199. (14) A maiden is thus transformed into a wife, and a youth into a husband. This follows as a consequence from what we have already said in this and the previous chapter respecting the union of married partners into one flesh. A maiden turns or is turned into a wife because a wife has elements in her taken from her husband, thus elements acquired which did not exist in her before as an unmarried woman. A youth turns or is turned into a husband because a husband has elements in him taken from his wife, which heighten the capacity in him for receiving love and wisdom, elements which did not exist in him before as an unmarried man. However, this is the case with people who are in a state of truly conjugial love. Among them are some who feel as though they are a united person and virtually one flesh (as may be seen in the preceding chapter, no. 178). It is apparent from this that a maidenly state is transformed into a wifely one in women, and a youthful state into a husbandly one in men. [2] I was convinced of the fact of this from the following experience in the spiritual world:
Some men said that the relationship a man has with a woman before marriage and the relationship he has with his wife after marriage are similar. When they heard this, their wives became very offended and said, "They are not at all alike! The difference is as the difference between fantasy and reality." To this the men retorted, "Are you not women as before?" To which their wives responded with rising voice, "We are not 'women' but wives! The love you feel is a fantasy love and not a real one; therefore you speak in fantasy terms." The men then said, "If you are not 'women,' still you are married women." But they replied, "In the early days of marriage we were married women; now, however, we are wives."