Hee Haw

by Frank M. Roberts

March 2016

If'n you, like me, are a cornball at heart you forsake political discussions for "Hee Haw," with its mix of good country music, and a hassle of good/bad jokes. The rural version of "Laugh-In" began in 1970 and is still going strong on RFD-TV. One liners, running gags, goofy folk are all stock-in-trade.

The show's creators and some cast members are Canadians. The uh - humor and, certainly the music, have universal appeal but, the aim was for us-n -- the Southern audience. Hosts of the show are easygoing, Roy Clark, and the very rich, very mean Buck Owens. From time to time, not surprisingly, the two clashed - off-camera, of course. One ongoing argument: They both wanted top billing. On that score, Clark eventually backed down.

In "Buck 'Em," Owens' auto-biography, he wrote, "I couldn't justify turning down that big paycheck for just a few weeks work twice a year, so I kept whoring myself out to that cartoon donkey." That reminds me of a remark made by Christopher Plummer, Julie Andrews' co-star in "The Sound Of Music." He called it, "The Sound Of Mucus." I'm not sure about needing the money. Buck-man was worth about $40 million dollars, and that ain't no bale of hay.

Remember how "Hee Haw" started? "I'm Buck, and I'm Roy - let's go right now." And, of course you remember, "Pfft, you was gone." And, there were "The Culhanes," the KORN radio announcer, the animated sows, the Minnie monoluges, the scantily-clad 'Hee Haw Honies, alternating with the "Hee Haw Gospel Quartet." Ah, yes, something for everyone. A closer look at the lovelies: They were Gunilla Hutton, Jeanine Riley, Lisa Todd, Barbi Benton (one time 'pal' of Hugh Hefner), Linda Thompson (a former Elvis flame), and Misty Rowe. Owens was romantically linked to three of them.

CBS dropped the show in 1971, and that turned out to be a big favor for "Hee Haw." In syndication it was on far more stations than were covered by that network. All told - 543 episodes. The show's theme song, by the way, was written by Sheb Wooley, who was also known as Ben Colder.

The show was a carefree joy - on screen, anyway. I mentioned one disagreement between Clark and Owens, re: billing. There was more - Owens was determined that Clark should not get more time on camera. In Eileen Sisk's Buck bio she said that the 'star' had one of his cronies sit around with a stop watch to make sure his partner did not get more time on camera.

All that 'crap' almost had Clark walking off the show. Another fuss - too many banjoists. Owens liked the number, Clark wanted fewer of those instruments.

In his auto-biography, "My Life-In Spite Of Myself," Clark described his partner: "He wasn't a laid back country boy I felt comfortable being around. He was - very opinionated, very set in his ways, very dollar conscious. Buck is just a strange guy." Well, as the old sayinggoes, "the show must go on," and, it's still going on - Sunday night on RFD-TV.

Many people in these areas remember my very good fiend, Joe Hoppel, the WCMS-Norfolk country deejay. He was invited to do a guest spot on the show, appearing in the cornfield. To this date, he has yet to see the fruit of that effort.

Personal note: I met Cathy Baker, the cute gal who opened and closed the show. She was visiting Suffolk's Louise Obici Memorial Hospital on a good will tour. In person, she is just as sweet as she appears. If memory serves, she lived in Virginia and was married to an attorney.

Here are some of the HH characters, although I may have missed one or two: Minnie Pearl, Archie Campbell, The Hager Twins, Gaillard Sartain, Junior Samples, Grandpa Jones, Kenny Price, Lulu Roman. The gals were listed above.

Some final notes: Eileen Sisk's bio of Buck reveals a brilliant man who knew how to make money but, it also reveals one of the meanest, most vindictive individuals of any genre. Except for a few folks, he treated an awful lot of people like dirt. A womanizer? He heads the list. He was married several times and, even while hitched, he seemed to have averaged about 20 'partners' a month. There are several children bearing his name. Most of them were lucky. He gave them important jobs in several of his enterprises.

Speaking of The Hagers, 'tis said they were always yammering and bickering with one another; Lulu Roman was twice busted for using dangerous drugs. Buck wanted her off the show. There is a happy ending. She cleaned up her act and returned to the show. These days she is known for her gospel singing.

Finally, back to Buck. Someone said that his love life resembled a Mormon polygamist's, except without the religion.

* * * *

This has nothing to do with anything -- but -- the story is told of a Syrian general who had to go to a psychiatrist to be treated for delusions of grandeur. He thought he was an Israeli corporal. Oy!