In the months following our first encounter, my commitment to Carlos stayed on the level of attending his lectures and reading his books. But it didn't take long before the magic of his teachings began to attract me with a force of its own.
This situation confronted me with a choice, which I suppose presents itself to every apprentice of nagualism: On the one hand, I could analyze the strange ideas of sorcerers in the light of academic knowledge, assimilating only what I could understand and verify. On the other hand, there was always the possibility of accepting Carlos' words to the letter, provisionally relegating my prejudices until I could work out a framework of my own, supported by experience.
When I told him about my dilemma, he was happy and told me the two options I had considered had one important thing in common: Practice. So it didn't matter which one of them I would adopt, as long as I was inflexible in my conclusions.
I tried to elicit some explanations from him that might serve as a point of support in my mind and enable me to accommodate his postulates, but he interrupted me with a gesture:
"A warrior is not ahead of knowledge," he told me. "He doesn't make enquiries out of habit, nor does he succumb to the sense of not understanding. When he wants to know something, he experiences it."
I made him notice that the word 'experience' had a very different meaning according to who pronounced it. For him, it meant a way of facing life; for me, the need to understand a phenomenon on an intellectual level.
I thought I saw Carlos repressing an ironic smile. In a very kind tone, he explained that the knowledge and exercises of sorcerers are not by themselves difficult to understand or to practice. What makes them seem crazy, is the fact that they were designed by a culture alien to us, and for people with a different understanding of the world. He attributed my initial distrust to my rational configuration, not to any impediment of energy.
He added that modern science has not been able to penetrate the Tollec knowledge because it has no appropriate methodology, not because the principles of sorcerers and scientists are intrinsically incompatible.
"In spite of all their good intentions, researchers are unable to move their assemblage points on their own. That being the case, how could they understand what sorcerers say?
"The lack of energy is a serious barrier between ordinary man and sorcerers, because, without the necessary power, corroboration of the phenomena of sorcery is impossible. It is as if two people are trying to communicate in different languages. In general, sorcerers lose in that kind of exchange. In other times, people were threatened into believing they would lose their soul if they listened to the sorcerer; today modern man is indoctrinated to believe that this vision is unscientific.
"The truth is something else. Practicing the warriors' principles, far from damaging our mental clarity, gives us valuable tools with which to manage knowledge. That is because these principles, when they are guided towards accumulating energy, zealously follow two scientific postulates: Experience, and verification.
"Contrary to what many think, the need to corroborate is not exclusive to Western culture, it is also an imperative in the Toltec tradition. Nagualism, as an ideological system, is not based on dogmas, but on the personal experience of generations of practitioners. It. would be absurd to think that all those people, over thousands of years, have placed their trust in simple lies.
"Since its starting point is experimentation, we can say that nagualism is not a belief system, but a science."
This statement was too much for me.
Certain topics in Carlos' teaching had an undeniable practical value; for example, his constant advice to control self-importance, to acquire a clear vision of the privilege of living in this instant, and to adopt the strategic principles of the warrior's way.
However, other points of his conversations went beyond my capacity to understand. I simply could not accept that, in a parallel space to this world, a universe of laws that has nothing to do with our daily logic exists, populated by conscious entities that my senses cannot perceive.
From the expression on my face, Carlos no doubt realized that I didn't entirely agree with what he had said, because he added:
"For you, to corroborate is to explain, while for sorcerers is to witness indescribable things without subterfuge or mental tricks. You believe that the reach of your senses is the real limit of the universe, but you don't stop to think that your senses are very poorly trained.
"I am not inviting you to believe, but to see, and I assure you that seeing is sufficient proof of everything I have told you. However, I cannot attest the energetic essence of the world for you; that you have to intend on your own, and to find inside your innate potentialities the way of carrying it out.
"What differentiates a contemporary scientist from a seer is that for the former, what's at stake is his own life, while for the latter, the only thing he stands to lose if something goes wrong in his investigations, is his time. The methods of both are equally rigorous, but different.
"A sorcerer cannot be satisfied if he can't verify for himself the stories he has been told. Just as there are degrees and levels of scientific instruction, the sorcery apprentice soon discovers that there are certain very defined stages in the increase of his perception, and he won't rest until he reaches them, or perish in the attempt. So, as a method of investigation, nagualism is totally reliable.
"My instructor showed me that the mark of the new seers is their capacity to synthesize; they are abstract sorcerers." Carlos put great emphasis on this term, accentuating each syllable. "In fact, their focus is more rigorous than the focus of science, because seers are involved in an enterprise of a colossal magnitude, which men of science don't even dare to formulate: The verification of our interpretation concerning the consensual reality in which we live. With that as a starting point, you can see how sorcery is the best ally of formal thought.
"Some day, it will be possible to break the ice, and science will discover that it shares a great vocation with nagualism: a passion for truth. Then both modalities of investigation will shake hands and cease being antagonistic points of view. They will fuse into one intent to penetrate the mystery."
While we said goodbye, I remarked to Carlos that his statements were on the opposite extreme of the view that most people have on the topic of sorcery.
He shrugged, as if to say: "And what does that matter?"