Theosophical University Press Online Edition
{Bombay, July 15+}
M
Y DEAR MR. SINNETT,As K. H. just kindly flopped on my nose a whole Iliad to your address you will not care much to read my letter. Anyhow I have nothing good to say. My plans are burst. The "Old One" won't let me go, doesn't want me. Says all kind of "serenades" -- bad times; the English will be behind me, (for they believe more in the Russians than in the brothers); their presence will prevent any Brother to come to me visibly and invisibly I can just as well see them from where I am; wanted here and elsewhere but not in Tibet, etc. etc. Well I can only beg pardon to have disturbed you and the rest. I had all ready, the whole itinerary was sent from Calcutta, M. gave me permission, and Deb was ready -- Well you won't prevent me from saying now at least from the bottom of my heart -- DAMN MY FATE, I tell you death is preferable. Work, work, work and no thanks. I do not blame Mr. Hume -- he is right. Well if I do feel crazy it is theirs not my fault -- not poor M. or K. H.'s but theirs, of those heartless dried up big-bugs, and I must call them that if they had to pulverise me for this. What do I care now for life! Annihilation is 10,000 better. I leave Bombay for Madras for ever the Headquarters I mean in December if I live.
Yours,
H. P. B.
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