching for the phone.

"Come on, Max," Pierce said quietly.  "I.et's make ourselves useful. Do
you know how to set the table?"

" " Sure I do, " Max readily agreed.  " "I learned when I was about...
four."

"You can probably teach me a few things," Pierce said wryly, casually
putting a hand on the little boy's shoulder.  Jessica's heart almost
stopped when she saw the way Max gazed up at his father.

"Okay," he said, grinning.  "I bet we could teach each other a lot of
things.  I got lots of comic books.  You can borrow them if you want.
Maybe you could even read them to me sometime on account of I can't
read yet.  I like to look at the pictures, though."

Pierce smiled back, then glanced at Jessica.  For a moment back there,
he'd almost imagined he'd seen a glimmer of warmth in those gray
depths.  A trace of some of the joy he'd felt this morning, but it was
all gone now-if it had ever been there in the first place.  Her eyes
were like twin glacien Frozen.  Hard.  Impenetrable.

And they seemed to be saying, One month, Pierce.  You have one month.

He felt Max's little hand in his, and he looked down at his son's
earnest face gazing up at him.  Dear God, he thought, how would he ever
be able to leave them now?

While they waited for the pizza, Jessica went upstairs to change into
jeans and a sleeveless cotton blouse.  After dinner , she planned to do
some work on the games room before bedtime.  Her goal was to have it
completely remodeled by Max's birthday in July, but work at the shop
had taken up most of her time lately, plus she had a buying trip
planned in two weeks, which would throw off her schedule even more.

At the thought of the trip, she frowned as she climbed the stairway to
the third floor and stood in the doorway.  She'd have to postpone it
now.  There was no way she could leave Max at a time like this.

Actually, Jessica had always hated leaving Max at any time.  Since he'd
started kindergarten, she couldn't take him with her as she used to, so
she had come to rely more and more on Brandon Chambers, an antiques
buyer who traveled extensively all over the world.  Brandon was good
and he was reliable, but he'd never had quite the nose for the unique,
as Pierce did.  Jessica scowled.  As Pierce had once had, she amended.
She had no idea where her husband's talents lay these days.

Nor did she care.

But why did he still have to be so handsome?  she thought morosely.
So..  masculine?  The scars on his face and arm didn't diminish his
good looks at all.  In fact, in some strange way, they only added to
his appeal.  Made him seem invincible somehow.  Strong and solid and..
permanent.

For God's sake, hadn't she learned anything in the past five years?
What was the old adage?  You shouldn't judge a book by its cover?  How
a man looked wasn't important.  It was what he was like inside that
mattered.  It was how trustworthy he turned out to be that counted. And
she'd learned the hard way that Pierce was not to be relied upon.

Take Brandon, for instance.  He was nice-looking, but not handsome like
Pierce, and not nearly so tall.  Silver accented his brown hair and his
hazel eyes were light, open and honest.  Not mysterious and
soul-stabbing dark like Pierce's.

But what mattered to Jessica was that Brandon Chambers had been
extremely kind to her.  He'd helped her out when she'd been at her
wit's end.  He'd stepped in and taken over the buying trips from her
when she had almost had to close the shop because she couldn't be both
entrepreneur and mother at the same time.

Of course, she paid him a healthy commission for his finds, and she
wasn't the only dealer in the D. C. area he bought for.  But it seemed
to Jessica that he always gave her a more than fair deal, and even more
importantly, she trusted him completely.

So why didn't she feel anything else for him?  she wondered forlornly.
She knew Brandon would like for their relationship to evolve into
something more than the friendly business arrangement they shared now,
but Jessica had been reticent to encourage him and she didn't know why.
He was perfect for her-successful, attractive, trustworthy and kind.
What more could she want in a man?

Sparks, she thought immediately.  A racing heart.  Sweaty palms.  The
whole nine yards of falling in love again.  That's what she wanted and
what she didn't have with Brandon.

That's what she'd had with Pierce, and look where it had gotten her,
she thought bitterly, kicking at a piece of broken tile.  She almost
wished she could get down on her hands and knees now and start
chiseling away at the tile floor.  The physical exertion she had to put
into the project might ease some of her mounting frustration at the
impossible situation she found herself in.

Instead she crossed the room and made sure the French doors to the
balcony were secure.  Yesterday she'd noticed that some of the railing
had rotted through, and she'd cautioned

Max to stay away from this room until she could get a carpenter in to
replace the railing.  Just to be on the safe side, she'd also shoved a
sawhorse in front of the doors.

With the toe of her tennis shoe, Jessica sent another piece of white
tile flying toward the opposite wall.  Memories of the plans she and
Pierce had made for this house came rushing back to her.  Turning the
converted attic into a game room had been Pierce's idea.  When the
children had company over, the little beggars could all go upstairs and
Mom and Dad could still have their privacy, he'd said.

Children.  They'd planned to have several to compensate for both their
lonely childhoods.  Jessica had long ago given up that dream, but at
least she had Max.

No one could ever take him away from her.

When Jessica returned downstairs, the table had already been set and
the pizza waited in the center.  Pierce had lit candles and turned down
the lights, and the room looked beautiful, soft and romantic with the
panes in the stainedglass window sparkling like rubies and emeralds and
aquamarines and the crystal candelabra flashing like diamonds.  The
dining room no longer seemed cold and perfect, but vibrantly alive and
rich with color.  Jessica realized with a start that it was the first
time she'd seen the room by candlelight since she'd redecorated a few
years ago.

She'd given up all the little luxuries that she and Pierce had once
indulged in.  It seemed too frivolous for just her and Max, and
besides, she was always short on time.  Most nights it took everything
she had just to get a decent meal on the table after working all day,
but somehow Pierce had managed to turn pizza and Coke into an elegant
feast for three.  "qy is it so dark in here?"  Max asked curiously.
"Are we gonna tell ghost stories?"

"Eating by candlelight is a tradition," Pierce explained.  "It's
considered refined and... romantic."

"

" You mean like kissy face?  Yuk!  " Max screwed up his face in
distaste.

"I thought your mother might enjoy it.  She used to like to eat by
candlelight."

"Why?"  Max demanded, climbing into his seat.  "" That's girl stuff.  "
" "Your mother is a girl.  A woman, " Pierce said slowly, his eyes on
Jessica.

Jessica cleared her throat.  "It's ... very nice," she said.  "Shall we
sit down?"

Pierce pulled out her chair and Jessica sat down.  She reached for her
napkin and unobtrusively wiped her damp palms on the linen.

"Can I have the first piece, Mom?  That one," Max said, reaching across
the table to stick his finger into the center of a fat, gooey slice.

Jessica put the choice slab of pizza on his plate.  "Max, your napkin,"
she reminded him quietly.  She may have forgone the amenities during
the past few years, but she'd at least taught Max basic table manners.
It just didn't always show.  " " I can use my cape, " Max informed
her.

Jessica shook her head.  "I don't think so."

Max shrugged and stuffed his napkin into the neck of his T shirt, and
Jessica winced.  "In your lap, Max."

"This is the way Nicky Perrelli's grandfather does it " , Max
explained.  "That way, he never gets s'ghetti on his shirt: With both
hands, he picked up the pizza slice, took a huge bite, then held it out
as far as his arms could reach, trailing cheese across the antique
white lace tablecloth.  Her best one.  Jessica grimaced but didn't
comment.  Obviously Pierce had never eaten dinner with a
five-year-old.

Smiling and looking pleased with himself, Pierce placed a huge slice of
pizza on Jessica's plate, then took one for himself.  Jessica took a
tentative bite, then sighed.  Heavenly She'd forgotten how divine pizza
could be.  It was almost a religious experience.  She ate the rest of
her piece with almost as much gusto as Max did, and had to restrain
herself from reaching for another one.

Fspecially when Pierce kept urging her to eat more.  "Come on," he
said.  "You haven't eaten enough to keep a bird alive."

"Better not," she said, sipping her drink.  It wasn't even a diet Coke,
she noticed.  It was good.  What a shame Pierce had to remind her in
just one meal of everything she'd been missing lately.

"You can't be watching your weight," he commented innocently' You look
wonderful, Jesse.  I like your hair that way.  "

In spite of herself, Jessica warmed to the compliment.  What woman
wouldn't?  It had been so long since she'd felt attractive.  Since
she'd felt like a woman.

But she reminded herself just as quickly that Pierce had always known
how to charm the socks off her.  She wouldn't let him get away with it
this time.  It would take more than a few pretty phrases to sway her
from her decision.

Pierce had a month, and not one day longer.

Their gazes met in the candlelight and suddenly, without warning,
Jessica's mind swept her back in time, to another candlelit table, but
this one in Paris.  Pierce had seemed just as mysterious to her then.
Just as handsome and charming,

and when he'd proposed to her, Jessica had accepted wholeheartedly. She
had been willing to take a chance then because she had loved him so
much..

But what about now?  What did she feel for him now?

With an effort, Jessica tore her gaze from Pierce, and the memories
drifted away.  She tried to turn her attention back to the meal, but a
chill was in the air, an emptiness, as if she'd lost something
precious.  Jessica didn't understand it.  Didn't understand why, at
that moment, she should miss Pierce more than she had in years.

She gazed around the table, her husband at one end, her child at the
other.  She sat between them.  It was such a homey scene, she thought.
So innocent and normal-looking.  Anyone eavesdropping on them would
never have suspected the undercurrents flowing around the table.

How many times had she prayed for such a night?  Jessica wondered.  How
many times had she wished that Pierce would come home so they could be
a real family?

But Pierce hadn't come home.  At least, not when she'd wished for it.
Now didn't count, she thought bitterly.  Now was too late.

Losing interest in his second piece of pizza, Max stared at the candles
in fascination.  He waved his hand, making the flames dance wildly. "Do
we get to blow them out when we're done?"  he asked hopefully.

"Not like you mean," Jessica told him.  "These are not like birthday
candles."

His expression was crestfallen.  "We don't get to make a wish?  "

"Yeah," Pierce echoed, his eyes darkening in the flickering light.  "We
don't get to make a wish?  I know exactly what I would wish for."

Jessica's heart thudded against her chest at the look he gave her.
"You," his eyes seemed to be saying.  "I'd wish for you again,
Jesse."

And what would she wish for?  Jessica asked herself sternly.  For
yesterday?  Might as well wish for the moon, because yesterday was gone
forever.

"I know what I'd wish for, too," Max chimed in.  "I'd wish for a dog. A
real big one.  Like a sheep dog, or something like that.  Every kid in
my class has a pet 'cept me," he mourned.  "I don't even have anything
to bring to the pet show next week, and Alan Michael says it's because
I'm still a baby.  I'm not a baby, Mom.  I could take care of a dog:
'

"We've been all through this," Jessica said with a sigh.  "I know
you're not a baby, Max, but you're too young to take care of a pet all
by yourself, and I just don't have the time.  I'm sorry."

"Maybe I could help: '

"You?"  Jessica's and Max's voices piped up at the same time, hers
edged with suspicion, Max's with hope.

Pierce shrugged.  "I like dogs.  I wouldn't mind giving Max a hand. You
wouldn't have to worry about it at all , Jesse."

And what happens when you leave?  Jessica wanted to scream at him. Then
I'll be stuck with your responsibility, just like I was the last time. 
Only she had never felt that she was stuck with Max.  Quite the
contrary.  He'd been her lifeline Her salvation.

But he still couldn't have a pet.

She said with quiet determination, "I've already made my decision."

"

" But Mo-o-m !  "

"I don't want to hear any more about it, Max.  If you're through
eating, you may be excused."

Sullenly he pushed back his chair, but as he did so, his arm dragged
across the table, upsetting his glass.  Dark, sweet liquid poured out
all over the antique lace tablecloth.

"How many times have I told you not to set your glass so near the edge
of the table?"  Jessica admonished as she jumped up and began dabbing
at the puddle with her napkin

Max's lips quivered as he stood beside his chair.  "I'm sorry."

"It's all right," Pierce said, coming to stand beside them.  His hand
reached out, but Jessica noticed he restrained from touching his son.
"Everyone makes mistakes."

Gritting her teeth, Jessica ignored him.  "Go on upstairs, Max, and
start your bath.  I'll be up there in a few minutes"

His little shoulders slumping, Max left the room.  Even his cape looked
wilted.

"It was just an accident," Pierce said again.  "Why are you making a
federal case out of it, Jesse?"

Jessica whirled on him.  "That particular accident has happened almost
every night for the past two weeks.  He wasn't paying attention to what
he was doing.  He was being careless."

"He's only five years old," Pierce said, clearly annoyed.

Jessica threw the napkin onto the table.  "You don't have to tell me
how old my son is.  I was there when he was born, remember?  And for
your information, five years old is not too young to begin learning
about responsibility."

"Then why not let him have a dog?"  Pierce countered.  "What better way
to teach him about responsibility?"

" " And what happens when he gets tired of the animal?  " Jessica
flared.  " "The responsibility would end up being mine, and I have more
than I can handle at the moment."

"All the more reason why you should let me help you."

"And what happens when you leave?"  she asked coldly.  "What happens if
you get tired of your responsibilities?  I'd have to pick up the pieces
for both Max and me, and I won't do that again, Pierce.  I can't " Eyes
stinging with tears, Jessica turned her attention to the table and
began scrubbing fiercely at the stain.

"Let me do that," Pierce said softly, putting his hand on top of hers.
"It's my fault.  I shouldn't have used this tablecloth I remembered it
was always your favorite.  We got it in Brussels, remember?"

" " Stop it: " " Stop what?  " " "Stop trying to make me remember.  I
know why you userl this tablecloth.  Why you lit candles.  Why you made
such a production out of a simple meal."  She gazed at him with cold
contempt.

Pierce shrugged.  "I just wanted to make our first meal as a family
special."

Jessica sniffed, turning away from him.  "I know exactly what you were
trying to do.  You were trying to make things the way they used to be.
You were trying to become a part of our lives again, trying to win over
Max by taking his side against me.  Well, it won't work, Pierce.  I
won't let you use my son that way.  I said you could stay here a month,
and I won't go back on my word.  But don't think that means I'll let
you insinuate yourself into our lives any more than you already have. I
won't let you take my son away from me.  Max is mine."

Pierce stared at her in shock.  "Is that what you think I want to do?
Max is our son, Jessica.  I don't want to take him away from you.  I
just want to share him with you.  I want to be part of his life.  And
yours, too, if you'll let me."

"Then tell me where you were for the past five years," she demanded.

"You know I can't do that."  "

" Can't or won't?  "

It was Pierce's turn to throw down the napkin.  His dark eyes blazed
with anger.  "You think I'm lying about this?"

"That thought has crossed my mind," she admitted.  "Why else would you
be so unwilling to see a psychiatrist ?"

His eyes glinted dangerously.  "This is crazy, Jessica.  You're being
unreasonable."

"I'm being unreasonable!  If I had amnesia, I'd try every way possible
to get my memory back."

He shook his head.  "This isn't you talking, Jesse.  This sounds like
Jay."

"No, it is me," she insisted.  "You just don't know me anymore.  Of
course I have suspicions.  I can't help it.  I can't just ignore the
years you've been gone.  I can't pretend you've been here all along
because that's the way it is for you: She paused for a breath.  " I
can't turn back the clock, Pierce.  I can't be the woman you left
behind.  I don't want to be.  "

"I'm not asking you to be," Pierce said.  He turned away, frowning.
"Look, I know this is hard for you.  It is for me, too.  All I'm asking
is for you to give me a chance to prove to you how much I love you and
Max.  How much I want to be a part of this family."  He turned to look
at her, his gaze earnest.  "Isn't that all that matters?"  he asked
quietly.

Jessica refused to answer.  She walked over to the window and crossed
her arms as she stared blindly into the darkness.  I don't know, she
thought.  I don't know what matters anymore.

"I'm not trying to threaten your independence, Jesse."  His voice
lowered.  "I wouldn't want to diminish anything you've accomplished."

What she'd accomplished.  Images of the past five years flashed through
her mind.  The long nights spent walking the floor with Max when he
couldn't sleep.  The grueling hours at the shop the next day when she
was dead on her feet.  The endless juggling of hours when there were
never enough in one day.

What she'd accomplished, Jessica thought, was to feel like a robot half
of the time.  Hardly ever like a woman.  Why, after all these years,
did that fact bother her so much?

She sensed Pierce's presence behind her.  Could almost imagine his arms
steadfastly around her.  Her heart began to beat a little faster.  His
hand touched her arm, a tentative caress, and Jessica closed her
eyes.

Please, she thought, don't make me care again.  But her pulse was
racing at even so slight a touch.

"Jesse."  His breath warmed her cheek.  "Don't you see?  I'm not a
threat to you.  You're the one who holds all the cards now.  You're the
one who's in control."

But you're wrong, Jessica cried inwardly.

She had never felt less in control.

Both of Pierce's hands were on her arms now, and he pulled her back
until she was leaning against him, her head nestled against his
shoulder.  For just a moment, Jessica let herself relish the support,
allowed herself the luxury of his strength, but then she remembered
that he was the man who had left her without an explanation, and she
stiffened, tried to move away.

But Pierce held her.  He whispered against her ear.  "Let me hold you.
Just for a minute."

The ragged desperation in his voice made Jessica's eyes sting with
tears.  Almost unwillingly she felt herself relax against him, and
Pierce's arms tightened around her.  In his embrace, it was almost too
easy to remember how much she had once loved him, needed him.

Desired him.

Dear God, she prayed.  Don't make me want him again.  " " Have you been
lonely, Jesse?  Did you miss me?  "

His hands were so warm and comforting against her bare arms, but his
words brought the past back to her, made her remember the hurt and the
doubts and the endless tears.

She pulled herself away from him and stared bleakly out the window.
"The first few weeks after you were gone, I wanted to die.  I didn't
think I could go on without you.  I wanted to give up: Jessica sensed
his reaction to her words.  His despair.  She turned to face him.  "
But I couldn't give up," she said.  " I had our child to think of.  Max
was born exactly two months after you disappeared.  "

"Were you alone?"  His dark eyes flickered with pain.

He'd asked the question as if dreading to know the answer , but Jessica
didn't try to shield him.  Why should she?  She lifted her chin and
looked him in the eye.  " " Yes.  Jay was out of the country.  There
was no one.  "

Pierce was silent for a moment, then he said, "You'll never know how
much I wish I could have been there with you.  God, Jesse, I've lost so
much more than just memories I've lost a part of our life together that
I can never get back.  I'm so sorry.  I'm sorry I let you down: '

"Sorry is an easy word, Pierce," Jessica said, forcing back the tears.
She wouldn't let him get to her.  No matter what he said or did, she
wouldn't allow herself to forget what he had done to her.  " " But what
else can I say?  " he asked with an edge of desperation in his voire.

"Nothing.  There's nothing you can say," she said, but there was a
numb, hollow feeling inside her.  "WhaYs done is done.  I can't help
feeling the way I feel."

" " Do you hate me that much, Jesse?  Are you that bitter?  Can it be,"
he asked softly, his eyes dark and intense, " that you would forgive me
for dying but not for living?  "

Chapter 7

And they lived happily ever after.

Jessica closed the book she'd been reading to Max and bent to kiss his
satiny cheek.  "I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier , sweetie.  I've had
a lot on my mind lately, and I took it out on you.  That was unfair of
me."

Max yawned widely, his eyes starting to droop.  He snuggled under the
covers.  "It's okay, Mom.  I forgive you.  Everyone makes mistakes."
His tone mimicked his father's perfectly, and Jessica's heart turned
over.

She couldn't get Pierce's accusation out of her head.  It echoed
through her mind and pounded against her temples as relentlessly as a
drumbeat.

Can it be that you would forgive me for dying but not for living ?

Jessica closed her eyes, feeling the pain of his words deep down inside
her.  She hugged Max tightly, tucked him in, then walked down the hall
to her own room.  But she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep.  Pierce's
words, the pain in his voice wouldn't let her.

"It's not true," she whispered into the darkness.

But even as she denied it, deep in her heart she knew that Pierce was
right.  She couldn't forgive him for being alive because that meant
that he'd deserted her, just as everyone else in her life had.  She
couldn't forgive him for being alive because that meant he'd stopped
loving her, just as all the others had.  She couldn't forgive him for
being alive because that meant he could leave her again.

And Jessica was very much afraid she wouldn't be able to stand it a
second time.

Voices.  He heard voices.

Were they coming back?  Would he have to endure their torture all over
again?

In some ways, Pierce welcomed their return because that meant they
hadn't gotten what they wanted yet.  That meant he hadn't succumbed to
the pain.  The intense psychological training he'd undergone early in
his career had worked.  He could fade to black and the secrets he
carried in his head would remain protected.  Pierce knew that he would
die before revealing them.  That was what he was trained to do.  That
was what the agency expected him to do.

The door to his cell slid open and two men entered.  They grabbed
Pierce by the arms and jerked him up off the damp stone floor.  He
could barely walk, but they didn't seem to notice.  They dragged him
across the filthy floor, shoved him out into the murky corridor, and
when he fell to his knees, one of them kicked him in the side, where at
least two of his ribs had already been broken.

They spoke in low, covert tones.  In spite of the fact that Pierce was
fluent in Spanish, he lost much of their rapid-fire dialogue.  One word
kept cropping up.  Traidor.  Traitor.  Were they talking about him?

They hauled him down the corridor and into a small office where they
shoved him down onto a straight-back wooden chair, blindfolded him, and
secured his hands and feet to the slats and rungs of the chair.  The
room grew silent as the men left.  Pierce was in complete darkness.  He
knew better than to struggle against the ropes.  The men were experts,
just as he was.  The more he moved, the tighter the bindings would
become, and when at last they released him, the pain would be
excruciating.

But the pain was the least of it.  He could tolerate the pain.  What he
couldn't stand was the not knowing.  The uncertainty of his position.
Jessica must be going crazy by now.  What had they told her?  Did she
know the truth about him now?

Pierce groaned, wishing he could have told her himself.  She must feel
so betrayed, he thought.  So angry.  He had to get away from here and
somehow make it right with her again.

But where the hell was he?  What had happened to him?  What had gone
wrong?  One moment he'd been standing in the sunshine, the next thing
he knew he'd awakened in a dark, stinking cell with a lump the size of
a baseball on the back of his head.

That had been three days ago, the best he could tell.

Since then he'd been beaten twice, and each time the previous wounds
had reopened.  Pierce suspected that infection had set in.  He was very
much afraid he would die in this place, that he would never see Jesse
again.  Never see his child.

The door opened and closed.  Automatically Pierce turned his head
toward the sound.  Two men stood talking in low voices at the door, but
it wasn't the same two who had brought him here.  Though he couldn't
distinguish any of their words, he could tell by their tone that they
spoke with authority.  They were men in control, used to giving orders
and having them obeyed.  They both spoke in Spanish, but one of them
had an accent.  An American accent.  Pierce strained to hear.  Did he
recognize that voice?

He sat listening to the slow, measured footsteps as one of the men
crossed the wooden floor toward him.  The steps paused in front of him,
and Pierce tensed.  " " Are you ready to talk?  " a voice asked.  But
it wasn't the American.  This man's English was flavored with the
barest hint of a Spanish accent.  Cuban to be precise.  Pierce's
predicament was beginning to make a grim sort of sense.

"I don't know what you want," he said.

"Then you are a very stupid man," the voice said.  "How long do you
think you can hold out to our... questioning?  Sooner or later you will
have to tell us what we wish to know."

"When hell freezes over," Pierce said.  "

" As you wish.  "

The American laughed.  Again Pierce wondered if he recognized the
voice.  If he knew the man.

The Cuban's footsteps beat a staccato against the wooden floor as he
crossed the room and opened the door.  He barked an order, and then
Pierce heard more footsteps.  7Wvo other men entered the room, the two
goons who had manhandled him earlier, he guessed.

"Do what you want with him," the man in charge told them.  "But don't
kill him.  Yet."  Then the door slammed as he and the American left the
room.

Pierce knew what was coming.  He'd been through it before As he
mentally braced himself for the pain, a picture of dark hair, gray eyes
and a shy smile flashed through his mind, and Pierce knew that he could
endure just about anything if it meant he would some day be able to see
Jesse again.

He savored her image for just a moment, then he gave himself the
command that would make his mind shut down.

"Fade to black," he whispered.

"Fade to black.  Fade to black," Pierce mumbled over and over.

Jessica sat down on the edge of his bed and grabbed his shoulders.  His
skin felt red-hot to her touch.  His head thrashed against the pillow,
and he was trembling all over.  Jessica tried to shake him awake, but
he flinched away from her touch as if she had hurt him.

"Pierce, wake up," she said.  "You're having a nightmare"

At the sound of her voice, he seemed to calm down for a moment.  His
eyes flickered but didn't open.  "They're coming again, Jesse.  I can
hear the footsteps."

"It's all right," she soothed.  "It's only a dream."

He clutched his head with both hands.  The grooves around his mouth and
eyes deepened.  "I have to forget you now, Jesse.  I'm sorry, but I
have to forget everything.  I have to fade to black."

"Pierce, wake up," Jessica said, more firmly this time.  She reached
out and shook his arm.  Pierce's eyes flew open as he grabbed her.
Jessica gasped, frightened.  She tried to scramble away from him, but
Pierce's hand pinned her to the spot.

His hair was all mussed and his eyes gleamed in the dim light from the
hallway.  He looked savage and dangerous as he glared at her like a
wild animal caught in a trap.

Jessica's heart pounded with fright.  His hand seared her arm, branded
her.  Made her all too aware of the flimsy nightgown she wore, the
state of his own undress.  His chest and arms were bare, thinner than
she remembered, but still strong.  Still muscular.  Still able to hold
her, even if she should struggle.

But Jessica wasn't struggling.  She was staring at her husband , at the
stranger who looked for all the world like a man who could just as
easily kill her as kiss her.  She wondered wildly if he had the notion
to do both.

"What are you doing in here?"  His voice was dark with suspicion.  His
eyes flashed deadly in the pale light.  Jessica shivered, unable to
tear her gaze away from him.

"I heard you call out.  You were having a nightmare," she said.
"Wh-what were you dreaming about?"

"I don't remember."  He cocked his head, listening.  "

" WhaYs that noise?  "

"It's just the rain," Jessica said, nodding toward the window.  "A
storm blew in awhile ago."  She felt his hold on her arm ease, but he
didn't release her.  She looked down at his hand, then back up at him.
"" You said my name in your sleep.  You said, "I have to forget you
now, Jesse."  What did you mean, Pierce?  Why did you have to forget
me?  "

His hand dropped from her arm.  He lifted both his hands to his
temples, much as he'd done in his sleep.  "I don't know."

Jessica leaned forward.  "What does fade to black mean?  "

He dropped his hands and looked at her.  "What?"

"You said " I have to fade to black: What does that mean Pierce?  "

He was looking past her toward the window, staring blindly into the wet
darkness.  Something flickered in his eyes, a flash of recognition.
Then he shook his head.  "I don't remember."

"But you have to," she said desperately, reaching out impulsively to
touch his arm.  "Dr.  Prescott said that some Fade times memories
manifest themselves in dreams.  If you were dreaming about what
happened to you, then you must remember something.  Think about it,
Pierce.  Try to bring back the dream.  Try to remember why you had to
forget me."

"I can't, dammit," he exploded, shoving her hand away.  "Don't you
understand?  I don't remember anything.  Beyond two days ago, my mind
is a complete blank for the past five years."

"But you remember things that happened before five years ago."

"Obviously."  His gaze roamed over her with the same possessive gleam
she was beginning to recognize.

Jessica ignored the insinuation.  She didn't want to get sidetracked
from their conversation.  It was too important.  Too crucial to her
peace of mind.  "Then you must be purposefully blacking out those five
years.  For some reason, you don't want to remember."

"You don't know that."

"I'd say it's a reasonable assumption," she said.  "Look at all the
scars you have, Pierce.  On your face and on your arm.  You must have
been in terrible pain at one time.  Maybe that's why you can't
remember.  Maybe you're trying to block out all that pain.  A
psychiatrist might be able to help you," she said.  "Pierce, you have
to go see Dr.  Layton.  The sooner the better."

"Do you think I'm crazy?"  His tone was bitter, almost mocking, but
Jessica sensed something deeper in his voice, an uncertainty that
matched the flash of fear in his eyes.  Then he shuttered his
expression, once again closing her out.

"I think we both need help in dealing with this situation ," Jessica
said helplessly.  "We can't go on like this indefinitely"

124 Fade to Black q=q F'ade to Black 125

"I didn't think we were.  You gave me a month, as I recall" Pierce sat
up in bed and the cover slipped even lower.  Jessica tried to keep her
eyes on his face, but light from the hallway pooling on his shoulders
and chest drew her gaze downward, where the dark hair narrowed and
disappeared beneath the quilt.  She could remember with vivid detail
Her gaze flew back up to his.  Her face flamed.  What was she doing,
ogling him like an infatuated teenager?  Like a..  a love-starved
widow? What in the world was wrong with her?

Nothing, Jessica thought.  Nothing was wrong with her, and that was the
problem.

"Would you like to reopen negotiations?"  Pierce asked, sensing her
reaction.  His voice was low and deeply sensual.  His eyes darkened,
burned with an intensity that made her tremble.  His lips curved into
the barest hint of a smile.  "A month isn't much time, Jesse."

It might be too long, she thought.  " " Pierce..  : Her voice trailed
off as his hand lifted and caressed her cheek.  Jessica closed her eyes
at the tenderness.  At the quiver of emotion inside her.  " " Pierce?
"

"I'm right here, Jesse."  His fingers wove through her hair and lifted
the curls as if carefully testing their weight.  He let the silky
strands slip through his fingers, and Jessica heard the sharp intake of
his breath just before he pulled her to him.

The moment his lips touched hers, the tenderness vanished , replaced by
a deep, aching need that slashed through Jessica's defenses with
stunning velocity.  With his hands on her arms, Pierce urged her up,
until they were both kneeling on the bed.  His pajama bottoms were
cotton, almost as thin and revealing as the satin nightgown she wore.
They both might as well have been naked.

The heat scorched through the fabric of their nightclothes and fused
their bodies together until Jessica could no longer distinguish her own
heartbeat from Pierce's.  She clung to him, letting him part her lips
with his tongue, allowing him to delve into the velvet recesses of her
mouth, permitting him to touch her wherever and whenever he wished. Her
body came alive beneath his hands.

Five years, she thought.  Five years she had waited for this kiss.  She
would have waited an eternity, she realized.  No one could ever have
made her feel this way.  No one but Pierce..

He lifted his mouth from hers, and Jessica sobbed a breath.  She was
trembling all over, her body on fire with need.  Pierce's hands
tunneled through her hair, holding her face still as his eyes caressed
her every feature.

"Again," he whispered heatedly, dipping his head to hers.  This time
Jessica was ready for his kiss.  This time it was she who parted his
lips, tangled her tongue with his until Pierce groaned.  He cupped her
bottom with his hands, pulled her even more tightly against him as the
second kiss turned into the third and then the fourth..

His hands were all over her, making her burn with a passion she had
buried for so many years.  Making her want him as she had never wanted
anyone.  Making her lose control and loving it.  His hand found her
breast, massaged the swollen peak until Jessica arched against him.

"My God," he groaned.  "It was never this way before."

Jessica barely heard him.  Her lips ached for his kisses and she
reached for him, but Pierce's hands closed around her wrists, stopping
her.

"Wait a minute," he said.

His tone had changed.  Something was wrong.  Confused, Jessica gazed up
at him.  His eyes, hot with desire only moments before, now gleamed
with cold suspicion.  Her own passion cooled as a chill of dread
crawled up her spine.

"It was never this way before," Pierce repeated slowly, still holding
her wrist.  "You were never this way."

"I don't know what you mean."  Jessica glanced away, embarrassed.  She
was all too conscious now of the way they were dressed.  All too aware
of the echoes of passion still throbbing inside that room.  Dear God,
what was the matter with her?  Had she completely lost her senses?

"You were never that easily aroused."  He made it sound like an
accusation.  As if there was something wrong with her.

Hot anger poured over her at his insinuation.  Jessica jerked her hands
from his hold and jumped from the bed.  "Just what are you accusing me
of, Pierce?  What right do you have to talk to me that way?"

"I'm your husband," he said with icy calm.  "I have every right to know
what you were doing while I was gone.  Who taught you to kiss like
that, Jessica?  Who showed you how to lose control?  God knows, it
wasn't me.  "

"How dare you?"  she screamed.  "How dare you accuse me of being
unfaithful to you?  And what if I was?  You were the one who left me.
You have no claim on me anymore."

"Don't I?"  The look in his eyes frightened her.  Made her tremble all
over again.

"No," she said uncertainly.  She backed away from him, shoving her
hands in her hair.  "I can't believe I let you kiss me that way," she
whispered, tears scalding her eyes.

"Which part can't you believe?"  Slowly Pierce got up and stalked her
across the room.  "That you let me kiss you or that you enjoyed it?"

"I didn't enjoy it: She was lying and they both knew it.  Jessica felt
the wall behind her back and realized she had nowhere else to run.
Pierce knew it, too.  He planted his hands on the wall on either side
of her face and entrapped her until she was forced to look up at him,
forced to meet his suspicious eyes.

"You're mine," he said, not tenderly.  "Make no mistake about that."

"You're the one who's mistaken," Jessica told him.  Her voice shook
with anger and frustration and a thousand other emotions she didn't
dare name.  She brushed the tears from her face with the back of her
hand.  "I've changed, Pierce.  I don't need you to tell me what to do
anymore.  I don't need you for anything: " "Not even for this?  " His
finger traced the outline of her lips, and Jessica sucked in her
breath.  Even so light a touch could send thrill after thrill spinning
through her.  She shoved his hand away.

"No," she denied, as much to herself as to Pierce.  "Especially not for
that."

"

" Because there' ssomeone else?  "

"I told you last night there's no one else."

"But there has been.  You don't kiss the way you used to kiss, Jessica
."

"I don't do a lot of things the way I used to do them."

His eyes hardened.  "Such as?"

"I don't owe you any explanations."

She tried to brush past him, but Pierce caught her arm and stopped her.
"This isn't over yet, Jesse.  Not by a long shot."

"Yes, it is," she said, trying to jerk her arm from his grasp.  "You
just don't want to believe it.  Now let go of me."

"

" Not until"

"

"You leave her alone!  "

Pierce and Jessica whirled in unison.  Max stood in the doorway, his
little hands doubled into fists at his side as he eyed Pierce with all
the bravado a five-year-old boy could muster.  He wore his Superman
cape over his pajamas, and the cowlick at the crown of his head stuck
straight up, giving him a comical yet vulnerable appearance.  But his
eyes his father's eyes-were dark and steely with disapproval.  His
bottom lip quivered but remained defiant.

"IYs okay, Max," Jessica soothed.  Both she and Pierce started across
the room toward their son, but the little boy backed away.  His angry
gaze focused on Pierce.  His fists tightened at his side.

"I thought you were my dad," he said, his voice trembling with tears.
"I thought you were a good guy, like Batman or ... or Superman.  But
you're not.  You're a bad man.  You tried to hurt my mom."

"I didn't, Max," Pierce denied, spreading his hands in supplication. "I
would never hurt your mom.  I promise."

"Yes, you did," Max accused, standing his ground.  He trailed his
pajama sleeve across his nose.  "I saw you.  You made her cry.  You're
not a hero at all.  You're a bad guy," he shouted.  "I hate you!  I
wish you'd never come back here!  I wish you were dead again, that's
what I wish!  "

Max turned and raced down the hallway as fast as his little legs would
carry him.  An awkward silence fell over the room.  Stunned, Jessica
looked over at Pierce and started to say something-she wasn't sure
what-but the stricken look on his face stopped her.

Behind her, she heard her son's footsteps on the staircase , heard his
bedroom door slam shut.

But still she hovered in the doorway, torn between her husband's pain
and her son's fear.  Max needed her.  She had to go to him, but the
look on Pierce's face, the agony in his eyes-dear God, how would she
feel if Max had turned against her like that?  What would she do if her
son didn't love her, didn't want her, didn't need her?

"He's just a little boy," she whispered.  "He didn't mean it: '

"He meant it," Pierce said, his eyes distant and bleak.  "He meant
every word of it.  But you know what hurts the most, Jesse?  I've seen
that same look on your face.  I've seen that same wish right there in
your eyes."

Without another word he turned, grabbed the jeans that had been draped
across a chair, went into the bathroom and closed the door.

Jessica took a deep breath, opened her son's bedroom door and stepped
inside.  The room, with its crowded shelves and toy-strewn floor, had a
forlorn look to it.  Superman, Batman and a host of other human and
superhuman heroes stared down at her accusingly from the walls.  She'd
failed him, they seemed to be saying.  She'd failed her son.

On the floor at her feet, Max's cape lay in a red puddle.  Jessica
stooped and picked it up, smoothing the satiny cloth beneath her
fingers.  He must really be upset to have abandoned his cape, she
thought.

She turned toward the bed with trepidation.  What in the world could
she possibly say to him?  Naturally it was all her fault.  She'd always
thought Max's fascination with superlieroes a harmless game, but now
she saw it for what it really was.

Max had been looking for a father in these men.  He'd been looking for
someone to look up to, someone to admire A role model.  He'd been
looking for Pierce, and he'd learned the hard way tonight that his
father was only a man.  A man who made mistakes.

You're not being fair, Jessica told herself.  You can't blame all this
on Pierce.

But if he'd never come back If he hadn't made her want him She put her
hands to her face.  If only she could turn back the clock, wake up
yesterday morning and find the world normal and safe again.  If only
she could protect her son not just from this hurt but also from all the
pain he was bound to experience throughout his life.  She didn't have
the power to do that, though.  No one did.

Jessica walked over to his bed, holding his cape.  He'd pulled the
cover up over his head and was trying to ignore her.  He lay perfectly
still, not making a sound.  They'd been through this routine before.

"Max?  Can I talk to you for a minute?  Honey, I know you're upset...."
She sat down on the edge of the bed and reached for her son.  She found
only a pillow.  Frowning, Jessica jerked back the covers.  The bed was
empty.

She jumped up and looked anxiously around the room.  "Max?  Where are
you?  Come on, sweetie.  I want to talk to you "

No answer.

Jessica crossed the hall to the bathroom.  The night-light revealed the
sink, the toilet, the bathtub-but no Max.

"All right, Max, I know you're upset, but you get out here this
instant: She tried to keep the panic out of her voice, but her concern
was growing by the minute.  Jessica hurried up and down the hallway,
opening doors and turning on lights.

She stood at the top of the stairs, her hands planted on her hips.  How
could he have just disappeared like that?  She couldn't have been more
than two or three minutes behind him.  He couldn't have come back down
the stairs without her seeing him.  He had to be hiding someplace up
here.

But she'd looked everywhere except the unfinished game room on the
third floor, which was off-limits to Max.  He wouldn't have gone up
there.  He wouldn't have deliberately disobeyed her.  But what if he
had?  What if he'd somehow managed to open the balcony doors..

Jessica whirled and ran down the hallway and bounded up the stairs that
led to the third floor.  She threw open the door, flipped on the light
and searched frantically for Max.  But the French doors were still
closed, the sawhorse still in place, and Jessica let out a breath of
relief.  She turned and started to switch off the light when she heard
a muffled noise.  A very slight sound but it lifted the hair on the
back of her neck.

"Oh, God."  Jessica was across the floor in one second.  She shoved the
sawhorse out of the way and reached to unlock the-French door, but the
latch had already been turned.  Max had used the sawhorse-her
barricade-to stand on in order to reach the lock.  He'd opened the
doors and gone outside.

Jessica ran out onto the balcony, almost slipping on the rain-slick
boards.  Thunder crashed in her ears, and lightning blazed a fiery
trail in the eastern sky.  Then all was black again.  But in the
instant when the night was lit up, Jessica had seen what she had feared
the most. Her heart stopped in mid beat A whole section of the railing
had fallen away at the end, revealing nothing but a gap of darkness and
a thirty-foot drop to the stone terrace below.

"Max!"  She screamed his name into the wind.

His pitiful little voice weakly answered her.  "Mom?  I fell down, Mom:
'

"Oh, God."  Jessica was on her hands and knees, peering over the
balcony.  A part of the railing was still fastened to its support, but
the other end hung freely, and this flimsy hold was all that kept Max
from falling to the stones below.

Another flash of lightning revealed his form to her, and Jessica caught
her breath in terror.  His legs dangled in midair , and when he turned
his face up to her, she saw his hands slip on the board.

"Hold on, baby," she said.  "Please, Max, hold as tightly as you can
until I tell you to let go.  I'm going to grab hold of you now, okay?
Don't be frightened."

"

" I'm falling, Mommy !  "

"No, you're not, Max.  You're very strong, remember?  I know you can
hold on."  Jessica continued to coach him as she lay on her stomach on
the wet balcony.  She stretched her arms down toward Max.  Inches
remained between them.  She slid more of her body through the opening,
but the slippery floor was treacherous.  She had to be careful.

"Think what Superman would do if he were here.  He'd , ?  hang on,
wouldn t he, Max, until someone could reach him He wouldn't let go for
anything: '

She still couldn't reach him.  The board creaked beneath his weight.
The railing slipped even farther away from its remaining support.
Jessica was hanging so far over the edge now that she feared even if
she could grab her son, she wouldn't be able to hold his weight.  They
both might fall.  She tried again, making a desperate attempt as her
body slid dangerously close to the edge.

Dear God, she prayed.  Help me.  " " Move out of the way.  " Strong
hands grabbed her, pulled her back from the edge.  She rolled away as
Pierce took her place on the balcony floor, stretching his long arms
through the opening to find his son.

"I've got you Max," Jessica heard him say calmly "Let go, son: '

"No!  You'll drop me!"  Max cried.  Jessica heard the ominous squeak of
the support as it pulled farther away from the balcony.

"I won't drop you," Pierce said.  "I promise."

"No!"  Max cried again, wrenching his arm free.

Jessica scrambled to her feet and leaned over the balcony , until she
could see Max.  The part of the railing he clung to was slipping
farther and farther away.  Pierce's hand was reaching out to him, but
every time Pierce tried to grab him, Max would move away, causing the
board he clutched to swing precariously.

"Max," she called, trying to keep the terror from her voice, "listen to
me.  Let Pierce take your hand, sweetie.  It's okay.  Let him take your
hand, Max."

Max shook his head, but when Pierce's hand closed around his arm again,
he didn't try to move away.  He still clung to the broken railing with
all his might.

"Let go of the railing, Max," Jessica urged.  "Pierce has you.  He
won't let you fall, I promise."

"Trust me, son.  I won't let you fall," Pierce coaxed quietly

Max hesitated, then with a pitiful "Mommy!"  he let go of his handhold,
and Pierce lifted him up to safety.

A split second later, Max was in Jessica's arms.  Small , cold hands
came up and clung to her neck.  "It's okay," she whispered.  "You're
safe."  He was shaking so badly Jessica could hear his teeth
chattering.  She wrapped her arms around him, holding him close.

Over Max's shoulder, she looked up at Pierce.  Rain lashed his face and
ran in rivers down his skin.  Jessica could barely distinguish his
features in the darkness, but she knew, somehow, that he was as shaken
as she was.

"Thank you," she said.  "If you hadn't been here-"

"Don't think about that," he said.  He knelt and put his hand on Max's
head.  "I was here.  That's all that matters."

"But I couldn't reach him-"

"And I couldn't make him let go.  He needed us both tonight , Jesse, "
Pierce said quietly.

If Pierce hadn't been there Jessica closed her eyes, feeling her body
tremble all over.  She was still in the throes of shock and couldn't
seem to shake it.  Max could have been killed tonight, she thought. Her
baby could have died because she couldn't reach him.  Couldn't save
him.

If Pierre hadn't been there Her legs refusing to support her, Jessica
sank onto the floor beside Max's bed and watched her son sleep.  Only
moments earlier, she'd helped him change into dry pajamas , then fixed
him a cup of hot chocolate.  Max had gulped down the drink, eaten the
last of the marshmallows from the bottom of the cup, then promptly fell
asleep.

But Jessica couldn't bear to leave him.  Not yet.  She had to be able
to look at him whenever she wanted, to touch him if she needed to in
order to reassure herself over and over again that he was really safe.
That everything was all right.

But if Pierce hadn't been there She would have found a way to reach
him, Jessica tried to convince herself.  She would have found a way to
save her son.  She had always been able to take care of him by herself
They'd never needed anyone else.

He needed us both tonight.

Dear God, tonight she hadn't been enough.  She had needed someone else.
She'd needed Pierce, and he'd been there.  He'd been there for her when
she'd needed him the most.

Shouldn't that be all that mattered?

Jessica felt a tear slip from the corner of her eye and trail down her
cheek.  She wrapped her arms around her knees and hugged them tightly
as she rocked herself back and forth beside her son's bed.  Not since
that awful day when her sister had left her at the orphanage could
Jessica remember feeling so lost and confused.

And so terribly frightened because she knew, without a doubt, that
tonight her world had been changed forever.

Chapter S

cc

Punished?  You mean I gotta be punished?  " Max glared at Jessica in
disbelief as he shoved the last bite of his blueberry waffle into his
mouth.  " But, Mom, I coulda been killed last night.  I coulda been
smashed into a million pieces on the terrace.  My head coulda been
knocked off.  " He grabbed his throat dramatically.  " There woulda
been blood ;

everywherei ,

"Enough," Jessica said, putting up her hand to halt the gruesome
tirade.  The image of her son dangling from the balcony last night was
still too fresh in her mind to appreciate

Max's graphic embellishments this morning.  But at least he didn't
appear any the worse for wear, she noticed in relief.  In fact, he
looked pretty happy with himself this , morning.  Almost glowing.

Until she'd mentioned the little matter of punishment, of ; course. Now
he scowled at her with dark, disapproving eyes.

"What do you think a reasonable punishment would be for your
disobedience, Max?"

"Mywhat?"  q She smiled timidly at him.  "Good morning," she an "For
your having gone out on the balcony last night answered.  " Did you
manage to get any sleep last night after terI told you, more than once,
to stay away from the third the excitement?  " floor until I could get
that railing fixed."  q He grinned, and she realized too late that he'd
de liber "Oh, that."  Max swirled the syrup on his plate with his q
lately misinterpreted her words.  finger, then lifted it to his mouth.
"Not much," he murmured.  "Yes, that," Jessica said.  "I was thinking
no TV for a !  A memory of that kiss they'd shared instantly popped
week. What do you think?"  ) into her head, and Jessica's face flamed
as she stuttered , Max eyed her in horror.  "Starting when?"  q "I-mean
after the-the rescue and all.  I want to thank you " " Immediately."  ;
again for everything you did.  " " But Mo-o-m.  Superman comes on
tonight.  " !  His eyes darkened for a moment as he stared at her.  "
"Don't thank me, Jesse.  Max is my son, too, you know."  Jessica sipped
her coffee. Sorry.  You should have thought about that last night.  " "
yes, I know.  " Her gaze dropped, and she toyed with the " But a week's
a long time," Max wailed.  " I'll be thirty- topaz ring on her finger. 
It was a fact she had grappled with eight by the time I get to watch
Superman again.  " for' days now.  "It?"

"Could be," Jessica agreed, "if you don't stop arguing Did you save my
life last night?  Max chimed in.  with me.  One week without TV and
that's final.  End of I

"I don't know," Pierce said, straightening from the " doorway.  He
crossed the kitchen and sat down at the table discussion.  with them. "
What do you think?  " Max s bottom lip jutted out in defiance, but then
his eyes ; " I think you did," Max said, bursting with excitement. lit
up as he gazed past Jessica's shoulder.  " ,

Wait till I tell all the guys.  You were just like Superman.  Can " "
Good mornin .  " g q you fly?  " The sound of Pierce's voire startled
her.  He always en, Pierce laughed.  "Only in my dreams."  tered a room
so quietly, she thought, almost as if he were "qow what?  Me and Marcus
Tate already figured out sneaking up on her.  q how you got all those
scars.  I bet it was from fightin' bad Jessica's heart raced as she
turned toward the door.  He guys, right?  " Specially that real big one
on your face.  " stood with one hand propped against the frame as he
smiled " Max!  " Jessica was appalled by her son's lack of tact. across
the room at Max.  Then at her.  And her heart beat , Max's eyes widened
guilelessly.  " What'd I say wrong?  I even faster.  like scars. I want
a bunch of 'em all over.  Maybe even a tat He was dressed in jeans and
a navy cotton sweater with too someday.  " He rubbed his nose with his
sticky finger.  the sleeves pushed up, and Jessica's first thought qvas
that he " Do you have any more scars?  Can I see them?  " looked good
this morning.  Real good.  Except for the fact q Jessica cringed but
Pierce appeared undaunted.  He said, that the clothes hung a little too
loosely on his lean frame, , " Not at the breakfast table, I'm afraid. 
I don't think your he looked almost like his old self. mom would
approve.  "

He grinned at Max, man to man, then turned and met her i foqqg
relationship with his father.  Kids always played one gaze.  For a
moment, for one split second, their eyes held q parent against the
other when they could get away with it.  and something special passed
between them.  A mutual af- It was Pierce she blamed.  He should have
known better.  fection for their son that created an undeniable bond.
No j "If I hear another word about it, I'll make it two weeks."  matter
what happened in the future between them, Max q She looked up and
defiantly met Pierce's gaze.  Instead of would always be there to
remind them how very much they looking contrite, he merely stared back
at her.  had once loved each other.  Incensed, Jessica pushed her chair
back and stood.  "Time Jessica felt a knot form in her throat, and she
had to look to catch the bus, Max.  Go find your backpack: away.  Had
to sever the hold Pierce had on her this morn- q Dutifully Max left the
room.  As soon as the door swung ing, because no matter how grateful
she was to him for last closed behind him, Jessica whirled.  " How dare
you under night , she was still very much afraid of him.  Afraid of the
q; mine my authority like that?  What do you think you're do man he
might have become.  "I can't watch no TV for a whole week," Max moaned,
q Her attack seemed to catch Pierce off guard.  He gazed at eyeing
Pierce hopefully.  "Can you believe that?"  q her thoughtfully for a
moment, then shrugged.  "You're " I can't watch any TV," Jessica
corrected.  right.  I shouldn't have said anything in front of Max. 
But " Yeah, but you don't even like it," Max said.  " A week's you
know, Jessica, you really should have discussed his a long time, isn't
it?  " He turned his big, dark eyes on Pierce.  punishment with me
first: Jessica was familiar with the tactic.  She felt her own re- i
Jessica's mouth flew open.  " Discussed it with you?  Why solve weaken,
but instantly hardened it.  She couldn't let q would I do that?  " Max
charm her out of this one.  His disobedience could have q " Because I'm
his father.  Because I should have a say-so gotten him killed last
night.  She shuddered, remembering in these kinds of decisions.  I
happen to think the punish the close call.  !  mentis too harsh,
considering the circumstances.  " Unfortunately Pierce hadn,t had as
much experience 1 Jessica planted her hands on her hips.  " No TV for a
week dealing with their son's devastating appeal.  "Well...."  he is
too harsh for deliberately disobeying me?  He could have hedged, eyeing
Jessica doubtfully.  q been killed last night.  At the very least,
seriously injured.  I Don't say it, she thought.  Don't you dare say
it. can't let him think that kind of behavior is acceptable.  " " It
does seem a bit harsh: "Yes, but you set awfully high standards,
Jessica." He said it.  Jessica pursed her lips.  All the good feelings
Jessica couldn't believe what she was hearing.  "Are you she'd had for
Pierce last night and this morning evaporated q saying you condone what
he did?"  in the twinkling of an eye.  She folded her napkin precisely,
"No.  But I'm saying there were extenuating circum creased it, and set
it on the table.  " I told you.  earlier the stances.  He'd seen us
fighting.  He was upset and confused, subject is closed, Max," she
said, trying to keep a firm rein , and he did somgthing he knew would
get our attention."  on her anger.  After all, Max was only a little
boy.  She could ', Jessica turned away and started clearing the table.
He hardly blame him for trying to capitalize on his newly , might have
a point, but she didn't want to see it.  "Extenuating circumstances is
always a convenient excuse for doing something we know we shouldn't."

"Are we talking about Max now or me?"

Jessica set down the stack of dishes and turned.  "All right," she
said, "let's talk about you.  You've been back in this house for less
than three days and already you expect to be included in the decisions
I make regarding my son.  You've undermined my authority with him more
than once.  You've made it seem as if it's you and him against me.
You're trying to bribe him into loving you, but what happens when you
leave, Pierce?  What happens when you're no longer here for him to
count on?"

"You mean what happens when my month is up?"  he challenged.  Anger
sparked in the dark depths of his eyes.

"Yes," Jessica said, "that's exactly what I mean."

Pierce's gaze narrowed.  "Let's get a few things straight, Jessica.
You're the one who set the deadline, not me.  You're the one who seems
obsessed with my leaving.  If and when I do leave, it'll be because you
want me to.  Our relationship may end, if that's your choice, but I
won't give up Max.  He's my son, and now that I've found him, not you
or anyone else will ever take him away from me.  Is that clear?"

Crystal clear, Jessica thought, stunned.  She watched Pierce turn and
exit the room as she sat back down at the table, her legs shaking.
Would it come to that?  she wondered desperately.  Is that how it would
finally end between her and Pierce?  In a bitter battle over their
son?

Memories drifted through her mind-the day she'd told Pierce she was
pregnant, the elation he'd felt, the elaborate fuss he'd made over her.
They'd looked forward to the arrival of their first child with such joy
and anticipation.  A child had seemed the perfect way to cement their
union.  A precious gift that only they could give to one another.

Now everything seemed like such a mess.  What if Pierce decided he
wanted more of Max than Jessica was willing to share?  What if he
decided he wanted to raise their son himself ?  What if he tried to
take Max away from her?

Panic mushroomed inside her at the thought, along with a determination
so fierce it almost took her breath away.  Jessica clutched the edge of
the table so tightly her knuckles whitened.

There was no way she would ever allow that to happen.  Max was hers,
and the sooner Pierce realized it, the beiq.  :r off they'd all be.

But over the next few days, Jessica began to feel her ol.  life
slipping further and further away from her grasp.  Gon .  were the
quiet, routine, uncomplicated days of the past.  Now all her waking
thoughts centered on Pierce, her mixed feelings toward him, and her
concern about his growing closeness with their son.

Much to Jessica's chagrin, every day Max seemed to become more and more
attached to Pierce.  In the evenings before dinner, they took to
playing baseball together in the backyard.  Sometimes Sharon's
daughter, Allie, would join them, and the yard would be filled with
shouts of laughter and childish squeals of triumph.

Reluctantly Jessica had to admit that Pierce was wonderful with the
children.  Sometimes she would watch them from the kitchen window, and
a bittersweet tightness would form in her chest.  How often she had
dreamed of such a scene.

But all she could think of these days was how more and more Max was
turning to Pierce for attention instead of her.  How more and more her
son wanted to spend all of his free time with his father instead of
her.

The first time Max had asked her if Pierce could read him Jessica.
There's something about him..  something in his his bedtime story had
nearly broken Jessica's heart.  Story eyes, , " She paused, then said,
" I have a feeling there's a time had always been her and Max's special
time together.  lot more to that man than any of us can imagine.  Even
you, They would cuddle in bed at the end of the day and enjoy an "

Jessica.  adventure together.  q Jessica hardly needed Sharon's
warning.  She was con Not so anymore.  Now Max wanted Pierce to tell
him j sumed with her own doubts and suspicions She thought ;
"real-life" stories, as he called them.  He wanted to know about Pierce
all the time.  She couldn't even forget him in her everything there was
to know about his father.  His interestq sleep.  The kiss they had
shared a few nights ago filled her in Superman waned, then disappeared
altogether.  His little ( dqms except, in these dreams, they didn't
stop with the , cape remained discarded on his closet floor, forgotten
and I " " " kiss.  They made love over and over and over again until
abandoned for a real-life hero, as Jessica knew he had q Jqica would
wake up in the middle of the night, so aroused begun to think of
Pieree.  ; and frustrated and confused she would sob into her pillow.
And what made matters even more difficult was the fact How much longer
could she go on like this?  she would ask that everyone in the
neighborhood had seemingly accepted Pierce back into Jessica's and
Max's lives just as easily as her i herself helplessly.  How much
longer could she live in the

I same house with Pierce, sit across from him at meals, see son had.
Pierce had become a regular fixture at the bus stop qhin, with their
son, imagine him downstairs in his bed-and in the mornings.  Once, when
he was late coming out, Jcs- j not succumb to the mounting need inside
her?  How much sica saw several of the women watching her house
expectantly , waiting for his imminent arrival.  And just yesterday
longer could she bear not to have him touch her again, to have him hold
her again?  morning, Jessica had noticed, rather in disgust, how many q
qenty more days, Jessica thought, as she x-ed through of the mothers
had started putting on their makeup and yesterday's date on the
calendar in her office.  That's how doing their hair before they
brought out their children.  !  Obviously the added primping was for
Pierce's benefit, long she would have to fight this yearning inside
her.  and Jessica couldn't help feeling just the tiniest twinge of This
.  desire, she thought, putting a name to it.  She closed jealousy. She
began getting up a little earlier to spend extra her eyes for a moment
as a wave of panic washed over her.  time on her own appearance, though
she wouldn't allow "Sleeping on the job Jessica?"  herself to analyze
the reason why.  At the sound of the masculine voice, Jessica's eyes
flew Only Jessica's friend, Sharon, remained reticent toward open. She
cleared her throat, straightened some papers on Pierce.  Only she
seemed to understand Jessica's qualms ; her desk, and smiled
self-consciously at Brandon Chamabout

Pierce's return.  !  bers as he stood in front of her desk.  "Doesn't
it drive you crazy?"  she asked Jessica one day.  ; "Penny for your
thoughts," he said, smiling down at her.  "How can you stand him living
in the same house with you Jessica felt her face warm.  She closed the
ledger on her and not knowing where he's been for the past five years?
Or desk and stood.  " You might feel shortchanged," she tried who he's
been with," she added slyly.  "Watch yourself, ; to say lightly.  "
When did you get back from Europe?  "

" " Yesterday afternoon.  I have some real treasures for you this time.
The bulk of the shipment won't arrive for a few more days, but in the
meantime, feast your eyes on this: He pulled an intricately designed
gold and aquamarine necklace from his pocket and displayed it on the
desk in front of Jessica.  " " Lovely, isn' tit?  "

"IYs beautiful," Jessica breathed.  "Am I going to be able to afford
this?"  " " It was a steal, " Brandon assured her.  " " I knew it was
perfect for you the moment I laid eyes on it.  And there's even a story
behind it.  I'd love to tell you about it over dinner tonight."

Jessica fingered the necklace, avoiding Brandon's gaze.  "Sounds very
intriguing," she murmured evasively.

"Shall I make reservations at Justine's?  How does eight sound?"

"I'm afraid I can't make it tonight," she said.  "Perhaps another
time... Honestly, Jessica chided herself, she and Brandon had had
dinner countless times together.  Why, all of a sudden, did she feel
the need to put him off?  To make sure he knew their relationship was
strictly business?

Because of Pierce, that's why.

Everything had changed since he'd returned.  Even her feelings toward
her friends.

Brandon reached over and caressed the necklace.  "This would make a
handsome addition to your collection, Jessica You could even feature it
in the ads you were telling me about: '

"That's a wonderful idea," she agreed, anxious to return their
conversation to a less awkward subject.  Mentally she changed the
layout for her full-page spread in Antiques Quarterly to incorporate
the necklace.  She wished Brandon would just go ahead and tell her the
story behind the necklace instead of dangling it in front of her like
bait.

The history, even more than the age of a piece, was always an
irresistible lure to potential customers and an invaluable selling tool
once you got them into the shop.  Pierce had taught her that.

Pierce had taught her a lot of things, she thought with a funny little
catch in her throat.  But that was a long time ago.  A lifetime ago.

"You could even model it yourself," Brandon suggested.  "You've
certainly got the looks for it.  Try it on.  Here, let me help you: He
took the necklace from her fingers and, standing behind her, draped it
around her neck as Jessica lifted her hair.

"How does it look?"  she asked, turning to face him.

"Lovely," Brandon said softly, reaching to touch one of the stones.  "
" Exquisite.  "

Jessica's first reaction was to pull back from his touch, but before
she could, a movement at the doorway drew her attention.  Pierce stood
scowling at them both, his dark eyes flashing with anger.  His gaze
dropped from her face to the necklace, then back up to her eyes.
Jessica felt herself blushing guiltily, even though she hadn't done
anything wrong.  She lifted her chin and stared back at him.  He didn't
say anything, just walked slowly into her office.

Brandon said, "Can we help you?"

Pierce's gaze shifted, very briefly, to the other man.  "I seriously
doubt it."

"Then perhaps you'd care to wait outside," Brandon said stiffly.  "This
is a private office."

"LTh, Brandon," Jessica began, putting her hand on his sleeve, "it's
okay.  I know him.  I mean he's ... this is Pierce.  Kincaid: '

"Kincaid?"  Something flickered across Brandon's features Something
that looked like recognition.  Or fear, Jessica thought, though she
couldn't imagine why he would be afraid of Pierce.  Brandon said in a
disbelieving voice, "You mean, he's your husband ?"

Jessica refused to look at Pierce.  She took a deep breath.  "Yes."

Brandon's gaze darted to Pierce.  "But I thought-" " " That I was dead?
That seems to be the general consensus around here.  " Pierce smiled
lazily, but there was no humor in his eyes.  Quite the contrary.
Jessica felt a tremor of fear in her stomach.  She didn't like the way
he seemed to be sizing Brandon up.

Pierce walked around the desk and stood directly behind her, putting a
hand on her shoulder in a deliberately casual but unmistakably familiar
gesture.  Jessica resisted the temptation to shake it off.

"Well, I... hardly know what to say," Brandon said, straightening the
knot in his tie.  He looked thoroughly disconcerted

Pierce said, "How about " welcome back'?  "

"Yes, yes, of course."  Brandon extended his hand.  "Brandon Chambers.
I'm an associate of Jcs-of your wife's: '

"Really?"  The two men shook hands, then Pierce placed his hand back on
Jessica's shoulder.

"So... where've you been?"  Brandon asked awkwardly.

"It's a long story," Pierce murmured.  He bent and kissed Jessica's
neck.  "Is that a new necklace, sweetheart?"

Jessica jumped.  Her hand flew to her throat.  She felt as though she
had been stung by a wasp.  Burned by a fire.  Kissed by a lover.  Her
heart was beating all over the place as she carefully removed herself
from her husband's grasp and retreated a few steps away.

"It really is a beautiful piece," she told Brandon.  "If the price is
right, you have yourself a buyer.  In the meantime,

I'd better return it to you: She lifted her hands to unclasp the
necklace.  "Let me help you," Brandon said quickly.

At the exact same time Pierce said, "Turn around, Jesse."  It didn't
surprise her to find Pierce's hands at her throat as he undid the
chain, lifted it away, and held it out to Brandon The aquamarines
sparkled in the overhead lighting as Pierce let the necklace slither
into Brandon's open palm.

The two men eyed each other for a moment with open hostility, then
Brandon smiled.  He placed the necklace very carefully on Jessica's
desk.  "The price is immaterial, Jessica The moment I saw that
necklace, I knew it had to be yours: He flashed Pierce a brief,
dismissing look as he paused significantly at the door.  " I'll phone
you later?  "

"Please do," Jessica murmured, sinking down into her chair.  She toyed
with the necklace' for a moment until Pierce reached out and took it
from her hands.  He perched on the edge of her desk and examined the
necklace in the light.

"Circa 1920, I'd guess.  Ten karat gold.  At least two of the
aquamarines are chipped, and the clasp has obviously been replaced. Not
a quality piece, but it does have a certain .  pretentious appeal, I
suppose."

Annoyed, Jessica reached out and snatched the necklace from his
fingers.  "I happen to like it," she snapped.  "And for your
information, big, intricate pieces are very popular right now."

"I noticed you'd added a jewelry case out front.  I never could muster
much interest in it myself.  Except for the ring I bought you, of
course."  His gaze flashed to her left hand and her bare third
finger.

Jessica folded her hands together, feeling naked.  "Yes, well, truth to
tell, you never mustered much interest in the shop at all, Pierce.
Except for the travel, of course.  You always loved that."

"Only when you went with me," he said softly.  "We had some good times,
didn't we?  Remember Venice and that little hotel we stayed in right
off the"

Abruptly Jessica stood, shutting off the memories.  "I don't have time
for this.  I have work to do.  Three crates of Austrian crystal came in
this morning and it all has to be unpacked, cataloged and shelved.  So
if you'll excuse me"

"Who is he?"

Jessica glanced up.  "Who?"

Pierce lifted one brow at her obtuseness.  "This Chambers guy.  What's
he to you?"

"He's an independent buyer," Jessica said, not liking Pierce's tone.

"Having a middleman must eat into the profits," he said , still
fiddling with the necklace.  " " Yes, but it cuts down on a lot of
traveling for me.  Brandon 's been very helpful, and he's given me some
really good deals.  "

"Oh, I'll bet he has."

Jessica planted her hands on top of her desk.  "And just what does that
mean?"

"

" Is he the one?  "

"

" Is he the one what?  "

"The one who taught you to kiss the way you kissed me a few nights
ago."

Heat flooded over her at Pierce's words and at the memory Jessica
crossed her arms as if to stave him off.  "I have no idea what you're
talking about.  My relationship with Brandon is strictly business," she
said primly.  Then realizing how defensive she looked, she immediately
dropped her arms to her sides.

Her nervousness didn't go unnoticed by Pierce.  His gaze narrowed on
her.  " " Relationship, huh?  Interesting choice of qde to Black 149
words, Jessica.  Was his dinner invitation a part of this business
relationship?  Do you go out with him often?  " " qThat's none of your
concern," Jessica snapped.  " I'm getting awfully tired of these
innuendoes, Pierce.  "

"I'm getting tired of making them," he said.  "So why don't you
convince me that I have nothing to worry about?"  Somehow his tone had
changed in no more than a heartbeat His voice had lowered, deepened,
become even more ssnsuous.

Jessica's heart started to pound a warning.  Don't let him do this to
you, she cautioned herself.  Don't let him sidetrack you as easily as
he used to.

But from his perch on the desk his hand was already closing around her
wrist.  He exerted just the tiniest bit of pressure until he had pulled
her toward him and she was standing between his thighs.  He lifted her
hand to his lips and kissed her palm.

Jessica closed her eyes and clenched her fist.  "Don't," she
breathed.

"Why?  Because of him?"

Her eyes flew open.  "Why must you always think the worst of me?  "

"Maybe I could ask you the same question."  His thumb lazily caressed
her wrist.  "We've been apart too long, Jesse.  We don't know how to
act with one another anymore.  We're afraid to trust each other. Afraid
to trust our instincts: '

"I don't know what you mean."

"Sure you do."  He tugged her even closer, until he could slip his arms
around her waist.  Jessica's hand was free now, but instead of using it
to push him away, she rested it lightly on Pierce's shoulder.  "You
want to kiss me right now, almost as much as I want to kiss you, but
you're afraid to, aren't you?  "

"

" You..  want to kiss me?  " Her own timidness confused Jessica.

"More than anything: "

"But Pierce"

"I know," he said, his deep gaze searching her face.  "You've changed.
You're not the same woman I left behind You're independent now.  You
have a career.  You don't need me anymore.  And I still want to kiss
you, Jesse.  More than ever: '

"But I don't think-"

"Don't think, sweetheart," he whispered.  Their gazes clung for a
moment, then he cupped her neck and brought her head forward until
their lips slowly merged.

Jessica felt quivery all over.  Where the kiss had been desperate and
almost violent a few evenings ago, today the joining was soft and
tender and fraught with emotion.  Her lips trembled beneath his.

In that exquisite moment, Jessica remembered how it felt to be loved
and wanted and utterly protected.  She remembered how it felt to be
Pierce's wife.

When they broke the kiss, she rested her head against his shoulder,
unable to look at him, afraid of what he might read in her eyes.

His hand slipped beneath her hair to caress her neck.  "You see,
Jesse?"  he whispered.  "It's still there.  What we had, what we felt
for each other is still there.  We just have to give ourselves time to
find it again."

Jessica turned her head so that she could look up at him.  She resisted
the urge to trace the scar on the side of his face with her fingertip.
She fought the temptation to wrap her arms around him and kiss him
again, but long and deep and hard this time.  Her emotions were in a
jumble right now, and Jessica knew she had to be very, very careful.

Fade to Black I51

With an effort, she lifted her head from his shoulder and pulled
herself free of his arms.  "Please don't read too much into what just
happened, " she said.

"It's hard not to," he said, "when it's something I'd like to believe
so badly."

"But it doesn't mean anything," she protested.  "Not really We were
married, Pierce.  We have a son together.  We're bound to still have
feelings for one another.  I don't deny that.  But that doesn't mean
I'm willing just to forget everything that's happened.  I still need
answers.  I have to know what happened before I can even begin to think
about a future... together."

"You have to learn to trust me again.  I understand that," Pierce said.
He eyed her steadily.  " " I know all this is scary for you, Jesse. It
is for me, too.  "

Jessica looked at him in surprise.  "You're scared?"  She'd never known
Pierce to be afraid of anything.  He thrived on risk.  Or used to.

He smiled.  "Of course, I'm afraid.  What do you think this is like for
me, losing five years of my life?  It scares me to death to think of
those missing years, but it frightens me more to think of losing even
another day with you and Max : '

At the mention of their son, Jessica's gaze hardened, became defensive,
but before she could speak, Pierce put up his hand to halt her words.
"I know where part of your fear is coming from, Jesse, but believe me,
I'm not trying to take Max away from you.  I would never do that.  He
loves you.  He needs you.  I couldn't take your place even if I wanted
to.  You've done a fantastic job, both at home and here at the shop,
and I'm proud of you: '

In spite of herself, Jessica felt a small glow of pleasure at his
words.  High praise from a man like Pierce.  She tried to warn herself
that she was setting herself up for another fall, but Jessica's heart
had already made up its mind.

Pierce got up and came to stand behind her at the window He slipped his
arms around her, holding her close.  She tried to quiet the trembling
inside her, but it felt so good to be in his arms again.

To be held by the only man she had ever loved.

He said softly, " " I don't expect you to be the woman you were five
years ago, sweetheart.  I did at first, naturally, because the time
hadn't passed for me.  But I understand now how you feel, and you can
relax about all that.  I'm not trying to take anything away from you. 
I know I've tried to rush you into something you weren't ready for.  I
know I've tried to make things the way they used to be when that's
impossible.  You were right that first night.  Things will never be the
same again.  I understand that now.  "

A feeling of loss settled over Jessica at his words.  She had to close
her eyes to blink back sudden tears.

"But just because things have changed, just because we've changed
doesn't mean the feelings we had for one another are all gone."

Jessica cleared her throat and attempted to strengthen her resolve.
"What are you trying to say, Pierce?"

"I'm saying we should give each other another chance.  I'm saying we
should try to get to know each other again without any promises and
without any pressure.  We have over two weeks left in your thirty-day
ultimatum.  If at the end of that time you still want me to leave, I
will.  I'll fade quietly out of your life."

"And Max's?"

She felt him stiffen at her challenge, but he didn't release her.  If
anything, he tightened his embrace.  "Max will always be my son.  Just
as he is yours.  But no matter what happens between us, I would never
try to take him away from you.  You can trust me, Jesse, whether you
realize it or not: '

At that moment, Jessica wasn't even sure if she dared to trust
herself.

"

" Tremont House.  "

"I'd like to speak to the manager: Pierce shifted the receiver to his
other ear as he glanced around.  It was just after five, and the
traffic on Jefferson Avenue was starting to bunch up.  As the line of
cars crawled by, Pierce suddenly felt exposed at the open-air pay
phone.

The voice, the same one he'd spoken to the other night, asked, "Who's
calling, please?"

"A friend who needs a room."

"We're booked solid," came the standard reply.  "qok, damn you, I want
to talk to the manager, and I want to talk to him now " Pierce's voice
was low and calm but deadly insistent.  This time, he woukln't be put
off.  He wanted some answers, and he'd do what he had to do to get
them.  "If he's not on the line in, let's say the next five seconds ,
I'll take my story to the press."

There was a brief pause, maybe all of two seconds, then another voice
said tersely, " " This is Walker.  "

Pierce smiled grimly.  The man had been listening all along, as he'd
suspected.

"Are you the manager?"  Pierce asked, sticking to the routine.

"Are you the same friend who called a few evenings ago?"

When Pierce responded in the affirmative, the man who called himself
Walker said, "I got the message.  I've been wondering when you'd make
contact again.  Welcome back , Kincaid ."

The friendly exchange shocked Pierce.  He said uncertainly , "Do I know
you?"  " " We've met.  Actually we worked together five years ago on
the Alpha project.  "

Flashes of memory were starting to dart around in Pierce's head.  " "
Alpha" " "Code name for a certain operation in the Caribbean.  Is it
coming back to you now?"

" " Not exactly.  I need a few more details filled in.  I want to talk
to someone," Pierce said.  " Face-to-face.  I need some answers, and
you damn well better give them to me.  "

Walker paused, then said, "That can be arranged at a later date."

"Why not now?"

" " Security reasons, " he said evasively.  " " Certain precautions
have to be taken where you're concerned.  You understand"

Pierce didn't understand a damn thing.  He said angrily, "Just what the
hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?  I've lost five years of my
life, Walker, and I don't even know how or why.  But I'm willing to bet
the agency's behind it.  At the very least, you people owe me an
explanation."

" " q You people, "' Walker repeated.  " Yqou sound as if you think
we're the enemy, Kincaid.  "

There was something in the man's voice that sent a chill of warning
through Pierce.  He was treading on dangerous ground, and he knew
instinctively he had to proceed with caution.

As if to reiterate that point, Walker said, "For the time being, I
suggest you sit tight, and don't talk to anyone.  I mean anyone.  It's
a matter of national security.  At the highest level ."

Pierce expelled a vicious curse.  "If my family's in danger , I want to
know it, you son of a bitch."

"They're not," Walker said immediately.  "You don't need to worry about
that."  Pierce wasn't convinced.  "I'll give you forty-eight hours," he
said.  "If I don't hear from you by them, I'll start looking for the
answers myself.  And believe me, no stone will be left unturned until I
find them."  "You still work for the agency," Walker warned.  "I'm
advising you to stay put and keep your mouth shut until further notice.
When the time is right, you'll be contacted.  You have your orders."

"And you have yours.  Forty-eight hours," Pierce said and hung up the
phone.  He drew a long breath and looked around, feeling the invisible
eyes of the agency tracking his every move.  What Pierce couldn't
figure out was why those eyes felt so unfriendly.  And so dangerous. He
was supposed to be one of the good guys.  Wasn't he?

Chapter 9

Forty-eight hours had come and gone, and Pierre was still as much in
the dark as he'd ever been.  The agency had ignored his ultimatum.  At
least, the man calling himself Walker had.

Pierce realized he had taken a big chance, laying all his cards on the
table, not just with Walker but with Jessica as well.  She could easily
have turned even further away from him, but at that point he hadn't
known what else to do.  He couldn't stand seeing the fear in her eyes
every time he and Max were together.  It seemed to him the only thing
he could do was to try to allay her worries.  Let her know that he
wasn't a threat to her.  In any way.

But was that true?

Pierce hadn't overtly heard from the agency, but at times he had the
distinct feeling that he was being watched, followed Yet no one made
contact.

Sometimes, especially in the dead of night when he lay in bed
wide-awake, trying to remember, trying to sort out the fragmented
pieces of memories floating around in his head, he had to wonder if he
should just leave again.  If he should disappear from Jessica's and
Max's lives until he could sort out what had really happened to him.
Until he could find out the truth.

But Walker had warned him to stay put, and even though Pierce had no
reason to trust anyone from the agency these days, he had to agree with
that course of action.  The thought of leaving Jessica and Max alone
and unprotected sent cold chills through him.  In spite of what Walker
said, Pierce had a very strong feeling of danger, and somehow he knew
that if he left his family now, they would be vulnerable to that
danger.  Only he could protect them.  Only he could keep them safe from
the threat that he had brought with him.  A threat he didn't even
recognize.

Meanwhile, Pierce was following through on his own threat.  He'd very
quietly set the wheels of his own investigation in motion.  He'd even
broken down and called his brother-in-law at the Pentagon.

"What do you know about Brandon Chambers?"  had been his first
question.

After a couple of seconds of stony silence, Jay had said, "Is this
personal or professional?"

"What do you think?"

It took a few minutes of wangling before Jay finally conceded' All
right, I'll tell you what I know.  He showed up at the shop a few
months after you'd disappeared.  I was suspicious myself at first, but
his credentials all checked out.  He buys for dozens of antique shops
all over the area.  As far as I can tell, he's on the up-and-up.  And
Jessica certainly seems to trust him," he added slyly.

Pierce had hung up the phone, not feeling a damn bit better. Regardless
of what Jessica and Jay thought, Pierce didn't trust Brandon Chambers. 
There was something about the man's eyes, the way he had looked at
Pierce as if "D-a-ad!  Keep your eye on the ball!"  Max admonished as
the baseball went whizzing by Pierce's head.

Pierce nodded and grinned, returning his attention to the game. "Sorry,
Max.  I'll try to do better."

"Here, Mr.  Kincaid: The little girl from next door came running up to
him, holding out the ball.  " I catched it for you .  "

"Thanks, Allie.  That's quite an eye you have there."

She beamed and squinted up at him.  "My mother says you're strange,"
she said, bending to scratch a scab on her knee, "but you look okay to
me."

"Thanks.  I think."

"Are you coming to our party tonight?"

"Well, I'm not sure," he said, tossing the ball back to Max.  "I'll
have to check with Max's mother."

He nodded toward the picnic table where Sharon and Jessica sat talking
quietly in the shade.  The morning breeze lifted Jessica's curls and
settled them around her face, setting off her creamy complexion and her
wide gray eyes.  She wore white shorts and a sleeveless yellow top, and
Pierce felt a tenderness well inside him as he stared at her.  She
looked so young and relaxed this morning.

She looked exactly the way he remembered her.

And maybe it was his imagination or wishful thinking, but her attitude
seemed to have lightened since their conversation at the shop.  The
hostility was gone from her eyes as if she was genuinely making an
effort to keep an open mind.  To get to know him again.

And once or twice he could have sworn he'd seen a flicker of interest
in those gray depths.  Maybe even a spark of desire , Pierce thought
hopefully, feeling his pulse quicken just looking at her.

"Jessica's pretty, isn't she?"  Allie said, following his gaze.

"Veq,"

"She's nice, too."  , Pierce grinned.  "She sure is."

Allie giggled.  "I bet I know what: "

"What?"

"I bet you'd like to kiss her: '

Pierce felt his face redden.  Since when did five-year-olds get so
wi5e?

Allie clapped her hands to her mouth, suppressing more , giggles.

Max called crossly, " " Move out of the way, Allie.  No girls allowed
in this game.  "

"Hey, young man," Jessica admonished from the side11nes'Since when did
you get to be such a chauvini5t?"

"Since he wants to have his father all to him5 elf Sharon ; suggested.
Her blue eyes regarded Jessica thoughtfully.  " I must say, you're
0ertainly taking all this in stride, Jessica.  "

"You think so?"  Jessica smiled, tucking a stray lock of !  hair behind
her ear.  She stared at her sandaled feet for a ; moment.  "I'll let
you in on a little 5ecret.  The first few days Pierce was back, I was
terrified he might try to take Max i away from me.  But I realize now I
was just overreacting.I ; was projecting my past into my feelings."

"You sound so wise," Sharon commented, sipping her iced tea.  "So
analytical.  Now tell me how you really feel."

"

" What do you mean?  "

"

"Are you in love with him?  "

Jessica looked up, surprised by her friend's bluntness.

"I-I'm not sure.  I still have feelings for him," she said re ,
luctantly,"but I'm not sure how much of that is just memory"

Her gaze went to Pierce as he pitched the ball to Max.

Over the past couple of weeks, he'd filled out a little.  His jeans
were beginning to fit him more snugly and the lines in his face had
softened a bit.  That dark, haunted, hungry look in his eyes had
vanished.  When he laughed, he looked ten years younger, and he laughed
a lot when he was with his son.  They both did.

It hurt Jessica to realize how little laughter there had been in her
and Max's life.  She'd concentrated so hard on being a success at work
and being the perfect mother all round that she was very much afraid
she had never learned how to be a mom, the kind who relaxed and enjoyed
life.

But Pierce was teaching her that.

He was teaching her and her son how to have fun.

"It doesn't bother you that you may never know what happened to him all
those years ago?"  Sharon asked softly.

"It bothers me," Jessica admitted.  "But what can I do about it?"

Sharon shook her head.  "You amaze me, Jessica.  You're always so
levelheaded.  It doesn't worry you that you'll be alone with him for
the next few days?"

Jessica whipped her head around.  "What?"

Sharon's blond brows rose slightly.  "Don't tell me you forgot.  Max is
supposed to go camping with us this week, remember?  We're leaving
tomorrow: '

Jessica had completely forgotten the plans she'd made with Sharon over
a month ago.  It seemed impossible that Memorial Day weekend was
already here.  It seemed impossible that Pierce had already been home
over two weeks and that they had only a little more than a week left of
the ultimatum she'd given him.

What then?  Jessica wondered.  Where did they go from there?

He'd said he wanted to get to know her again, without promises and
without pressure, and true to his word he'd

Fade to Blark 161 been nothing nqbre than casually friendly since their
conversation at the shop.  He hadn't so much as come near her.

Much to her disappointment, Jessica acknowledged to herself.

Her gaze strayed back to Pierce, and suddenly she couldn't help
remembering the way it felt to be in his arms.

It was never thi5 way before.

A wave of warmth washed over her as she remembered the night she'd gone
to his room, the way he'd kissed her and the way she'd kissed him back.
It was never this way before.

Who had changed?  Her?  Pierce?  Or both of them?  And if a kiss had
done that to her, what would it be like to make love with him now?
Would that be different, too?  Would it be even more passionate than
before?  More intense?  More powerful?

Jessica felt a tingle of anticipation in the pit of her stomach Pierce
glanced her way and their gazes met.  Some thing electric passed
between them.  Something purely sexual.  It seemed as though he could
read her every thought.

Jessica's face reddened as his gaze moved over her, lingering for a
long moment on her bare legs.  " .  and I know the kids would be
disappointed if Max ; .. didn't get to go.  What do you say,
Jessica?"

Jessica tried to turn her attention back to Sharon.  "What?"

Sharon gave her an odd look.  "Can Max come camping with us or not?"

Alone with Pierce for a whole week.  Jessica's heart began to pound
like a drum.  She felt her palms moisten.  "II 'll have to check with
Pierce," she stammered.

Sharon's brows soared, but she refrained from comment" Okay she agreed.
" Can you come over early tonight and help me set up?  The others
guests will be arriving at six, so if you could come around
five-thirty, thaYd be great.  "

"Sure," Jessica said absently, fanning herself with her hand.  Was it
her imagination or had the temperature suddenly gone up a few degrees,
even in the shade?

Sharon stared at her for a long moment, then grinned.  "Gee, I'm
worried about you, Jessica.  A decreasing attention span, glazed look
in your eyes, red cheeks, shortened breath.  Sounds like a heat stroke
to me."  She stood to go but then turned and said softly, "Or is it
just love?"

Or is it just love?

Jessica felt a little tremor of fear in her stomach as she contemplated
Sharon's question.  Could she be falling in love with Pierce again?  So
soon?  In spite of all the unanswered questions?

You amaze me, Jessica.  You 're always so levelheaded.

Jessica didn't feel levelheaded now.  Not at all.  She felt all trembly
inside and out of control.  She felt like a woman on the verge of
falling in love who didn't give a damn about responsibility.  Didn't
give a damn about the future, only the present.

Except that Jessica couldn't afford the luxury of acting on impulse, of
letting her emotions rule her life.  She had a son to think about.  She
had their future to worry about.  She didn't want Max to get hurt
because of a decision she had made in a moment of passion.

It was all so confusing, she decided.  With the palm of her hand, she
tested the cake cooling on the rack.  She found a can of frosting in
the pantry, opened it and sampled a bit on the tip of her finger,
shrugging.  Not as good as homemade, but not bad, especially
considering she was in a hurry.  It was after four, and she still had
to bathe and get ready for Sharon 's party.

Feeling the time slip away, she sighed as she slathered the frosting on
the cake.  She hoped that Max was already in the bathtub, scrubbing off
the grime from his and Pierce's baseball game, but you could never tell
with him.  Her son was easily diverted when it came to bath time.

Pierce came in just as she was putting the finishing touches on the
cake.

"Looks good," he said, his eyes raking her up and down.

"Where's Max?"  Jessica asked, trying to ignore the suddenly close
confines of the kitchen.

"Outside with one of his friends.  They found a dead lizard , last I
heard."

Jessica groaned.  Dead animals were always an irresistible lure to her
son.  "He's supposed to be in the bathtub.  I'll never get us both
ready in time now.  Sharon wants me to come over early, and I still
have to make a salad"

"Relax," Pierce said, putting his hands on her arms.  "I'll go and find
Max and make sure he gets his bath.  You do what you need to do in
here, and then go get yourself ready: '

"But i-" " " Jessica, " Pierce said in an admonishing tone.  " "You
don't have to do it all by yourself anymore.  I'm here now.  I want to
help you if you'll let me."

"But-"

He swiped her mouth with his fingertip.  "There.  See?"  He held up his
finger, showing her a streak of chocolate across it.  "I'm already
helping you out.  Wait a minute.  I missed a spot: Before she had time
to realize what he was doing, Pierce bent and retrieved the rest of the
chocolate from her lip with his tongue.  " Mmm, delicious.  Tastes even
better than it looks.  "

Jessica froze.  "What are you doing?"

"What does it feel like I'm doing?"  Pierce murmured.

"But you said no pressure.  You said...."  q He smiled down at her, his
eyes deep and intense.  IncredHis arms slipped around her waist, and
Jessica's protest ibly dark.  "You seemed very special to someone like
me.  died on her lips.  The look in his eyes sparked too many You
seemed like the woman I'd been waiting for all my life.  memories of
too man nights spent in his arms.  i Do you know what it's always meant
to me that I was the y g 1q She drew a long breath, telling her5 elf
her heart shouldn't first for you, Jesse?  It was like the rare5t, most
precious gift be racing and her pulse shouldn't be jumping so
erratically you could ever give me."  just because he had touched her.
Just because she was re- Jessica began to relax even more, basking a
little in the membering something they had once shared.  glow of their
shared past.  It had been so long since they d And because she knew he
was remembering, too.  j reminisced together.  And Pierce had always
had a way of And because it felt so good to be in his arms again.
making her feel good about herself, in spite of her child "Remember the
last time I did that?  It was at our wed; hood.  g, " oftly.  "I was in
such a hurry to get She lifted her hands to his shoulders, feeling the
hard din he said s the redefinition of his muscles beneath his shirt. "
Do you know ception out of the way that when I fed you your cake, I got
what I thought the first time I ever saw you?  " She teased frosting
all over your mouth.   him with a smile.  " I thought you were the most
dashing, the You barely gave me time to throw the bouquet, Jcs- most
sophisticated, the most handsome man I'd ever seen. " sica reminisced. 
" You were such a naive little thing.  " " I was in a hurry to start
our honeymoon," he admitted "

You always seemed so mysterious to me.  As if you had with a grin.
"I'll never forget our wedding night, Jesse.  You done things you
couldn't share with me.  As if there were looked so sweet in that white
frilly thing you wore to bed.  I secrets from your past you couldn't
reveal even to me.  That had the devil of a time getting it off,
though.  Probably be-made you even more irresistible," Jessica said,
laughing cause I was so damned nervous: softly.  Jessica gazed up at
him, enjoying the qcloseness.  The Something flickered in Pierce's
eyes.  A flash of regret?  comfort of shared memories.  "You nervous? 
I don't be" '

He said, I don't want to have secrets from you, Jesse.  I 11eve it. You
always seemed so experienced to me.  So sure of want to share
everything with you now.  There are so many yourself.  " things I want
to tell you, but I can't.  I... can't: " An act," he confessed, his
arms settling more posses" I know," she said softly.  " Because you
don't rememsively around her.  "I was nervous, all right.  I'd never
been her: with a virgin before."

" His smile seemed rueful.  " I don't deserve you, you know.  Jessica
blushed as she always did when that particular I never did.  " subject
was mentioned.  She pushed at his arqs but not Jessica started to
protest, but his eyes stopped her.  They forcefully enough to push him
away.  " Do you have to re- q were so dark and unfathomable.  So
intense.  So deeply mind me of that?  A twenty-year-old virgin must
have probing she could feel his gaze all the way to her soul.  She
seemed pretty weird to someone like you.  " knew she should move, break
the spell, remember that this was the man who had hurt her so badly.
But a sweet contentment was slipping over her.  A languor that made her
want to remain exactly where she was.  In Pierce's arms.  Forever.

She closed her eyes and whispered his name.

"I'm here, Jesse," he murmured as he threaded his fingers through her
hair.  "I'll always be here.  If you'll let me."

For an eternity it seemed, he just held her, giving her the comfort she
needed.  Jessica wasn't sure when their bodies began to shift, edging
beyond comfort to something else something that bordered on sexual
awareness.  But suddenly she was conscious of a dozen different
sensations.  The feel of his jeans against her bare legs.  The flicker
of desire warming his dark gaze.  The delicious torment of his fingers
in her hair.  And his mouth.  His mouth only inches from hers.

She closed the distance, parting her lips in anticipation.

She heard Pierce's breath catch, then he groaned as his hands fisted in
her hair and he drew her mouth the rest of the way to his.  She opened
for him immediately, and Pierq sent his tongue deep inside her mouth,
shocking Jessica and then thrilling her.

The kiss was deep and hard and electric, and it made Jessica remember
exactly what she had been missing for five years.  Abstinence had never
been a problem for her, but now she was suddenly, achingly aroused to
the point of desperation.  To the point of not caring.  To the point of
no return.

She rubbed against the front of his jeans, feeling the heat of his
erection through their clothing.  Jessica's legs began to tremble.  It
would be so easy, she thought.  So easy just to give in to her need,
allow Pierce to lead her upstairs and undress her, make her want him
until she begged him for release.

Her thoughts shocked her.  Was she that desperate?  That aroused?

It was never this vqay before.

Pierce broke the kiss and stared at her with a look so hot and so
hungry that Jessica felt a thrill of alarm race through her.  What had
she done?  she wondered.  What had she started?

"Sweetheart," he murmured, letting out a long, ragged breath.  He
reached for her again, but this time Jessica managed to put up a token
resistance.

"Pierce, it's broad daylight and we're standing in the middle of the
kitchen."

"I don't give a damn where we are."

His lips nipped hers, sending a sensuous shiver down her spine.  "But
there's no time... I mean, I still have to get dressed and all...."
Jessica knew she was babbling, but she couldn't seem to string two
coherent thoughts together.  Not when Pierce was looking at her the way
he was looking at her.

He lifted a hand and raked it through his hair, sighing deeply.  "You
sure as hell can kiss, Jesse.  See what you've done to me?  In broad
daylight.  In the middle of the kitchen."

Jessica's gaze slid downward to the front of his jeans.  There was no
mistaking his meaning.  "I'm... sorry."

"Don't be.  I just wish we had time to pursue this elsewhere Or... do
we?  "

Jessica tried to shake off the lingering remnants of her arousal.  "We
don't.  And besides, I don't think it's a good idea to rush into
anything.  I think we should wait until we're both sure we're ready."

"In case you haven't noticed, I'm as ready as I'll ever be," he said in
a pained voice.  "In fact, if I was any more ready"

The back door slammed, and they both jumped apart like guilty
teenagers.  Max appeared in the doorway, eyeing them with avid
curiosity.  Jessica put up a hand to smooth her hair.  Max's dark eyes
didn't miss a move.

She said nervously, "Where've you been, sweetie?  It's time for your
bath."

Max gazed first at Jessica, then at Pierce, then back to Jessica.  She
had the feeling that they hadn't fooled him at all.  He knew that
something was going on.  He held up a dead lizard and dangled it by the
tail.  "Can I keep this?"

Automatically Jessica stepped back, right into Pierce's arms.  His
hands went around her waist, steadying her against his body and making
Jessica all too conscious of what had just gone on between them.
"Please get that thing out of my kitchen," she said, her voice not
quite as steady as she would have liked.

"But, Mom-"

"No buts.  Get it out of here this second," Jessica ordered

Max turned around and left without further protest.

Behind her, Jessica heard Pierce laugh.  She spun around to face him.
"What's so funny?"  she demanded.

"Nothing," he said.  "But for a minute there, I was afraid you might be
talking to me."

Chapter 10

cc ?

Can I go camping with Allie and her mom and dad

We'll only be gone till Saturday.  "

Pierce sat on the edge of the bottom bunk bed in Allie's room as he
tucked the covers around Max.  Allie hung half wayout of the top bunk,
listening avidly to Pierce and

Max's conversation.  The sounds of the party outside drifted in through
the open window, making the children too restless to sleep.

"We got enough food and bug spray and toilet paper for everybody.  You
don't have to worry about anything, Mr.

Kincaid," Allie said solemnly, her blond hair swinging back and forth
like a silk curtain in a stiff breeze.  " Can he go with us?  Please,
can he?  "

"Can I, Dad?  Please, can I?"

Pierce's heart skipped a beat or two.  It never failed to ; thrill him
every time Max called him Dad.  He had to resist the temptation to give
in to his son's every whim, but that urge had gotten him in trouble
with Jessica more than once.

Not that her anger wasn't justified.  It was.  But it was just so
damned hard not to want to make up for all those years he'd missed with
his son.

Pierce said cautiously, " " What did your mother say about this camping
trip?  "

"She said she'd have to talk to you about it.  Did she?"

Talk to him about it?  Pierce stared at his son in surprise.  Jessica
was asking for his opinion?  His advice?  He didn't want to read too
much into it, but he couldn't help feeling encouraged by this latest
development.  Maybe his talk with her had helped, after all.

He ruffled Max's hair and reached up to tickle Allie's ear.  "I tell
you what, you two.  I'll talk to Jessica about it tonight , and we'll
let Allie's mom and dad know before we leave the party.  How's that?"

"Okay, but will you come and tell us?"  Max demanded.  "I won't be able
to sleep until I know."

Pierre grinned.  "You got it."

Max grinned back.  "Thanks, Dad.  I love you: '

Pierce felt his throat tighten with emotion.  Keep it light, he advised
himself.  Don't embarrass him in front of his friend.  He said, a
little too gruffly, "I love you, too, son: '

Allie's blond head popped up over the railing again.  "I love you, too,
Mr.  Kincaid.

Then she collapsed on her bed in a fit of giggles, but the tension
inside Pierce eased up.  He and Max met each other 's gaze in
conspiratorial silence, shaking their heads in a man-to-man agreement
about the incomprehensible behavior of women in general.

The pool glistened aquamarine in the glow 4f the torches Sharon had
planted around the edges of the yard, and citronella candles flickered
on the tops of picnic tables lining the covered terrace.  Everyone had
abandoned the water in favor of the tables once dinner had been served,
and now soft music was playing on the stereo and a few couples were
dancing.  Jessica sat away from the crowd at the dark end of the pool,
enjoying be cool evening breeze and the pleasant drone of the distant
chatter.

She nursed a glass of wine in one hand as she dangled her feet in the
water.  It had been a pleasant evening, and she felt content and mellow
and just a little bit lazy.  Pierce had put Max and Allie to bed
upstairs in Allie's room a little while ago, and now all Jessica had to
do was relax and enjoy the rest of the night.  Automatically she
searched for Pierce in the crowd.

She spotted him at the other end of the yard, where the light of the
torches hardly reached.  Like her, he was all alone, standing apart
from the crowd.  She remembered a time when Pierce would have been the
life of the party.  Not that he'd ever been loud or boisterous or
sought attention but back then, people had just naturally gravitated
toward him.  Now he seemed to shy away from crowds as fervently as
Jessica did.  It wasn't like him to be such a loner.

But he'd been acting strangely toward her all evening, Jessica
reflected.  Ever since that scene in the kitchen, he'd made it a point
to keep his distance from her.  In fact, he hadn't even sat by her at
dinner, choosing to sit with Max and his friends, instead.  He didn't
seem angry, just reserved Pensive.

Jessica couldn't help wondering what he was thinking about.

See what you've done to me?  In broad daylight.  In the middle of the
kitchen.

She flushed slightly as his words came back to her.  His arousal may
have been more apparent, but it had been no more thorough than hers had
been.  No more intense.  She shifted, feeling her body tingle in all
the places that had been too long ignored.

The wine was making her have thoughts she oughtn't to be having,
Jessica decided, and it was making her feel a little too warm.  Perhaps
she should jump into the pool and cool off.  Maybe Pierce would come
and join her-except he hadn't been swimming all evening.  He was
wearing trunks, an old navy blue pair he'd had years ago, and a white T
shirt, but even when Max had asked him to come into the water earlier,
Pierce had declined.  He'd sat at the edge of the pool instead,
enthusiastically applauding his son's swimming ability.  He hadn't even
taken off his shirt when the kids' splashing had gotten him soaking
wet.

Curious, Jessica thought.  Pierce had never been the modest type
before.  Of course, he had lost some weight, but he still looked better
by far than any man at the party.  Jessica could feel the warmth easing
over her again as she watched him from a distance, willing his gaze to
hers.

Pierce sat in the shadows, trying to keep his gaze off Jessica , but it
was damned near impossible, the way she looked tonight.  The way she'd
kissed him earlier.

It had never been that way before, that instant arousal, that almost
overpowering need.  Jessica had always been a little reticent about
lovemaking, a little reluctant to take pleasure from the physical side
of their relationship.  Pierce had always tried to be gentle with her
and as understanding as he could be under the circumstances, but he'd
always had the disquieting feeling that there was a part of her he had
never been able to touch.

But she'd changed, he reflected.  The way she kissed, the way she moved
against him led him to believe that she was now as eager for their
lovemaking as he was.  The question that bothered him, though, was why?
Why had she changed?

Or more to the point-who had caused her to change?

Who had taught her the things she would never allow him to teach her?

She'd said there q was no one else, but in five years?  Had she
abstained fron sex for five whole years?  Maybe that explained this new
boldness in her.  God knows what five years of celibacy had done to
him, he thought with a grimace

How can you be so sure there wasn't someone else in all that time ?

Jessica's question returned to haunt him, and Pierce didn't have an
answer, just a feeling.  Just a certainty deep inside him that there
had never been anyone else for him since Jessica.  And there never
would be.

He watched her with a brooding frown as she lifted the glass to her
mouth, and he suddenly wanted to taste the wine from her lips.  To let
his tongue continue the exploration he had begun in the kitchen earlier
that day.  To see just how much they had both changed.

She trailed her feet in the water, then lifted her hair from her neck.
The innocent action accentuated the line of her ; breasts in the white
one-piece swimsuit she wore.  The cut of the suit was no less
tantalizing because it was modest.  Her body had filled out in all the
right places since he'd been e gone.  Not that she hadn't looked great
before.  But now..  q Pierce took a long swallow of his cold beer,
suppressing a groan.  She looked so damned sexy it was all he could do
to keep his hands off her.

I'm saying we should try to get to know each other again q without any
promises and without any pressures.  q Pierce muttered a curse under
his breath.  What the hell q had he been thinking?  No promises?  No
pressure?  No sex?

That wasn't what he wanted at all.  The longer they kept their intimacy
at bay, the easier it would be for Jessica to walk away from him at the
end of the thirty days.  And Pierce had no intention of letting that
happen.

He studied her now, so cool and aloof, so prim and proper, but he
remembered the way she'd been this afternoon Warm and trembling and
ready.

For him.

He got up, tossed the beer can into the trash and slowly walked toward
the pool.

Jessica watched him.  The pool lights had been turned off, and the
torches cast dancing shadows across the surface of the water.  Standing
at the opposite side where the light barely touched him, Pierce
stripped off his shirt and dived into the cool water.  He surfaced at
her feet, his hand coming up to snare her wet ankle.

"Why don't you come in?"  he invited.  "The water's great."

"I went in earlier," she reminded him.  "But I was beginning to think
you didn't like to swim anymore."

"I just don't like crowds."

"Seems as though I'm not the only one who's changed," she said
pointedly.

Pierce shrugged.  "I've never denied that.  Sometimes when I look in
the mirror, I hardly recognize myself."

"I'm not talking about the physical changes, Pierce," she said
quietly.

"I know.  But I guess what I'm trying to say is, I realize I look
different, Jesse.  I know I'm not exactly easy on the eyes.  If you
don't want to be with me, if you can't stand "

"Don't say that," Jessica whispered.  "Please don't think that."

Impulsively she slipped into the pool: It was cool and dark and gave
them an instant illusion of privacy.  The music and laughter faded into
the background as Jessica stood in shoulder-high water facing Pierce.

"The scars don't matter to me."

"They matter to me," he said, "because I don't know how I got them." He
hesitated, then said, "I probably should warn you.  There are
others."

Jessica looked at him, feeling the impact of his words all the way to
her heart.  She asked hesitantly, "Worse ones?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice tremulous.  "I'm so sorry for what you
must have gone through.  I can't imagine what could have happened to
you, but I..  : Her words trailed off and she took a shuddering breath.
" Is that why you didn't want to go swimming earlier?  Because you
didn't want to take off your shirt?  "

"Yeah.  It's not a pretty sight.  I'm sorry, Jesse."

Jessica couldn't help herself.  She lifted her hand and trailed her
finger down the scar on the side of his face.  "You're still the most
attractive man I've ever met, Pierce."

Even though he wasn't touching her, she could sense his reaction to her
words.  His pleasure.  "And you are undoubtedly the most beautiful
woman I have ever seen.  You take my breath away."

It was so easy to let the water carry her toward him.  The darkness hid
them, wrapped them in a blanket of intimacy that made Jessica feel
daring and desperate, a very dangerous combination.

Pierce's hands rested lightly on her shoulders, then slid beneath the
water till he found her waist.  He pulled her toward him and Jessica
floated against him without resistance The water felt cool against her
skin, but inside she was burning up.  She wanted Pierce to kiss her in
the worst way and she wanted it now, this instant..

Pierce's lips found her neck, teased her ear, then trailed across her
cheek, barely skimming her mouth.  She tasted like wine and chocolate
and something a little more decadent More sinful, except that it wasn't
sinful because she was his wife, and that notion excited Pierce even
more.  She was his.  And she always would be..

As if to prove it to her, Pierce kissed her more forcefully, angling
his head so that he could part her lips even farther.  He wanted in.
Now.  And Jessica offered no resistance.

Her mouth was so sweet and hot and wet that it reminded him of other
areas he would like to explore.  Other places he wanted in.  His hands
slipped through the water to skim the edges of her swimsuit.  Even in
the water, she felt warm to his touch.

He broke the kiss, his fingers still gently exploring under the water.
Jessica's head dropped forward to rest against his chest.  He could
feel her trembling, shuddering as his fingers probed more deeply, more
thoroughly.  She clung to him desperately, her breathing deep and
ragged.  He shot a glance across the yard toward the terrace.  If
anyone looked over here, they would just see shadows.  At the most, a
kiss.  He'd break things up in a minute, but not quite yet.  Not when
she felt so delicious against his fingers.  So hot.  He drove deeper
and felt her shudder against him.  Just a minute moreA peal of laughter
rang out across the yard, an irritating intrusion into their little
island of privacy.  Pierce let out an unsteady breath, forcing his
hands away from Jessica as he realized how far he'd let things go.  The
wine and, he hoped , the kiss had lowered Jessica's inhibitions, but he
never should have taken advantage of her vulnerability.  She would hate
herself for her loss of control, and she'd very possibly hate him, as
well.

He lifted his hand out of the water and smoothed her hair.  She
remained against him, but Pierce could tell that she had withdrawn from
him.  She was gathering her poise, he suspected , before she could face
him, let alone the crowd of people on the : terrace.  He heard her draw
a breath that sounded almost like a sob.

He forced a casual note into his voice.  "Looks like the party's
winding down.  Maybe we should collect Max and be on our way, too.  If
you'd like to go on ahead, I'll make our goodbyes."

Jessica lifted her head from his shoulder, but her eyes didn't quite
meet his.  "No, it's okay.  I'll tell Sharon we're leaving."

Pierce watched her pull herself up out of the pool and grab a towel
from a nearby lawn chair.  She walked across the yard toward the
terrace, not once looking back at him.

Jessica followed Pierce up the stairs as he carried Max to bed.  They
hadn't said two words on the way home from Sharon's, and the silence
between them was rapidly turning into awkwardness.  She suspected they
were both reflecting on what had almost happened between them a little
while earlier.

How could she have done it?  Jessica asked herself over and over.

How could she have lost control like that?

How could she have behaved so..  wantonly in public?

And now what would Pierce think of her?  What would he expect from her?
And what did she want from him?

Tonight had changed everything.  After what had almost happened in the
pool, Jessica knew they could never go back to being polite strangers.
They would no longer be satisfied with casual dinner conversation or a
few chaste kisses.  The question now wasn't so much if they would have
sex, but when.  And not if it would change her life, but how much?

And was she ready to fare such a change?

Jessica leaned against the door frame and watched Pierce with their
son.  He was so gentle with Max, so tender and so loving that it made
her heart ache just to watch them together Max trusted Pierce
wholeheartedly.  He had no reservations at all about letting him back
into their lives.  Jessica wished she could be so sure.  She wished her
own feelings for Pierce were so uncomplicated.

Max stirred in his sleep as Pierce tucked the covers in around him.  "
" Dad?  "

"I'm here, son "

"Did you ask Mom about the camping trip?"

"

" Why don't we both ask her now?  "

Max sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes as he looked around the dimly lit
room.  "Is it okay, Mom?"

Jessica crossed the room and stood beside the bed.  Pierce was sitting
on the edge, and he and Max were both gazing up at her.  They looked so
much alike that Jessica felt a tenderness for them both well up inside
her.  She said, "You know you'll be gone until Saturday, sweetie.
That's five whole days.  Almost a week.  Are you sure you want to be
away from home that long?"

"Are you afraid you'll get lonely for me?"  Max asked solemnly.

Jessica smiled.  "A little."

"But I know a trick," Max said.  "If you think about me every night
before you go to sleep, then you won't be so lonely for me."

"I know that trick, too," Jessica said, bending to kiss his cheek.  " "
And I will think about you every night before I go to sleep.  "

"I'll think about you, too, Mom," he promised.  "Just like I used to
think about my dad every night until he came back home."

Jessica met Pierce's gaze.  She could see his eyes shining in the
moonlight and knew that he was as moved by their son's revelatio as she
was.  Jessica wanted to take his hand and tell him how she used to
think about him, too, every night before she went to sleep.  She wanted
to tell him how she used to pray for his safe return, wish with all her
might that she could see him just one more time.

She felt a tear trickle down her cheek as waves of emotion swept over
her.

"I guess it's all settled then," Pierce said.  His voice was strangely
subdued.  "I'll help you pack in the morning, Max.

How's that?  "

"Good," Max said contentedly.  He settled down under the covers, but
almost instantly bolted upright again, his i eyes wide with alarm.
"When I get back from camping, you'll still be here, won't you?"

"I'll always be here, son.  I'm not going anywhere."  !  " " Never
again?  " j " Never again.  I promise.  " His words were reassurance
for

Max, but his eyes were on Jessica.  Something settled inside

Jessica, a feeling of peace that at least one obstacle had suddenly
been cleared from their path.  She believed Pierce.

She trusted him.  And she wanted him to stay.

She wanted to tell him so much of what she was feeling and more, but
Max was clinging to his hand as if he, too, was suddenly aware of how
much he meant to him.  "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"  he
asked.

A few days ago, such a request would have torn Jessica up inside
because her son was turning to someone else for comfort where he had
once turned to her.  But now as she watched Pierce stretch out beside
their son and pull him into the protection of his strong arms, Jessica
knew only a feeling of deep contentment.

Yet another barrier had fallen between them.

Jessica expected the knock on her bedroom door, but when it came, her
stomach knotted in apprehension just the same.  She laid the hairbrush
on the dressing table and stood, then tightened the belt of her robe as
she crossed the room to open the door.

"I just came to say good-night," Pierce said, when she drew open the
door.  "Max is finally sleeping."

"Good."

Their eyes met in the lamplight, and in that instant, awareness leaped
across the space that separated them.  Pierce leaned one arm against
the door and took a moment to gaze around the room, his eyes lingering
just a fraction too long on the king-size bed they had once shared.

She should have gotten rid of it a long time ago, Jessica realized.  It
held too many memories for them, and she wasn't sure it was a good idea
to have such an intimate reminder of what they'd once shared.  Maybe it
would have been better to start new memories where old ones didn't
exist Where comparisons weren't inevitable.

His gaze returned to her and he smiled a little half smile that sent
her heart racing.  "You know, Jesse, of all the things we've talked
about since I've been back, there's one subject we've pretty much
avoided."

"What?"  Her voice sounded breathy, a little too excited.

"We haven't talked about sex.  I think maybe it's time we did: '

Jessica let out a shaky breath.  "Don't you think it's a little late
for conversation?  I mean considering... what almost happened
earlier... : She glanced away, embarrassed.

Pierce walked into the room and closed the door.  The sound of the
latch clicking shut made Jessica even more nervous.  The room suddenly
seemed too small and intimate , the bed too large and overpowering.

"I thii:q the timing's perfect," he said softly.  "It occurred to me
earlier that you're afraid of me.  Afraid to let yourself go with me. I
can't help wondering why."

"Five years is a long time," she said, fiddling with the top of her
robe.  "We've both changed.  And everything."

"Yeah," he agreed, his eyes darkening suspiciously.  "It's that "
everything' I want to talk about.  You said there was no one else in
your life, hasn't been anyone else.  Does that mean you've abstained
from sex for five whole years?  Is that why you're so reluctant to be
with me now?  "

"I could ask you the same question," Jessica said.  "Only, you don't
remember, do you?"

His eyes were deep and probing as he searched her face.  "I was never
unfaithful to you: '

Jessica knew the wave of relief flooding through her was ridiculous
under the circumstances.  She tried to fight it off, tried to think
more rationally with her brain instead of her heart.  "How can you be
so sure?  How can you say that when there are so many things you can't
tell me about the past five years?"

" " Because I am sure.  Because I know, right here" he touched his hand
to his heart " "that there was never anyone but you.  Can you tell me
the same thing?"

She lifted her gaze to his.  "Yes," she whispered.  "I was never
unfaithful to you, Pierce."

For just a moment, the darkness in his eyes lifted, and Jessica
glimpsed an emotion so powerful, so intense, it took her breath away.
"My God," he breathed, "I've been so afraid.  I knew I had no right to
ask, but I had to know.  Jesse..  "

He pulled her into his arms so fast, Jessica felt as if the floor had
given way beneath her.  She grabbed his arms for support, letting him
guide her back against the wall until he could press against her, his
body hot and hard and insistent

"It's been so long," he whispered.  "We've been apart for so long.
Sometimes I wonder how I survived at all without you: '

"Because you had to," she said.  "And so did I: '

"Yes," he agreed, "but I don't think I can survive another night
without making love to you.  When I'm close to you like this, I can't
stand not touching you.  My God, I remember everything about you.  How
silky smooth your hair feels beneath my fingers."

As if to demonstrate to himself the truth of his words, he wove his
hands through the dark cloud of her hair.  "And your mouth..  : He took
a deep breath.  " "Your mouth is so damned sexy, sweetheart.  I want to
kiss you deep and hard every time I look at you: He rubbed a thumb
across her lips, a prelude to what she really wanted.  " We've been
leading up to this all day.  You know that, don't you?  " he asked
softly.

Jessica closed her eyes and leaned back against the wall, her breathing
deep and uneven.  He was quickly seducing her, with his hands and his
mouth and his words, and she didn't know if she had the will to stop
him this time, because she was remembering, too.  She knew the feel of
his hands against her flesh, the hardness of his body on hers.  She
knew what it was like, the exquisite thrill, the moment he plunged
inside her..

"I remember what it's like, seeing you lying on that bed, waiting for
me."  He slid his knuckles down her face, traced the line of her chin
with one finger, then found the pulse point in her throat.  His hand
dipped lower.  "You have the most beautiful breasts," he murmured.  "So
round and firm and just the perfect size for my hands.  And my mouth,"
he added, watching her.  His hands smoothed down her sides,

Fade to Blacy 183

barely skimming her breasts, but Jessica felt the sensitive peaks
tingle and swell, aching for a deeper, more thorough touch.

"This is crazy," she breathed, trying to control the mounting
sensations inside her.

"Insane," he agreed.

His hands were at her waist, pulling her toward him until he could lock
his arms around her, holding her against him so tightly, Jessica had no
doubt at all about his own state of arousal.  Their mouths joined and
he shot his tongue deep inside her, thrilling her with the urgency of
his thrusts.

Jessica shifted, automatically adjusting her position to accommodate
him.  The feel of his erection caused something to gush inside her.
Nerve endings quivered with sensation Deep inside, she could feel her
body start to clench and unclench, clench and unclench.  Desperate now,
she pressed herself against him, molded herself to him until only their
clothing prevented penetration.

"Sweetheart," Pierce groaned, "let me get us to the bed."

He started to lift her, but Jessica pushed aside his hands.

"No: '

He hesitated.  "Not the bed?"

Jessica shook her head, drinking in great gulps of air to try to calm
her racing heart.  "Not..  this," she gasped.  "Not sex.  We can't."

His hands froze.  "

" Why not?  "

Jessica glanced away, her face flooding with color at the reality of
the situation.  He was her husband, for God's sake.  No need to be
embarrassed, but for some reason she suddenly felt unbearably shy.  " "
Because I'm not.  I'm not protected, thaYs why.  " Speaking her fears
aloud effectively doused Jessica's passion.  She retreated a few inches
away from him, securing the belt of her robe.  " I should have thought
about it earlier, but I..  I wasn't thinking at all.  "

Pierce just stared at her for a long, tense moment.  He looked as if he
couldn't quite believe what he was hearing.  "You mean if we make love,
you could get pregnant?"

"Surely you haven't forgotten the way that works," she said shakily.
"Of course I could get pregnant."

Another pause.  His gaze softened.  "Would that be so bad?"  he asked
quietly.  "We always wanted a big family."

"Yes, it would be bad," she practically shouted.  "It would be horribly
irresponsible of us.  We can't bring another child into this world
until we know... that is... until we're sure that..  : '

Pierce helped her out.  "Until we're sure we'll stay together ?"

Jessica ran a trembling hand through her hair.  "Yes.  It's the only
sensible decision.  The only mature one."

"Yeah," Pierce said, scrubbing his face with his hands.  "But I'm not
feeling too damned mature at the moment."

He brushed his lips against hers, an agonizingly brief contact, then he
turned and strode out of the bedroom.

Chapter 11

cc

Max, I don't think you're going to have room for all those toys,"
Pierce said as he lifted a stack of T-shirts from one of Max's drawers
and placed them inside the open suitcase

Max struggled across the room, carrying a box of superhero figures.  He
eyed his suitcase warily, took out the stack of shirts Pierce had just
carefully packed, then dumped the toys inside.

Pierce shook his head.  "I think we're going to have to come up with a
compromise here, or else your mother will have both our heads.  How
about just a few of those figures ?  "

Max shot him a glance.  "How many is a few?"

"Five," Pierce said, then seeing Max's outraged look quickly bargained.
"Okay, ten.  But we have to make room for your clean clothes
somehow."

"How about we leave out my toothbrush?"  Max suggested helpfully,
digging under the pile of toys to find it.  "I

probably won't need it, anyway.  I'm just going to be gone until
Saturday.  "

Pierce smothered a grimace.  "Well, a toothbrush doesn't take up all
that much space, and the McReynoldses would probably appreciate it if
you could somehow find the time to use it."

"Okay," Max agreed reluctantly.  "Then what else can I leave behind?  I
need this stuff, Dad."

"How about Freddy?"  Pierce pulled the bedraggled bear from Max's
suitcase and held it up.

Max bit his lip, eyeing the stuffed toy longingly.  "What if he gets
lonely for me while I'm gone?"

"Remember what you told your mother last night?  Freddy can think about
you every night before he goes to sleep.  And just to make doubly sure
he doesn't get lonely, you can think about him, too.  How's that?"

Max considered the suggestion.  "That could work, I guess.  Will you. 
think about me, too?"

"You bet."

"And will you keep Mom from getting too lonely for me?  "

Pierce smiled.  "I'll sure do my best."

Max looked up at his father, his eyes wide and dark and solemn.  "Can I
tell you a secret?  Promise you won't tell?"

Pierce crossed his heart with his finger.

Max nodded, satisfied.  "I used to hear Mom crying sometimes at night
when she thought I was asleep.  I think she was lonely for you: '

Pierce closed his eyes for a moment, feeling a wave of guilt wash over
him.  "I'm going to try to make sure that your mother never has a
reason to cry again.  ThaYs a promise, Max."

Max grinned.  "You always keep your promises, don't you, Dad?"

"Yes," Pierce agreed grimly, remembering the oath to the agency he'd
taken years ago.  "I always do."

Max took Freddy from Pierce and sat down on the edge of the bed,
cradling the bear in his arms.  He was silent for a moment, then he
looked up at Pierce, his gaze serious.  " " If someone told you their
secret, it wouldn't be right to tell someone else about it, would it?
"

"Not usually," Pierce said.  "But it would depend on what the secret
was.  There are times when you should.  For instance, if the secret was
one that might cause harm to someone else, then you'd have to tell.  Or
there are secrets likqe the one you just told me about your mother. You
thought that was something I needed to know.  Is there something else
you want to tell me, Max?"

Max shook his head.  "I promised I wouldn't tell, and I want to be like
you.  I want to always keep my promises."

This conversation was making Pierce feel uneasy.  "Is this promise
going to cause harm to someone if you don't tell?

Is it dangerous?  "

Max shook his head.  "No.  It's just about a dumb game me and my friend
play."

Pierce let out a relieved breath.  "Well, if it's a promise you made to
a friend, and there's no harm to anyone else, then I guess I'd have to
agree.  I guess you'd need to keep your friend's secret.  Otherwise he
might not think he could trust you.  But if you ever do need to talk to
me about anything , I'm here, son."

"I'm here, too, Dad, if you ever need to talk to me," Max said soberly.
q'Thanks, Max.  I'll remember that.  "

A little while later, Max was all packed up, and he and

Pierce and Jessica stood out in the front yard as Frank q :3qCReynolds
loaded the rest of their gear into the back of the

Jessica bent down and gave Max one last hug.  " " Now you call me
whenever you get a chance," she instructed.

"There won't be no phone in the woods, Mom," Max admonished her, but
his arms clung to her neck a little longer than usual.

"Don't worry, Jessica.  We'll call," Sharon assured her.  "Ready to hit
the road, Max?"

He nodded, pressing his face against Jessica's one last time.  Then he
climbed into the van, and Jessica felt the beginnings of tears as she
watched him and Allie hopping up and down in excitement.  Pierce's arm
came around her, and automatically the loneliness began to ease.
Jessica laid her head against his shoulder, and his arm tightened
around her.

Amid a barrage of goodbyes and be goods and have funs, the van slowly
backed out of the driveway and lumbered down the street.  Jessica and
Pierce stood on the sidewalk, still waving as the van turned the corner
and drove out of sight.

"So," she said, taking a deep breath and letting it out.

"So," he said, watching her carefully.

Jessica self-consciously wiped the back of her fingers across the
moisture on her face.  "You must think I'm pretty silly, getting this
upset over a camping trip.  It's just... he's never been away from me
before.  I always took him with me when I traveled."

Pierce lifted a finger to trace the path of a new tear sliding down her
cheek.  "I don't think you're silly at all.  I miss him, too: '

She gazed up at him.  "You do?  Already?  I mean, you understand," she
finished softly.  He nodded, and for the first time Jessica spoke what
was in her heart.  "I'm glaq you're here, Pierce."

"I'm glad I'm here, too."  They smiled at one another to mark the
beginning of a new understanding, and then he saidq "What we need is a
diversion."  ' "A... diversion?"

He kept his arm around her shoulders as they turned toward the house.
"To take our minds off missing our son.  How about dinner out tonight?
Just you and me.  Kind of likqe the old days.  Except better.  I'd love
to take this new, independent career woman out on the town," he teased
as they walked up the porch steps.  "Of course, since you're working
and I'm not, you may have to pick up the tab: '

Jessica tucked her hair behind her ears as they stopped on the front
porch and turned toward one another.  A breeze drifted through the
trees, stirring the scent of honeysuckle in the early morning air.
Memories teased the fringes of

Jessica's mind, and she wasn't sure if they were good or bad ones. "The
shop is still yours, Pierce.  You still own it."

He shook his head and smiled.  "The shop is ours, Jesse.

You've made it every bit as much yours as it ever was mine.

Maybe more so.  " He paused, then said, " "There could be a place for
both of us, though."

In silent consent, they sat down on the porch swing and rocked slowly
back and forth.  It seemed like such an innocent thing to do,
uncomplicated and normal, but Jessica knew that something important was
happening between : them.  Something that had been building for days.

She considered his suggestion as the movement of the "~'.swing lulled
her senses.  She was surprised to find that she didn't resent Pierce's
proposal.  Not in the least.  " You could :q: be right," she said.  " I
would like to be able to spend some q" time with Max.  I've missed so
much, it seems."  qqNot nearly as much as I have," Pierce said.  " But
we q4'qave the rest of our lives to make up for it.  Why don't we qert
tonight?  It could be a new beginning for us, Jesse.  "

He stopped the movement of the swing as he turned to her expectantly.
Jessica could hear the hammering of her heart in the early morning
stillness and wondered if he could, too.

"I'm not sure I'm ready," she murmured, avoiding his gaze.

Pierce started the swing again.  "We'll start with dinner ," he said
easily.  "Wewon't plan on anything beyond that."

He rested his head against the back of the swing and his eyes closed.
He looked completely relaxed and unhurried, but Jessica knew his
calmness was a facade.  They were both thinking ahead to after dinner,
to returning home where they would be alone tonight, with no
interruptions.

"How about dinner tonight, Jessica?"

Jessica put the final touches to the jewelry display in the glass case
before looking up.  Brandon had come in unexpectedly this morning.
She'd thought he was still in Amsterdam Or Caracas.  Where had he told
her he was going last week?

She closed the case and glanced up.  "I'm afraid I can't tonight.  I've
already made plans."  At the thought of the promised evening with
Pierce, her stomach began to flutter in anticipation.  She caught
herself smiling.

So did Brandon.  Something flickered across his features before he
tempered his expression, but Jessica felt the stirrings of an
uneasiness she didn't quite understand.

"Do these plans include your ex-husband?"

"He isn't my ex-husband," she clarified.  "Pierre and I are still
married."

"I would have thought that situation only a temporary technicality," he
said, leaning against the counter as he regarded her steadily.  "After
all, the man's been gone for five years.  What can you possibly have in
common with him now?"

Jessica thought about the way Pierce had touched her in the pool last
night, and her face warmed at the memory.  She brushed an invisible
spot of dust from the Tiffany lamp on the counter.  " " You mean aside
from our son?  I don't know what we may or may not still have in
common," she acknowledged' Maybe that's why I want to have dinner with
him tonight: '

"I hope you know what you're doing: His voice was soft and concerned,
but there was still something in his eyes, a hardness she had never
noticed before.  " I'd hate to see you get hurt," he added.

"I have no intention of getting hurt," Jessica said, but in truth she
had no idea whether she was doing the right thing or not.  All she knew
for sure was that the feelings between her and Pierce were much too
strong to ignore.  God knows she'd tried.  But she couldn't fight them
any longer.  Didn't want to.

"What did you bring me from your trip?"  she said lightly, trying to
return their conversation to business matters

Brandon grinned.  "Something irresistible.  Something you can't
possibly say no to: '

"Well, let's see it," Jessica said, then caught her breath at the gold
and jade earrings he withdrew from his pocket.  They were the exact
shade of green as the dress she planned to wear tonight.  For Pierce.

The band played "

" Unforgettable.  "

Jessica remembered vividly that one detail, but on looking back later,
so much about the evening with Pierce was only a hazy memory, a
shimmering impression of a night destined to change her life.

She remembered that she wore her green dress and the jade earrings, and
Pierce was dressed in a raw silk sport coat, a white shirt that looked
irresistibly soft and inviting, and dark pleated trousers that fitted
him so well she was certain they must be new.  Jessica remembered
thinking that he was dressed the way he used to, the casual elegance
masking the soul of a man who dared to take risks, who had once thrived
on living on the edge.

She remembered that the rustic, wooded setting of the restaurant Pierce
had chosen made it seem as if they were miles from anywhere, and the
candlelight flickering on the table made his eyes seem even darker,
more mysterious.

She remembered that they danced.  Close.  Like lovers.  And she
remembered that later they strolled outside in the restaurant's garden,
and that Pierce kissed her beneath a full moon.

But what Jessica always remembered most about that night was the
anticipation that, like a drug, lulled her into an almost dreamlike
state of lethargy, where everything looked beautiful and romantic, and
where anything seemed possible.

Even love.

The house looked dark and deserted when they pulled up into the
driveway, but Jessica had left a lamp on in the living room and another
one on in her bedroom.  The soft glow from the upstairs window drew her
gaze for a moment as Pierce wrapped his arm around her and guided her
in through the back door.

She stumbled once in the darkness, and he caught her against him, his
hands finding her waist and holding her for a moment longer than was
necessary.  Jessica gazed up at him in the darkness, unable to read his
eyes or his expression , but she somehow knew that he was feeling that
same qense of expectation, that trace of recklessness that had been
qing them both all evening.

"Shall we say our good-nights down here, Jesse?"  he murmured softly.

His hand skimmed her bare arm.  His touch was electric.  And Jessica
wanted more.

She curled her fingers around his lapels, pulling him toward her for
the kiss she had been craving all evening.  Not the light, romantic
kiss he'd given her in the garden, but a deep, soul-shattering kiss
that would leave not one iota of doubt in either of their minds as to
how the evening would end.

"I'd rather say good morning," she said daringly, feathering her lips
against his.

Pierce let out a long breath, pulled her against him and hailed his
hands up and down her back.  "Do you know how good it feels to hold
you?  God, you can't possibly know."

"Oh, but I do," she said.  "I've waited so long for you.  For this
night."

"Sqveetheart," he breathed and captured her lips with his.  He touched
his tongue to hers, and Jessica felt the sensation all the way to her
toes.

"Let's go upstairs," he said, taking her hand.

Jessica was floating again.  She was barely aware of the stain beneath
her feet or the doors that opened at the slightest touch, but suddenly
they were in her bedroom and she was in his arms again, and the
king-size bed-their bed-was beckoning to them both.

Pierce swung one of the jade earrings with his fingertip.  "Heautiful,"
he whispered.  "Just like you: '

"Brandon brought them to me today," she said.  "I souldn't resist.
I-I'd hoped you'd like them."

"I love them, but since Chambers brought them to you, qe'll ranove them
first," he said teasingly, reaching to undo the backs.  He tossed the
earrings on her dresser, then reached for the zipper of her dress.

Suddenly shy, Jessica said, "Let me... I'll just be a minute" She
scooped up her robe and sailed past him into the bathroom.  She closed
the door and leaned against it, fanning her face with her hand.

No turning back now, Jessica, she warned herself.  You better make darn
sure this is what you want.  Away from Pierce she felt the doubts begin
to sneak back in.  The glow from the evening- from the wine and from
his kiss-fizzled in the harsh glare of the bathroom light.  She hadn't
made love in five years, and Jessica had never felt very confident
about her abilities to please him, even all those years ago.

What if she did something stupid?  What if she did something that would
embarrass both her and Pierce and make him wish he'd never come back?
Or worse, what if he didn't like the way she looked anymore?  She
wasn't as thin as she used to be, she thought, gazing down at her
figure.  Pierce had always treated her like a china doll, but Jessica
had lost that fragile look a long time ago.

But when she glanced at her reflection in the mirror, saw the glow in
her eyes, the color in her cheeks, the slightly swollen line of her
lips from his kisses, she knew suddenly that, no matter what the night
held for them, no matter what revelations came to light, this was
exactly what she wanted.  For the first time in five years she felt
like a woman again.  Pierce had not only returned from the dead but
he'd also brought her back into the world of the living.

Quickly she removed her dress and stockings and underwear , and belted
the robe around her.  She brushed her teeth, ran a comb through her
hair, and spritzed her favorite perfume on all the pulse points she
could think of.  Then she opened the door and went out to join her
husband.

Pierce saw the doubt and unrertainty in her eyes immediately He watched
her cross the room and stand for a second too long beside the bed
before she curled up beside him.

She looked so young with her long, dark hair fanned out across the
pillow and her gray eyes wide and shadowed with apprehension and maybe
just a hint of fear.  She seemed , sweet and vulnerable tonight, and so
fragile that he wondered if he even dared touch her.

So he just looked at her for an agonizing moment, telling himself that
he could make her happy.  He could be the man she'd always thought he
was.  Tonight he had a lot to prove, not just to her, but to himself.
,

Would she still want him?  When she saw what he looked like now, would
she still find him attractive?  Or would she be turned off by what the
past five years had done to him?  ;

She was waiting for him to make the first move, Pierce realized.  She
was gazing over at him, and he felt a surge of !  tenderness well
inside him.  She was looking at him the way she used to look at him.

He took his cue immediately.

"We can do away with this, can't we?"  he asked, undoing the belt of
her robe.  Jessica raised herself up as he slipped the fabric off her
shoulders and down her arms, and then it was gone.  , The last barrier
between them.

She slid beneath the covers and Pierce reached across her to turn out
the light.

"You don't have to," she whispered shyly.  " " It's best," he said in a
tone Jessica couldn't quite decipher Then he said, " Come here,
sweetheart," and she stopped trying to analyze anything.

His kisses and caresses quickly returned her to that floatqq ing,
dreamlike state of euphoria.  Jessica had never felt so ; relaxed.  So
free from responsibility.

"We don't have a thing to worry about tonight," he said, echoing her
thoughts.  "It's just you and me, Jesse.  The way it used to be.  I'll
take care of you, you know.  I'll take care of everything."

Jessica knew what he was talking about.  She'd seen the box of condoms
sitting on the nightstand when she'd come back into the room.  "I
thought you said you weren't planning anything beyond dinner," she
murmured, closing her eyes as his hand played along her side, riding
over her hip, then lingering on her thigh.

"Do you mind?"  he asked, tracing her lips lightly with his
fingertips.

"No," she said, and meant it.  "Sometimes it's nice to be taken care
of."  Jessica was amazed at herself for admitting it, but it was true.
Tonight she needed to be able to rely on someone other than herself.
She needed to be able to trust again.  She needed Pierce.

Jessica sighed, and Pierce wrapped her even more tightly in his arms.

It was so easy, after all, she discovered.  So easy to let go of the
doubts and fears and frustrations.  So easy to let him back into her
life and back into her heart.  Jessica caught his face between her
hands and kissed him deeply.

Instantly Pierce responded to her need.  He kissed her in return,
tenderly at first and then with a growing demand that left them both
breathless and aching.  His head moved downward, leaving a trail of
hot, wet kisses as he searched for, then found first one breast and
then the other.  He moistened the sensitive peak with his tongue, then
took it into his mouth, drawing a long, shuddering breath from Jessica.
She plunged her hands into his hair and held him close.

The darkness of the room only heightened her senses.  Jessica could
barely see Piercc's face, but she didn't need to see him.  She could
feel him, feel every inch of his long, hard body as he lay against her,
touching her so intimately she thought she might die from the thrill of
it all.

It was never this way before.  Jessica didn't want to think about that,
didn't want to make comparisons with the way it used to be, but dear
God, it was different.  It was better.  She guided him to the places
that screamed for attention, and Pierce eagerly complied.

She whispered his name over and over in the darkness, entreaties that
came from her heart, her very soul, and Pierce answered her.

"I'm right here, Jesse," he whispered.

He took his time with her, kissing her all over, touching her in places
that made her moan softly into the darkness.

Pierce had only one thought and that was to please Jesse.  !  For the
moment, he put his own needs aside and tried to concentrate on making
her want him as badly as he wanted her.

But it had been so long.  So very long.  Five years he'd spent without
her.  Even though he couldn't remember the passage of time, Pierce
somehow felt the unbearable loneliness of every one of those years now,
the desperation and despair of the long separation.

The intense emotions rushing through him made him want to hurry the
consummation, to lay claim to his wife once again, to experience that
heart-pounding thrill the moment he entered her.

But not yet, he thought.  Not until she was ready for him.

This night belonged to her.

He felt her hand on his.  Unexpectedly she changed the rhythm of his
touch, and Pierce heard her breath catch in her throat.  It elated him
to know that she could take such j pleasure in their lovemaking now,
that she could unashamedly let him know what she wanted, what brought
her pleasure.

It was never like this before.

Don't think about that, he admonished himself.  It had always been
wonderful with Jesse, but Pierce had never been quite sure of his
ability to please her.  She'd always been so shy about voicing her
needs, about showing him what brought her the greatest enjoyment.

But not now.  God, it was better between them now.  So much better.  He
was better, Pierce realized, and he knew why.  Because pleasing Jessica
was so much more important -and so much more thrilling-than taking his
own satisfaction.

He heard her breath quicken, felt the muscles in her legs tense and
knew that she was almost there.  He slid down in bed and let his mouth
replace his hand.  The explosion was almost immediate.  Jessica's back
arched and her hands grasped his shoulders as she cried out.  The
convulsions lasted an impossibly long time, and Pierce thought his own
body would explode just watching her.  Before the shudders quieted, he
reached for the box on the nightstand, dealt with the necessities, then
moved over her and eased inside.

Jessica's heart was still pounding from the aftershock of the powerful
climax when she felt Pierce enter her.  She tensed.  It was difficult
at first.  After all this time, the passage was almost too snug, but
Pierce took his time, easing in little by little, whispering to her how
much he wanted her.

"It's been so long," she whispered a little desperately.  "I'm sorry
it's so... tight."

Pierce shuddered above her.  "God, I'm not.  It's like our wedding
night, remember?"

The memory made Jessica smile.  Made her want to experience again that
closeness with Pierce, a man who had been her husband and her lover and
her friend.  It could be that way again, she thought.  It could be that
way again, only better.

His movements inside her were slow and undemanding, so Jessica began to
relax.  And as soon as she relaxed, the pleasure began to build all
over again.  She shifted her thighs until she was able to draw his full
length inside her, and

Pierce stilled for a moment, letting her body adjust to his.

It was Jessica who moved against him.  It was Jessica who set the
rhythm, moving her hips slowly at first, then faster and harder, taking
him in so deeply Pierce knew he would come apart any second now.

"God, you're good," he groaned, matching her frenzied rhythm.  "So
damned good: '

In the end it was Pierce who took charge.  No longer able to sustain
the motion, Jessica collapsed back on the bed, , breathing deeply as
the sensations rapidly began to build and build in the lower part of
her body.  Pierce plunged inside her, time after time, until the
release ripped through her, shattering the last vestige of her
control.

Holding him close, Jessica felt Pierce's shudders, his last deep
thrusts, and knew with a sense of contentment that she had pleased him.
Almost as much as he had pleased her.  She felt like laughing and
crying all at the same time.

After a moment, he started to roll off her, but Jessica clasped him
tightly.  "Don't leave," she whispered, feeling the emotions well up
inside her.  "Not yet."

Pierce touched the tear at the corner of her eye.  "Did I hurt you? Oh,
God, Jesse, I didn't mean to."

"You didn't.  It's just...."  Her voice trailed off and her eyes
closed.  "It was so wonderful being close to you again , but it was ...
so different this time.  So intense.  I've never felt this way
before."

Pierce smiled.  "So you noticed that, too."  He rolled to his j side,
but he kept his arms around her, kept their bodies connected as he
pulled her more snugly into his embrare.  They lay face-to-face.  Heart
to heart.  And Jessica couldn't imagine being anywhere else at that
moment.

"Why do you think it's so different now?"  she asked, laying her head
against his shoulder.

His hand lazily traced her back.  "I imagine it's because of what you
keep telling me.  We've both changed."

"

" That much?  "

He grinned.  "It would seem so.  You've grown up, become very mature
and independent.  You know what you want and you weren't afraid to let
me know: '

Jessiea covered her face with her hands.  Now that the passion had
subsided, she felt a little embarrassed by her behavior.  "You must
think I'm terrible," she said.

Pierce pulled her hands away from her face and kissed her soundly.  "I
think you're wonderful," he said.  "But you're not the only one who's
changed, sweetheart.  I think I've grown up, too.  I've learned that
life is more than just living on the edge.  More than just one
momentary thrill after another My family is the most important thing in
the world to me now, and I want to be here for you for as long as
you'll have me.  Because I love you, Jesse.  More than anything: '

Jessica felt another tear slip down her face.  She reached up and
brought his mouth close to hers.  "Please don't leave me," she
whispered, just before their lips touched.

"Never again," he vowed.

Chapter 12

He was gone when Jessica awakened.  She bolted upright in bed.  "

" Pierce?  "

"I'm right here, Jesse," came his soft reply.

It was still dark, but a soft glow illuminated the room as if dawn
I>overed just on the horizon.  Pierce was sitting in the wing chair
near the window, and he'd turned on a lamp, angling the shade so that
the light fell away from the bed.  Jessica saw that he'd been looking
through the stack of photo albums she kept in the bookcase near her
dresser.

"Can't you sleep?"  she asked, shoving the hair back from her face.

"I have a lot on my mind, I guess."

His head was bent over the pictures, and his expression was shadowed,
but even from across the room, Jessica sensed that something was wrong.
She reached for her robe and slipped it on as she got out of bed.  She
crossed the floor and knelt beside the chair, then gazed down at the
pictures in the album spread open on his lap.  By the looks of the pile
beside his chair, he'd already been through most of them.

Jessica knew what they contained.  They were a catalog of Max's life
from the day he was born.  His first tooth, his first step, his first
day of school.  Jessica had been meticulous about chronicling in
photographs the five years Pierce had been away.  She wondered now if
it was because she'd always known somehow that he'd come back to her.

"That was the day Max started kindergarten," Jessica said softly,
smiling at the image of her son's solemn little face as he waved to her
from the school-bus steps.  The camera had captured the tears
glistening on his cheeks, and Jessica remembered that she'd had a hard
time fighting back her own tears as she'd watched the bus drive away.
She'd felt as if she'd lost a very precious part of herself that day.

"I've missed so much," Pierce said.  His own eyes were shining as he
looked up and met her gaze.  "I've lost so much more than just
memories, Jesse, and no matter what happens, I'll never get those years
back.  They're gone forever"

Jessica didn't know what to say.  Something unleashed inside.  She felt
the last of her anger and resentment melt away as she gazed into
Pierce's tormented eyes.  She knew, without knowing how she knew, that
he hadn't left her and Max all those years ago because he'd wanted to.
He'd left because he had to.  Because no other choice had been given to
him.

She mourned his loss now, just as she had mourned hers the day he'd
disappeared.

She reached up and smoothed back the lock of dark hair that had fallen
across his brow.  "I don't know how I would deal with a loss like
yours," she said softly.  "I can't imagine how it would feel to have
missed all those years of Max's life."

"And yours," he said, gazing at her with dark, haunted eyes.  " " You
can't know how deeply I regret losing those five years of our marriage,
Jesse.  Years that we can never get back.  Sometimes I wonder.  " "
"What? " , He took her hand and squeezed it.  " Sometimes I wonder if
things will ever work out for us.  I want them to.  You don't know how
badly, but sometimes I can't help thinking that we may never be able to
find what we once had: '

"Maybe not all of it," she said.  "Some of it is gone forever" Jessica
felt something of the loss she'd experienced ', the day Max had started
to school.  Something precious had been lost to her forever.  But in a
way, she and Max had grown closer after that day.  She'd enjoyed
immensely this new phase of his 11fe, taken great pride in his
accomplishments at school.  Her hero worship and youthful adulation for
the kind of man Pierce had been was gone forever because the girl she'd
been was gone.  She was a woman now, and like her son, she didn't need
a hero anymore.  Didn't need someone to protect her from the cruelties
of the world.  She'd proven that she could do that for herself.

What she needed now was just a man.  Someone to love her for better or
worse.  Jessica took a deep breath.  She mourned the loss of her youth
for just a moment, then she let it go.  Maybe it was time she and
Pierce moved into a new, more mature phase of their lives.

He was staring down at the pictures again, his expression deeply
saddened, and Jessica's heart ached for him.

"Let it go," she whispered.  "Let it go, love.  You and Max have years
and years ahead of you.  You won't miss any more of his 11fe, Pierce. I
promise you: $ " And what about your life, Jesse?  "

Jessica didn't answer him.  Instead she drew their linked hands up to
her mouth and kissed each of his scarred knuckles.  "It can never be
the same for us again," she said softly.  "I'm not the same woman you
married, and you're not the same man who left here five years ago.  But
I do love you, Pierce.  Maybe more than I ever did."

Pierce closed his eyes as if overcome by his emotions.  "You don't know
how I've wanted to hear you say that.  I've seen the woman you've
become, Jesse.  I've seen the way you've raised our son.  I admire and
respect you more than anyone I've ever known.  And if you don't need me
anymore , well, that's okay."  He set the album aside and stood,
drawing her to her feet.  "Because you see, sweetheart, I do need you.
I need you desperately."

It was so easy to hold him, to offer him the comfort of her arms as
he'd done so often for her in the past.  For a long while they stood in
the glow of the lamp, their arms around each other as they each grieved
in their own way for what would never be again.

Jessica wasn't sure when things began to change, but suddenly their
embrace tightened.  Their bodies shifted and fitted together more
intimately.  She felt Pierce's lips in her hair and then at her ear and
she turned her head just slightly, so their mouths were only a breath
away.

"Oh, God," Pierce whispered, holding her close.

Then he kissed her, and Jessica felt the past crumble around them.

He unfastened her robe and slid it off her shoulders, then lifted her
and carried her to the bed.  Jessica kept her arms around him, pulling
him down with her as she lay back against the pillows.

Their kisses became hot and greedy with anticipation.  They knew what
to expect from each other now, knew exactly how to give each other the
greatest pleasure, and JesFade to Black sica couldn't wait for that
exquisite moment of fulfillment.

She reveled now in the physical side of their love where onre she had
been too inhibited to fully enjoy it.  i Pierce pulled away from her
for a moment.  "I'll turn off the light," he said.

"No, don't," she said, reaching for him again.  "

" But, Jesse"

"I want to see you," she insisted.  She sat up in bed and then knelt
before him, still a little shy in her nakedness, but the look in
Pierce's eyes made her awkwardness vanish.  She let him look at her for
as long as he wanted, and then, when he reached for her, she went
gladly into his arms.

In the lamp glow, she could see the scar down the side of his face, and
Jessica lifted her lips to kiss it.  Pierce flinched beneath her touch,
but he didn't move away.  He remained still under her scrutiny, letting
her get to know his body again as he'd done with hers.

Jessica's lips skimmed down the side of his face, tracing the length of
the scar, then moved to his neck and across his shoulders.  She shifted
around him so that she was kneeling behind him.  She bent and kissed
the back of his neck as her hands caressed his arms and shoulders, and
then moved to his back.

Her hands froze when she felt the mass of scars.

Pierce tensed but didn't move.  He sat with his head slightly bowed as
if waiting for her retreat.

Even in the soft light, the scars were horrible, worse than anything
Jessica could ever imagine.  The thin red ridges crisscrossed over the
entire surface of his back, leaving very little skin that was unmarked.
The horror of what he had gone through rose in Jessica until she
thought for a moment she might be sick, not from the scars but from the
suffering he'd endured and the pain she'd caused him when he returned
home.  It was almost too much to bear.

But no matter how badly she felt, Jessica knew she could do nothing to
make him think she was rejecting him again.  Far from it.  If possible,
she loved him even more.  He'd survived incredible torment just to find
his way back to her.  She put her arms around him and held him close,
her cheek against his scarred flesh.

Pierce felt her tears against his back, and it tore him up to realize
what the sight of his scars must have done to her.  He turned until he
was able to take her in his arms and pull her into his lap.  She clung
to him, crying as he'd never seen her cry before.

Pierce didn't know quite what to do, so he simply held her as the sobs
racked her body and her tears streamed down his chest.

"Jesse, Jesse," he soothed, putting his cheek against hers.  "It's
okay.  It's all in the past, remember?  We have to let it go,
sweetheart.  "

"I'm sorry," she whispered over and over.  "I'm so sorry."

Pierce held her even more tightly.  "You have nothing to be sorry
about.  None of this is your fault."

"But it is, don't you see?"  The sobs made her speak haltingly,
brokenly.  " " You came back home..  and after everything you'd been
through..  I made you think you weren't welcome here.  I made you
think..  this wasn't your home anymore.  That..  Max and I..  didn't
want you or need you or..  love you.  "

"Well, what were you supposed to do?  I'd been gone five years without
a word, and then I just showed up one day, expecting everything to be
as I'd left it.  I don't blame you for not welcoming me with open arms.
You were right not to trust me, Jesse," he said, closing his eyes.
There was a crushing weight inside Pierce's chest and he knew why.
Because he still wasn't telling her the whole truth.

Maybe he should, Pierce thought.  Maybe he should forget the oath he'd
made to the agency years ago and clear his conscience right here and
now with Jesse.  He owed his allegiance to her now.  She and Max were
his only concern, but the need for complete secrecy had been too long
ingrained in his makeup.  He knew the life-or-death importance of
discretion, and he couldn't be sure that any revelation he made now
might not somehow jeopardize Jessica and Max's safety.

So he said nothing.

And he let Jessica give him her love, knowing that when she found out
the whole truth, there would be hell to pay for this night that had
brought them closer than they had ever been before.  Jessica lifted her
tearstained face to his.  "Make love to me, Pierce," she whispered.
"Please.  I need you so."  " " oh, Jesse',

Her fingertip silenced his words.  "Don't say anything," she begged.
"We've said too much already.  Just hold me.

Stay with me.  "

"Yes," he whispered.  "For as long as you'll have me."

Their lovemaking was more frenzied this time, more desperate and
hurried a5 if they had suddenly realized just how long they'd been
separated.  Or as if they were new lovers, discovering passion for the
first time.

He didn't lay her back on the bed as Jessica expected, but made her
stand before him so that he could worship her body with his eyes and
his hands and his lips.  Jessica tremi bled as his mouth unerringly
found the place she'd guided ; him to earlier.  Her hands tangled in
his hair as a wave of sensations raced through her.  Jessica fought for
breath, fought for balance as Pierce brought her in an astonishingly
short time to another shattering climax.

She collapsed against him, and he caught her, then kissed her, deep and
hard and thorough, his tongue thrusting in and out, in and out, in a
teasing preview of what was to come.

This time it was Jessica who reached for the box on the nightstand,
Jessica who dealt with the necessities, Jessica who made it a thrilling
prelude to their lovemaking.

Pierce lifted her and settled her on his lap as she wrapped her legs
around him.  He lifted her hips, then let her slide slowly down on him,
and Jessica thought she had never felt anything so wonderfully complete
as the moment she felt him inside her.

They kissed, their tongues keeping pace with the frantic rhythm of
their bodies.

They embraced, their bodies melding together so tightly that two
heartbeats became one.

They whispered, their promises and demands and soft cries stirring the
deep silence of night.

And they loved as if there were no tomorrows and no yesterdays, no past
and no future, but only now and only them.  Because nothing else
mattered.

When it was all over, when the shudders of release had been spent, they
fell back against the bed, still clinging to each other, still
whispering to each other their promises and demands and soft words of
love.

Pierce perched on the edge of Jessica's desk and watched her through
the open door to the shop.  She and a customer were talking animatedly
about a silver spoon collection which had just arrived earlier in the
week via Brandon Chambers.

At the thought of the buyer, Pierce scowled.  He didn't care what
Jessica thought of the man, he still didn't trust him, but so far he
hadn't been able to justify his suspicions.  Even Jay had said the man
appeared to be on the up and-up.  But, of course, Jay Greene would be
inclined to trust anyone that Pierce didn't.

Pierce moved back around the desk and sat down facing the computer
monitor, but his mind wasn't on the figures he'd pulled up on the
screen.  He was thinking about the i animosity he and his
brother-in-law had always shared.

Pierce had never been quite sure why the two of them had !  taken such
an instant dislike to one another, but from the moment Jessica had
introduced them, Pierce had known that Jay didn't trust him.  He'd
often wondered if Jessica's brother had somehow found out about his
secret life, if ; Jay's animosity was indeed genuine concern for his
sister.

Or was it something else?  Something more personally motivated?

Pierce couldn't imagine what.  The agency was top secret with very
limited access, even among the highest echelon of the United States
government.  As a special naval attache assigned to the office of the
Joint Chiefs of Staff in the

Pentagon, Jay enjoyed top-priority security clearance, but that still
would not have privileged him with knowledge of the agency.

Unless he'd stumbled onto something by accident that he shouldn't have,
Pierce thought, his frown deepening.  Perhaps it was time he had
another talk with his brother-in-law.

Pierce scanned the sales figures in the columns on the screen, and he
whistled softly under his breath.  Jessica had done an incredible job
with the shop.  Her accomplishments never ceased to impress him, but as
he studied the entries more closely, a pattern emerged that began to
bother him.  ; Her largest sales, her highest percentages of profit
came on the resale of items Brandon Chambers had sold to her.

Pierce backdated the journal entries, going back first a year, then
two, three, four, until he reached the figures for the months following
his disappearance.  That's when the resale of items Jessica had bought
from Chambers first began to appear in her records.  The evidence
seemed to place Chambers on the scene just shortly after Pierce had
left it.  At best, it was a worrisome coincidence, but Pierce didn't
believe in coincidences.

Jessica finished with the customer in the showroom and then came into
the office.  Standing behind Pierce, she wrapped her arms around his
neck and kissed him on the cheek, making it difficult to concentrate on
Brandon Chambers, Jay Greene or anyone else besides her.

Pierce smiled.  The past few days with Jesse had been incredible They'd
spent almost every waking moment together , but Max would be home
tomorrow, and in spite of how much Pierce would miss the closeness he
and Jessica had shared, he couldn't wait to see his son again.

"I miss Max," Jessica said, echoing his thoughts.  They'd been doing
that a lot lately, it seemed.  It pleased Pierce to know that they were
once again becoming attuned to each other's thoughts and moods.

"He'll be home tomorrow," Pierce said, turoing his chair around to draw
Jessica onto his lap.  "So we'd better make the most of tonight: '

She struggled a little, then gave up and settled against him.  "What if
a customer comes in?"  she protested weakly.

Pierce kissed her soundly.  "We'll hear them first."

"Maybeyou will," she murmured, nuzzling his neck with eager lips.  When
she was with Pierce, she couldn't seem to concentrate on anything but
him.

And now that he had her undivided attention, Jessica realized that
something was wrong.  She saw that distant look in his eyes that she
remembered from the past.  He'd had that look the day he'd disappeared.
Panic welled inside her as she sat up on his lap and stared at him.
"WhaYs wrong?"

"What makes you think something is wrong?"

"Because I can tell by that look in your eyes.  Pierce, you aren't
having second thoughts?  About... us, I mean?"

His dark eyes seemed to melt as he met her gaze.  "No, sweetheart.  How
I feel about you and Max is the one thing I am certain of.  I've been
thinking about something Dr.  Prescott said," he admitted.  Gently he
lifted her from his lap, then got up, walked over to the window and
stared out.  Jessica had the distinct impression that it wasn't the
street outside that held his attention.  It was the turmoil going on
inside him.

Her heart began to pound even harder.

He turned and stared at her, his expression shuttered.  Jessica had no
idea what he was thinking.  Until he spoke.

"I think you and Dr.  Prescott were right, Jesse.  I think iYs time I
see someone.  A psychiatrist."

Jessica's heart skipped a beat.  "Why?  I mean... why now?"

"Because until we both deal with the past, I'll be worried about our
future," Pierce said.

"But we have dealt with the past.  We've put it to rest."

Pierce let out a breath, shaking his head.  "No, we haven't.  Not
really.  We've merely swept it aside.  But it's still there, waiting to
tear us apart.  And until I can tell you the whole truth about myself,
you'll never really be able to trust me, to trust how I feel about you.
And how you feel about me."  He turned back to the window.  "I've
already made an appointment with Dr.  Layton.  He can see me within the
hour."

A sick feeling formed in the pit of Jessica's stomach.  "So soon?  "

"The sooner the better," Pierce said.  "Isn't that what you said,
Jesse?  Isn't this what you want?"

No!  Jessica thought.  Not anymore.  She'd come to terms with the past.
She'd accepted the fact that she might never know what had happened to
Pierce.  In fact, she didn't think she even wanted to know anymore.

Maybe they were better off not knowing.  What if Pierce found out he'd
lived another life during those five years and that there was someone
else he wanted..  besides her?  What if he remembered he didn't love
her anymore, didn't need her?  Could she handle that?  Jessica asked
herself desperately Could she?

"I've made up my mind," Pierce said, coming to stand before her.  He
took her hand and held it tightly in his.  "It's the right thing to do,
Jesse.  It's the only thing I can do."

"But I'm so afraid," she said, and stepped into his arms.

"I know," he whispered, his lips against her hair.  "I am too, " he
said.

He was being followed.

Pierce felt the familiar sensation the moment he walked out of the
shop.  Jessica's Audi was parked at the curb, and as he strode across
the sidewalk toward it, he gazed around, trying to locate the invisible
eyes.

He unlocked the door, climbed in and started the engine.  As he eased
the Audi into the light traffic on Washington, Pierce glanced in the
rearview mirror.  Half a block down, a dark green sedan pulled into the
traffic behind him.  Pierce smiled grimly, satisfied that his instincts
had been correct.  He was being followed-but by whom?  Someone from the
agency?

Or someone with a more dastardly agenda in mind?

Pierce decided there was only one way to find out.  Swerving his car
into the center lane, he tromped the accelerator , and the Audi
careered past two cars.  Up ahead, a

; 213 traffic light turned yellow.  Pierce didn't slow down.  He sped
through the intersection, then checked the minor again.  ; "Iqvo cars
behind him swished through on yellow.  The sedan should have been
caught by the red light, but instead, the driver ran the light, barely
missing a blue Mazda turning left from the intersecting street.  Pierce
remembered that ; somewhere around here an alley cut through from
Washington to Jefferson Avenue, the next street over.  A restaurant
located next to the alley had changed names, and Pierce almost missed
it, but at the last second, he recognized it.

Cutting the car sharply to the right, he headed down the alley, praying
it wouldn't be blocked this time of day by de livery trucks.

The Audi bumped along the broken pavement and forced to slow his speed,
Pierce cursed under his breath.  A quick glance in the mirror told him
the green sedan hadn't been able to follow him.  At least, not yet.

The Audi emerged on Jefferson, and Pierce shot across the street toward
a parking garage.  He pulled into a space facing the alley and sat with
the engine idling.

Several minutes passed and still no sedan.  Had he lost it?

Surely not.  Not unless the driver was a rank amateur, in which case
that would eliminate anyone from the agency.

Evasive driving techniques, as well as surveillance, were all a part of
the training.

Maybe the agency was slipping, Pierce decided, after several more
minutes had gone by.  Or maybe his imagination was simply getting the
better of him.  Whatever the case, the green sedan was nowhere in
sight. Pierce shifted into reverse and started to back out of the
parking space just as a car squealed to a halt directly behind him.
Instinctively he dived for the floorboard an instant before the sound
of a gunshot blasted through the parking garage.  The back window of
the Audi shattered into a million jagged pieces.

Trapped, Pierce reached for the door handle, opened the door and
crawled out.  The parking garage was half-empty, with very little
cover. He scanned the area, deciding the best course of action, but
before he could make a move, he heard the unmistakable sound of a
pistol being cocked not five feet from him.

"No sudden moves," a voice behind him ordered.

Slowly Pierce got to his feet and turned.

The sun shone through the open side of the garage, back lighting the
man standing a few feet away and making him seem no more than a
faceless shadow.  A mirage.  Pierce squinted, trying to put a face on
the silhouette.

"Who are you?"  he asked.

The man laughed softly, a familiar, eerie sound that set Pierce's heart
to pounding.  He knew him.  " " Welcome home, Kincaid.  "

A memory flashed through Pierce's mind, but before he could explore it,
a splitting pain crashed through the back of his skull.  Pierce
registered the blow as he fell to his knees.  He heard the man say,
"You hit him too hard, you idiot."

Pierce put up a hand and felt the blood.  Then he pitched forward as
his world suddenly faded to black.

Chapter 13

Jessica glanced at the clock on the kitchen stove.  It was after six,
and she hadn't heard from Pierce since he'd left the shop earlier that
day.  His appointment was at five, and if it ran an hour, he would have
left Dr.  Layton's office by now.  Jessica wondered if he would call
her before coming home, prepare her for what he had learned.

But as the minutes slipped past and the phone remained silent, she grew
more and more anxious.

By seven o'clock, she had worked herself up into a real panic.  She
even phoned Dr.  Layton's office, but only got a recording with a
pleasant female voice chiming off the office hours and advising callers
that Dr.  Layton only saw referral clients.  Jessica glanced at the
clock again as she hung up the phone.  Even allowing for traffic,
Pierce should have been home by now.

It was foolish to worry, she knew.  He was a grown man, and he'd been
gone for the past five years.  She'd thought he was dead.  Worrying
because he was late for dinner seemed so ridiculous by comparison.  But
still, she couldn't imagine why he hadn't gotten home yet unless..

Don't say it, she scolded herself.  Don't even think it.

But a sly little voice had already insinuated itself into the back of
her mind.  It whispered to her now like an icy wind in the dead of
winter.

Pierce isn't here yet becaccse he isn't coming back at all.

Jessica closed her eyes and leaned against the sink.  Not a second
time, she prayed.  Please, not a second time.

Pierce woke up with a splitting headache.  He gazed around the small
cell-like room as a host of memories surged through him.  He groaned,
wanting to fade away the pain, but he knew if he did that, he'd never
remember what happened to him all those years ago.  He'd never be able
to be back with Jessica completely.

He sat up on the cot and tentatively felt the lump on his head, then
winced.  Someone had really done a job on him.  He remembered the
gunshot, the man standing silhouetted in front of him, the pain, then
nothing.  Everything since then was a complete blank.  How long had he
been out, anyway?  Jessica must be going out of her mind with worry His
anxious thoughts broke off as the door opened and a man stepped
through.  They eyed each other warily, and Pierce thought the man
looked somehow familiar.  He was tall, perhaps six-two, and
athletically built.  His hair was brown and his appearance, apart from
a thick brown mustache , was nondescript.  Not ordinary precisely, but
in no way memorable.  He was exactly the kind of man the agency liked
to recruit.

Pierce's gaze narrowed on him.  "Who are you?"  he demanded

"My name's Walker."

"The man on the phone?"

Walker smiled and his mustache tilted at the corners.  "One and the
same.  It's an honor to meet you, Kincaid.  Your reputation precedes
you: '

"But you said we'd met in the Caribbean," Pierce said grimly.  " " And
then at the cafe, the day I got back.  I thought there was something
suspicious-looking about you: '

Walker inclined his head in acknowledgment.  "I'd take that as an
insult from anyone else."  He took a few steps into the room, but his
eyes never left Pierce.  "Rumor has it, you used to be the best in the
business.  Until you turned, that is: '

Pierce stared at him in shock as he fought a wave of nausea His head
hurt like a son of a bitch.  "What the hell are you talking about?"  he
demanded.

"Five years ago you sold information to the leader of a two-bit
Caribbean country that's hardly more than a blemish on the world map.
We were looking to oust the generalissimo and install our own
user-friendly dictator.  You sold Vafencio our game plan, and then he
turned on you: '

Pierce shook his head, unable to believe what he was hearing.  "I
worked on that case for over three years," he said.  "We found out a
double agent was on Valencio's payroll , someone selling him military
information that could have jeopardized our whole peace plan in that
region.  It was my job to track down the traitor, to flush him out into
the open."

Walker's mustache flicked.  "A convenient assignment , considering you
were the double agent.  But, of course, you didn't count on your buddy,
Valencio, double-crossing you, did you?  He and his Cuban buddies got
what they wanted, then threw you in prison for the better part of five
years.  We negotiated your release a few months ago."

"A few months ago?  I've only been back a few days.  What happened?
Where've I been?"

Walker shrugged.  "We don't know for sure.  There was an explosion on
board the boat bringing you in.  You disappeared in the confusion, and
we lost track of you until a few days ago when you showed up back here.
We've been following you ever since you came through customs in Miami
using a fake passport."

Pierce shook his head, unable to grasp all that he was being told.  He
got up and walked over to the window.  They were on the ground floor,
but metal bars on the outside of the window nixed any thoughts of
escape.  He turned back to Walker.  " " Where am I now?  "

"Langley, Virginia.  Your old stomping grounds."

"Am I to assume I'm under arrest then?"

Walker's eyes were cold, hard, mercenary.  The eyes of a trained
professional.  He said calmly, "That's what usually happens to a
traitor, isn't it?"

Pierce's voice was just as cold.  Just as steady.  And just as deadly.
"I'm not a traitor, you bastard "

Walker smiled.  "Try telling that to the powers-that-be."

"Give me the chance and I will."

Walker shook his head.  "Not yet.  Not until we have a little more
proof."

"Proof of what?"

Walker slanted him a look.  "Of your innocence, Kincaid"

"My innocence?  Are you saying you believe me?"  At Walker's nod,
Pierce's anger erupted.  "Then what the hell was all that garbage about
my being a traitor?  Why am I here?  What's going on?"

"I'm telling you what happened five years ago, before your
disappearance," Walker said grimly.  "That's what you wanted, isn't it?
Why you were planning to see a shrink today ?"

"How the he-the phone's tapped," Pierce said in disgust , shoving his
hand through his hair.  "I should have known."

"Don't be so hard on yourself.  You've been out of circulation for
years.  No wonder you're a little rusty on the draw."

There was something troubling about Walker's voice, his attitude.
Pierce watched him carefully.

"The double agent you were after got wise to you," Walker said.  "He
sold you out.  He arranged an exchange of information with Valencio to
make you look guilty.  When the information turned out bogus,
Valencio's henchmen, with the help of the Cubans, came looking for you.
They nabbed you, took you back to their little island hideaway and
worked you over good, trying to get the real information out of you.
When that didn't work, they threw you in prison, hoping to use you as a
bargaining tool at some later date."

"Wait a minute," Pierce said.  "Are you saying that the agency bought
the double cross?  They thought I'd turned?"

"The verdict's still out: '

Pierce muttered an oath he was surprised he still remembered' Is that
why I'm here?  "

Walker propped one foot on the cot and folded his arms over his leg.
"You aren't being detained by the agency, Kincaid.  You're being
detained by me."

Pierce gingerly felt the bump on the back of his head.  "Detained?  Is
that what you call it these days?"

Walker ignored the sarcasm.  "I had you brought in because

I didn't want you seeing a shrink.  The agency went to a lot of time
and expense, programming the fade-to-black trigger in you.  A shrink
could undo it without realizing it: '

"Fade to black," Pierce said slowly.  "A programmed response ?  I was
trained to forget, wasn't I?"

"That's probably at least part of it," Walker agreed.  "The rest we can
only guess, but we haven't much time for speculation.  There are those
in the agency who believe you're guilty of treason, Kincaid, but I'm
not one of them.  I know the real double agent is still out there
somewhere, and you're the only man alive who can identify him."

Pierce was across the room in two strides.  He grabbed Walker by the
lapels.  " " You said there was no danger, damn you.  You said Max and
Jessica were safe from this.  "

Walker looked Pierce right in the eye.  " " They are, as long as he
knows where to find you: '

Pierce shoved him aside and turned away in disgust.  "This whole thing
makes me sick," he said.  "I can't believe

I was ever a part of it.  "

"You were the best," Walker said again.  "You never hesitated to do
what had to be done.  Don't hesitate now , Kincaid.  We have the
perfect opportunity to catch him, to flush him out into the open.
Sooner or later, he'll make a move on you, and when he does, we'll get
him.  After all this time, we'll finally nail that bastard."

"And I'm just supposed to sit tight and let you use my family as bait?"
Pierce retorted coldly.  "No deal, Walker."

"Unfortunately you're not in any position to bargain.  It's in your
wife's and son's best interests for you to cooperate with us.  As long
as he knows where to find you, he has no reason to harm them.  If you
were to up and disappear again, he might try using them to get to you.
Besides, you're the best protection they've got right now.  The only
thing you can do is exactly what you've been doing."

"Which is nothing, damn you."

"You know as well as I do that a good portion of an agent's life is
spent watching and waiting."  Walker drew a

' SIG-Sauer semiautomatic from his jacket pocket and laid it on the
small wooden table beside the cot.  He turned to Pierce and smiled, but
there was no warmth in his eyes.  Just an ice-cold resolve.  Pierce
wondered if he was seeing a reflection of himself five years ago.  It
was a thought that gave him no pleasure.

"Welcome back to the action, Kincaid.  It's in our blood, , you know.
Men like you and me, we thrive on danger.  We'd wither and die without
it " Walker crossed the floor to the door and opened it, then glanced
back.  "By the way, the , door was never locked.  You were free to go
at any time."

"You son of a bitch," Pierce muttered.  Like five years ago, he was
left with no choice.  He picked up the SIG-Sauer and followed Walker
out the door.

The house was quiet except for the ticking of the grandfather clock in
the foyer.  Jessica noted almost every minute that went by.  She stood
glued to the living-room window, where she had a clear view of the
street.  Every few seconds, she would whip her head around to look at
the phone, willing it to ring, then turn back to the window to stare
out into the darkness.

A misty rain had started to fall, and the streetlights rei fleeted in
wavering beams across the pavement, reminding her of how she had always
hated rainy nights.  They made her think of all the cold, lonely nights
she'd spent in the orphanage , and all the cold, lonely nights she'd
spent during the past five years.  They reminded her of the night
Pierce hadn't come back to her..

She touched her reflection in the window with the tip of her finger as
a wave of remembered loneliness washed over her.  How would she stand
it this time?  How would she cope if Pierce had walked out on her a
second time?

Shivering, she started to turn away from the window, but the sound of a
car engine drew her gaze back to the street.  A late model,
dark-colored sedan drove slowly past the house.  Under the streetlight,
she could just make out the dark green color, but the windows were
tinted and against the wet night, completely opaque.  The car turned
right at the next street, and fighting down a bitter swell of
disappointment , Jessica watched the taillights disappear.

When the telephone finally rang at eight-thirty, she nearly jumped out
of her skin.  She dashed to the phone and jerked it up.  " " Pierce?
"

The only sound was static crackling across the line as if the call was
coming from a car phone or a pay phone, perhaps No one said anything,
but just like the call a few nights ago, she knew someone was there.
The back of her neck prickled with warning.

"Hello?  Who is this?"

Still nothing.  Jessica clung to the phone, listening intently The
caller remained silent for a moment, then the line clicked dead.
Jessica cradled the receiver, her fingers trembling It was just another
hang-up call, she told herself.  No need to worry.

But whether it was the fault of the rainy night or her worrying about
Pierce, Jessica couldn't be sure, but suddenly she experienced an
unprecendented sense of unease, an almost overwhelming premonition of
danger.  She imagined

Pierce lying somewhere, hurt, bleeding, not knowing who or where he
was.  Not knowing how to get back home to her.

The house, quiet before, now seemed abnormally silent.  Jessica didn't
like the feeling of being frightened in her own home, but she couldn't
shake the notion that something was wrong.  She had the chilling
sensation that the house was being watched.  That she was being
watched.  But by whom?

And why?

And where in God's name was Pierce?

She'd feel better if he were here.  His presence had such a calming
affect on her, a steadying influence Jessica stopped, realizing what
she was thinking.  Was she, like Max, already starting to rely too
heavily on Pierce?  It was a disconcerting thought.  Jessica had long
ago come to the conclusion that she could count on no one but herself,
so why tonight, of all nights, did she feel she needed Pierce's
protection?

Driven by a fear she didn't understand, Jessica dialed the number of
the campsite that Sharon had left the first night when she and Max had
called Jessica.  Sharon had told her that in case of an emergency, the
old couple who ran the park would be able to reach them.  Jessica knew
it was probably too late to be calling just because of a bad feeling ,
she had, but she couldn't help it.  She had to make sure her son was
safe.  ; To her relief, the old woman who answered the phone was
incredibly understanding.  She knew just where the McReynoldses were
camped, she assured Jessica.  She'd get in her truck and go down there
right now to make sure everything was okay.  It was no bother at all.
She had children and grandchildren of her own.  It would take her a
while to get there, though, so Jessica shouldn't worry if she didn't
hear back right away.

Jessica hung up the phone and sat down in the chair beside it, waiting
for it to ring again.  Thirty minutes later,

Sharon called her back.  "Max is fine, Jessica," Sharon said for the
third time.  Jessica heard the exasperation in her friend's voice, but
she couldn't help asking again.  " " Are you sure?  "

" " Yes, yes, yes.  He and Allie are already tucked in for the night.
He was sleeping like a log when I checked him before I left.  "

Jessica let out a long breath.  "I'm really sorry, Sharon.  But I just
had this feeling... I just knew Max was in some sort of trouble"

"Look, it's okay.  I'd probably be the same way if I were away from
Allie.  But we'll be home tomorrow, okay?  And then you can stop
worrying: '

"Okay," Jessica agreed.  "I'll see you tomorrow."

Satisfied that her imagination had been running away i with her,
Jessica turned to leave the room, then jumped violently when she saw a
shadow in the doorway.  Chapter 14

Her hand flew to her heart as she stifled the scream that erupted in
her throat.

He'd been so silent, Jessica hadn't heard a sound.  It was terrifying
to realize how vulnerable she was in her own home.  The shadows in the
hall made him look mysterious and dangerous, emphasizing rather than
hiding the scar that twisted his brow.

Jessica put a hand to her heart.  She could feel it pounding against
her chest, so hard and so loud she wondered if Pierce could hear it,
too.

"I didn't hear you come in," she said lamely.  "You startled me."

"Sorry."  The dark gaze held hers for the longest time.  The uneasy
feeling grew even stronger inside Jessica.

She said, "Do you know what time it is?  I was so worried , Pierce."

He slanted her a dark glance as he stepped into the room.  "Worried
that I wasn't coming back?  Maybe I shouldn't have, " he said.

Jessica's heart skipped a beat.  Had she heard him correctly ?  "What
do you mean?"  she asked fearfully.  "Did you... did you learn
something... disturbing?"

"You could say that: His tone was flat and seemingly devoid of emotion.
Jessica wanted to scream at his calmness He walked over to the window
and stared out, much as she'd done earlier.

"Is that all you have to say?"  she said angrily.  "I was worried half
out of my mind tonight.  I thought for sure something had happened to
you, Pierce.  That you'd been in an accident or- or something.  Don't
you think I'm entitled to an explanation?"

At last he turned from the window and faced her.  His dark gaze held
hers until Jessica began to tremble with dread.  He said, still in that
toneless voice, "It's past time you had an explanation, Jessica.  I'm
going to tell you everything I should have done it a long time ago."

"Then you... know?"

"I know more than I've told you.  I've always known."

Jessica reached out blindly for a chair, felt it with her hand, then
backed into it.  She sat down, sensing somehow that what Pierce was
about to say would change everything between them, everything they had
worked so hard to rebuild

Pierce turneri back to the window, as if he could no longer face her.
He said, "It all started when I was a senior at Georgetown.  My parents
had died the year before, and I'd inherited The Lost Attic from them. I
wasn't much interested in running an antique shop until one day when a
man approached me on campus.  He had a proposition for me, a job offer
of sorts.  It seemed my reputation for recklessness , along with my pre
law and political science courses, had drawn some attention from a
government agency that I'd never even heard of before."

Jessica sat in stunned disbelief as she listened to Pierce's
revelations about his secret life as an agent, how he'd used

The Lost Attic to ferry information to and from foreign countries, and
how his true identity became his deep cover.

When he'd finished, Jessica gazed at him for a moment , trying to
absorb it all, then slowly she felt a red haze of anger taking hold of
her.  She got up and walked toward him, her back ramrod straight, her
eyes dry.

"And what was I?"  she asked coldly.  "How did I fit into all this? Was
I part of your cover?  Did you think you needed a wife to complete the
picture?  Answer me, damn you!  " I For the first time since he'd begun
his story, Pierce let his gaze meet hers.  Something flickered in his
eyes.  Something that looked almost like pity.  Then he said, "Yes. You
were part of the cover," and Jessica's world came crashing down.

"Oh, my God."  Her hand flew to her mouth as she started to back away
from him.  It was a nightmare come true, hearing him confirm her
deepest, darkest suspicions.

"I knew it," she said.  "Somehow I always knew it.  I always wondered
how someone like you could want someone like me.  Oh, God."  A wave of
humiliation swept over her.  , Jessica turned, shoving her hands
through her hair.  "How could I not have seen it?  How could I not have
known?"

"It's not what you think, Jesse."  Pierce reached for her, but Jessica
flung his hand away.

"Don't touch me," she screamed.  "Don't you dare touch me again."  She
faced him, her anger blazing, but suddenly j the tears started to flow
down her face.  She collapsed back into the chair, staring up at him.
"How could you do this to me?  How could you do it to your son?  All
these years they 've been nothing more than a lie.  You never cared
about us, did you?"

"I loved you more than anything," Pierce said.  "I never stopped loving
you.  Please, Jesse, just hear me out."

"I've heard about all I can stomach," she said, wiping her face with
the back of her hand.  She stood and faced him.  "I want you out of
here.  Now.  Tonight.  I never want to see you again."

"Don't say that.  I love you-"

"What does a liar know about love?"  she demanded.  "You used me.  You
used your son.  I don't even know you.  I never did.  And right now, I
can't stand the sight of you."

"All right, that's enough," Pierce said, his tone hardening He turned
away rubbing his face, then spun back around to face her.  "I can
understand how you feel, and I won't force my presence on you any
longer than I have to.  But what you don't seem to understand, Jessica,
is that right now neither of us has a choice in the matter.  I can't
leave you until this whole mess is cleaned up.  Until the traitor is
caught, I have to stay here and protect you and Max."

"Protect us?"  Jessica asked sarcastically.  "You're the one who put us
in danger in the first place.  If anything happens to Max because of
you, so help me, Pierce, I'll never forgive you: '

"Then that makes two of us," he said grimly.

Jessica wept until there were no more tears left to cry.  Pierce hadn't
married her because he loved her but because he needed a wife, someone
to complete his cover.  And poor unsuspecting Jessica had fitted the
bill perfectly.  He'd completely swept her off her feet.  She'd adored
him.  She'd never done anything or asked any questions that might have
jeopardized their relationship.  She had blindly accepted everything
he'd told her because she'd been so pathetically needy.

But she knew.  Deep down she'd always known that someone like Pierce
could never really love someone like her.

When the phone rang at one in the morning, Jessica had only been asleep
for a few minutes.  Exhausted from the endless tears and the
self-recriminations, it took her a moment to get her bearings.

She eased up in bed and reached for the phone but barely had time to
say hello before Sharon's frantic voice ripped her world apart again.

"I'm sorry, Jessica.  Oh, God, I'm so sorry."

Jessica's heart slammed against her chest.  She fought for breath and
lost, making it impossible to speak.  She clung to the phone,
terrified.  " " Wh- "

"What happened?"  Pierce demanded, his voice strong and clear and in
control.  Jessica realized dimly that he must have answered the phone
the same time as she had.

Sharon's voice babbled across the line.  "He woke up Allie in the
middle of the night and told her that he and a friend had to help his
dad.  It was a secret mission, he said, and he couldn't tell anyone. He
made Allie promise not to say anything to us, but after Max had left,
she got scared and came and woke me up.  I don't know what to do.

Frank's out looking for him right now-" , " Have you called the
authorities?  " Pierce asked.

"I've got a call in to the sheriff's office at the nearest town, but no
one answered and they don't have 911 service out here.  What should I
do, Jessica?  Oh, God, this is all my fault," Sharon sobbed.  , "It
isn't your fault," Jessica manageafoqay.  It was

Pierce's fault.

Pierce said, "I'm coming up there right away.  Just sit tight, Sharon.
The local authorities won't be of any help in this matter, anyway. I'll
take care of it."

"All right," Sharon said.  "But please hurry.  When I think of that
poor little thing out in the woods wandering around in the dark..  :
'

Dear God, Jessica thought.  She'd been thinking the same thing.  She'd
had the same image since the moment she'd heard Sharon's voice.  Her
baby.  Her poor baby.

Let him be safe, she prayed, as she hung up the phone and ran out of
the room.  She hurried down the hallway to the stairs.  Pierce met her
at the bottom.  He didn't waste time with apologies.  She had to give
him that.

"I'll find him," he said.  "Everything will be all right."

"You don't know that.  Oh, God...."  Jessica covered her face with her
hands and wept.

Pierce grabbed her shoulders and shook her.  "You have to be strong,
Jessica.  For Max.  I'm leaving right now, but I want you to call the
man I told you about-Walker.  Have him meet me at the campsite."

Jessica shook her head, ignoring the tears streaming down her face.
"I'm coming with you," she said.

"Jesse, it's too dangerous-"

"Don't," she warned.  "Don't you try to talk me out of it.  I don't
need you to protect me anymore, and I won't be left behind this
time."

Pierce took only a second to decide.  "All right," he agreed.  "Go get
dressed and let's get started."

Within minutes, they were on the road heading for the campsite, which
was a little less than an hour's drive from Edgewood.  Pierce hoped to
hell that the house was being watched as Walker had said and that
Walker's men would follow him and Jessica.  He had no idea what
scenario they might be stepping into.  All he knew was that he had to
get his son back.  He had to get to Max.

Jessica sat in the seat beside him, her face turned toward the window.
She hadn't spoken two words to him since they'd left the house, but he
knew from the drawn look on her face what she was thinking.  This was
all his fault.

Pierce concentrated on the road, his thoughts grim as the pudi ate up
the remaining miles to the campsite.  Thank God

Walker had had the presence of mind to have the back glass repaired
while Pieree had been out, he thought.  Otherwise, precious minutes
could have been lost procuring another vehicle.  As it was, the seconds
seemed to be ticking away too quickly, the miles passing too slowly.

Jessica felt numb.  The same little prayer kept playing over and over
in her mind.

Please let him be all right.  Please let Max be all right.

It was like looking at the photo albums the other night.

Bits and pieces of her son's life kept flashing through her mind.  She
saw his smile, his eyes, his mischievous grin, and her arms ached to
hold him again.

Please let him be all right.

She felt Pierce's hand close over hers for a moment before returning to
the wheel.  Jessica looked at him, and their eyes met in the
darkness.

"He'll be all right," Pierce said.

"How can you be so sure?  That man has him, Pierce.

He's using him to get you.  What happens when he no longer needs Max? "
What happens when he finds you?  Jessica wanted to cry.

"I won't let anything happen to our son, Jesse.  You have my word."

For what little that's worth.

Neither of them said it, but the unspoken words hung in the air between
them.  <

Jessica turned again to the window and stared out at the flying
darkness.

After a moment, Pierce said, "I'd like to tell you why I joined the
agency, Jesse.  I'd like you to know what my life was like."

Jessica looked at him in surprise.  "You never wanted to talk about
your past with me before."

Pierce shrugged.  "Maybe I should have.  Maybe I should have talked
about a lot of things that I didn't.  I know it won't change anything,
but I'd like to make you understand at least why I did what I did: '

When she didn't object, Pierce tapped his finger on the steering wheel
a few times as if figuring out where to start.  "My mother was
forty-three when I was boro, and my father was forty-nine.  They were
college professors who'd always dreamed of owning an antique shop.  So
one day they just up and left their teaching positions and opened The
Lost Attic.  It was a dream come true for them, and then I came along:
'

Jessica saw his jaw harden, but his gaze never left the road.

"I was the old cliche, a middle-aged accident.  They never wanted me,
and they never pretended otherwise.  If they ever noticed me at all, it
was when I got in their way.  They both loved to travel, and they
didn't stop just because they had a child at home.  I was left with
housekeepers and baby-sitters and anyone else who would take me in.  I
was never wanted and I was never needed and I damn sure was never loved
" he said.

"Maybe they just didn't know how to show it," Jessica said softly,
moved in spite of herself.  An image of a lonely little boy started to
form in her mind, but it wasn't Max she saw.  It was Pierce.

"By the time I was eleven, I was getting into trouble at school.
Nothing serious, just some stupid pranks to get attention My parents
were... annoyed.  They disciplined me and then forgot me again.  By the
time I was fifteen, I was working a full eight hours after school,
first at a grocery store, then at a gas station, then at various other
jobs that turned up.  When I was sixteen, I bought my first car and
paid cash for it.  My parents didn't even ask me where I got the money.
They didn't care, because by then they hardly ever saw me anymore.  We
all carried on with our separate lives, and everyone was happy."

Everyone except you, Jessica thought, the ice around her heart starting
to melt in spite of herself.  She gazed at Pierce's profile, amazed at
how little she knew about the man she had married.  In so many ways he
was still a stranger to her, but during the past few days, Jessica felt
she'd gotten to know him better than she had in all the years they'd
been married.  " " Where did the agency fit into all this?  " Jessica
asked quietly.

"As I said, they approached me after my parents' deaths.  You know what
they said to me, Jessica?  They said, " We need someone like you,
Pierce.  You're exactly the kind of man we're looking for.  " He gave
Jessica a wry smile.  " Can you imagine?  After all those years,
someone was actually telling me that I was needed.  That my life could
mean something to someone.  They didn't even have to ask me twice.  I
joined the agency, spent two years of grueling training and ended up
right back at The Lost Attic: '

"And then you met me."

"And then I met you: He slanted her a glance.  " The agency had been
telling me for several months that they thought my cover might be
becoming suspect.  They were the ones who suggested I think about
getting married, starting a family.  "

The heaviness inside her was almost unbearable.  Jessica wondered just
how much more she could take.  "So you agreed," she said, feeling the
anger grow inside her again.

"No, I didn't," Pierce said.  "Because by that time I'd already met and
fallen in love with you, and I told them there was no way I would ever
put your life in danger just for the sake of my cover.  I told them I
wanted out.  I was through.  I wanted to marry you and lead a normal
life."

Jessica swallowed.  Her hands were trembling, so she folded them in her
lap.  "Then what happened?"  she whispered , almost afraid to hear any
more.

"It wasn't as easy to quit as I'd hoped.  About the same time you
started working at the shop, I got involved in this case.  The players
were already in place.  The agency made me see that the whole plan
would have been jeopardized if I'd tendered my resignation.  They
needed me, they said.  No one else could manage the job.  And so I
stayed.  And one year turned into two, then three, and then..  well,
you know the rest," he finished, lifting his hands from the wheel in a
gesture of frustration.

"You put their needs before mine," Jessica said, stung by his
revelations.  Earlier tonight, she'd thought she couldn't be hurt
anymore, but she'd been wrong.

"It wasn't like that," Pierce said quietly, helplessly.  "It wasn't a
conscious choice I made.  I did what I thought was right.  If I had to
do it over a ain, well, it doesn t matter, does it?  We can't turn back
the clock, can we, Jesse?"

"iq'u," she whispered.  "We can rqever go back."

No matter how much one might wish it.

Chapter 15

Sharon was standing in front of the cabin, watching for them when they
drove up.  She came rushing out to meet them and threw her arms around
Jessica as soon as she climbed out of the car.

"Did Frank find him?"  Jessica asked quickly.  "Is Max here?  "

Sharon shook her head.  " " Frank got back just a little while ago.  He
couldn't find any sign of Max, but he's going out to look again, and
Jessica, I..  I called Jay.  I hope you don't mind, but I just
thought..  " She trailed off as she glanced at Pierce.  She didn't say
anything else, but her message was loud and clear.  She didn't trust
Pierce to find Max.  She didn't trust him period.

Jessica registered a faint prickle of resentment somewhere inside her.
She said sharply, "Is he here yet?"

"No.  At least, he hasn't come to the cabin.  Shouldn't we call the
state police or something?"

Pierce said, "I want to talk to Allie."

Sharon looked as if she was about to protest, but behind her, Frank's
calm voice cut through the darkness.  "Come on in, Pierce.  I think
that's a good idea."

As it turned out, Allie wasn't much help.  She could vaguely recall the
direction Max had gone off in, but not much more than that.  When
Jessica asked her about Max's friend, she pursed her little lips
together and refused to say more.

"Allie," Sharon said, "please tell Jessica and Pierce everything you
know."

The little girl looked doubtful, then nodded.  "His friend came and got
him."

Jessica's heart slammed against her chest, making her feel momentarily
faint.  She had to sit down on a nearby chair.  Pierce said softly,
"What friend, Allie?"

"Max's new friend.  The one he played secret mission with."

A memory flashed through Jessica's mind.  "You mean the little boy who
moved in next door to Mrs.  Taylor?"

Allie shook her head.  "He wasn't little.  He was like you," she said,
pointing to Pierce.

"You mean he was an adult?"  Pierce asked.

She nodded.  "He said he was going to take Max up the mountains to a
cabin.  He said you were waiting for them up there.  He said you needed
Max to come get you.  I watched them walk down the path until I
couldn't see them no more.  Then I went and got Mommy."  Allie turned
her big liquid eyes up to Sharon.  "Am I in trouble?"  she asked, her
voice trembling.

Sharon hugged her daughter closely, making Jessica's arms seem even
more empty.  "No, darling," Sharon whispered , "you aren't in
trouble."

Jessica put her hand to her mouth, stifling the sobs.  "This is all my
fault," she said.  She turned her terrified eyes on Pierce.  "He told
me about this secret mission game days ago, but I didn't know... I
didn't think... Oh, God.  What are we going to do?"

"We're going to find him," Pierce said steadily.  With his hands on her
arms, he lifted Jessica until they were both standing face-to-face.  He
gazed deep into her eyes.  " " Listen to me," he said.  " I'm going to
go out there right now.  I'm going to find that cabin and I'm going to
find Max and bring him back to you.  What I want you to do is stay here
and wait for Jay.  He'll know what to do.  "

"Please," she begged, "please don't leave me here."

"It's the only way," he said.  He bent and brushed his lips across
hers, and for just a second or two, Jessica clung to him.  Then he
turned, motioned for Frank to follow him, and the two men walked
outside.

Jessica fought the urge to run after him, to make him take her with
him.  This time she knew he was right.  This was his element.  He knew
what to do, and she'd only get in his way.  She had to trust him to
bring back her son.

She ran to the door and threw it open just as Frank was stepping back
inside.  Jessica brushed past him and ran outside The first thing she
saw was the gun in Pierce's hand.  The metal glinted in the moonlight,
as dark and deadly as Pierce's eyes.

They stared at one another for a moment, then Jessica whispered into
the darkness, "Be careful.  Please be careful"

And then he was gone, swallowed up by the deep shadows in the woods
surrounding the cabin.

The moon had risen, and the path was easy to follow.  There was a
chance, of course, that they hadn't kept to the trail, but Pierce
didn't think that likely.  The whole point was to reel him in.  He
hadn't let on to Jessica, but she'd been right earlier.  Once the
traitor had Pierce, he had no reason to let Max go.  He wouldn't.  Not
if the boy could identify him.

Pierce knew the game, knew how it was played, but he'd never had stakes
this high before.  It was harder to keep a cool head when he thought
about his son, alone, frightened , needing him.  But Pierce knew what
he had to do.  He'd promised Jessica he'd bring Max back to her, and he
had every intention of keeping that promise.

He emerged from the woods onto the bank of a small lake.  Moonlight
silvered the water, making it look like a giant mirror in a darkened
room.  Keeping to the deep shadows of the woods, Pierce canned the
area.  He left the path and circled the lake, coming up behind a small
cabin perched at the edge of the water.

It was a trap.  Pierce knew that.  There was only one way in and out of
the cabin, but he also realized there was no other choice open to him.
He watched the darkened cabin for several minutes, then crouching, he
headed across the clearing, scaled the front porch railing, and kicked
open the door.

Moonlight flooded inside what appeared to be an empty room.  And then,
just as he was about to leave, he heard a small voice whisper from the
shadows, "Daddy?  Is that you !  "

Pierce resisted the temptation to run to his son.  He flattened himself
against the wall, his gaze roaming the cabin.  His every sense screamed
danger.  He knew he and Max were being watched.  He knew somewhere out
in the darkness, a killer waited for him to make a move.

"I'm here, son," he said softly.  "Where are you?"

"Over here.  I can't move."  He heard Max struggle and whimper.  Pierce
slid along the wall, following the sound.

Max was curled up in a corner, his arms and legs bound with rope.  When
Pierce,knelt and touched the little boy's face, he felt the wetness of
tears on his fingertips.

"It's okay, son," he whispered.  "I'm here now.  Everything 's going to
be okay."  With his pocketknife he slit the ropes, and the second they
were severed, he gathered Max into his arms and held him close.

"I knew you'd come," Max whispered over and over.  "I knew you'd
come."

Pierce held his son for only a moment longer, then he said, "We have to
get out of here, Max: '

Max gazed at him with wide dark eyes.  " " That man-he's not my friend,
is he?  "

"

" No.  "

"He just pretended to be.  He brought me here so he could hurt you,
didn't he?"

"He's going to try," Pierce said.  He picked up his gun from the floor
and saw Max's eyes widen even more.  "We're i not going to let him,
though, are we, Max?  You and I are going to get out of here, but I
need you to do exactly as I say.  Okay?  " ; Max nodded, his eyes still
on the gun.

"Okay," Pierce said, standing, "I want you to stay behind me.  There's
a piece of railing broken on the side of the , porch.  It's hard to see
in the dark, but you'll find it if you look.  When I give you the word,
I want you to crawl through that opening and run toward the woods.  Run
as fast as you can, Max.  Do you remember where the path is?  Do you
think you can find it in the dark?  Good.  You find the path and you
stay on it until you get all the way back to the campsite.  Your mother
will be waiting for you there."

"But what about you?"  Max asked, his voice trembling in spite of his
brave front.

"I'll be all right.  I'm sending you on a real secret mission , son.
Think you can handle it?"

Max nodded, lifting his chin.  Right then, he looked the spitting image
of Jessica.  Pierce wanted nothing more than to haul his son into his
arms again, hold him so tightly to protect him from the outside world.
But he couldn't afford the time.  qIe had to think with his head and
not his heart.  He had to be just as cunning and ruthless as the enemy
who waited for them beyond the front door.

"Let's go," he said.

They edged toward the door.  Caution was useless because

Pierce knew they were being watched, their every move monitored.
Keeping Max behind him, he moved out on the front porch.

He hesitated just a fraction of a second, his eyes scanning the
immediate area around them.  Then he said, "Now, Max !  " and the
moment the little boy took off for the side of the porch, Pierce dived
toward the steps, hoping to draw the fire.  A bullet splintered the
wood beside him as he rolled to a crouch in the shadows of the steps.
Another bullet whizzed overhead.  Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw
Max slip into the woods.  Another shot rang out, and Max fell to the
ground.

Pierce's heart stopped.  Had he been hit?  Dear God Suddenly a burning
wave of rage swept over him.  Oblivious to the danger, he stood and
walked out of the shadows' Let him go, you bastard," he yelled.  " This
is between you and me.  "

Iqe heard a laugh, the same laugh that had tormented him for years, and
then a voice he recognized said, "Throw down your weapon and we'll
talk."

Pierce gazed at the woods where he'd seen Max fall.  Was that a
movement he detected?  Was his son all right?  Pierce knew that all he
could do for Max now was to buy him some time.  He tossed his gun to
the dirt a few feet from him.  After a moment or two, a figure
materialized out of the shady , ow woods.  Pierce s enemy, his nemesis,
the man who had sent him to hell five years ago, slowly walked out of
the darkness toward him.

"You," Pierce said in disgust.  "I should have known."

Chapter 16

The man who called himself Walker laughed again.  " " As I said
earlier, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself, Kincaid.  You've been
out of circulation for too many years.  " Moonlight glinted off the
gold eagle he wore at his throat, and suddenly Pierce remembered.  A
bird soaring against the sunlight.  It had been Walker's merlallion
he'd seen that day.

"Why didn't you just kill me earlier?"  Pierce asked, appraising his
options.

Walker laughed again, the same laugh Pierce had heard in his prison
years ago.  "The agency's been following you for weeks.  I couldn't
take you out without bringing suspicion on me.  I had to get you away
from all those eyes, Kincaid You know the game."

"Yes, I know," Pierce agreed grimly, inching forward.

There was a snapping sound from the woods as if someone had trod on a
twig.  Max!  He was alive!

Pierce saw Walker's head turn just a fraction as if he was thinking the
same thing.  Pierce fought his own elation,

knowing that he might not have another chance.  He lunged toward
Walker, and Walker fired.  But he'd been thrown off guard, and the shot
just missed.  Then Pierce was on him.  He rammed into Walker as hard as
he could, and the momentum carried them both stumbling backward into
the dirt.  The gun went flying from Walker's hand, and both men saw it
land in a bed of pine needles not three feet away.

Simultaneously they rushed for it, but a bullet kicked up the dirt mere
inches from the weapon.  It took Pierce a second to register the fact
that someone else was on the scene.  Someone else with a gun.

"Hold it," the disembodied voice ordered, as Walker whirled around.
Brandon Chambers came out of the woods, his gun leveled first at
Walker, then at Pierce.  "Nobody make a move," he said.

"Chambers," Walker said in relief.  He started toward the man, but
Brandon lifted the gun, and Walker halted.  He said in an excited
undertone, "We've got him this time.  He tried to kill me.  He knew I
was the one man who could put the finger on him."

Brandon's gaze swept over Pierce with icy disdain.  "I've waited a long
time for this night, Kincaid: '

"Who the hell are you?"  Pierce demanded.

"I'm with the agency, deep cover," he said.  "I was assigned to your
case the day you disappeared.  I've been waiting for the day you
returned."

"So you could kill me?"  Pierce asked coldly.  "I ought to kill you for
using my wife the way you have."

"Using her?"  Brandon shook his head.  "You've got it all wrong.  We
were helping her, making sure she and your son were provided for."

"Somehow I don't think she'd be too grateful if she knew that," Pierce
said.

"This is ridiculous," Walker said.  "I.et's take him in.  Let me get my
gun, Chambers."  He reached for his gun, and another bullet hit the
dirt.  He glared up at Chambers.  " " What the hell are you doing?  "
In one lightning move, he reached down, scooped up the weapon and spun,
leveling it at Pierce.  " You're going down this time.  "

It happened so fast, Pierce had no time to react.  He felt the pain rip
through his shoulder before he heard the report of the gun.  He
stumbled backward as someone-a woman-screamed.  Then another shot rang
out, and dimly he saw Walker pitch forward into the dirt.  Pierce
struggled to remain on his feet, but the pain was excruciating.  Don't
fade to black, he thought.  Not yet.  Not until he could find out
everything he needed to know.  !  Chambers holstered his gun.  "Dammit!
I told you to let me handle this!"  ,

Pierce looked around in amazement as Jessica came running out of the
woods, followed more slowly by Jay, who ; carried the proverbial
smoking gun.

"You were too slow to suit my taste," Jay said, tossing his own gun in
the dirt at Chambers's feet.  "I told you I don't like taking orders
from a civilian, especially not some damn spook from Langley."

Chambers muttered a curse.  "You military stiffs are all the same."

Jessica took one look at the blood flowing from Pierce's i, shoulder,
and her face turned white.  He thought for a moment she might faint,
but Jessica was stronger than that.

She'd had to be.

"Oh, my God," she said.  "How badly are you hurt?"

"I'm all right," Pierce said.  "Jessica-"

Jessica looked around frantically.  "Where's Max?  Pierce where's Max?"
she demanded.

"He ran into the woods," Pierce said.  "Jessica, stay here while I go
find him."

Her eyes widened as she realized what he was saying.  She turned and
started running blindly toward the woods.  "Max!  Baby, where are you?
Please, Max.  Answer me."

Pierce guided her in the right direction.  He was at her side when they
saw Max.  He was lying still on the ground, his little face buried in
his arms.  He didn't make a sound, didn't move a muscle, and Pierce's
heart stopped beating.  Dear God, no, he prayed.  Not Max.  Not my
boy.

Jessica screamed, "Max!  Max!"  Pierce tried to hold her back, but
Jessica tore loose from his grasp.  She ran to Max and flung herself on
the ground beside him.  "Max!  Answer me, baby !  Please be all right !
"

"Mom?  Is that you?"

Pierce thought for a moment he was hearing things.  That his prayer was
making him see things.  Max lifted his head and peered up at Jessica,
and then Pierce heard her laughing and crying at the same time as she
pulled their son into her arms.

"Did I do it right, Dad?"  Max asked, struggling out of Jessica's
embrace.  "I ran as fast as I could, but when I heard the gun, it
scared me and I fell down.  I pretended to be dead.  That's what
Superman told Lois Lane to do once.  Was that okay?  ',

Pierce dropped to his knees beside them.  His shoulder was throbbing,
he felt sick to his stomach, and he was pretty sure he was going to
pass out at any minute.  But he had never felt so damned good in all
his life.

"You did just fine, son," he said.  "I'm proud of you: '

Max beamed, then saw the blood on Pierce's arm.  "Oh , wow," he said
reverently.  " " Are you all right?  " When Pierce nodded, Max said, "
I bet you'll have another neat scar , huh, Dad?  "

"I hope not, son," Pierce said, gazing at Jessica's tearstained face.
"I think I've got a few too many as it is."

Max turned back to Jessica.  She couldn't seem to keep her eyes off
him.  Her fingers fluttered up to touch his cheek as if she was
reassuring herself he was really all right.

"Can we go home now?"  Max asked.

Jessica nodded.  "Yes.  We'll go in a minute or two."

" " Is Dad coming with us?  " ; Jessica's gaze met Pierce's for just a
split second, then she looked away.  Pierce felt a sinking sensation in
the bottom of his stomach.

Jessica said, "Why don't you go tell Uncle Jay what an j excellent job
you did here tonight?  I know he'll be impressed" , "Yeah," Max agreed,
grinning proudly.  He turned and shot past Jessica and Pierce, and when
he had gone, the silence around them seemed deafening.

Pierce waited for Jessica to speak.  She remained kneeling on the
ground, her eyes lowered.  , " " Jesse?  "

She still wouldn't look at him.  She twisted her hands together ,
giving away her nervousness.  "Jay tried to keep me from coming up here
with them, but I couldn't stay away.  I had to be here ... in case you
needed me.  But you didn't need me, did you, Pierce?  You've never
really needed me."  !  Pierce closed his eyes for a moment.  The pain
in his arm was nothing compared to the torment in his heart.  "ThaYs
not true, Jesse.  I do need you: " As part of your cover," she said
scornfully.  " As part of your lie.  "

"No, sweetheart.  As my wife.  That part of my life is over.

I couldn't go back if I wanted to.  I don't even know the person I was
back then.  "

A flicker of something that looked like hope passed through Jessica's
eyes, then she lowered them.  She shook her head.  "I don't want you to
come home with Max and me tonight, Pierce."

Pierce felt as if he'd taken another bullet, this one in the gut.
"Why?"  was all he said.

Jessica closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  "You know why.  Do you
know what went through my mind when I saw Max lying on the ground just
now?  I thought he was dead.  I thought our son was dead, and that you
were responsible"

"I know," Pierce said softly.  "I was thinking the same thing."

"But you're used to this sort of thing," Jessica said, reluctantly
meeting his gaze.  The look in her eyes tore Pierce up inside.  She was
closing him out of her life again, this time for good.  "I can't live
like this, Pierce.  I can't.  God knows when I'll even be able to sleep
again, much less let Max out of my sight.  It's too much happening too
soon.  I need some time to sort it all out.  I need some space."

"

" How much time?  "

Jessica shook her head, her expression resolute.  "I don't know."

"You gave me a month," Pierce reminded her grimly.  "You said thirty
days: ' " " In that case, my timing is perfect, " Jessica said with
tears glistening in her eyes.  "Because your thirty days ended
today."

And so, just like that, it was over.  Pierce had been debriefed in
Langley, and slowly but surely all the pieces of the puzzle began
coming together.  Most of what Walker had told him was true, but what
Walker hadn't known was that for some time Brandon Chambers had been on
to him.  He just couldn't prove his suspicions.  It was Chambers who
finally negotiated Pierce's release, but after the explosion aboard the
boat-arranged by Walker, they suspected Pierce had disappeared again.

When he'd turned up in Miami, Chambers had traced the passport he was
using to a man-a doctor-living on a small island in the Caribbean.
Evidently Pierce had washed up on shore after the explosion, near
death, and when he'd finally regained consciousness, his memory was
gone.

For months, as Pierce recovered physically, snatches of his memory
began returning.  He dreamed about Jessica and the life he'd had with
her in Edgewood.  As the anniversary of the day he'd disappeared
approached, Pierce experienced an alznost overwhelming sense of
urgency.  He knew there was somewhere he had to be, someone he had to
protect Dr.  Morales helped him forge a passport and gave him money to
return to the States.  From Miami, guided by his inner compulsion,
Pierce managed to find his way back to

Virginia, to Edgewood, and finally to the grocery store where he'd been
headed five years ago.  And then everything had clicked back into place
for him.  Everything except for the five years he'd been imprisoned.

Pierce remembered it all now.  All the horrors, the despair , the
intense longing for Jesse, for the son he had never seen.  Everything
Jessica had suffered for so many years,

Pierce suffered now.  He understood more than ever what she had gone
through, and why she felt she had to protect herself from him.  Pierce
didn't blame her one damn bit.

He'd put her through hell, and just because he'd suffered too, it
didn't make what he'd done to her acceptable.  But the facts didn't
make her rejection any easier to take.

He was in Langley at CIA headquarters for three days, and at the end of
that time, he walked out a free man.  He'd tendered his resignation,
the lies were over, and now it was time to start building a new life
for himself.  Pierce took a deep, cleansing breath.

But first there was something he had to do.  Another part of his past
he had to put to rest.

* * *

Jay Greene eyed Pierce's outstretched hand warily.  He was wearing his
uniform, and his attitude was very stiff and unyielding.  Pierce
wondered briefly if their antagonism toward one another had been the
natural distrust that often sprang up between the military and
civilians.

"You don't owe me anything," he said gruffly, but he accepted Pierce's
handshake, anyway.  " " You saved my life, " Pierce said.  " "You'd
have done the same for me.

Their eyes met, and at that moment; Pierce realized that his
brother-in-law was right.  No matter how strong the animosity between
them had always been, they were still family Their love for Jessica
bonded them together in spite of their feelings about each other.

"I always knew there was something suspicious about your activities,"
Jay admitted.  "But I never could find out anything.  That made me
doubt you even more."

"You had good reason," Pierce said grimly.  " " I only wanted what was
best for my sister.  I didn't want to see her hurt.  "

Pierce didn't blame Jay for the accusation in his tone.  He said
simply, "I've always loved her.  That hasn't changed."

"Then what are you going to do about it?"  Jay demanded

"I don't know," Pierce said.  "I don't know if there is anything I can
do about it: '

Jay scowled his disapproval.  "That's what I've always dqsliked about
you damned CIA spooks.  You guys can't tell your butts from a hole in
the ground.  You couldn't make a decision"

Pierce didn't wait to hear the rest.  He just shook his head grinned
and walked off.

* * *

"When's Dad coming home?"  Max asked again.  Jessica had lost count of
how many times she'd heard that quesi tion in the past week.  She
watched her son as he sat slumped in the lawn chair, idly dangling his
legs.  He scowled deeply.

"It's boring around here without him.  ,

Jessica had to agree.  A week without Pierce and the house had taken on
the atmosphere of a tomb.  She couldn't even muster up enough strength
to work on the game room upstairs , and even the downstairs wore an
uncharacteristic clutter.  It was funny, but suddenly she'd lost the
desire for a neat and orderly existence.  She took a strange sort of
comfort in leaving the dishes in the sink a little too long or letting
the beds go unmade all day.

She hadn't even bothered to comb her hair since she'd gotten up this
morning, Jessica realized, blowing away the bangs from her forehead.
Much less put on lipstick.  There was no one around to see her, anyway,
except Max, and he seemed to be suffering from the same lethargy that
gripped her.  They both missed Pierce.

So call him, Jessica told Iqerself.  Call him and tell him you've
changed your mind.  Tell him how empty you feel without him.  Tell him
you like the excitement he brings to your life.  Tell him that you need
him.  Desperately.

But instead, Jessica sat on the terrace and did nothing.  What could
she do?  She didn't even know how to get in touch with Pierce.  He'd
only called once in the past week , and then only to talk to Max.  He
hadn't even asked to speak to her.  It took Jessica a long time to
admit just how much that had hurt her.  She'd told him that night in
the woods that she needed time to sort out her feelings, but it had
only taken her one night without Pierce to know that she wanted him
back in her life.  More than anything.

But he was gone now.  And for all Jessica knew, he wasn't coming
back.

She took a deep breath and tried to quell the fresh batch of tears
brought on by that thought.

"What's that noise?"  Max asked, stilling his legs.  He sat up and
listened.  " " It sounds like a dog!  " he cried excitedly.  Before
Jessica could say a word, he shot past her like a bullet , rounded the
corner of the house, and headed toward the front yard.

Jessica jumped up and hurried after him.  She didn't like the idea of a
strange dog hanging around the neighborhood' Max wait!  " But he had
already disappeared through the back gate, heading for the street.

Jessica ran through the gate and hurried around the house.  Then she
stopped at the sight that greeted her in the front yard.  A shiny red
"Vette was parked in the driveway, and Max was down on his knees in the
grass, laughing wildly as a puppy, a little black-and-white mutt,
avidly licked his face.

Jessica's gaze went from Max and the dog to the man standing near the
front porch steps, watching them.  Pierce immediately got a defensive
look on his face.  "Now, I know what you're going to say, Jessica."

No, you don't, she thought.  You have no idea.

"But I found him on the side of the road.  Someone had dumped him, and
he had nowhere to go.  I guess I sort of felt a kinship with him,"
Pierce said apologetically.  "I couldn't just leave him there."

"No, you couldn't," Jessica agreed, smiling.

"I've already taken him to the vet's.  He's had his shots and
everything.  I thought maybe I could keep him at my place, and Max
could visit him there whenever he wanted."

Jessica's heart stopped.  His place?

"You've... found a place to live?"  she asked.  Her heart had started
beating again at an awfully painful rate.

Pierce shrugged.  "Not yet," he admitted.  "But I'm sure I will."

"I know where there's a vacancy," Jessica said quickly, admiring her
nerve.

Pierce gave her a strange glance.  "Oh?"  he asked noncommittally' Is
the rent reasonable?  "

"Very.  And there are lots of fringe benefits."

His jaw dropped, and Jessica almost laughed out loud.  He took a step
toward her.  "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

"Come home, Pierce," she whispered.  "We need you so."

He closed the distance between them in no more than three strides.
Jessica fell into his arms, and he held her close, kissing her eyelids
and her nose and her mouth.  Jessica's laughter mingled with her
son's.

"I know I've made a lot of mistakes in the past," he said, his hand in
her hair.  "But, Jesse, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make
it up to you.  I have my priorities straight now, sweetheart, and it
feels good.  It feels really good.  My family is the most important
thing in the world to me now: '

"To me, too," she whispered.  "Just don't ever leave me."

"Never again," he promised.  "I'm here for as long as you'll have me."
She lifted her face for his kiss, and as their lips joined, sealing the
vow, Jessica heard her son whooping with laughter.  ; "Hey, Mom," he
yelled.  "Krypto just went to the bathroom on my new shoe."