Little by little, Carlos' stories had had their effect on me. One day, I sat down to seriously consider the amount of effort I invested in sustaining my self-importance. Not in the coarse and common forms it usually shows itself, like self-sufficiency, or whining for attention, but in its more subtle aspects, linked to fundamental ideas that I had about the world.
These reflections didn't bring me any certainty. On the contrary, I began to notice how the enormity of the ideological framework in which I lived, and which I had always taken for granted, trembled. When I told Carlos this, he saw it as something quite natural.
"You are learning how to stalk yourself," he told me. "It is what you should have done ever since you learnt to use your reason."
I had already read about the art of stalking, a hunting strategy which consists of using your prey's own habits and routines to catch it. We can apply this strategy to ordinary life, for example, to business. But we can also project it against our internal demons, like doubt, laziness, and self-indulgence.
Taking advantage of this opportunity - we had some free time before his lecture began - I asked him to tell me more about this.
But, to my complete astonishment, he told me that he could not do it as long as I wasn't committed to the point of death to the teachings.
"Why?"
"Because you would wind up turning against me. Learning about dreaming doesn't offend anyone, the worst you can do is not believe that such a thing is possible. Stalking, on the other hand, the way sorcerers practice it, is very offensive to reason. Many warriors avoid speaking about it, because they don't have the stomach for it. In the initial phase, the apprentice is under crossfire and is very frustrated, not able to let go of his ego.
"Like a coin, stalking has two faces. On the one hand, it is the easiest thing in the world; on the other, it is a very difficult technique, not because it's complex, but because it deals with aspects of oneself that people usually don't want to deal with.
"Stalking induces minuscule, but very solid movements of the assemblage point; not like dreaming, which moves you deeply, but bounces you like a rubber ball and returns you immediately to what you were. When you look around, you see everything the same way as you always did, so you will continue to use your everyday approach to things. If, in this situation, you are forced to make some change by your instructor, I'll bet you anything that you will leave offended, or wounded in your pride, and quit the teaching."
I asked him how, then, sorcerers taught this art.
He answered that, traditionally, it is taught in state of heightened awareness, and it is left until the end.
"It is not something that's openly talked about, one must read between the lines. This part of the knowledge belongs to the teachings for the left side. It takes many years to remember what it is all about, and many more to become able to practice it.
"On the level where you are now, the only thing that allows you to handle stalking is to approach it with dreaming methods. If at any point you should feel that I am touching on topics that are too personal, or you have an attack of suspicions, look at your hands or use any other reminder you have chosen. The dreaming attention will help you break your fixation."