Cornucopia

by Frank M. Roberts

October 2015

Welcome to the world of Cornucopia - a veritable world of whatzis. F'r instance -- r and r -- no, not rest and relaxation, but rock 'n roll, described by Mitch 'Sing-along' Miller: "Rock and roll is just a passing fad." He was quoted by several sources, and mentioned it to me at a picnic for deejays sponsored by Patti Page; And, this, from F. Sinatra: "Rock 'n roll: The most brutal, ugly, desperate, vicious form of expression it has been my misfortune to hear." Wow, and double wow.

When George Lucas was mixing the "American Graffiti" soundtrack, he indexed the reels of film starting with an 'R', and he indexed the dialog starting with a 'D.' All very obvious. Sound engineer, Walter Murch asked Lucas for 'reel 2', dialog 2 by saying R2D2. Lucas liked the way that sounded so much, that he integrated it into another project he was working on. You can take it from there; Speaking of the 'Grafitti' flick, one of its stars, upon retirement, lived about five miles from my house. I had the pleasure of visiting Wolfman Jack several times. More on that gent in a later colyum.

Love and marriage, sand 'n stuff: One out of every four marriages end in divorce. The other three fight it out; If you put the federal government in charge of the desert, in five years, there would be a shortage of sand; A quiet man is a thinking man. A quiet woman is usually mad; Marriage is like a mushroom. You never know if you're getting a bad one until it's way too late.

Ominous music-shark checks: Despite a murderous reputation thanks to "Jaws," sharks actually have little interest in human flesh. Of some 480 shark species, only a handful - notably the great white, bull, and tiger - are known to attack people, and when they do, it's generally a case of mistaken identity. In murky waters sharks sometimes confuse humans with their usual prey, particularly seals. When they bite people, sharks generally release them and swim off in search of more satiating targets. Nerve endings on their serrated teeth can differentiate between calorie-rich seal blubber and a skimpier human meal. "Sharks don't eat humans - they spit out humans." (and go pooey). Peter Klimley an animal behaviorist at the University of California mentioned that.

To continue: By a strange twist the record surge in U. S. attacks coincides with the 40th anniversary release of "Jaws." From its opening sequence - when a swimmer feels a tug on her leg - the film aroused in audiences a primal terror of getting eaten alive. More than 20 feet long, with 300 serrated teeth, the great white became one of cinema's scariest villains, turning the species into a coveted real life target for trophy seekers. (Is this why I laugh when, in the movies, I see a shark chomping on a trophy hunter?). Commercial and sport fishing have reduced the number of large sharks of all species by more than 50 per cent, and some by as much as 90 per cent, while fewer than 500 people have died from shark attacks over the past 500 years.

And, how bright are you? 111,111,111 multiplied by 111,111,111 gives you this result: 12,345,678,987,654,321. Try that in your math class.

Hey, Roberts, Jimbo's business is show business so - how about it? Well, since he has an old Arthur Godfrey Talent Scouts show, try this on for size. This is pre-Godfrey. Remember Major Bowes Amateur Hour? It was hot stuff in the '30s and '40s - created by and starring Edward Bowes who insisted that everyone call him 'Major' although he did not have a military background. Before he got into that, he managed one of my homes away from home-the Capitol Theatre in the Times Square area. (My other homes, etc. were Capitol neighbors -- the Strand and, my favorite - the Paramount).

(He once admonished an underling, asking him, "how will people think you're important if you don't act important?). When he passed away Jay C. Flippen, who later became a character actor, starred. Later, the most famous emcee, Ted Mack. Back to Bowes. When a contestant was finished doing his/her thing, he would say, "all right, all right." His best contestants traveled the country doing vaudeville tours - an idea still working today. It was Mack who bought the show to teevee.

Future stars who began on that program included Pat Boone, Alan King, and Gladys Knight (who was Pip-less). Also appearing was a singing group, The Hoboken Four (for the uninitiated, Hoboken is in New Jersey).One of those four singers was a skinny lad, Frank Sinatra.

Later, of course, was "Arthur Godfrey's Talent Scouts." Future stars on that show were Tony Bennett, and Rosemary Clooney. One contestant, long since forgotten, was Tommy Dix - 12, when he was on the show. He had a rich, baritone voice and proved so popular he came back on a later show for an encore. When he was 16 he appeared before the mother of President Roosevelt at the prestigious Waldorf-Astoria Hotel. He sang "Happy Birthday." The following year he appeared on Broadway singing a popular song of the day, "Buckle Down Winsocki."

I live in North Carolina, so this always interested me. Remember the song, "Stars Fell On Alabama"? We topped that. Two atom bombs were dropped in our state, Jan. 24, 1961, in an area about two hours from my humble home. It happened about half past midnight. A B-52 with two nukes on board was cruising the skies near Goldsboro when its right wing leaked fuel and exploded. The jet disintegrated. Five crewmen survived - three died.

True story: A man who was dying of cancer, went back into the office every day. His reasoning? "More than anything, I just want to feel normal again."

Whew! Time to sign off. Oh, all right - one dumb joke. Flash! Congress is finally going to take up the marijuana issue. They're planning a joint session.

Okay - okay - I'm leaving -- .